Intentional Celebrating

Yesterday the Urologist told me the left kidney looks good, the surgery went well, and he was able to remove the left stent in an office procedure.  The stents are both gone along with their side effects, and I don't have to go back for four months.  Good news!

In all honesty I had to be very intentional about "celebrating" the good news.  I have been feeling like crap since the cancer treatment injections last Friday.  So bloody weak and shaky that I could hardly get to the Urologist's office.  Seriously bonded to my sofa.  Again. 

The treatments are taking their toll while they are doing their job.  I have lost 17 lbs (which is really a good thing).  I am weak, shaky, tired, and have little energy.  The good news?  I can still tolerate the meds and they are helping fight this ugly disease.  My hair has gotten thinner and stopped growing in front and on the sides.  Our daughter N. made me aware that I still have hair though.  And yes I do.  Again, the need to be intentional about celebrating any and all good news!

Yesterday I texted, among others, my sister Jan.  She texted me back that she had sent on my prayer requests to friends and other prayer warriors right away.  It is a great comfort to have others praying for me.  I have seen and felt things change with prayer.  Celebrating the gift of prayer and God's listening ear.

I would not want to walk this journey alone.  And I don't have to.  Joel is an amazing husband, friend and caretaker.  He has been cooking 99% of the meals since last December.  He does 99% of the laundry and all the grocery shopping.  He helps clean the house.  He goes with me to every appointment, procedure, surgery, and test.  He encourages me when I am down, he prayers over and for me when I am struggling.  He is amazing and I often celebrate the gift he is to my life. 

I may be bonding with my sofa, but I am still able to write which is very therapeutic for me.  Intentionally celebrating the gift of expression. 

There is something healing about giving thanks, having gratitude, celebrating the good in our lives even in the midst of the ugly.  I expect God planned it that way.  His Word backs up the idea that praise, gratitude, and celebrating all good things is powerful.  Even if at times it needs to be intentional. 

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday morning from our corner of Iowa where we are under a winter storm warning and expecting 3-8 inches of snow today.  Yep.  S.n.o.w.  Seriously, last Sunday it was 85 degrees and today 37 will be our high.  And snow.  Ugh.  The good news is that it will melt quickly! At least that is what I am telling myself as I watch it fall outside the window.  Ugh.....

Joel left the house before eight to teach a communion class to 12 kids.  It was raining hard when he left and snowing when he came home.  Communion is so important and powerful.  A time of repentance and a time of healing.  There is mystery involved, and especially for the young.  We often take communion at home together.  It is sacred to me, believing there is power in the body and blood of Jesus.  Power to heal, to forgive, to fight, to deliver, to embrace His Presence.

I read a great story written by Al Roker in this month's Guideposts magazine.  He wrote about his special needs son, Nick.  Nick is on the spectrum and deals some with OCD.   Their church, St. James Episcopal, encourages all kids to be involved in church service.  Nick is a "Cross Bearer" and takes his job very seriously.  When his mom asked him if he really needed to go weekly, he told her, "Yes, I am a church going guy!"  He has even been able to go with the church on a mission trip to Haiti and loved helping others.  Al Roker opened up his heart and his life to the readers.  A blessing for all of us to learn about Nick and the gifts he brings to world.

We each have gifts to bring to the world.  As Kathy Lee Gifford is known for saying, 'If you have a pulse, you have a purpose."  Sometimes we may feel like we have nothing to give.  No purpose, but each of us has a purpose ordained by our Creator.  We all have gifts to share with others.  All.

Our pets also have purpose, don't they.  Their unconditional love and loyalty is a blessing.  When our Levi was still living, he used to snuggle up to us when we felt sick or sad.  I remember more than once he would step up on my lap and look into my face when I was crying.  He was very attached to Joel and often snuggled up against his side when Joel was battling Lyme.  He brought us joy and we still miss his presence so many years later.  Levi "the little guy" was a delight to have in the family.  He had a pulse........and a purpose!

We have two more grandkids graduating this year and heading off to colleges of their choices.  Our youngest grands are age 11 which is not so young!  We see little of any of them, but love them all deeply and are so proud of them.  Life can be difficult, choices important, and for kids even more so.  One of the most important things we can do for our grandkids is pray for them.  Love them and pray for them.

Niece Deb, sister Jan and birthday gal sister Jo

Tomorrow is my sister Jo's 86th birthday.  She has had a tough time of it recently, but she is determined to live a full life and be stronger and healthier than ever,  Happy Birthday Joey!  May this year be filled with blessings and joy!

