Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Doing The Hard Thing


Ann Voskamp, mother, wife, international speaker and author, writes a blog titled, A Holy Experience.  Recently she wrote about doing the next hard thing in difficulties.  That the only way to climb the mountain before us, no matter what it is,  is to take the next step.  And that requires doing the hard things that lay before us.

 It kind of describes a portion of my life in a nutshell.  Every one of the five surgeries I went through from November to mid June were challenging, whether due to being in the midst of the strong hormonal treatments for cancer, or having parts of my body cut off with the double mastectomy.  Each recovery has had its own challenges too, with the December disaster as we call it where the surgery completely failed leaving me with a long journey back.  Then two more kidney stone surgeries while fighting kidney infections.  And then the mastectomy.  The cancer was removed along with both breasts and 26 nodes which has left a big cavity under my arm and has me doing daily exercises to regain the flexibility of both arms. Cutting all those nerves and muscles triggered a big flare up on ongoing nerve pain.  Yeah....hard things.  When I look back on the past 9 months I am still amazed by it all.  And grateful.

So, don't take this post to be a lament about how hard my life is or that no one has it as bad as me........Seriously?  Being 71 and also being a pastor's wife, I know how many people get up every day and do the hard thing before them.  And on a broader scale, each and every one of us have to face hard things at some time in our lives.  We all find ourselves taking the next step forward in order to climb over or conquer the mountain before us.  It may look impossible  ~your situation~ but like Ann Voskamp says, "every Everest is scaled by simply putting one foot in front of the other." This Bible verse from The Message Bible tells us where we get the help we need.

"God will help you deal with whatever hard things 
come up when the time comes."
Matthew 6:34

In doing the hard things, we need to hold close the truth that comes to us from God's Word.  God helps us.  He not only helps us but He has given us a powerful tool,  Holy Spirit.  He empowers us, enlightens us, guides us.  Holy has been called the Helper. (John 14).  As you and I do the hard things let us never forget we are not alone.  The Helper gives us what we need when we need it most. 

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Saturday's Scribbles

It is Saturday afternoon here in northern Iowa, another hot and humid July day.  The weather may not be the best for humans, but the flowers, gardens, and corn are happy and showing off their best.  I think the deer are happy too since they seem to enjoy munching on our plants.  My sister Jan's husband planted tomato plants at their home in South Dakota, and the deer have been feasting on green tomatoes.  Even wire fencing did not stop them....they just pushed it aside and enjoyed their tasty goodness. 

Speaking of tasty goodness, we have been eating a great deal of watermelon this summer.  So good to begin with, but even better on a hot day!  Here is a question for you.  SALT or NO SALT on your watermelon.  For me, salt.  We also have put salt on our fresh pineapple after our maid in the Philippines told us it makes the pineapple sweeter.  Joel enjoys having ears of corn this time of year also, but adds butter with the salt!  Our Farmer's Market does have a few vendors who bring fresh veggies.......so delish.  But not too many organic, which we prefer.  I found some organic peaches at our Super Target and they actually taste like a peach!  They are really good grilled as our friends Mary Lou and Keith taught us to do.  Just add a little honey or ice cream and you have a delicious treat!

This past week I had only one doctor appointment.  I have been calling Mayo daily during the week to see if any cancellations would move my appointment up from mid August.  So far, not, but they encourage you to call 1-2 times daily.  That is nice.  I cannot say my energy is back to before this started, but I am happy to be walking 20 minutes a day now!  Yippee......Joel has been riding 15-20 miles when he goes out.  Wish he could ride outside year round.  Winter in Iowa makes that hard!\

I watched a video by a life coach and Beni Johnson, wife of Pastor Bill Johnson and a pastor at Bethel Church in CA.  She went through breast cancer about 18 mo ago, having a mastectomy herself.  She works with a European doctor on healing her body on a cellular level to keep the body tip top to fight disease.  Makes sense to me.  I am taking some of her info, doing my own research, and looking for a plan to help my body and especially my immune system recover after treatments.  The treatments break down the body so it needs building back up to live well. 

Last night we watched the Iowa High School girls softball championship game on Iowa Public Television.  Our granddaughter Greta's  high school team played for the state championship and won in a very good game!  It was fun to be able to watch the game from our living room. 

I have been reading a mystery by David Rosenfelt, his Andy Carpenter series.  Carpenter solves murders as an attorney who is crazy about dogs.  The series is comical, smart, and light enough to not give me nightmares.  My kind of mystery.  So, what are you reading? 

