Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our home to yours.  We are enjoying June's sunny days with an abundance of rain thrown in.  Joel is mowing twice a week to keep up with the growing grass. He is going out nightly to cover our beautiful lilies so the deer can't get to them.  We have one area with wild lilies and they have eaten most of those! Our mini garden is growing BUT the cucumber leaves have developed white spots ~ mold we think.  Trying a google remedy to see if it will help.  We are learning there is not enough sun to grow our plants well on the deck, or in our yard for that matter.  (sigh).  We are staying hopeful!

Speaking of hopeful, I am digging deep this week and relying on hope after a visit to Mayo.  I had 4 appointments ending with a Zometa infusion for my bones.  By Monday night I was having chills and feeling just plain awful. Tuesday was a sofa day.  By Wednesday morning I felt so good and was thinking, "Well that was not so bad!"  Thursday I hit a wall and it has been challenging ever since.  Everything I read says most of the time it only lasts a few days, these flu-like symptoms.  The leg cramps are gone, no more chills, but just not myself.  It feels like day 12 of chemo....sigh....not horrific but not fun either.  I need these infusions every 6 months for 3 years.  There is an end eventually, but hard to go backwards after feeling so darn good. Moving forward, mostly, slowly but with determination.

My grandmother at the well outside her cabin

in Spearfish Canyon, Black Hills, S.D.

Speaking of determination, I was looking at a picture of my grandmother on Friday morning and thought about what a strong woman she was.  She lived in Spearfish Canyon in the Black Hills.  Alone.  In a cabin, in the wild I'm thinking at least 80 years ago.   My mom told a story about when she and my oldest sister Jo, a baby, stayed with Grandma M. in the cabin.  At night wolves came and scratched on the door.  My mom was terrified, but it was not a big deal to my grandma.  She was no spring chicken at the time she lived there either.  My dad's family roots run deep in South Dakota.  Three years ago Joel and I went through Spearfish Canyon and it is so beautiful there.  My grandma's cabin was destroyed when a new road went it, but we stopped in the general area, also where my cousin's ashes were distributed.  We drove through Deadwood where I went to Kindergarten and where my uncle was sheriff at that time.  In my dad's side of the family that area is held close to their hearts.

Where I was going with this is the fact that looking back I can see that there were a lot of strong women in my family.  Women with tenacity.  I was told once by a man praying for me that God said..."You are so faithful and you have so much tenacity."  I confess, sometimes I get weary of having tenacity and would just like the easy life, but Friday morning, feeling crappy or not, I put on my big girl boots and had Joel take me to Hobby Lobby where I made it back to the puzzle aisle, picked out three from their sparse selection, and then headed to the car and home.  Puzzles are hard to come by and very expensive online right now so going to the store was necessary....for my peace of mind!   Puzzles are a great stress release for me.......a must have as we watch our world implode on itself.  I keep remembering Isaiah 61............Oh, Lord, let there be beauty from the ashes!

Joel celebrated his 74th birthday this week, by biking 15 miles and enjoying some strawberry-rhubarb pie.  I usually make him a pie from scratch but no rhubarb to be found at the store so he bought one.  He is still working in his shop and now has a new planer to make things a bit easier.  I have walked only one day due to the side effects from the Zometa.  Still reading The Nightingale and watching too much TV during my horizontal recoup time.  The latest show to draw our attention is the Nat. Geo. show "Alone".  A show about surviving alone in the arctic.  We find it so interesting....

Speaking of interesting, I love the good that has come forth from the Covid -19 pandemic.  Thousands of people rising up and stepping up to be a positive influence.  Helping others, making the best of a bad situation.  Using their voices to speak goodness and life into others.  Zoom must be seeing an enormous increase of "meetings" as people gather to visit.  This past Tuesday night our oldest and her family chatted with us from two locations.  It literally warms our hearts to see their faces and visit about their lives.  A phone call from our youngest on Monday and one from another daughter for Joel's birthday brought smiles to our faces, a long 2 hour phone call to catch up with our middle son and calls from our oldest son made us happy! In fact we have connected with 5 kids this week and it has felt so good...........Now I am getting into our gratitude list so let me close.

So grateful this week for another trip to Mayo, for connecting with family, for lilies blooming, birds singing, and open windows to bring in the morning breezes.  Grateful for puzzles, TV, prayer, and prayer warriors.  Grateful for a grandmother and other women in my life who had tenacity and passed it on to me.  Grateful for texting, phone calls, Zoom, and most importantly so grateful for my now 74 year old hubby sharing my days.  God is so good!