Places In Our Hearts

Tonto National Park Mts

Phoenix Arizona

As I read a blog post my friend Linny wrote today, a flood of memories and emotions came into me.  She and her daughter Ruby were out for their early morning walk when they nearly crashed into two coyotes who were running full speed across the path in front of them. One had teeth bared and was growling as it attacked the second one.  Linny gave praise to God, realizing if they had been just a few seconds faster that morning they could have been directly in their path.  God protected them from harm.

As she described the mountains that surround Phoenix and the hills that are scattered in the midst of most suburbs I immediately thought about Gold Canyon AZ, just east of Mesa.  Joel and I both fell in love with the rugged desert landscape and Superstition Mountain which grabbed my attention whenever we left the home of my sister and her hubby.  One day we were walking on a sidewalk alongside a very busy road and as I looked up I saw a coyote walk right in front of us.  He quickly crossed the road and headed down into a wash as I pointed my finger and tried to get the attention of Joel and my sister Jan. We saw the prints of a bobcat or mountain lion in the fenced backyard of my sister and brother-in-law's house and Joel kept an eye out for them as he biked the area. Desert flowers are beautiful and so were the desert quail that were everywhere.

Gold Canyon, AZ

We fell so in love with Gold Canyon we decided to move there.  We spent months preparing and put our house on the market in August of 2015.  A week later I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my health problems have been ongoing since.  Needless to say we took our house off the market and grieved the loss of our dream and of my health.  We still call Iowa home as the battles continue.

We have always loved the west.  We have traveled to Arizona twice and our trip to Redding CA took us through the west once again.  We could never soak it in enough!  We lived in Albuquerque, Salt Lake City, and two locations in Montana.  We never planned to leave Montana but God led us back to Minnesota and eventually Iowa.  It took a very long time to let go of Montana and then Gold Canyon.  Yet.......we would have been so far from our family.  Even here in Iowa we see them only a couple times during the year.  We know that God's worked all things together for good.............and we are trying to find a sense of contentment and peace with the shift that has come upon our lives.   Making where we live and this season with my health a place where we find comfort and beauty and peace.

It begins with gratitude.  Gratitude for living in an area surrounded by great neighbors.  Gratitude for the medical needs being met in our small Micropolitis.    Grateful for the people we know here, the years of Joel preaching/working in over 24 churches in the surrounding area has opened up opportunities we would not have otherwise.  Gratitude for each day together as we near our 51st year of marriage.  Gratitude for the time we lived in the West, traveled the West.  The West holds a special place in our hearts.  Gratitude for being here in our city as the grass grows, the trees bud, and the birds nest.  Where we live we have ducks nesting in the neighborhood, a robin persistently trying to build a nest on our porch.  Rabbits and racoons are visible and the deer are already eating our lilies!  A different kind of wildlife, but still enjoyable.  (And no worry about scorpions or snakes).

Each of us have places in our hearts that provide peace, comfort, and beauty.  Maybe it is a place from your childhood, or a lake cabin.  Maybe it is a location you had to say good-bye to.  Maybe it is across the sea........OR Maybe it is right where you live today.  Each place we call home has it's own beauty and gratitude helps us see that.  So grateful.

Get Your Brave On

I was reading a short paragraph by author and speaker Lisa  Bevere and one sentence jumped out at me. "Get your brave on".  Yeah.  Sometimes we just have to intentionally pick up our brave and put it on.  Wearing it like a shield.......a cloak of protection.......or a pair of brave girl boots.....  Sometimes God says to a friend or to a daughter.........tell her not to give up.  A crossroad that begs an answer to the question, "Fight or give up"?   Sometimes a person needs to hear, "You got this!"  "Hang in there Mama".  Sometimes a person needs to tell themselves........We have this!  There is power in our own words.  So many also stand with us in our battles, don't they.  Friends and family, even strangers that encourage and pray.  Wow. So blessed.

So how do we get our brave on?  We remember we are not alone.  We remember God is fighting with us.  We remember what the promises of His Word tell us.  The truth found in the pages of our Bible.  We remember and we trust.  We trust that He is who He says He is.  We trust His promises.  We seek the prayers and encouragement of others.  Remember when Moses needed help to keep his arms up?    And we are especially kind to ourselves.  When we are battle weary we love on ourselves even more.  We ask for God to help us get our brave on.  When we hear from God we hold his words tightly.  We embrace His love and promises and we walk forward with the Lion of Judah.  In the mystery, in the struggle, in the battle, we lean into the Lion of Judah and we get our brave on!

Holy Week: Hope Rising

It is the beginning of Holy Week and it is already brimming with death, grief, destruction, new life and that wonderful gift of hope.  Notre Dame burning filled our screens and news coverage for hours.  Today there is hope for what is salvaged.   Hope and determination to rebuild the 850 year old Paris treasure.

