Are We There Yet?

 

Anyone who has traveled with children in tow has heard the question at some time....."Are we there yet?  The long hours of a car trip can seem endless......no matter how much time you spend on social media or playing car games.  Yeah.......are we there yet?  

This season of our lives with a pandemic moving like a tsunami into 2022 probably has us saying....Are we there yet?  To the end of this craziness.......are we there yet?  

Today as I still heal from a virus that acts like Covid but tested negative for Covid, I have found myself weary and discouraged.  And today when the wind is blowing, the temperature is dropping, and pandemic and political chaos reigns in our country, the world............I am asking, "Are we there yet?  Is the shift coming?  

This morning when I started to wallow in the weariness of it all, God brought to my mind a few things He has given me in the past......nothing new for 2022......but words from God going back over four years.  

In August 2017 we went to Bethel Church in Redding CA for 10 days.  It was not a conference, or an event, just the two of us stepping into a world we had only experienced from our living room.  And while we were there God blessed us greatly.  He also spoke to us through the prophetic words of two people whom we had never met before, but who shared their gift with others in a structured, prayerful way.   For ten minutes or more they spoke over us and were spot on with what they were saying and they also gave us words for the future.  One person said, "I see you on your hands and knees moving forward.  It is a time of humbling for you.  You have always been strong and independent, relying on yourselves and your abilities and you have a great foundation under you.  But you will need to humble yourselves and depend on God alone.  He will eventually pick you up and you will leave this season behind but during this time, remember the joy of the Lord is your strength.   It was not what we wanted to hear, but it was only a year later that I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and the journey has been one we could not do alone ever since. 

A few months after this prophetic word, I  had a vivid dream one night where Jesus said to me, "I am giving you a new car:.  I replied "I don't want a new car.  We love our car."  He said firmly, "I am giving you a new car".  He walked over to the car in my dream and I said, "It looks just like the old car!"  He opened the backseat for me to get it, and then he climbed in behind the wheel and said, "Let Me drive"........

Today I find myself asking Jesus..........."Are we there yet?"  When is this humbling journey coming to an end?  As I look around our country I ask "Are we there yet?"  If you are driving Jesus, are we there yet?  

So what do we do, when we are NOT there yet.  When a pandemic continues to cover us like a tsunami.  When life knocks us around.  What do we do as we sit in the backseat of the car...........We rest.  

God has been highlighting the word rest for me this whole week.  Rest has always been a four letter word that I deeply dislike, basically because I spent so many years sofa bound with Lyme Disease.   But God's word tells us to come to him and rest....and within the word rest are so many other words we need to embrace. I heard yesterday a teaching that stated that rest is relational.  It is really about being in the Presence of God.  Where we trust..............praise........... worship...........have peace........... receive God's love...........and it is in resting that we let Jesus drive the car.   

So on this cold, windy 6th day of January 2022, if you are feeling weary and not feeling the "Yeah, this is a new year"  Whoohoo", I suggest you rest.  It is okay to not be okay, and it is okay to be okay.  Just rest in His Presence.  Receive. Trust.  Praise Him.  And let Jesus drive the car.

The Pot Was Boiling

I have struggled with what I felt was Holy Spirit telling me to write about for my blog.  Seriously?  Putting our personal stuff out there?  Then at morning devotions the Guidepost story for today was about anger and how most anger could more accurately be labeled fear.  "Anger is usually fear wearing a scary mask".  My response was, "Okay.  Someone must need to read this............so here goes.

This week, in the late afternoon after a beautiful day spent decorating the house and tree...the boiling pot on the back burner of our lives boiled over.  Unexpectedly.  Surprisingly.  It was sobering. 

I used to tell our kids that often there is a pot on the burner of our lives that is simmering with "stuff" that happens.  Sometimes it gets closer and closer to boiling over and just one last drop in the pot can cause an eruption that makes a mess of things.  That happened to Joel and me this week.....It had us asking, what happened here and why?

Joel and I disagreed on what it meant to put ourselves at risk for a Covid exposure.  I felt he was taking a huge risk and he felt he was minimizing the risk well. We both thought we were on the same page , but turns out we were not and instead of handling it well, fear bubbled over and I became angry and found myself raising my voice.  He reacted and raised his voice and the argument brought us to the worst disagreement we have had in probably 20 years.  We just don't fight.  Yes, we disagree, but we never escalate, raise our voices, or carry on.  When we had Lyme disease we just did not have the energy to get into a boxing ring over anything.  Period.  And we liked it that way......it has worked well for us for the last couple of decades.  

And then...........the pot boiled over.   

Later that evening we sat down and talked about the question we both were asking, "What just happened?"  It is why God has asked us to be transparent here,  sharing it for the world to see.  Because I expect the past two years have had all our pots simmering on the stove at higher levels than normal.  The pandemic is something new for all of us.  The fear, worry, caution, isolation, division, death and disease, has taken a toll.  For us, add to it the continual medical marathon with my body and the daily managing of the lymphedema and fractured ribs and maybe we have reasons for the pot to be boiling.  Yep.  And I expect we all have more than one issue that has kept our pots boiling or at least simmering on the burner of life. It is obvious with the increase of violence in the streets and on airplanes alone that many are not handling it so well....this season of conflict, disease, death, and even loneliness.

So, how do we become more aware.  When we are thinking we are really handling it all so well.......being the stoic, independent, determined people we are.....we sometimes miss the warning signs of when we are at the point of "enough is enough".

