The Tug-of-War

It has been like Christmas all over again as we recently dug out the gift cards we had received in December!  With so much going on we had put them out of our minds.  One of my favorite places to shop is Amazon and I always ask for gift cards to the online giant.  There were three, plus a couple of restaurants, Fleet Farm, and Target.  What did we do before gift cards?

We shopped in brick-and-mortar stores.  We still do, but sadly, here, so many of our stores have closed.  K-Mart and Sears, JC Penneys, American Eagle, Younkers, 2 Hallmarks, and most recently Shopko joined the "going out of business" train.  Sad.  And yet I have a part in their closings too with my online shopping.  It is a bit of a tug of war, isn't it.  The convenience and cost benefits of online shopping can't be beat, but supporting our local communities is so important too.

Our world, it is a changing.  Technology at it's best and the aftermath of it? Bankruptcies and closings.  There is something to be said for having the item we are looking at in our hands.  Getting a good feel for it, and a good look at what we want to purchase.  That tug-of-war of brick-and-mortar and online shopping.

I chuckle at the fact that you can tithe online, through your church's website.  You can livestream a church service and worship from your living room.  Convenience.  Yet, I argue there is something necessary and special about gathering with other believers in fellowship to worship our Lord. Face to face, interaction with a living human being.  Uniting together to worship in His presence. 

Our relationship with God can be a bit of a tug also.  It is easy to draw near and then far in our daily lives depending on our circumstances.  It is too easy to breathe in and then breathe out in trust, in rest, and in connecting with our Jesus.

How do we embrace the future while holding on to what is important in the past.  How do we keep intimacy in our relationships, when so much communication is online. How do we support our communities while getting the best deal for our money.  How do we stay close to God?   It is a tug-of-war in some ways.  A tug-of-war that involves intentional effort to maintain balance. 

Random thoughts..............

A Fork In The Road?

The birthing process is made up of stirrings, contractions, discomfort, pain and effort.  And at the end of the process emerges the gift of a life, created by God with the help of mom and dad, of course.  A beautiful gift that has made the waiting and the journey worthwhile.

We go through a similar process when God works in and through His people, pruning us, stretching our beliefs and renewing our spirit. This birthing, this being reborn, and renewed in Christ to be more like His image, is a process that we take part in.  We open and surrender ourselves to Holy Spirit, so that we can be all He has created us to be.  Our unique selves, made for His purpose.

Joel and I have been in transformation the past 4 years, but especially the last 7 months. Our journey began with Joel's overnight microwave healing and continued on with my own healing journey.  We developed a deep passion for healing through prayer and could not learn enough about it. In the past 7 months the journey has involved healing through surgeries and radiation, and more recovery time than I want to admit.  But this is not the whole story.  This season has also been about way more than healing, it has been about having a closer relationship with Papa God and about being open to His continued purpose for our lives. It has been and still is about removing God from a place of our own understanding and saying with our whole being............We want more of you God........at. any. cost.

I recently saw a picture in my mind of a road and ahead were two forks.  I identified one fork as our Lutheran heritage, where we have been rooted our whole lives.  The other fork in the road was all that we have learned beyond our Lutheran beliefs, a place of more of Holy Spirit manifestations, more of the prophetic and a different understanding of healing.

As I looked at this picture it became a person with arms raised to God in praise. The fork in the road was really not a place of decision....do we go to the left or to the right......it was a blending of who we were and who we are now and finding peace with how both are molding and shaping us into who God desires.  In this process involving effort, discomfort and even pain, our focus needs to remain on God.....who in His infinite wisdom is creating something new~ someone new.

I don't think this process is unique or a one time event, but is an ongoing part of everyone's lives. We are transformed and renewed by a loving God who does not want to leave us where we are, but encourages us to grow and be shaped into the image of Christ for His purpose as long as we take breath into our bodies.  This birthing process is not always easy or comfortable, but it is an adventure we don't want to miss out on, that's for sure.  So we continue to ask with expectation and even some anxiety for something more...........at. any. cost.

Speaking From My Heart

After watching Pastor Greg Mohr's teaching on the heart yesterday at Charis Bible College Healing School, I woke up today asking God to reveal to me anything in my heart that needs changing.  Soon after I read two blog posts that both spoke about....yes~~our hearts.  Only God.

I find that I don't write as often as I would like to about what's in my heart regarding my beliefs on healing.  I like to avoid conflict.  I like everyone to be happy within themselves and with me.  And I confess, I don't like looking foolish.  After all, I am not exactly the poster child for Gods healing power.  Right now in my family that belongs to Joel with his obvious overnight physical healing from many conditions and diseases. My healing has been slow and not so steady with challenges interwoven in.  I have seen great progress while at the same time I am not "there" yet.

This morning God spoke to me through  Bonnie Gray's words, "I cannot outrun my heart".  Bonnie writes about her story with PTSD and her recovery from childhood trauma.  Her first book will be out soon.  Outrunning our heart?  We cannot, even though we try.   What is in our hearts permeates our body, soul, and spirit.  I believe our whole being cries out for healing including our hearts. 

Then I read a post by Holly Garth.  She was a guest blogger over at Ann Voscamp's cyber home.  Her words about looking foolish resonated.  "Sometimes looking like a fool comes with the territory of God-sized dreams."  Holly shared David's story of when he danced as the Ark of God came into Jerusalem.  His wife was critical of how foolish he looked....but David was not worried.  He was rejoicing and praising His God.

Oh, Lord, I am so sorry I worry about pleasing people more than I hunger to please you. Thank you for revealing this part of my heart to me today. 


Recently I shared one short statement on Facebook that upset two old friends from a newsletter I used to write.  These are situations I try to avoid.  The adult me cares deeply about the feelings of others.  The little girl in me wants to please people.

 I need to please only God. 

"For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Gospel. 

Our purpose is to please God, not people. 

He alone examines the motives of our hearts."

1Thessalonians 2:4

I believe with all my heart that healing is part of the Gospel we are to proclaim.  After deep study and prayer over the past 19 months, Joel and I both have come to this conclusion.  I believe He sent His son Jesus to die for our sins and for the diseases that the enemy brings against all of us.  I do not believe God uses sickness to punish us or that He keeps us sick.  I do not know the mind of God and I certainly don't have all the answers, but I do have His promises to depend on.  In the past I often prayed for healing, and when it did not happen I decided God did not want me well for reasons beyond their understanding.  Now I pray for healing and if I do not see it I still believe God wants me well. It is not arrogance, it is not denial, it is not wishful thinking.  It is what I read in His Word.....in His promises.  If I look foolish, then I will do so remembering I am to please God and not man.  We are to walk in obedience.

God spoke to my heart today and I pray that what I write speaks to yours.  He wants to heal our hearts too.  He wants the very best for us as His children.  Trials come and storms rage, but stand firm....knowing that it is for freedom that Christ set you free.  Therefore never again be burdened by a yoke of slavery to sickness..........to fear............to worry.........to pleasing people.  It is for freedom that we have been set free.  The Bible tells me so.