Saturday's Scribbles

Back deck

Good morning from our corner of Iowa where heat and humidity are the words of the day....of the weekend.  Heat indexes are supposed to be over 100 degrees.  For us "northerners" that is way too hot and humid.  The flowers seem to love it though and are showing off their colors.  I enjoy looking at them from our deck door or the front porch.

Front garden

Our resident rabbits have little ones of course so they are often cooling off in the shade of the pine tree that edges our property.  Otherwise they live under our back deck.  Last night deer were sauntering through the yard.  They love to nibble on our flowers so we keep watch when they are around.  Our resident ducks are still sticking around too.  No babies as of yet as far as we know.  We love animals.  Sometimes we miss having a dog around.  When we were at our daughter and her family's, we were able to get to know our grand dog, Koda better.  And grand is the right word as he is HUGE.  A Newfoundland/ Poodle mix that weighs 120 lbs. at a little over a year old.  We also have to grand cats, and two miniature Schnauzer grand dogs and our newest one....a 1-2 year old short haired mix that is delighted to have a family.

Update:  I am doing well with recovery.  Both the Home Health Care Nurse and the surgeon are happy with my progress.  In fact we are down to once a week visits with D. in our home.  Last Wed. the surgeon took out 2 of 3 of the drains.  Joel said they took about 7-8 inches of tubing from inside my chest and side.  The last one will come out next week.  Unfortunately, this procedure irritated the nerve endings and I have been dealing with some nasty 24/7 neuropathy (all over) because of it.  Praying it passes soon, as healing continues.  I see the radiology oncologist and my reg. oncologist next week. for treatment plans/options. So, over all, recovery is going well thanks to all the prayers and support from family, friends, and the medical world.

A year ago today we were celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary.  It started out sticky and stormy with high winds, heavy rain, and hail, but ended with a bit of sunshine and so many good memories.  Tomorrow we will celebrate 51 years as husband and wife.   So grateful.

I often ask three of our grandchildren what they are reading as they are constantly at the library.  I am always curious about what captures their imaginations.  I am reading a non-fiction book by Brian and Candice Simmons (creator of The Passion Translation of the Bible) .  It is called "The Wilderness:  Where Miracles Are Born"  It is very good and thought provoking as they share their insights and memories of when they were on the mission field.  What are you reading?

Enjoy your weekend! 

Love Notes From God

She entered my room at 5:30am, greeting us quietly as we blinked and tried to adjust to the light.  Joel had slept in the recliner close to my hospital bed where I rested in between compressions on my legs and the smiling faces of nurses doing their jobs throughout the night.  The beautiful young woman who came in was there to draw blood.  We chatted a bit, learning she had experienced a health scare herself recently....and that she was adopted from Guatemala.....we talked about all of our kids.......and as she left the room with my blood she said, "Ill be praying for you."

A love note from God.

Early the morning before a nurse had prepared me for surgery.  The IV line in, clothes exchanged for a gown, info gathered.  We chatted some about the usual topics and chatted about her granddaughter who was dealing with childhood arthritis.  As I left for the OR later she patted my arm and said, "God bless you." 

Another love note from God.

As I entered the OR I was introduced to two nurses in the room.  One said to me, I did not expect to see you here, it is usually in our neighborhood we see each other.  Turns out the nurse anethesist was our neighbor at the end of our cul-de-sac.  Tuesday I received a card from her and a wish for my healing.

A love note from God.

The morning after surgery the Breast Cancer Nurse advocate came in and talked to us.  She provided us with a sweet Teddy Bear and heart shaped pillow she gives all women who are battling breast cancer.  She had some good advice for how to care for the arm they took so many nodes from......and how to care for the chest incision.

A love note from God.

When we were in the hospital a woman we knew from the church Joel is Interim at came in and talked to us about having home health care, paid for by Medicare.  We said no at first, as we felt we could take care of ourselves.........but as she talked I felt Holy Spirit nudge me to say yes.  So I did.  We have had nurses coming 3 times a week to check my vitals, change my dressings, and answer our questions.  Saying yes to their support was the best thing we could have done with this surgery.

A love note from God.