In our circumstance, Joel and I first apologized to each other, forgave each other, forgave ourselves, and then took it before God and repented.  For us all those steps were important.  And then we sat down and discussed whether we had missed any warning signs that brought us to the "boiling point".  And just how are we taking care of ourselves in the midst of it all?  

Our journey is challenging some days, to say the least.  So is yours.  And yours.  And yours,,,,,,,,,,,, The scriptures tell us over and over...........'Fear not".........."I am with you"............  Don't let the sun set on your anger..........." Trust in the Lord your God".............

I don't begin to understand why this pandemic continues to bring sickness and death.  I don't begin to understand the political climate in our government the past decade,  On a personal level I don't understand why something else keeps coming up to fight in my body.  But I do understand that God is with us.  He is faithful.  He will work all things out for good.  This week the Advent candle is Peace.  We all need a little peace, don't we.  And our peace comes in Jesus.  He is our peace. 

There is someone who needs to hear my words today.  Holy Spirit has told me to put this out there for this person to read.  He loves you that much.  He wants you to hear...........:Fear not.  I am with you,  Let it go.  Release the fear and anger.  Receive His love and peace.  The pot will stop boiling..........Trust Me. (God)"

What are we all doing to keep the pot from boiling?  

What Are We Cultivating?

More than a decade ago I was told by a Lyme specialist that the "flight or fight" part of my brain, the amygdala, was stuck in the on position and that I needed to cultivate a place of quiet, a stress free environment.  Yeah........so in other words, I needed to create new neural pathways so my limbic system which activates the fight or flight, would have new ways of dealing with stress.....thus the DNRS training I am currently exploring.

Recently I watched a 4 minute video of Kris Vallotton, pastor and world wide speaker for Bethel Church in Redding CA, speaking on the renewing of our minds.  He caught my attention when he mentioned our need for new neural pathways in the brain. I listened to it more than once and what jumped out for me was the idea of "cultivating our trust in God".  (you can find the video saved to my Facebook page)

Trust.  It seems to me that our country, I would venture to say even the world, has little trust for leaders, whether political, medical, or spiritual.  Who do we trust?  Where do we put our trust?  We are seeing the evidence of people not trusting the scientists who created the Covid-19 vaccines, we are seeing the evidence of people not trusting our government, no matter red or blue or purple or green.  We are seeing the evidence of our nation not trusting what spiritual leaders are saying and many spiritual leaders are not trusting the political or medical leaders.  It is tearing apart our country.  What is being cultivated?

Who do we trust?  Where do we cultivate our trust?  We turn to the Word for guidance and God says, "Trust in the Lord your God will ALL your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  Be not wise in you own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.  It will bring health to your flesh, and strength to your bones."  Proverbs 3: 5-8  

We cultivate a trust in God.  A daily process on our journey through life.   Trust.  Lord, I am fearful of what is coming.............."trust that I have plans for you for good and not for evil".......Lord, what if......."I AM.  I will never leave you..."

The scriptures are packed full of God's promises that we can rely on.  We need to feed our souls and our minds with HIS Words, HIS promises, knowing that as we cultivate that which is good, we harvest the peace we need, creating new neural pathways in our brain that lead us into a healthier way of living.  This DNRS program is not a new thing, it only has a new spin on it and a bit more knowledge to share with us on the science of how the brain works in connection with our body's responses.  God's Word is still what we need to cultivate to live with a renewed mind.   

Cultivating a trust in God.  Sometimes it requires stepping out of the boat, like Peter did.  Sometimes it requires sitting at Jesus feet like Mary did.  Sometimes it requires filling our minds with knowledge like Matthew did.  Sometimes it requires walking through the desert like Jesus did.  One thing is always clear, it begins with meditating on His Word.  Soaking in His promises, His presence.  Intentionally cultivating trust in God.

When The Bowl Is Full

My prayer bowl sits in front of me, as a reminder to pray for others.  Today it could be filled to the top with the needs of my family.  And then there are those friends who carry heavy burdens.  Some seasons are like that.  Packed so full of sickness, disease, death, financial struggles, wayward kids, and more.  Yeah.  And I confess that when my own needs are vying for my attention, there are times I struggle not to feel overwhelmed as I think and pray  about the needs of others.

But, you see, we are not meant to carry the burdens of others.  We are meant to encourage, to stand with, to pray for, but not to carry.  Jesus is meant to carry....... He already carried.   He not only carried He suffered.  He died.  He sacrificed His ALL because of His love for us.  We bring the needs of others before Him,, TRUSTING that He fights for them.  TRUSTING His promises.  TRUSTING His death to have meant something.  Everything.  His death meant everything.

We have a close friend, Dan, that we have known since our seminary days.  When Joel and I both were ill with Lyme Disease he would take the time to call, even with his busy schedule as a senior pastor with a family.  He would ask how we were doing and always listen.  A year ago his wife died from cancer.  We were on our own journey ( it has been a year now) and the phone calls between us were brief and not as often, but we knew that his love and prayers continued as did ours for them.  Since Barb's death, we have continued to hear from Dan as he checks in.  He is a true friend indeed.  How can he shift his own grief to pray for others?  It is who he is, but he also does not try to carry the burdens of others.  He TRUSTS Jesus to do that. 

And so must we.  TRUST our Lord to fight for others as we lift them up in prayer.  TRUST our Lord to walk with others on their own journeys of suffering and need.  TRUST our Lord's promises....Trust that He always hears our prayers, never feels overwhelmed, and keeps us ALL in the shelter of His wings. 