Ann Voskamp shares her youngest daughter's journey through open heart surgery in a powerful  blog post found HERE.  Her daughter from China with half a heart.  Her daughter Hope who walked out of the hospital during this Holy Week giving them all hope!

 Hoda from the Today Shows has adopted another daughter and is home on maternity leave holding a precious gift  that springs forth from another mother's loss.  She is overjoyed and so grateful to have her daughter Hope join their family.    Hope rising.

Yesterday morning I watched Joel who was watching the city trim trees on our block.  The second day of Holy Week there was tree trimming going on and from it will come new life.  Monday Joel worked in the front yard believing the snow is finally gone.  Tuesday he rode his bike 10 miles, taking in the sights and smells of Spring.  These moments in time were intentional for him.  He is so good about stepping out of the stresses of his life to shift his thinking and find release in distracting moments.  A week of many sermons and services, a conflict at one of the churches, and taking care of his Missy has him needing those moments.   Self care with hope rising.

A week plus 1 day ago I had yet another surgery related to kidney stones.  It was 2 1/2 hours of lasering another large stone and a couple of smaller ones.  In all honesty, being up in the urethra for so long has it's own set of symptoms relating to pain, incontinence, and more.  A fever, shakes, and chills were worrisome the first few days as my temperature ranged from normal to 103.  It quickly dissolved to normal through the power of answered prayers and I am sleeping nightly 2 hours at a time now before needing to head to the bathroom.  Improvement is slow (with cancer treatments weighing heavily in the mix) but I am improving.  Hope is rising....

Holy Week.  Hope is rising everywhere we look.  Even though it is a time to reflect and repent, it is also a time to remember all that Jesus did for us out of love.  Pure love.  He shed His blood for us.  He suffered for us.  Ahead of us is the darkest day of the year........Good Friday.  The grief is real, the need to be humble is real, the need for hope is real.  And it is there.  As the cross looms.......Hope is rising because of what we know! Because of Who we know.  God is the source of all hope, so we can say with hope,  Sunday is coming!!!!!!!

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our corner of Iowa.  We are excited here because it is supposed to be 66 degrees!  It rained most of the morning, but now sunshine is on the way.  Yippee......

We watched two Mallards courting a Drake in our front yard this week.  She must have made her choice because we now have a couple who are looking to nest and one lone male has left the area. The neighbor has thrown out corn into his front yard and the squirrels love it!  They are going around burying kernels and I expect we will be mowing down spindly corn stalks all summer again.

We had good news after my blood draw Thursday.  My white count has actually gone up some so the surgery to remove another large stone in my other kidney is still scheduled for Tuesday morning and I am still able to remain on treatments.  Would appreciate any prayers for this last one to be a success too! 

Joel was able to get a ride in on Friday.  He has had three busy weeks and been gone a lot at night.  Hopefully things will settle a bit.....although I am not so sure what I am thinking with that since Holy Week, Palm Sunday and Easter are not too far away!

I was watching some of Kathy Lee Gifford's final week on her Today show with Hoda. (NBC).  They had several guests come and many shared stories about her.  The theme I heard over and over was how she lived out her faith.  Often praying with staff, speaking boldly about her Lord and being kind and helpful to people.  Quite impressive in the career world she inhabits.  She never just says "I will pray for you" she takes the time, right in the moment, to pray.  I love that.  There is no better time than right now!

We took another trip to the library to bring more magazines to put in the "free" section and to look for some light fiction books for me to read. We were not there very long, but long enough.  We have a really nice library that has it's own little cafe in one area and a large reading room with glass windows that looks out over a beautiful wooded area.  I would love to see more books, but  they do have a pretty good selection and you can special order anything you want if it is available in other libraries.  They have several computers available for public use also.

I watched news coverage of a kidnapping in Uganda this week while some people were on a safari.  So scary and such a concern with so many Americans who live and work in Uganda.  Please pray for all those who are part of the Gem Foundation and Amazina ministries!

It is my sister Janelle's birthday today.  It was not too long ago that we wondered if she would have any more birthdays here on earth to celebrate.  She had a heart attack and ended up with emergency surgery for 6 bypasses.  Almost unheard of.  She survived and is thriving.  Praise God. 

I have been enjoying Christie Purifoy's book, "Placemakers".  She writes about nature, trees, gardening and making our homes places of comfort, beauty, and rest.  My favorite quote so far....

"Every place made by God is loved by God and that includes every place where his people dwell.  If we are willing to look through the lens of his love, then we will see that every place has some particular magic."

A New Thing?

"Behold, I am doing a new thing.  

Now it shall spring forth, shall you not know it? 