Yesterday I was laying on the sofa and someone knocked on the door.  Joel was gone so I slowly got up and made my way to the door.  The woman immediately asked me if I was ok so I told her I had had surgery last week.....a double mastectomy.  She said, "I had one two years ago.  You need to rest a lot for sure."  As we visited I learned she is a neighbor a couple blocks from us, so I said, "My name is Renee....and she replied, My name is N___"  As she left she turned and said, "I will pray for you Renee."  No co-incidence that this woman who had the same surgery as me two years ago came to my door to deliver an invitation.  I did not know her, but she offered to pray for me.  Only God.

His love notes continue....

Throughout this surgery and recovery God has been showing up in His people.  It has been especially comforting to have all these love notes from GOD  as we learned that 5 of 26 lymph nodes were positive for cancer  The "good news" within the bad is that the cancer was contained in the nodes and had not broken out of the nodes.  As I recover from surgery and continue with the three drains another week, we wait to hear from the Oncologist and Oncology Radiologist about what is ahead. We were hoping the battle was over, but it is not.   So many people have been praying and we are so grateful for their/your support.  And as we wait, rest, pray, and trust without understanding, we look for those special notes from God that remind us of His love.

Celebrations, Prayers, and Surgery

This past Thursday we drove 6 hours to our oldest daughter and family's home in WI to celebrate our granddaughter Abbi's HS graduation.  It was wonderful to be with family again, hugging, laughing, and just soaking in the love and joy.  Unfortunately Joel got sick and and fought a cold and cough much of the time. First time he has been this sick in years.  Still, it was a good good time.

Evan and Abbi

Brotherly love.......

We were re-acquainted with our grand dog, Koda too, who at one year old is weighing in at 120lbs and stands over 6 ft tall on back legs.  He is a gentle giant with quite a personality.   A Newfoundland/Poodle mix.

Tomorrow we take another step forward on this cancer journey as I head to the hospital in the early morning hours for a bi-lateral mastectomy.  The day has come, and we are moving forward on a wing and a prayer, trusting God in the process.  We can use your prayers for the nuclear dye to light up the lymph nodes ( since I have had this once before it lowers success rate somewhat), for lymph nodes to be clear and for surgery to go well!  And for the sore throat I have to completely be gone!   I will spend one night in the hospital and be home Wed afternoon.  We face this with determination and apprehension, working to remain calm and trusting our God who fights for me.  Thanks for adding your prayers!

Pursue, Seek, and Find

I confess that in the past I have never quite understood fasting.  It has not been in our tool box, probably because of our Lutheran culture.  I have felt uncomfortable fasting to "move God" and get the answers I want.  That was my take on it, anyway.  But God has been speaking to me lately about "seeking" Him.  When I felt Holy Spirit nudge me to fast before the prayer session with the couple I mentioned before, I asked what the purpose of this fasting was and I felt Holy reply, "To seek God".  It was not long after that response that everywhere I turned I was hearing the words..........seek Him.....seeking God......seek  seek.  It came up in a sermon by Rick Warren.  It came up twice in our devotionals.  It popped up on a Facebook post.  It came up today as a memory posting from 2 years ago.  Seek His face.

So we went into fasting with the premise we would be seeking God.  When we wanted to reach for food, we stopped and sought Him in prayer.  For mealtimes we read scriptures, discussed what we had read and prayed.  We took communion.  In all those activities we had the opportunity to seek and find.  We know His desire for us to pursue Him is not just during fasting.  

We can find God in most things I expect.  We can seek and find Him in nature.......in it's beauty, colors, animals, insects, birds, flowers, smells.  We can also seek and find Him throughout our days, our lives with those we love and care about.  His Presence in the midst.  Are we aware?   I am surprised at how often something pops up on Facebook that speaks clearly to me and I ponder how often I "miss" His love notes because distractions get in the way.

On the opposite side of that we need to question ourselves.....do we seek and find God with what we say.......what we do..........what we watch on TV........what we read........Some stuff, not. We pursue Him in worship!   How about life's challenges?  In the midst of a big life storm I often seek Him....but will I focus on Him in all our circumstances?  Sometimes it has to be intentional with how loud the storm is, but He is there.  Oh, yes, He is there..........here.....His calming presence in the midst.  