At times our prayer bowls are full.........but we empty them at your feet Jesus knowing they are not ours to carry.  In gratitude we remember and TRUST You, Jesus. 

It Is A Mystery

I have shared the story of how Joel and I were "prayed together" by my older sister who helped raise me and our family friend Marian who worked at our church.  They came up for parents weekend in the fall of my first year at The Lutheran Bible Institute in Golden Valley, MN and while touring the dorms they met Joel.  They told me a couple of hours later that they had "met the man you are going to marry".  I was 18 and coming out of a relationship that had hurt my heart, and I wanted nothing to do with guys.  But they said, "He wants to be a missionary, just like you and we can just see the two of you in a hut in Africa!"  When they pointed Joel out to me, I was surprised, exclaiming, "He is loud, obnoxious and he wears boots!"  They replied, "We will pray about it."  Three months later we went on our first date and we married 18 months after that.

Joel was introduced to the mission field through his second cousin, Rev. David Simonson who was a missionary in Tanzania with his wife Eunice.  He really wanted to combine a life of adventure with his desire to share the gospel and Africa was at the top of his list. When I was 13 I can remember studying the bulletin board at our church and reading about the missionaries we supported....the Grants, with their five boys, who served in Brazil.  (Many years later God connected us to one of the boys, David, who with his wife Deb became our friends!)  I would think about what it would be like to be missionaries in a foreign country.

So, when Joel and I joined as one, the mission field was a dream we had for our future.  As Joel served in the military eight years, then went to seminary and was ordained, we raised our family.  We still talked of the mission field even as Montana beckoned us and our family grew.  In the eighties we looked into the mission field, but we were told by the powers that be that our multi-racial family would be a hardship at that time on the mission field.  We also did some serious talking about our kids having to go to boarding schools if we were in Africa.  Having attended LBI, we knew some missionary kids quite well, and several had gone through tough times leaving their parents and living in boarding schools.  We did not want that for our kids and did not believe that is what God wanted either.  So we stayed stateside, believing that God had closed the door, but that some day we would head out to do mission work......once our family was grown and gone from the nest.

Then sickness became a way of life for me and that dream faded.  It still had it's hooks into us deeply, and over the years we would periodically revisit the grief we felt for never having fulfilled that dream that we believed was from God.

Today I read on Facebook about Operation Bootstrap Africa ( David and Eunice's ministry) presenting a plaque to be placed at the Maasai school for girls that they founded.  It was being placed in David's memory.  He died at the age of 80, after serving as a missionary with Eunice for over 50 years.  He was and is still so beloved by the Maasai that they honored them with land and their home and his burial place overlook Mt. Kilimanjaro.  Their three sons run a Safari sightseeing business in the area.  Their two girls are stateside and Eunice lives in their home in Africa.

So, was our dream inspired by God?  It would not be the first time we strongly felt God lead us somewhere only to have the door closed later.   Whether we closed the door (with not wanting our kids in boarding schools) or whether God closed the door, it closed.  There is mystery wrapped up in it all.  Our mission field has really been mostly just "preaching to the choir".  Those who already know and believe.  It has taken place on American soil in such places like Montana, Minnesota and Iowa.  Certainly not as adventurous as we imagined!  And yet, I know that Joel has touched the lives of so many as they have let me know over the years.

Back to dreams and desires.  I remember a few years ago I told Joel I thought he should go to Africa to see David, visit his ministry and see the places that have always drawn us.  He told me, "I can't go.  I am afraid if I go.......I won't want to come back."  Yes, the dream runs deep within.  We have done what we could to further missions in Africa from our home in the USA knowing that missionaries need our support.

We believe that God works all things together for good to those who love him.   He has blessed our lives in so many ways over the years.  He has blessed Joel's ministry and the years of serving.  I believe He used Joel and hopefully me, to help others know Christ, and have a close relationship with our Lord.  I expect that one day, when we get to Heaven we will have questions about this unfulfilled dream that has held a piece of our hearts for so many years.   For now it is a mystery and we work hard to put it to rest and live our lives here.......in the good ol' USA..... trusting that God is guiding our journey as He always has.

Take A Breath

I looked at the eye specialist and said without really thinking, "Take a breath!"  And he did.  Joel told me he nearly burst out laughing at my instructions to the doctor.  "Take a breath!"

On Tuesday morning I headed in to see the retina specialist.  The eye injections are not working well, so they are giving me eye shots every two weeks using the drug Eylia one time, and Avastin the next.  The doctor calls the leaking vessel..."resistant".  They seldom see this problem, so we are hopeful that it will work quickly.  Seriously, I need a break here with this body.

So the retina specialists come from Des Moines and see around 40-50 patients in a day.  That is a lot of people, a lot of injections.  My doctor is always in a hurry.  Tuesday was no exception.  He raced in, checked my eye, numbed it a bit, then injected Novacane in it.  He said he would be back and on his way out he told the nurse to get an Eylia shot ready.  At the same time Joel and I both said, "Avastin!"  He quickly corrected himself and repeated our words.  "Yes it is Avastan today."  He left the room for a few minutes and then came rushing back in.  All I thought was, "He is going to put a needle in my eye, he needs to calm down."  So.............I said to him, "OKAY, Take a breath!"  He stopped abruptly and did just that.  Then proceeded to give me the injection.