Enjoy your weekend.

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from this little piece of Iowa where the beautiful dry warm weather made room for rain and storms on Thursday night.  More rain expected for today.  Our mini garden is growing like crazy and starting to put out feelers to climb the chicken wire.  Yay.  Our large spendy pot of flowers has been well worth the cost as we soak in it's beauty every day.  It makes us smile!  Our black-eyed Susan Ivy is wrapping itself around the shepherd's hook that holds it off the ground.  It reminds me that we need to wrap our arms around our Shepherd, Jesus.  As I watch the ivy securing itself to the pole, I ask you Lord to secure us to You.  So far the deer have not eaten our lilies up front so I am hoping we will actually get to see them bloom this year!  Yes, June is blessing us greatly at a time we all need just a little nature to spread some joy.

Jesus our Shepherd 

by

Frances and Richard Hook

(love their paintings of Jesus)

Speaking of spreading some joy, on Thursday we headed back to Mayo Clinic for my consultation, exam, etc. with the Mayo Breast Clinic.  It was the first time since January 27th that we drove farther than 10 miles with a destination in mind!  The exam found no issues so that was good news and brought us some joy.  We head back Monday for a bone density test, another consult concerning "survivorship" and with someone about genetic testing I am doing,  and blood draws.  It was interesting to walk out of the elevator from the parking ramp into the sub-level of the clinic.  Several stations were set up in two rows 6 ft apart.  We were screened for a fever and questioned about Covid-19 exposures etc.  A mask is required there.  "You protect me, I protect you."  We were given a sticker to wear that had the day written on it and a check mark letting them know we had been screened.  Absolutely everything about Mayo is done in a thorough and detailed way.  I like that.

Something else I like......Last weekend we visited with our full time RVing friends one last time before they headed to S.D. to spend the summer.  We will miss them.  They make us laugh, think, stretch and grow.  Joel is still doing shop and yard work and biking to keep busy and I am cleaning and cooking, and working on a new puzzle. Yesterday we took a walk down by the river which was so nice.  I don't tolerate the bright sunlight well now, so a rainy cloudy day or dusk walk are my best times to get outside.

Speaking of light, the other morning I decided to listen to a Bethel sermon on the spirit realm.  Three sentences in God spoke to me about the anger I have been feeling lately.  One sentence completely popped that balloon full of anger I did not even realize I was holding on to,  God is so good that way.  He guided me in a different direction, revealing the need for a shift of focus.  Don't you just love when God shines a light on an "issue" we are dealing with?  I expect some of my frustration and anger has shown up in my writing too.  When I write...........very little is hidden......dang, sometimes it is hard to be human!  I apologize if I offended anyone here with my own words.

Speaking of human, I heard something today in a devotional that was so amazing.  The person writing was talking about sea otters and how when they sleep in the water they "hold hands" so as not to drift apart from each other.  The mothers will also take sea kelp and wrap it around themselves and their babies so as not to be separated.  So smart!  It makes them sound so human, too, doesn't it!  God has created so many amazing animals for us to enjoy.  I do have a few questions for Him when I get to Heaven....like did ticks and mosquitoes have an original purpose or did they come into existence after the fall in the Garden......And snakes?  Anything good about snakes?  Yeah.......  Just saying!

Just saying.........We continue to shelter here most of the time.  We continue to wear masks, social distance, and stay cautious as Covid numbers spike here in Iowa.  We continue to pray for our children as our world shakes at it's foundation in a re-birthing process.  May Jesus be in the middle of it all.

So grateful for June, the beauty of nature, the colorful flowers, sea otters, worship music, God's Word coming through another's preaching, our mini garden, books that help us escape, books that teach us.  Grateful for doctors, and of course for our great Physician, Jesus the Healer!

Enjoy your weekend!

Bend Your Ear

We met through an email group that was made up of Christians with Lyme Disease.  Over 500 in the group who prayed for each other.  At times several would engage in phone conference calls where we would fast and pray together.  I became closer to two young women; Katherine who is now a dear friend.  We actually met in person at a healing conference in CT in 2013 and have continued to stay close.  The other young woman I have stayed in touch with mostly through Facebook.  When Joel and I attended that healing conference at a Lutheran church in CT, we took a commuter train to NYC to visit all the sights,  While there we were able to meet in person with K.F. at Grand Central Station where we had a face to face visit.  What fun it was to get together and actually hug the person I had been praying for.