Bethel Worship

I am not sure where God is going with the continual messages we are receiving on "seeking Him",  but He definitely has our attention, especially as we prepare for next week.  We continue to pursue Him, remembering His goodness as we seek His face.

Let Me Rock Your Boat

Yesterday we fasted in preparation for a session of prayer last night with a couple from AZ who have a powerful ministry.  They are good friends with our sweet friends Dw and Linny, who suggested we call them. We felt the need for some prayer....and insights so we set a time to talk last night.  During this time of fasting we took the time to listen to our recorded prophetic session from when we were at Bethel Church in CA in the fall of 2017.  Please note that when we receive words we pray over them, looking for God to come through in the words that come from others.  Testing the truth of it in scripture and discernment.   We strongly believe the words spoken during that session were from God and we hold them close whether we understand it all or not.

We received several things we are hanging on to, but one that stood out for me today was when the man, who was also named Joel, asked us if we ever rock the boat......He said it was a bit strange, but he saw a vision of us rocking a boat.  We did tell him in our world, that we probably do rock boats with what we believe and practice, things such as God wants us ALL well, Jesus died for sins AND sicknesses.  Holy Spirit wants to shake up your world with visions, encounters, and His Presence "manifested" in many ways.  Speaking in tongues is a gift available to all, etc. etc.  It makes some people uncomfortable.  Been there myself.   In the words this other Joel said, he told us God wants us to keep rocking the boat.  He kept saying it over and over again  "keep rocking the boat".  He told us we are very aware that we are doing what God wants us to do......and then said, "God says when you stop rocking the boat He will be bringing you home.  To heaven.  In other words, we replied.........."Keep rocking the boat!"

The past few months, this challenging journey we are on, has kept our focus narrow and has not left much room for rocking boats and truthfully at times I have doubted and struggled with His promises to me for healing.  Were God's promises lies?  Even saying that makes me uncomfortable.  God never lies. And His promises are "yes and Amen".  Over time I have told Joel more than once that I questioned how I could speak about healing being for now and for all when I am battling cancer for the 4th time and the future looks scary?  I was healed of Lyme, of chemical sensitivities, of cancer, of thyroid disease ( no longer on meds after 27 yrs).  Healed of a cyst on my leg....it just left!  Healed of living life from my sofa.......  And yet.......here I am in the midst of the biggest battle of my life so far.  Can I still speak about healing?  Let me say, my experience right now?  It does not change the truth of what the Bible says.

Plenty of people have prayed for me, over me, yet this time a miracle did not take place.  Jesus is using doctors to heal me.  I can't say I am happy about that, but I am being obedient in using the treatments, doctors, and surgeries to heal.  It is a journey in humility.

Speaking of being humbled, we were forewarned by God about this journey at that same prophetic session. Lori, the woman at our session shared that she saw us crawling on our hands and knees.  We were going through a difficult season and being humbled in the process.  She went on to say that we were strong and independent people and that we were going to need to now rely on God.  Just like the verse I keep getting, God will fight my battles...just stay calm.  She also said that there would be grace in the journey and we would stand up again and there would be a new thing for us!  We have hung on to those words at the end......sometimes for me only by a thread, but we hang on to His promises.  We don't believe God gave me Stage 3b cancer, but we do believe He can and will use it for good.   And we believe every prayer that has been prayed for me and for Joel has been heard by God.  Look at how the mass is breaking up?!  The kidney surgeries are over.  Strength is returning.  Hear our prayers, O Lord.

Do all people get healed?  No, we know they do not.  Do all people receive a miraculous healing?  No they do not.  But the point for me is, I believe we can.  "By His stripes we are healed."  I believe what it says in the Lord's Prayer.  "The kingdom come, thy will be done on EARTH as it is in Heaven.  In Heaven we won't need healing, will we?!  I believe that there is sooooooooooo much more for us. Catherine Marshall wrote a book many years ago called, "Something More".  I read that book often and felt her same hunger for something more in my relationship with Jesus.  It is available. He desires it too.

I confess, at times I seek the healing more than I do the Healer.  I desire the miracle instead of desiring a more intimate relationship with Jesus.  It is what He wants you know.  For us to seek Him.  For us to want a close relationship with Him that has us talking with Him throughout our days and nights like a good friend.  Because He is one.  The One.