Don't you often feel like the world is spinning at top speed.  I sure do.  Especially in this winter season of my life.  Sometimes I hear Jesus say to me, "Just take a breath".  It is going to be okay.  Rest, relax, t.r.u.s.t Me.  Take a breath..........

I have an old friend who using breath when anxiety rears it's ugly head.  She "breathes in Jesus" and breathes out the anxiety.  I have done the same thing when sleep evades me.  It is helpful.  There is a Psalm that says, "I will praise you as long as I breathe."  Breath is what keeps us going.  In more ways than one!

Joel is still chuckling over my instructions to the doctor!  I never thought twice about it.  I was advocating for myself.  He had already goofed up what med I was to receive, so I was not about to have him put a needle in my eye "on the run".

How many times a day or a week do we need to "take a breath"?  How many times do we need to rest, relax, and trust our God as we walk through circumstances or situations that threaten to steal our peace?  It would do us all good to stop and take a breath!

The Warring Angel

"You've got this!"  I have had both friends and family speak these words to me in the past month.  There have been many days when I did not feel like I do.  Nada........One day as I thought about what was and still is ahead, I heard Jesus say, "I'VE got this.  He is fighting for me........for you, too.  Then a book title caught my attention.........."You've Got This Because God's Got You"!  And there it is.  The power behind the words.  The reason I have any handle on this at all is because I believe God has me in the palm of His hands.  He is fighting for me, and Holy lives in me giving me the strength to win this battle.

Yesterday I closed my eyes and Jesus took me into Heaven.  We walked down a familiar hallway, passing all the doors, so I asked Him, "Where are we going"?  He said, "The Throne Room.".  I had never been there so when we went in and I saw God sitting in all His glory on the throne, I went down on my knees, thinking this is where I should be when in God's presence.  But God stood me up and I leaned against Him.  He then gestured with His hand and asked me, "What do you see?"  I looking around and to my left I saw a huge group of people and angels singing praises and thanksgiving to God.  In the middle of my view there was a massive angel in a sword fight with a dark presence that was wearing armor and riding a slate colored horse.  Jesus said to me, "That is the spirit of death."  My heart was pounding as I watched my warring angel fight with this prince of darkness.  Before long the angel beheaded the spirit of death with his mighty sword.  Again, I was reassured that I was not fighting this battle alone.  I then looked to the right and saw a white mist.  In the mist I saw was the word T R U S T moving gracefully to a dance I did not hear or understand.  God's hand then came down out of the sky and handed me a big open Bible.  I thought and spoke aloud to God, "Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."  That is where my visual encounter ended.  As I shared with Joel what I had seen he told me he had just asked God for a word for me during his own quiet time, and God had said, "She can trust Me'.

The Bible is full of scriptures that speak to trusting God, no matter our circumstances.  Isaiah 30:15 is a favorite of mine, along with Proverbs 3.

"This is what our Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says, 

 In repentance and rest is your salvation, 

in quietness and trust is your strength."

Isaiah 30:15

"Trust in the Lord your God and lean not on

your own understanding.  In all your ways

acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:4,5

There is so much going on right now that I am needing to take things just one step at a time.  I look for God in the midst of it all and find many blessings and ways He is showing up.  I see not only God but the doctors "fighting for me".  They are using their knowledge to do what they can to help me get well.  I am grateful.  Yet I know that my help comes from the Lord.  Through His warring angels, His Word, His power.  And so we praise Him, we worship our God who saves!  So grateful.

In The Storm

A few days ago, before the diagnosis, I asked God "Where are you?"  I was struggling with yet one more test, one more "rule out or rule in", one more biopsy.  As I shared before, I immediately saw a lighthouse on a cliff with a beam of light radiating out from the shore.  I was in the stormy sea being tossed about, looking at the Lighthouse.  Jesus then said, "Keep your eyes on Me."

It was a simple but yet powerful message.  He did not cause this storm, but He sees it.  He wants me to seek and see Him until the storm ends.  And it will end.  I shared this visual encounter with our oldest and she sent me a beautiful picture that encompasses what I saw.

We all go through storms in life.  Some more difficult than others, but never do we go through them alone.  Jesus is our rock.  He is steady, loving, powerful, and faithful to His kids.  He is our Light in a dark world.

Today I heard a story of healing from a young woman at Bethel school.  She was struggling on whether she believed in healing or not because of her mom's physical condition.  God spoke to her and said, "I have not called you to always understand Me, I have called you to trust Me."  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.....  (Proverbs 3)  We can trust Him in the storms that come our way, and keeping our eyes upon Jesus makes that possible.  He is our Light!

The Worry Chair

"Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It is wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."  

Philippians 4: 6-7

The Message

Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers.........A good reminder for those of us who make worrying an art form.  

It has been a rough week or two...or three......  The whole eye thing that has had five doctors puzzled wants to steal my joy.  Then radon.  It has been more than a little disturbing to realize that for 14 years we have been breathing and living in radiation gas.  Not cool.  We are trying not to think how much of it weighs in on me having cancer three times.....or the other health issues that could come up for us.  We are extremely grateful for God bringing it to our attention.  

A man trained in venting radon came to our home Tuesday morning.  We are hoping he will be able to take care of it in a day as he thought.  And soon.  He let us know that 7 out of 10 houses in Iowa have high levels of radon.  He told us where he thought it was coming in the most...which is the open area under our stairs that comes into our living space.  It averaged 10 here, but he said in winters it would be higher because of the frozen ground, etc.  Lots of info we are wishing we knew about years ago.  Joel knows the man, from a church where he was Interim a few years ago.  Trustworthy man, which is always reassuring when dealing with something like this.