K.F. is a mom of two now and married to a doctor who happens to be from Sri Lanka.  A man who has stories about the prejudice against him, even in the hospital, white coat or not.  But I am not talking about the racism he experienced. It is not my story to tell.  What I do want to share here is the boldness and courage K.F. has shown as she shared on Facebook no less, her journey of recovery from severe ongoing sexual abuse throughout her childhood.  What struck me about her writing was how little we listen, truly listen to others.  Especially when it does not fit into our own beliefs or agenda or it makes us uncomfortable.  What impacted me was the courage with which she spoke out on social media, one of the most judgmental communities of all.

You see, as a child she did what we are told to do, she told someone what was happening to her.  She told many as best she could describe it....and no one listened.  No one believed her.  Finally in her senior year of high school, she told a friend and he told his mom and that mom stepped in.  The many years of abuse and lack of help brought K.F. to a place of rage and anger and it was not until after a lot of therapy and knowing Jesus as her Savior that her healing began.  And now she is a mom of two daughters....a wife, and a child of God.

I understand her emotional turmoil in not being listened to.  Someone important and close to me did not listen or reach out to me when my six year old self told them as I best knew how that I was being sexually abused.  I was told with such intensity to never speak of it again, that I did not.  I hid it from others and even from myself until I was 63 years old.

Listening.  We all want someone to listen to us, don't we.  To hear us.  To do their best to understand and just listen.  Our world is groaning now.  America as we knew it is imploding on itself and everyone has an opinion as to why.  In the past I have defended the media, attempting to find the most neutral place to gather information, but in the past couple of months I have come to realize that every news station is bias or looking out for what sells.  When did every newscast become "breaking news"?  One day I watched each and every news station to observe how they "spin the news" and believe me each one has their own spin.   It is so difficult to get beyond what sells to what we need to hear.  So the past 11 days Joel and I have turned off the TV from any news and our home has become a much more peaceful place.   But I digress.....

Listening.  How do we have a listening ear?  How do we weep with those who weep, support all who are in the middle of this turmoil we call 2020?   How do we seek truth?   And for those who need it, how do we become their listening ear?  How do we face the hard stuff so that little children who speak about what has happened to them are not ignored.    Maybe we start by listening to the little children.

Not too long ago as I was dusting, I was speaking to God about how I desired to have a more intimate relationship with Him and wanted to hear His voice more often, and I immediately heard Him say, "make more time for me".   So simple as His child.   Make more time to not only voice our needs, but quietly listen.....in His Word, in what He shows us, what He whispers to us....yeah.....make more time.  There are many ways to hear the voice of God.  A close friend uses journaling as a way to hear from God.   Sometimes He gives us rhema words, they just stand out when we read scripture.  Sometimes He uses the voices of others.  For me at times it is visions that come up in my mind.  Sometimes it is a "knowing" that comes for people.   God loves to communicate with us.

We can learn from God how to be a listening ear for a hurting world.  Right now.  Right here.  Because the whole world is groaning.  And ALL of God's children have a story to tell.  We need to just bend our ear and listen.

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our small corner of the world where the day is bringing a blend of wind, rain, sunshine and clouds.  Our resident rabbits are enjoying all the "goodies" available, as the rain continues to help everything grow.  The whole family comes out to nibble (mom, dad and 2 babies) and even though one row of our hostas looks a bit ragged, we don't mind.  It is worth it to Joel to be able to sit out and watch nature at work and play.  We do "talk" to them, asking them to nibble on all the weeds that seem to grow in abundance here where we do not use chemicals on our yard.  We also have a Wren family in our special made Wren House that grace us with their singing every day.  Now that we don't usually turn on the TV until late afternoon or evening, in the blessed silence we can hear nature through our open windows and doors.  So delightful.

Speaking of delightful, We have been able to visit on the phone and in person with a few this week.  We had another social distance visit with friends who are back from Tucson.  They will soon head to S.D. and do what God has called them to do.  We also visited with a granddaughter who was celebrating a birthday.  She makes us laugh.  What joy!  Phone conversations have fed our souls and hopefully fed the souls of others.  Here for each other, so important.