 I will even make a road in the wilderness 

and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:19 (NKJV)

This verse has gotten my attention the past week.  It has appeared on Facebook and in my email devotionals.  It is a verse that God highlighted for us at Bethel Church when we received the prophetic words over us.  Words that encouraged and words that warned us of a season on our hands and knees.  Yeah.

When I meditated on this verse I had an old vision come to mind.  Several months ago I experienced a visual encounter with God.  He woke me one morning telling me He was giving us a new car.  I remember arguing with God that we did not need a new car.  We love our Enclave and it is new to us.  He continued to insist He was giving us a new car.  Then when I prayed about it later, the visual encounter came to me.  Jesus stood beside an Enclave that looked just like ours.  He told me to get in, and then said, "Let Me drive."  He got in the front driver's seat and I got in the backseat behind him.  Joel was in the passengers seat upfront.  I said to Jesus......."Is this our Enclave or a new one?"  He told me it was a new car.  When we stopped and I got out I said to Him, "Well, thank you?"  And He laughed and said, "That is what I wanted to hear."

Studying this verse a few days ago, I saw the Enclave again and it all became clearer to me.  The verse speaks of God making a new road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.  Here was Jesus driving ~ taking us down a road......was this the new road in the wilderness?  Was the "new thing" He is doing the "new car"  He spoke about?  I believe so.  God often speaks in mysteries and this was an example of that........and the explanation that came months later.

It has been another challenging time for me.  A broke tooth is going to require an extraction.  The surgery to remove the stone in my left kidney is scheduled for next week.  I continue with eye shots that are helping, but not without pushback.  I am still on antibiotics for the UTIs.   And then there is the cancer treatments, which have my white blood cells at only 1100.  IF they drop lower I will have to go off the verzenio and possibly hold off on surgery for the last kidney stone and tooth extraction.  I am too vulnerable to infection.

SO can I take this visual encounter, can I grasp hold of this promise from God, to make a way in the wilderness, a road....and hang on tight for my future?  Can I "see the new thing"  Can I "perceive it?"  God is asking me too.  No matter what the future holds He is asking me to let Him drive........to see the new thing...........to believe His promises.

Cultivating Peace In Our Place

I was reading Sunday's column written by my favorite columnist, Sharon Randall as she talked about moving.  She had just moved from their 100 year old home withe long, steep staircases to a one level 20 miles away.  She said her knees were complaining from doing all the steps and she knew it was time to let go of a home that was filled with memories, and move to a place with a view of the mountains and all new memories waiting to be made.

We have moved 23 times in 50 years, with the longest we have ever lived being right here in our present home.  We purchased it 15 years ago this July and renovated it for a few months before moving in to it October 9th of 2004.  Before that we lived in apartments, a studio, a small airstream trailer, and a few houses, several of which were parsonages.  I can go back and place myself in each one, looking around the rooms in my mind.  Each place bringing up memories, both good and bad.

I have been reading a book by Christie Purifoy called "Placemakers" where she talks of each home becoming a place of comfort, beauty and peace when we are intentional about cultivating just that.  She believes God invites us to be placemakers in our homes, our communities, our environment.  A few years ago Christie and her family moved to a big, red brick home that was built in the late 1800's.  They have been restoring this old Pennsylvania piece of history while making it a place of comfort, beauty, and peace both inside and outside.  She sees it almost as an obligation, certainly a spiritual practice to take the houses we live in and make them a place we like to come home to.

With all the places we have lived I have noticed that when we move in, we can almost feel the peace or lack there of that permeates the walls, the furnishings, the home itself. Maybe at times we brought the peace or lack of it with us, other times it welcomed us in.  One of our children lives on a farm that has been in her husband's family for generations.  The first time I visited their place I was drawn to the front porch.  When we go there, one of my favorite things is to get up before everyone else and head to the porch to view a sunrise, or take in the smells of the surrounding cultivated earth.  I also get a deep sense of peace that I suspect comes from those who lived there and farmed the land long before this generation.  I cannot quite explain what I feel there, but I am always drawn back to it.  It settles my soul for reasons that remain a mystery.

Sharon Randall said that moving is not for sissies and she is probably right.  It is costly in more ways than one.  Starting over is never easy and embracing change can be challenging.  We have moved so often, and each house had its own personality.  Each house gave off its own vibes so to speak.  We know we will move again, our present house being too big with too many stairs.  I have not always liked living here with the radon and so many years of sickness being part of our memories.  Yet we love the area we live in, but .............some day we will need to let go, embrace change, and make memories in a new place. When the time comes to leave our home with it's own front porch, I only hope that we are able to find a place where we are drawn to a front porch that gives us inspiration and welcomes us to cultivate peace, comfort, and beauty as a placemaker.