It has been hard not to put on my worry hat and sit in my worry rocker.  You know, worrying gets you  nowhere....just like rocking in a rocking chair.  Back and forth can be soothing, but it can also wear grooves in the floor, break down the chair, and keep us stuck in fear.  Yeah.  Fear.

When it comes to fear, we either trust God or we try to control our circumstances.  We tend to think worry is helpful.....but it is not.  Ever.  I like what The Message says about it.  Don't fret or worry!  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers.  From experience I know when I praise God, fear takes a backseat.  God's same old instruction to give praise keeps coming up again and again. I think God knew what He was doing when He gave us praise as a weapon of warfare.  It is not always easy.......and at tim es becomes a sacrifice of praise as the Bible mentions in Hebrews.  

Praise keeps our eyes on Jesus.  Praise keeps our hearts open to hear God's voice.  Praise turns our worries into prayers that we can leave at the feet of our Savior.  Praise shifts the atmosphere around us.  The enemy hates praise., and that makes it a great weapon of warfare.  

God continues to tell me to praise and worship Him, so I am.  It beats the alternative.....rocking in the worry chair and wearing grooves in the floor.

Do You Want A Real Internship Or Not?

It was a discussion like we had never had before.  Married 10 years, Joel and I were looking at where his one year of Internship would be located during his third year of Seminary.  We owned an old house, full of bats and things that needed fixing, but it was ours and gave Joel a sense of security.  We were a family of 6 so there were only three places available for our crew to go on Internship unless we stayed right where we were in St. Paul, MN.  One was in far northern Minnesota.  It just did not feel right so we eliminated that one.  The second was a larger church in my home town of Austin MN.  That seemed too easy with family in town and everything familiar around us.  The third option was a 4 point parish in Malta Montana.   A new adventure.  Montana seemed like the right place for us, but Joel was worried about selling our house, that also had a rental income coming in, and not having a home to return to for his final year of Seminary.  Taking care of our family was Joel's priority.  It made sense.

 I can still see us sitting around the dining room table discussing it all one early Spring evening..  Joel, his cousin Luther who was a good friend, and myself.  Joel had his heels dug in as Luther and I encouraged him to consider the opportunity ahead of us.  Finally I said to Joel, "Do you want to have a real Internship or not?  Are you going to let fear get in the way of what I believe is God's plan for us? "

It was unusual for me to hold my ground on something so important, but I truly just knew deep inside that this was part of God's plan for us and He would work it all out.  Joel let out a big sigh as he realized he was letting fear get in the way of trusting God.   He said to us,  "Let's do it."

It did not take us long to sell the house and before we knew it we were packed up and heading with our four kids and two cats to Montana.  Our year in Malta changed our lives forever.  We fell in love with Big Sky Country and the people who inhabited the northern part of the state near the Missouri breaks and Little Rockies.  It shaped our lives and Joel's ministry.

Sometimes we need to step out in faith, when it does not seem practical or make a lot of sense to us or to others.  We step out because we can trust the One who leads us.  His plans for us are always good.  And remember how worried Joel was about a place for us to live his final year at the seminary?  About two months before we would be heading back to St. Paul we received a phone call from a man who was going with his family on internship that coming summer and was looking for someone to live in their home for the year they were gone.  He told us that if we paid the mortgage,  he would give us the profits of that year with us when they sold their home.  We not only had a sweet little house to live in, but made  some money.  God certainly blessed our obedience.  He loves to work things out for good to those who love Him.

Old Gloves And Old Habits

I pulled my gloves out of my coat pocket and put them on as we drove down the street.  A couple  minutes later I noticed that the tip of the finger of my gloves had unraveled and I had a big hole from which my finger protruded.  I had something similar happen before and I had just sewn up the gloves but this time it looked like I would need to replace them.

I started to think about these gloves that I had worn every winter for.....let's see....no, it can't be.....I had worn them for 13 years?!  I had purchased them on clearance for $3.  They were a wool blend and a light blue color that went well with my coat. They were washable and kept my hands warm, so what more would I want.

We were shopping the day my finger wiggled at me through the hole in my glove, so I decided with Joel's encouragement to look for a new pair. I found a pair of isotoner gloves half price.  A bit of a a funky two-toned color, but when I tried them on they were such a good fit I bought them.  As I wore them I came to realize that my old wool blend gloves that I did not want to let go of kept my hands only half as warm as these new gloves. I kept saying to Joel, "Wow, my fingers are staying so warm" as we went in and out of stores.  Why had I waited so long?  I missed my old familiar gloves but had no complaints about the new ones. 

It seems I was so comfortable in the familiar that I did not realize my $3, 13 year old gloves were not serving me well anymore.  Of course Holy had to use this small circumstance to bring to mind other things I hang on to because they are comfortable and familiar and have worked in the past.  Maybe a bad habit.....or a way of coping with stress......or just stepping out into something new.

Speaking of stress, Holy has been making me aware of the techniques I use to cope with a stressful situation.  From childhood until my senior season, I feel it in my stomach first.  I may get very quiet or still while my mind is racing.  I go to the worst case scenario and work my way back when news is bad.  The fight, flight or freeze responses all come into play.  It has taken a toll on my body, so Holy has been bringing to my attention other ways to cope with that which shakes us.  We remove ourselves from the place of fear and stand with God on that beautiful place of trust.  I have to tell you, it is a work in progress....and God is patient as He walks with me on the journey.  It really is a good place to be though.  Letting go of the old for the new. 