When radiation ended for me, we were looking forward to a year of more freedom and hope for a healthier life.  And then the Coronavirus invaded our country and brought the US nearly to a halt.  People were divided by what to do, what was being done.  They still are.  Then the awful death of George Floyd filled our screens and when we thought nothing more could implode our world as we know it, our country exploded and is still imploding.  People are divided by what to do, what is being done. I have run the gamut with emotions; fear, sadness, anger, and at times peace. I am weary of my own voice.  I am pondering a quote I saw ~ "People don't want to hear your opinion, they want to hear their opinion coming out of your mouth".  I must ask the question, is this me?  Our listening ears continue to be for those close to us And of course my husband who continues to be my rock.  And is my listening ear bent toward's God's voice?  His whispering?  What is God saying?  There has been a song that has been coming to mind this week..........."Lord, listen to your children praying......"  In a good relationship everyone listens to each other......so what is God saying to us?

Our mini deck garden is growing!  We have used some of the basil in a brown rice pasta.  The cucs are even getting flowers.  So exciting!  Now we wait and watch, watering these few plants and speaking to them and over them.  Yup.  I don't only talk to myself but I talk to these living plants, encouraging them to grow!  Okey dokey.....

We went to Hobby Lobby this week, my first time in a store in three months.  I was desperate for a new puzzle and not willing to pay the prices of those few I found on Amazon.  The shelf was nearly empty and there were only three I felt I could choose from and I picked one out.  It graces the end of our dining room table and I find myself drawn there when my mind gets cluttered or stress rises.  I really enjoy it.  I don't really miss shopping at all.  But I do miss getting out and seeing people.  I had my usual 3 week eye injection this past week too, which went well.  We were laughing because the same "ladies" that I deal with were around when Joel went in for his eye check up a couple of weeks ago.  He left his western hat in the car and was wearing the required mask....and neither one recognized him.  They had never seen him without his hat ( it protects him from fluorescent light glare) so they did not know who he was.  They both said they would have had no problem knowing who he was if I had been with him.  We are pretty much joined at the hip I guess........

Grateful this week for listening ears, for God's guidance, for Joel's listening ear, for sunshine and rain, for growing gardens, bunnies and wrens.  Grateful for friends, for doctors and nurses, for our nearly 52 years of marriage.  Grateful for books, for music, for sermon messages that stretch us.  And so much more..........

Enjoy your weekend!

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our corner of the world where a nice day in presenting itself.  Our flowers are sharing their beauty and our little veggie garden is doing well.  There are shades of green everywhere.  Yesterday Joel transplanted a Hydrangeas plant that he received last year for arbor day.  He stuck the root in a pot filled with dirt and left it in the garage over the winter.  He noticed this spring that it was growing green leaves and right now it looks really healthy.    He likes those flowers so much but we have had trouble growing them.  Hopefully this one will take hold.

Speaking of hope..........this year growing something seems more important than ever.  With all that is turning 2020 upside down, it just seems good to create something.  Whether is is a garden, a painting, a song, etc.  And doing every day normal. Normal is such a good things when life has been a steady storm for soooooo long. We know the storm is raging, but at times we need to shelter from it,

Last weekend we were able to spend quality time with friends who were back for a short visit after wintering in Arizona.  We set up our garage for social distancing and had two nice long visits together.  We miss them so much and admire them for all they do to serve the less fortunate wherever they go.  Spending time laughing, talking, and praying together was just what was needed in this time of chaos.  God is so good, He plopped them down on our doorstep at just the right time.

Joel has been busy with woodworking, yard work, and biking 10 miles most days.  I have been baking cookies for Joel, doing normal household stuff, walking 20-30 minutes, and  praying.   When stress rises I sit at the table and work on a puzzle, or put on worship music.  We have been blessed to visit with a couple of our kids........take in a little good TV, and enjoy some June porch sitting.  So nice!

Speaking of nice, it seems that we treasure those moments more this year.  A warm breeze, a social distance visit, a ride, a walk, bright flowers, a wave from neighbors,  sitting on the porch, listening to a song, hearing the voices of those we love.  So grateful.

Speaking of worship music.....The McClures are sharing some beautiful music that I wanted to share with you............

Enjoy your weekend!

The Tsunami That Is 2020

This past week, sleep has avoided me in the early hours of morning......I could write a sermon or essay, maybe even a book on the emotions, thoughts and personal opinions I have concerning what is going on in our country right now, let alone those of others out there everywhere.   I would also add the whole of 2020 has been quite a tsunami.  Not exactly how we pictured it, nor you, I expect.  But here we are in the midst of it all, trying to make sense of our world.