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

The Lion Of Judah


I was getting ready to head back to the cancer center after a three week break.  With a few minutes to spare,  I turned to Facebook and this came up on my screen.  Once again, God sent me the same verse as He has countless times before.... often when I am heading to the Dr. or for a test or for surgery.......He is so faithful.

I have been focused on Exodus 14:14, but had not noticed the importance of verse 13.  Do NOT be afraid.  Stand firm.  God will deliver you.  I hang on to these verses as someone who thirsts for water.  For me, Living Water.  Jesus.

While waiting for the Dr. to come in the room, I asked Holy Spirit to be present, to bring peace, and certainly more clarity and communication than our last visit.  H. e. l. l. o.  It went pretty well.  We continue to wait for my appointment at Mayo to see what they say.  I call over there daily to check for cancellations, hoping to get in before my scheduled appointment on August 16.  Joel and I both feel peace about going there.

These verses I really began getting a couple of years ago.  The plaque on my wall with Exodus 14:14 written on it was a Christmas gift from our oldest daughter at least 2 years ago.  God has been preparing us.  With His Word, with the prophetic words given to us at Bethel, and recently with the words of a nurse who told us...."IF you have even a fleeting thought that has you thinking about going to Mayo, GO".    God speaks through many avenues.

We have two extended family members right now who are fighting major health battles. I thought specifically of them today as these verses popped up on my screen.  Do not be afraid.  (easier said than done but it is possible with God).  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance God will bring you today.  When we have done all we can, we stand firm.  We TRUST God is with us.  We trust He will deliver us.  The Lord will fight for you.  Countless places in the Bible we see God fighting for His people.  He is mighty!  He loves us fiercely.  When He says He is fighting for us, He is.  You need only to be still.  Being still does not necessarily mean doing nothing.  It means being at peace with knowing God has us and the problem.  It is knowing deep in our soul that we can trust Him.

I have come to love these verses, but more importantly I have come to a deeper understanding of how much God loves us.  I don't know what is in my future........none of us do, but we know who holds our future.   God goes before us, walks with us, and has our back.  He is not just the Lamb who was slain.........He is the Lion of Judah!! 

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Saturday's Scribbles: Looking Back With Gratitude



Today the Bible college we attended, The Lutheran Bible Institute which became Golden Valley Lutheran College our second year, is celebrating 100 years after it was established,  at the old campus in Golden Valley MN. where Joel and I met. The school itself, closed in 1985.   We had wanted to attend today's festivities and the gathering at the home of two graduates last night. Unfortunately, I am not fully recovered from the mastectomy so we are left here at home with our memories.  And we have so many!

When I was 18 I was not sure what my future would hold, but my sister who helped raise me and her friend Marian suggested that I go to The Lutheran Bible Institute.  LBI was a two year program of studying the Bible.  Most of the professors were pastors or missionaries. The campus was beautiful with a small pond centered in the middle surrounded by the main building, a boys dorm and two girls dorms.   I started school there in the fall of 1966.



Joel had gotten his AA degree in wildlife management and even though he planned to work outside in wildlife, his mom suggested he go to LBI and it sounded interesting to Joel so off he went in 1966.  It was there that we met, were "prayed together" and married a couple of weeks after graduating in 1968.  The college was affectionately known as "The Lutheran Bridal Institute" since so many couples met their spouses on this campus.

LBI is where we studied the Bible in depth.  What we learned added greatly to the foundation of our faith and led Joel to continue thinking seriously about going to the seminary.  Actually, both our goals were to go on the mission field in Africa, but over the years God had other plans.

Our second year at LBI the school became known as Golden Valley Lutheran College.  They brought in more regular classes.  We took classes like advanced typing and accounting, Psychology, etc.  I graduated with an AA degree in Parish Work and Joel in Bible.

We were part of the LBI/GVLC choir and traveled mostly to churches to perform, spending our nights in the homes of those who volunteered to have us.   In the summer of 1967 Joel was able to go with the choir to Europe and  perform in churches there including St. Peter's Cathedral,   In the Spring of 1968 we both went on a choir tour down through the south all the way to Florida and the Bahamas.  It was a fascinating and eye opening experience to be in the deep south in the late 60's......


LBI/GVLCas was a small  but significant Lutheran college that shaped the faith of many young adults, including us.  We are so grateful it was the place that brought us together,  deepened our faith, and sent us out to proclaim Jesus.  We may not have been able to go to the reunion this weekend, but we are filled with memories that are making us smile and give thanks!


Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Steady


Yesterday afternoon I sat with Joel in the retina section of our eye clinic waiting for an eye injection. Every three weeks we come to this place, wait with many others (77 on this day had gone through) for the Dr. to numb the eye and inject a medication that is drying up a leaking vessel, and saving my retina from further damage.  The scan taken showed my eye was holding steady. Steady.