So, I can't help but ask, do any of you have some "old gloves" you need to let go of for some new ways of living?  Are there any old habits, or coping devices that need replacing?  Holy is always in the business of making us more like the image of Christ, He definitely guides us on our journey...one step, one decision one "new pair of gloves" at a time. 

Go Make Chicken

In Havilah Cunnington's book, "Stronger Than The Struggle" she shares a story about a time she and her husband lost their jobs at the church they had been serving for 15 years.  At the time, she was dealing with having a newborn son in the NICU, while parenting her 3 younger boys.  The day her husband called to tell her they had been let go due to financial difficulties, their three older boys had just been diagnosed with hoof and mouth disease and were put under quarantine.  When the phone call from her husband came, she walked into the bedroom, shut the door, threw herself on her bed and had an "adult tantrum" with lots of tears.  She asked Holy Spirit what she was supposed to do now and He said, "Make chicken".  Say what?  When she questioned this, Holy Spirit said, "Get up off the bed, take care of the boys, and go make chicken".

A little bit of dust yourself off, pick yourself up and trust I have a plan for you...for good and not for evil.  If she and her husband were no longer employed at the church they planned to work at their whole life, well, then, God had a better plan!  There is peace to be found in trusting God and doing the next thing He tells you to do, knowing He's got your back.

I can't recall Holy Spirit ever telling me to go make chicken, but I do remember when He told me to find a natural spring and drink the water.  A friend in Canada shared via email that Holy had insisted she tell me to drink from a natural spring.  I had received many devotionals talking about living waters so we put the two together and out of obedience searched for a natural spring on our way out and on the way home from a healing conference we drove to in CT.   It was our last stop in Indiana on our way home when we were directed by an Amish man Joel met in a gas station to a natural spring where I did indeed drink the water, even though I was sure I would end up with parasites.  Out of obedience I did as Holy directed and the chronic urinary tract infections I had been suffering with were gone for 3 years.

Sometimes God's instructions at the time don't always make sense, but we need to stand firm in believing He has only good intentions for us.  We need to trust His plan.

When we were going out to Bethel, I prayed as I researched the Bethel listings of guest homes where you can rent a room and use the living and kitchen areas besides.  There were several but one drew my attention.  There were no photos of the rooms and I did not get a response to my email inquiry so we decided to look elsewhere.  I searched out all other options but none of them worked out and I ended up coming back full circle to the house with no photos on their website.  Hmmmm  Because we had been hearing from God about the shelter of His wings, and we were finding beautiful owl feathers in our yard, we decided to go ahead and book a room in the guest house called, His Healing Wings.  Their replies to my emails were sparse and slow to the point of frustration.  I began to question if God was sending us to this guest house or not, but eventually we decided to stick to the plan, so we moved forward.   Our stay there was lovely.  The hosts were nice and challenged us to move out of our comfort zone.  Everything they used to clean in the house was a natural product so it was chemical free.  We met some nice people ~ from India and Nigeria and the USA, and we were just a 5 minute drive from the church!

And the rest of Havilah's story?  She and her family eventually became part of the staff at Bethel Church in Redding CA.  They relocated and began working with the school there.  Now, Havilah travels around the world to speak, has written several books and she and her husband have their own ministry.  What looked like a disaster opened the way for "something more".  God had bigger plans than they ever imagined and because of her obedience and initial step of trust (go make chicken) she kept her focus,  She believed God had her back and had a purpose for them.  They are now living a life of service to Him beyond what they had imagined.  Only God.

I can't help but laugh when I think about the "make chicken" reply from Holy.  He certainly had Havilah's attention with that one!  A little humor is good for the soul.  And so is a lot of obedience.  No matter what God instructs us to do, big or small, it is going to turn out best for us and others if we say, "Yes Lord!".  Whether it means going out to the kitchen to make chicken or drinking from a natural spring along the side of a country road in Indiana, yes will open the doors to something more!

Roots, Screen Doors, And A Calling

It is quite awhile ago now that a sweet friend shared with me their desire to buy a large, older home near where their children went to a charter school.   Prayer was requested on whether this was God's plan or not.  As I prayed, I saw screen doors!  Old fashioned screen doors.  It was an odd thing to see, but I shared it with my friend, asking her if there were any screen doors in the house.  She told me there were 5 doors!  Five doors.  I could almost hear them slam as I visualized her kids running in and out in the summertime.  After much prayer and confirmation on their part, K. and her husband stepped out in faith and bought the large, in need of repair, stately home with so many doors.  I dream of visiting them some day, standing in their place of nesting to see how they have made it theirs, and see all God is doing as they continue on their family journey in a home with 5 doors.

Maplehurst

At the time, I was reading Christie Purifoy's book, "Roots and Sky:  A Journey Home In Four Seasons"  The book tells the story of Christie and her family as they move back to PA and purchase a large, older home in need of repairs, with stately trees and gardens to tend.  Maplehurst is the place where they found beauty, are creating beauty, and in the process are putting down roots.  It was not lost on me that my friend is doing the same thing.  Nor was it lost on me that Joel and I, after then 48 years of marriage were still seeking roots in a land we could call our own.  We were in the taffy-pull place of processing my journey with breast cancer and not moving to AZ.  God is very good at weaving things together for us, if we are listening.

"We did not put down roots in a place, but in a calling."