Instead of only listening to the voices of others and ourselves, maybe we also need to still ourselves to hear the voice of God when our hearts are breaking.  Oh, I know He can and does speak through other people, but at this point in my life, where I find myself right now, I am weary of the voices, so I turn to His Word. I ask questions.  I pray for protection for our family, and I listen for God to whisper as He does into my heart.   Yes, I listen to a few voices.  Only a few.....our sons and daughters, they have my ear. And maybe a family member or two.....and a couple of good friends we consider family.  "Framily", as my oldest would say. But God is often waiting for my ear............

It was on a December morning while we were praying that I began to see and feel something that was hard to identify. A deep heaviness came over me, weighing me down and I saw in my mind something hard to understand.  It was like everything around us, in our country, was falling in on itself.  Like walls of mud and water swirling and meeting and crashing together causing destruction.   I began to hear the word, "implode"....over and over again.  I told Joel what was happening and then I shared what I was feeling and seeing.  "Something bad is going to happen.   To our country, our government, our nation.  Whatever it is is imploding on us and causing great stress.....grief.......destruction...."  The feelings ebbed and flowed, then eventually went away  and to tell you the truth, with my mind focused on radiation I forgot about what I had experienced.  And then Covid-19 invaded our country and people were dying terrible deaths.  Two months into that it hit me.....oh, maybe this is what I was seeing and feeling......and then the death of George Floyd was played over and over again on our TV screens and our country erupted with anger, fear, and protests.  Some individual people and some instigator groups  took advantage and are causing great destruction, in our country.  And here we are..........imploding.

I don't doubt for a moment that God spoke to me in December about what is occurring now in 2020, I have learned to trust His voice, but six months ago I didn't have a clue why I had that encounter with God.  The framily couple we shared this with had good insights into what they believed the why was......and now with what has happened the last 11 days, I am beginning to understand the why even better. 

I have personally connected that encounter in December to what God also brought to mind today.  This occurred in  2017 when we went to Bethel Church in Redding CA.  We spent 10 days there and 40 hours at the church going to services, prophetic sessions, Bible Study, Healing rooms, etc. to take in all we could.  One night at a church service a young woman, named Olivia, sat next to me.  As we worshiped, she asked me if it would be okay to share what God had been saying to her for me.  I was certainly open to that and she went on to say, "God sees you as a prayer warrior who has the authority to pray over your family and see breakthrough.  You have the power to break things off in the spirit realm that the eyes cannot see."  I tried to take that to heart, but as years past and cancer came calling again, even though I always prayed for our family, I forgot those Words from God.  Words that He knew I would need to remember for our family in 2020.

Most of our family over a decade ago

This is our family, a picture taken many years ago when we all gathered as one group, but still after our son Kevin died, another left the family,  It is a difficult task to get a family photo anymore, so this is one of my favorite pictures.  In our family we have many ethnicities.......A blend of African American, Puerto Rican Black, Filipino, Korean, Native American, Chinese, Hispanic, and Caucasian that includes Norwegian, Danish, French Irish, European Jew, German, and more.  We have a factory supervisor, a teacher, a farmer, a church confirmation coordinator, piano teacher, business owner, MBA, police officer, CNA,  construction worker.  We have both Republicans and Democrats in our family and God is very important in our lives.  Our grands are now growing up with 5 graduated from High School, 4 in college, all 11 teenagers except 2.  As time continues to go by, as we age and as distance keeps us apart, we know our "job" is to keep loving and praying  for our family.  Oh how we love our family.

And we love our nation.  Our country is a mess, it is imploding on itself in many directions.  It should have us all down on both our knees praying to God and listening for His response.  He is not surprised by what is going on in government, in communities, in hospitals, in the streets of our country.  For reasons of His own He warned me (among many many others) that something was coming.  When I am afraid for our family for different reasons, when I weep over our nation for different reasons, I must remember to not only respectfully share my voice, but pray and pray some more, and listen to His voice.  When I get up at night I pray, when pain wakens me, I pray, when morning comes I pray, when fear and worry wants to rise within, I pray, when I get angry and want to point the finger, I pray.  When it feels like life as we have known it has imploded, I grab the hand of Jesus and hold on.   And I pray remembering and believing what I was told during worship in 2017 by a young woman who could have been my granddaughter.  As I have said many times before, we keep pitching our tent in the land of hope.  (Acts 2:26 in The Message), and I believe you are there too.  In the land of Hope.