Seeking God and a closer relationship with Him is what it is really all about.  We don't understand the mystery of it all....God is God and we are not, but we know He wants to communicate with us all throughout our days and nights.  He sent His son,  He sent Holy Spirit.  As we surrender to Him, stand firm on His promises, and let ourselves be embraced in His loving arms, we believe all will be well.  We trust Him.  We let Him fight for us.  We rely on Him.

Even in this difficult season of crawling on our hands and knees,  or maybe because of it, we seek Him more than ever, we trust Him in the storm.  As He teaches us humility and trust we lean on Him.  And at times, we rock the boat.

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from here in our corner of Iowa where yesterday's temperatures reached 88 degrees (and 91 according to our car).  It was hot and sunny, but today we will be back to normal......low 70's.  Everything is so very green, but hazy.  The Canadian fires are sending smoke down through Minnesota and Iowa, filling our skies with a light smokey haze.  It is time for flowers to brighten our yard, so we purchased two geraniums pots this week to start with.  Last night I looked out at one pot, and half the flowers were on the ground.  Some detective work had us pointing a finger at a jack rabbit, who chewed the leaves and flowers off, and then left them on the ground.  Never have heard of any animal finding geraniums tasty!  That is one of the reasons we have them every year.  Sturdy, smelly, and beautiful, but unattractive to local wildlife.  Or so we thought.

Joel has another funeral next week.  Since taking this Interim position, he has had 7 funerals  in 9 months.  That is quite a few!  The two churches are getting close to interviewing pastors.  It is so important to find the right fit for a congregation and a pastor.

I have been off Verzenio for a while in preparation for the bi-lateral mastectomy coming up.  Boy, what a difference.  I am helping around the house a lot more, and walking 10-15 minutes a day in the hopes of building back up to my daily 30 minutes.  So nice to feel stronger and fully focused.  Verzenio has been doing a good job against the cancer though, so I am grateful for it.

Yesterday I welcomed a package from Amazon.  I had ordered some  sofa pillow covers that would bring color into the living room.  I love sunflowers and found them for a really really good price.  They arrived yesterday and we purchased pillow inserts from Hobby Lobby.  Our sofa and love seat now have a spot of color that make us smile.

We have a granddaughter who will graduate next weekend.  The plan is to be there!  Exciting times.
Our youngest grands are 11 and our oldest grand has left the "teens" behind.  The four oldest will be in college this fall.  I can remember so well their toddler years.

We had a few tornados in our area this week.  One 30 miles from us was quite large, and did damage at the county fairgrounds and to a few houses.  We have spent time over the years in our basements waiting for the "all clear".  One summer we were camping at a RV campground in South Dakota on our way home from a long trip.  There were many tornadoes sighted in the area that night so Joel and I spent several hours outside the camper keeping an eye on the sky.  Another time we were traveling from MN to Iowa for a graduation party when we found ourselves in a tornado warning.  Winds were blowing strong, rain was pelting down, and we ended up pulling up to the side of a building for some protection til it passed.  I don't know if we would ever live in a house without a basement for weather related reasons!

Yesterday Joel ran into a neighbor at the grocery store.  They visited quite awhile about the construction they are doing to the outside of their house.  Then the woman asked how I was doing.  As they talked she said, "Our children still ask all the time how your wife is doing."  It brought tears to my eyes.  I have never met their adult kids and I have only met the woman once.....but they are praying.  And last December they came as a family to our front porch and said Christmas carols to us on Christmas Day night.  We were here alone and I was trying to recover from that terrible disaster of a surgery.......needless to say, their caroling made our Christmas special!   So many nice people......so many praying.

Today would have been our son Kevin's 39th birthday.  He died in December of 2004 from a virus that caused congestive heart failure.  He has a son, Eli, who is going to be 17 soon.  We are in touch with him and his family.  His mom remarried.  Kev has a daughter too, but her mom wanted nothing to do with us so we have no contact.  She is in our prayers.  Heaven.  I wonder if they celebrate birthdays or if every day just feels like one big celebration!?!

Have a good weekend, enjoying the weather where you are.  Breathe in the fresh air, take in the wonderful colors that grace your landscape, eat something delightful and tasty, let laughter enter in, and give thanks.  Today is a new day, celebrate it.