Renee 

I have shared before that wherever Joel was serving was where we called home.  In the military we called, Illinois, New Mexico, Utah, Minnesota, and the Philippine Islands home.  In the ministry we called St. Paul, MN, Malta MT, Medicine Lake MT, Zimmerman MN, Donnelly MN, Mason City IA, New Hampton IA, and again, Mason City IA home.  In our early years, our community was centered on the military base where we were located.  As a minister and family, our community has always been centered around the church Joel served.  We did not put down roots in a place, but in a calling.

Our oldest son told me the other day that when someone asks where he is from, he tells them..."Well, I moved 13 times......"  Nine of those were with us.  Where he graduated from H.S. is where the home town is, I expect.  I believe all the moving gave our kids an expanded world view, but it also made for few opportunities to plant deep roots.  The older four, who did the most moving with us, have all as adults put down roots now on land they call their own, in cities they call home, and in community and church living. Their children are experiencing a life so different than theirs.  One of our son-in-law's once said to our daughter...."Why is it when your parents hear about a new place they wonder what it would be like to live there.....instead of just visit?"  Good question.

Each of you have stories to share about your own homes, cities, communities.  You have either embraced the gypsy lifestyle as part of you, or planted deep roots in a place you have called home for years or even generations.  Life is an adventure for everyone, written by us and by God.

Talking with my friend K. last week brought the roots theme into the light again.  We do recognize a few roots we have here, in a place we did not think would hold 21 years of our lives.  Mostly they are planted in people, churches, and in our neighborhood.  We love our association, and are grateful for good neighbors, great walking paths, and green spaces.

Our future may not hold a large house with 5 screen doors, in fact I can almost guarantee that, putting aside any surprises Papa God throws our way.  It may not hold the deep roots of those who spend a lifetime in one place, but we have come to the conclusion that our roots are deep in Papa God. And some day He will reveal to us the land, the city, the place where we are called to dig deep.  It may require travel and it may not.  And that place we long for?  If is it not here on earth, then it will be in our Heavenly home where our spiritual roots are strong, anchored in our Father's love.  I wonder if there are any screen doors or rose gardens in Heaven?

In The Hallway

While scrolling Facebook yesterday morning a quote on Start Your Day With Jesus caught my attention.  "Don't stress over closed doors behind you.  God has NEW doors opening for you if you just keep moving forward."  It caught my attention because I had just read something else about closed doors from Dr. Brian Simmons who writes "I Hear Him Whisper".  He is also the author of the Passion Translation of the Bible.  The title of yesterday's "I Hear Him Whisper" was "The Right Door Will Open".   Then during morning devotions, up popped the closed doors theme once again.  Three times within an hour.

Today I listened to two separate teachings at Bethel.  One on the Holy Spirit and one on the story of Esther.  During each of those teachings "open doors" came up again.  God definitely has our attention.

Sometimes doors open wide, and we are able to see how God has made the way for us.  I remember when our oldest daughter Beth and her husband were living and working in the Twin Cities.  Bethany had been working at a church in a suburb there, when an opportunity for her to apply for a job at a church in Chicago came up.  I saw this opportunity and felt a strong urge from God to tell her about it.  A couple interviews and a job opening for her husband later, and they were on their way to Chicago.....many miles and hours away from us.  There were times I wished I had never seen that want ad in our ELCA's national magazine, but that would have been wrong. This was part of God's plan for their lives, and the 10 years they spent there were life changing.  Only God.

When doors close it can be difficult to see this as God.  A closed door can be discouraging in the moment.  When Joel was stationed in Duluth MN we visited friends at Luther Seminary in St. Paul. Joel knew he wanted to be a pastor, and he knew that there was a good chance he could get an early out of the Air Force.  We were so sure that this is what God wanted for us, that we even looked at buying a house only a few blocks from the seminary.  When we returned from our visit, Joel went in to the base to apply for early out.  Much to his surprise, he was told that he could not apply since he had "orders" pending.  What orders??  He soon discovered he was being sent to The Philippines.........and thankfully, we could all go with him.  That door closed hard, and we went to the P.I. for two years. Those two years were life changing in so many wonderful ways, and brought into our lives two of our children.  What blessings they are.  Only God.  And seminary?  It was still part of the plan.........but when God opened the door.

Sometimes we stand before a door, and we long for it to be open.  We look around for any sign that we are before the right door, holding the right key, any sign that God is hearing us....and we are met with silence or only hear one word.  Wait.  Waiting for the right door to open at the right time can be excruciating.  We find ourselves in the wilderness, which is just a place we don't want to be.  In this place we need to take our eyes off of our efforts and our desires and put them on Jesus. So, we praise Him in the hallway.

We praise Him in the hallway because we know all His promises in the Bible are yes and amen.  We praise Him because He has a plan for us....for good and not evil.  We praise Him because of what Jesus did for us, what He still does for us.  We praise Him in the hallway until the next door opens at exactly the right time.  Even in the hallway we are not alone.   We learn to rest in the hallway, and while we rest we praise Him!

Sometimes We Need To Just Hand God Our Warrior Princess Sword

This verse is so persistent in showing up.....Saturday night I was on Facebook and it popped up again.

"The Lord will fight for you, just stay calm."

Exodus `4:14

Sunday it came into my vision in yet another image shared.

                                                                         

Where are we going with this God?  Through prayer and meditation I have come to understand that putting aside the natural/physical of this staying calm and resting business, there is much more to grasp.  Where do we fight from?  A place of fear or a place of victory?  Who fights with us?  And who fights for us?