While sitting in the waiting room my phone rang and the breast cancer nurse manager was on the line with results from the Oncotype dx tumor tissue test and also the echocardiogram I had Monday.  I went into the hallway for quiet space and she told me that the number given to my results was low.  Surprisingly low (a good thing).  Because of the number of lymph nodes involved everyone thought it would be high.  The tumor is still a Grade 2....but not acting like a grade 2.  A mystery.  Because of 5 nodes showing some level of cancer, the chances of it returning in 9 years with only hormonal treatments would be 57%.  So even though the number on the tumor is low, we are thinking that the doctors will want to proceed with chemo.  Again, results are not clear, but better than expected.  The results of my echo had shown some change from last fall.  Still in normal range but hmmmmm...... Steady as she goes, right?

I went back to sitting in the waiting room and soon I was called in.  The doctor has to first put numbing drops in, then lidocaine with a needle and then come back several minutes later and inject the medication. He needs steady hands for this procedure.  Steady

At 5:30 this morning I awoke with a start and found myself thinking about the echo and wondering why it had changed and what could I do to improve my heart function.  I had not been able to truly exercise since last Dec. but have started walking again.  I googled what could be done ~ Diet, exercise, medications, and of course the stress factor.  S.t.r.e.s.s.      I knew my numbers were still normal but had decreased some.  As I lay and went over it in my head, I realized I was replacing trust with worry. The word steady came to mind again.  Steady.  Firm.  I found some Julie True worship music on my phone and began to soak in her soothing melodies.  Steady.


As I refocused I also sought Words of affirmation.......be firm....be still.........know.......I am with you..........I fight for you.  Steady, now.  Focus...........steady dear child.........You've got this because I've got you........Breathe....worship.   Give thanks.  Know that you know that you know.


Are any of you readers finding yourselves in need of hearing these words?  Are you struggling with staying centered in His peace?  Is worry replacing your worship?  Someone is in need of hearing these words today.  Remember, friend...........He fights for you. He shields you.  He loves on you.  Just be still.....stay calm and steady.  He's got you.  Steady, now.  Steady. 

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday morning to you from our corner of Iowa where the corn is basking in the heat and humidity and growing tall!  July has definitely arrived with temperatures in the high 80's and dew points creeping up into the 70's.  We were able to do a little porch sitting this morning as a thunderstorm passed by.  There is something soothing about listening to a gentle rain, quiet thunder, and the wind moving through the trees and bushes. Iowa in summer.

Speaking of Iowa, we have been here now for 23 years and bought this house 15 years ago.  Joel and those he hired spent many weeks renovating it to bring it back to life.  It was in bad shape and needed so much work.  A long time friend, John, came and helped Joel after we first held the papers in our hands.  Some of my family helped with painting which included my brother painting the high living room ceiling and Joel climbing an extension ladder to get to the top of the 30 foot peak.  FYI:  For anyone who thinks they want high ceilings remember that sound and heat rises so that I can be up in our bedroom and it is like the TV in the living room is on right next to me!  Not cool........It is an unusual house, to say the least, but then we are unusual people...or so I have been told.  Not too long ago Joel was home caring for me on a Sunday morning after surgery and he looked out to see a man standing in the street, taking pictures of our house.   His curiosity quickly had him walking out the door and over to the man to ask what he was doing.....turns out he used to live here and the front of the house had changed so much he wanted pictures.  We did add a porch and new siding to the house 11 years ago. 

We went to Hobby Lobby early this morning, then Joel walked with me around the cul-de-sac here which felt sooooo good.  It was still raining a bit, but did not deter us from getting a little fresh air.  There is that old song..........."raindrops keep falling on my head".   Grateful.  It is not a gentle rain falling in the south, though, where flooding and evacuations are ongoing.  Keeping that part of our country in prayer today. 

Weather is such a big part of our lives.  Good and bad.  My history holds earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, typhoons, blizzards, and more.  We can watch the weather 24/7 now and our phones light up with alerts!  I remember one time when I was a teenager I was out in our backyard goofing around with my boyfriend, neither of us realizing a tornado warning was in place and across town it was doing some damage.  Now, we are warned about every little weather blip that comes across the radar.  It has saved many lives and is necessary I am sure, but at times it feels overdone.  Still, since Joel is an old meteorologist, I can't complain!


Nothing much to scribble about today.  I have been finishing up Brian and Candace Simmons book, "Tn the Wilderness:  Where Miracles Are Born" and I am reading a Marcia Muller mystery, which is a good distraction.  What are you reading? 

