Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Adrift


I could see myself drifting in a vast sea.  It was dark, but not without moonlight reflecting off the water.  I was not in a raging storm, but I found it necessary to hang on to the sides of the small boat I laid in.  A place where I felt sheltered and safe in a topsy turvy world. It was silent except for the sounds of the wind and waves.  So so silent.

I knew in that moment that I was not alone, that God was with me, but He seemed so far away.  So quiet.  Just out of my grasp.  There are times I want to ask God if He is there even though I know He is.  I cry out for a tangible touch of His Love.   Knowing and feeling His Presence are different from each other and I long to feel His Presence like a warm caress.

Remember when the disciples were at sea and a storm came up?  Jesus slept right through it as they all worried about perishing in the water.  Jesus rebuked the storm and scolded the disciples.  Oh you of little faith. Is it about faith, or the lack there of that I see myself on a solo journey at sea? 

A season of on our knees humbleness.  It was spoken over us.  Nearly two years ago.  A season of boat rocking.  How do we feel safe in a boat tossed around by the sea?  We dig deep into what we know, not what we feel. God is with us.  God. is. with. us.  In the "what if's" that assail us and the "even if's" that come calling.  God is with us. 

I read a story today in a recent Guideposts magazine where a man ended up stuck on a mountain during a snow storm.  He had struggled with his faith at times, yet realized prayer was His only option as the storm raged and he sat inside his small tent sheltered in pine trees.  So he prayed specific requests throughout the night.  And the next day those prayers were answered one by one.  As he found his way back down the mountain he could not help but see the beauty in the highest peak as it reflected sunlight and reached for the sky.  Steady.  Firm.  He felt like it was God saying, "I AM HERE".  And He was.

And He is.  Even if............I AM HERE.   What if..............I AM HERE.  During the journey I AM HERE.  On our knees........I AM HERE.  Feeling adrift in the wave tossed boat at sea............I AM HERE.  In the victory.............I AM HERE.  We are never alone.  "I AM HERE."




Saturday, February 23, 2019

Saturday's Scribbles


Good Saturday to you from our corner of Iowa where ONCE AGAIN we are in the midst of a weather event.  A pattern seems to be setting up for storms on Tues/Wed and Sat/Sunday.  UGH.  This one is bringing it all............rain, freezing rain, sleet, ice accumulations, heavy snow, high winds and oh, yeah around 6-12 or more inches of snow expected.  Again.  This year Joel purchased a bigger, more powerful snowblower.  He found the perfect one!  It has made the endless pile up of snow easier to manage.  Certainly worth the cost!

Speaking of snow.........what about Arizona and Vegas? Yikes!  Friends posted a photo of them building a snowman.....in Tucson!!  My sister dug out her winter coat in Mesa.  Crazy weather!

We are hopeful that this last surgery got rid of the large stone completely.  At the end of next week I will have a scan which should reveal the results more clearly.  The doctor thought it went better than he expected..........thank you Jesus.  Usually an hour long, it was 2 1/2 hours this time.  Recovery included a few challenges, but is going much better than the December disaster.  I have had to go in for IV antibiotics for a week, when I would rather have been in Pj's on the sofa, but that is done now and we are moving forward.  I have continued with breast cancer treatments throughout. One step forward at a time.  I feel weak and wimpy at times, but I know that is not true so I keep "refusing to partner with that lie" from the enemy.  And even when I am weak?  God is strong.

Joel and I have been keeping track of those moments in time that are precious  and easy to miss during tough circumstances.  Counting our blessings.  Yesterday a nurse came in who was helping with the IV infusion and offered us some Amish Friendship Bread that she had made and brought for the staff.  Joel and her had been visiting about faith and her family priest who is now retiring at age 88.  This priest also fixes clocks and had worked on our grandfather clock many years ago.  A well loved man from what we gathered.  And Joel sure enjoyed the bread!  This week we enjoyed laughing together over a Fraiser episode or two, receiving a thank you in the mail from a grandson,  a hairdresser willing to come to the house to cut my hair, having a few days of sunshine, texts from family and friends, prayers to carry us through.  And a real luxury.......heated car seats!  Oh, my, what a blessing they have been this year.

Sometimes the ordinary can appear so extraordinary in our lives.  Times when we realize that every breath we take is really the breath of God, who lives in us.  The ordinary appearing really so extraordinary. I hope today that your ordinary moments hold the extraordinary within.  Because, isn't all of life really a bit extraordinary?





Monday, February 11, 2019

One Brave Step Up The Mountain

"It is a new week and you just keep being brave
 because blessed is the one who perseveres, 
who does the hard thing and puts feet to the floor and just begins, 
who doesn't stop putting one brave step in front of another.  
Because tough times never last
 but those who hang on tight to God always do."
Ann Voskamp


Today I read a few powerful thoughts from Ann Voskamp, the author of One Thousand Gifts.  She spoke about doing the "hard things".  About putting our feet to the floor and just beginning.  She wrote about taking one brave step and starting up the mountain we face.  That God will take the mountain, all we need to do is take courage and take the next step.  She reminded us to lean in and take that next step.