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Is This A Good Time?


I was in the bathroom, getting ready for the day when the thought came into my head.....The phone is going to ring, it will be Mayo Clinic, and you will still be upstairs.  A couple minutes later the phone rang and it was Mayo Clinic.The woman on the other end talked a couple of minutes and then said, "Can you talk right now? Is this a good time?  I paused for a moment and then said, "Sure, I can talk."

After last Wednesday's appointments, we went home over the weekend and prayed over what we had heard.  The radiologist had told me my case was complicated.....he suggested we go to Mayo for a second opinion.  He said it three times throughout our conversation. The oncologist mentioned it as one of our options.  Circumstances that arose during our visit with him had us contemplating the idea seriously.  So Monday we called the nurse advocate and said we would like a referral for a second opinion.  Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN is less than 2 hours from us by car.  Right "in our backyard" as one person had said to us.

Thus the phone call at 8 am. When I said I could talk, I was sitting on our bed without a stitch of clothing on.  So there I sat, spiral notebook in hand, jotting down information,thankful this was not a Facetime visit!   Joel and I had a good laugh over it later.   The appointment is 5 weeks away which makes me anxious when I think about it, but we had prayed, others had prayed and we needed to trust the process.  All my info is being sent there or carried by me and we will pray all goes well as we proceed.

Is this a good time? How often have we heard those words, or spoken them.  Do you ever wonder if God interrupts our day or night and is thinking.........."Is this a good time?"  Maybe He wakes us in the night just so He can have our full attention!  Our days can be so full that we don't set aside much time for Him......and He quietly waits for us to acknowledge His presence, sit with Him and hear what He has to say.  "Is this a good time"?

We never have to ask God "Is this a good time" when we want to talk with Him.  He is available 24/7 to listen.  What a gift.  What love He has for His children. My prayer is that we, too, find ourselves attentive to God's voice anytime of the day or night, so aware of His presence that He does not have to ask, "Is this a good time"?

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

A History In Chimes


Our grandmother clock

As I sat in the living room on an early morning before sunrise, our grandmother clock declared the time as it counted off the hours with chimes that were as familiar as my own voice.  This smaller version of the grandfather clock has graced our home since 1975.  While living in the Philippines we took a picture of a clock down to a local builder and they created this beautiful piece of our history that still holds a special place in our home and in our hearts.

Last Wednesday we heard so much unsettling news as we spent time with the surgeon, then the radiology oncologist, and finally the medical oncologist.  We came home feeling beat up, confused, and overwhelmed by the words spoken.  I woke early the next morning, unable to sleep.  Going downstairs I opened the book of Psalms trying to find a word, any word to grasp on to.  Nothing seemed to speak clearly to my anxious mind.

And then the clock began to chime it's morning song.  A familiar comforting sound.  Over the years we have had to replace a part or two of the mechanisms, and there was a period of time when it sat silent in our home, unable to share it's sounds with us.  But several years ago Joel found a way to repair it and we have enjoyed it's melodic hourly reminder ever since.

Today it brought comfort to me as I try to come to terms with living in the balance of health vs disease.  As I try to prayerfully find an answer to the questions of what step to take next.......and where is God in the midst of it all.  And just what is the mystery He is unfolding as He continues to send me the same verse over and over..........mostly through the imperfect social media outlet, Facebook.  He has clearly stated He is fighting for me.......I am to remain calm.



Yes, there is a bit of an earthquake going on here with a few aftershocks.  Words like chemo, radiation, aggressive, advanced, dumbfounded, and unpredictable all swirl around in my head along with the ever present mantra spoken over me that I am an unusual case.  At times it is difficult to stand firm let alone remain calm.  Yet this morning God sent more love notes to me as I ran across a TED talk about a young woman who had been diagnosed with leukemia and after 4 years of chemo was cancer free.  She said the hardest part of all was learning to live in a body that had changed so much,  was not completely whole...........living a full life within her boundaries and not knowing what the future will bring.  I also listened to a sermon by Beni Johnson as she spoke about prayer.  I read the texts from my family lifting up prayers for us as this difficult season continues.  And don't we all go through those seasons?  All the above are more love notes from God.

The clock chimed a message to me in the quiet of the morning, and I realized I had the gift of another day.   I am still here to take in a sunrise, laugh with Joel, worship our Lord and give Him praise.  The chimes spoke to me Psalm 118:24, "This IS the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." 

Our grandfather clock has been with us through so many moves.......so much joy..........sorrow........difficulty.  It reminds us every time it chimes of our history filled with so many memories.  Most importantly it speaks of our history with God's goodness, His faithfulness, His presence in this process we call life. What a beautiful way to start the day!