I have been hearing a lot about leaning in lately.  It began last week when I faced the fact I needed surgery again for this large ugly kidney stone that is one big mountain of trouble in my right kidney.  Between the stone and the stents I am fighting infections and my body is already dealing with a lower white count from the breast cancer treatments.  I did not want to deal with it, but it is what it is.  And God is who He says He is!  Through devotionals He keeps reminding me to lean in to Him.  Trust Him in this season.

A week ago I had a visual encounter where I was standing arm in arm next to Jesus, leaning against Him.  I was shaking from head to toe but I was standing firm with Jesus keeping me upright.  I remember thinking, well if Jesus is on my right, who is on my left side then....and when I turned I realized Joel was linking arms with me too.  Of course, he has always been my support.  my earthly rock provided by God.  Beyond Joel, much to my surprise, I saw Dr. M, the urologist.  It shocked me.  My thought was, okay, he is part of this healing journey too.  Then I looked around and saw faded out faces of who I knew to be friends and family.  Those praying and sending their love.


The mountains can look so big.  They can be so big.  BUT GOD......... We need to have the courage to take the first step up the mountain.  Maybe for you it is a financial burden.........or chemo........or trusting someone when it is hard to trust. For me this time it is yet another surgery this Wednesday afternoon to rid the stone from my kidney.  (Going up through the urethra to laser the stone) Everyone's mountain is different, but the source of our strength is not.  Our strength comes from God.

"The great ones are simply the ones who believe God can.  
In Him, you. can. do. this.  
The hopeful stare up the steps.  
The faithful step up the stairs."


I am always amazed at the courage people display in difficult circumstances.  Ordinary people, living ordinary lives, who are hit by circumstances that are in no way ordinary.  Ordinary people who dig deep, finding courage and strength to face the worst of the worst and who do so with hope and faith in their God, in our Lord who tells us to lean in.  "Lean in, trust, and see Me move mountains".  

Today I am asking for your continued prayers for the surgery Wednesday afternoon.  Praying that the long tedious process of lasering the large stone into small ones will go well and swiftly.  That I will come home that evening and recover well.  I also ask for prayers for all those who fight their own battles with God by their sides. Those who persevere and faithfully keep taking that one brave step up the mountain they face.  

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

The Voice To Listen To

"When I listen to the voice of a problem
 more than I listen to the voice of the Lord, 
faith will always be an uphill battle." 
Bill Johnson

Sometimes the voice of the problem is so loud.....for me a medical report....the doctor's diagnosis.....the treatment drugs...... a lament from within that pours out of a place of discouragement or fear.  Yeah.  Sometimes the voice of the problem and the difficulties of life are so darn loud!  But..........

God's voice?  Powerful.  Promising.  Purposeful.  Comforting.  Wise. Victorious no matter what.   He sometimes whispers, but I have found His voice to be firm, steady and quiet.  A kind of quiet that resonates, shifting the atmosphere around and within us.  A kind of quiet that is somehow loud.  Louder than the voices of the problems.



So hard to do, this focusing on God and off of the cancer, or heart disease, or broken relationships, or financial brokenness.  Yet God's Word often speaks to us about doing just that.  It is written that HE is our Lord and our God.  It is written that we will be in perfect peace when our minds are focused on Jesus because we trust in Him.  It is written in His promises like the one I have held on to for seven years...... I will give you back your health and heal your wounds.  So many promises.

A voice is a powerful weapon for good.  We speak life or death with our tongue, as the Bible says.  There is something about voicing out loud the scriptures. Something about making declarations that build hope the way we build a wall.........one solid brick at a time.

The voice of the problem pales and weakens when we focus on Jesus as our Healer. When we bend our ear to hear the Father's Voice, peace fills our soul.  Maybe for a moment, for an hour, for a day...but it is always available to us if we let it speak louder than the problem.  God truly desires to be in a close relationship with His children.  Bending our ear to hear His Voice opens that door to our heart and strengthens our faith.

Sunday, February 3, 2019

It Is A Privilege



It is Sunday morning and once again I am worshiping from my living room.  I pray for and kiss my hubby good-bye early in the morning as he goes off to serve at two churches, while I sit at home wishing I was going with him. I miss it.  Worship with others.  Gathering together in His Presence!

 Sunday mornings we have the privilege to pick up our Bibles, head out the door and gather together in public to worship our Lord and Savior.  This is truly a privilege.  Look how many people around the world have to gather in secret, risking imprisonment or death.  We have the freedom in America to worship.  I think of our dear friends, Linny and Dw who drive nearly 40 miles across Phoenix to worship at a church that welcomes with open arms children with special needs.  There is a church for everyone of us ........if you find your church uninviting, or not meeting your needs, seek out a place that excites you! 

I spent years fighting Lyme Disease, often sofa bound, isolated in my home and unable to go out into the world.  I would have given anything to be able to get up on Sunday mornings and head to worship in a church, sitting in a pew, surrounded by others who love the Lord.  I don't think I could ever take that for granted again. Sadly, here I am unable to go to church......needing to avoid exposures to sickness, but also just not strong enough many days.  I look forward to getting back to Sunday morning worship!  It. is. a. privilege. 

It is a privilege.  Sunday morning worship! Gathering with others, united in Christ. Let us never take it for granted.   It is a privilege.