Saturday, July 6, 2019

Saturday's Scribbles: In God We Trust



Good Saturday morning to you on this holiday weekend here in our corner of the world where sunshine and warm temperatures are making it a good day to enjoy the outdoors.  Joel is already off riding as I write this.  I am sitting in the living room with the doors open, tuning my ear to the birds singing and the tree leaves rustling in the wind.

We live very close to the high school grounds, from which the city fireworks are displayed each year.  We are just across the river, and every year we pull chairs up to the window and watch through the trees from the comfort of our home.  If the wind is just right, we have had the debris from the fireworks land in ours and the neighbors yards.  In those years,  Joel goes out to make sure nothing is left to start a grass fire. 

The fourth of July always reminds me of our years in the Air Force.  Joel spent 8 years in the military from 1968 through 1976.  This was during the Viet Nam war and the draft was in place.  Joel received his draft notice, and chose to enlist in the Air Force rather than be in the front lines of the Army.  One thing that I have always liked is the way the military respected our country.  If we were in a theater, before the movie started the flag would come on the screen and the whole theater would stand at attention while the anthem was sung.  I remember on Clark Air Force Base that if you were walking or driving when the flag was being lowered, all people and cars stopped out of respect.  If you were in a car, you got out and stood at attention until the flag was down.



For me, I always connected the military "rules" of respect with the motto....the truth...."In God we trust."    God blessed us with a great freedom in America and it was and is important to be thankful for that freedom.  We saw the consequences of a dictatorship when we lived in The Philippines.  We knew the importance of freedom.  In the eight years we were in the Air Force we moved to 5 different bases.  We lived in 4 states and 1 third world country.  We knew we had to trust God on our journey.  In each place we lived, we saw God at work in our lives.

We are now in a season of needing to focus on  "In God we trust" more than ever.   We are continuing to look for ways we see God at work in our lives.  I had appointments last Wednesday that left us shaken.  The battle will continue for my health and the only way through is to trust God.  For weeks I have found myself waking somewhere between 5 and 6 each morning, a perfect time to have a tsunami of emotions wash over me.  Mostly negative.  I realized recently that I have a choice as I toss and turn.....to dwell on the whys and what ifs or to use the time to connect with God.   It is a daily blessing to remember, "In God We Trust."

When we lived in The Philippines, Marcos was leader of the country.  There was Martial Law ( no one could be on the streets after 10:30 at night) and people were afraid of Marcos and his people.  Our maid would never speak his name out loud, but only in a whisper.  We watched the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.  We, as Americans, watched young children dig through our garbage to eat the food we were throwing out!   In general Filipinos who worked for us Americans made 7 pesos a day....which was $1.  Seriously, it opened our eyes to how wealthy we are and what great privileges we have as Americans.  Let us never take them for granted.  And as we celebrate this country of ours, all the good, the bad, and even the ugly, let us never forget...."In God we trust."


Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Angel Food Cake In The WIlderness



I have been reading Dr. Brian and Candace Simmons book, "In The Wilderness:  Where Miracles Are Born".  In one chapter they talked about the Israelites wandering in the desert and how God provided daily manna for them.  They never went without food....bread of a sort.  God provided them with the bread for life.

Simmons tells us the manna is described in different ways in scripture.  When the Israelites asked Moses what it was, he told them it was bread from Heaven.  A mystery of sorts as the people asked...."What is it?"  In Nehemiah it is called "God's manna", and in Psalm 105 it is called "Heaven's bread".  In Psalm 78 it is described as "angels food"!  I love the idea of it being angels food.  The food of angels fell from the sky on a daily basis.  Pastor Simmons described it as angel food cake from Heaven!



We, as Christians feed upon the bread of life....Jesus IS the bread of life, provided for us by our Father.  Jesus as our Manna.  We cannot help but see the parallels of the Wilderness story in Exodus and our own wilderness stories.  Our need for Jesus was provided for us.........even or especially in the wilderness. 

We all go through seasons of wilderness, keeping us on our knees before God.  We live, trusting He will provide...........whether we call it "angel food cake" from Heaven or the "Bread of Life".  At times the wilderness looks endless, challenging, and yes, even hopeless, but God is always watching over us.  He provides......love, healing, hope, encouragement and the prayers of others, His Word, and Wisdom.  He provides the Bread of Life, and even angel food when needed.  Sometimes we may question, "What is it" just as the Israelites did, but we learn to step out in faith trusting His provision.  And in doing so, it may turn out to be angel food cake!