So Sunday morning I started doing a little google research to see what others had to say about this verse. Tony Evans, pastor and evangelist, had a good article on the topic.   He talked about the story in Exodus 14 where Moses was preparing the people to cross the Red Sea.  Pharaoh and his soldiers were coming behind them and Israel looked to be cornered.  BUT GOD....... When Moses trusted God to fight their battle, the Red Sea parted.  Think about this.  It divided.   Come with me and see it......Water on either side of Israelites high above their heads.....held back by some invisible force...by GOD.  How frightened they must have been to walk into what looked like certain death.  Did they then realize how powerful their God was?!  They must have turned to Him as the earth shook, the water rose, and everything in the natural had to give way for the supernatural!  They learned quickly that no battle is too big for God.  And to watch Pharaoh's men drown in that same sea, shouts of victory must have filled the sky.  Proverbs 21:31 tells us "Victory rests with the Lord!"

I recall a true story about a man named Mike Hesch who had a huge cancerous tumor on his chest. He believed God wanted him well, and he did everything he could to make that happen.  Continual prayers, laying on of hands, scriptures read and spoken, commanding, asking, rebuking.  After years of this he was no better and the tumor was growing.  He then came to the understanding that he had done all he could and needed to just rest assured in knowing that God would take over the battle.  The price had been paid on the cross and he, Mike, needed to just trust what he knew to be true.  Sometimes we need to fight hard against hell, and others times we need to trust God to fight for us.  As he lay on his sofa resting it came to him, "What do well people do?"  He got up and went and washed the windows that day. Thus began his journey to complete healing.  Could this be a good example of Exodus 14:14?

My tendency when I receive a verse like this over and over is to lean to the idea...."what is God preparing me for now?!"  Do I need to get armor ready like Xena, warrior princess?  Not the best thinking......my excuse is all we have been through.  It kinda keeps me living on alert.  But I don't believe this is God's intention here.  Let me repeat.  This is not God's intention.

The Christian life is often presented as a battle.  It is also an inbuilt part of many of our natures.  In truth, there are plenty of battles we fight as we experience all life has to offer.....and all the enemy brings against us.  We may be battle ready like Xena as we face each day, but maybe we need to consider that one of the best ways we fight our battles is when we rest in God and trust Him to fight for us.  When we stand firm from a place of peace instead a place of fear we are making it hard for the enemy, that ol' deceiver, to make headway against us.  Trusting God gives us the peace to declare, the joy of the Lord is our strength.  Victory is the Lord's!  Sometimes we just need to hand God our sword and rest awhile.

I'm not sure what lies behind God soaking me in this scripture, but I am embracing it.  The love that covers me every time it shows up.  The peace that comes to the surface when I declare it aloud.  The joy I feel knowing how much Papa loves me.  I receive it like a warm blanket, like a sword in my hand, like shoes of peace on my feet

A Scrabble Education

Joel and I started playing Scrabble this winter to pass the time away as we shelter inside, and it gives our brains a work out too.  We were pretty much going back and forth on who would win until.......  until the time came where I lost 5 games in a row.  It was then I noticed I was not having a great attitude.  My, "I'm happy for you Joel, great game!" was a bit forced.  After game five I was expecting to lose every time I sat before the board. I would not stop playing cuz I'm stubborn, but I was moping and began to speak negatively.  It is not easy to write this......reality bites

I won a game and then lost another.  Last night as I lay in bed after having a pity party for one.....I realized that the game of scrabble was revealing something raw about how I was seeing my life.  How I was seeing myself.  It was not pretty.  I had just spoken in a community group about how we speak life or death with our words,  Two choices there as stated in Proverbs 18:21....

Life    or   Death. 

So what am I speaking?  Part of what I had been saying aloud is that I was not smart enough for this game.  Joel is smarter....thus wins more......and it morphed into what really was getting to me deep deep inside. This past year of health challenges has me believing Joel is healthier....cuz I don't have what it takes to see my full healing.  I have been dealing with some major symptoms and felt I was losing the battle.  IF I believe in full healing for everyone, where was mine?  God wants us well, so I must be blocking the way.  Again, not easy to confess.

Through playing Scrabble I became aware of how I am speaking over myself and thinking about myself.  God has been using a board game to show me what is going on at a deeper level.  Something He wants to unearth and bring out into the light for His healing touch.  He is so loving isn't He!  He never leaves us where we are.  Leave it to God to give me a Scrabble education!

Saturday's Scribbles: The Land Of Giants

I was listening to a pastor tell his story.......He had started a church in Florida.  Over the years it had grown greatly and a 45,000 foot addition was added on.  The church was doing well, the pastor's wife had a wonderful job, and they had built their dream home on five acres of land.  They planned to live the rest of their lives out in this house, at this church.  All was good.  And then.......As the pastor was out walking one morning, he heard God tell him it was time to leave this church.  Needless to say, it stunned him, but he knew he could not ignore this command if it was from God.

So pastor Tom went home and told his wife what had happened.  She was in the bathroom brushing her hair and as he told her what he thought was a word from God, she turned to him, pointed her hair brush at him, and said..."You better be sure this is from God!"  After seeking counsel, he was affirmed in his spirit, and believed that God wanted him to leave this church, this beautiful promised land where all was well.

He left the church, with no call, and walked through a season of waiting until he was offered a position with Global Awakening.  It completely changed his life.  His comment was, "IF God tells you to walk away from what looks like the best thing, it is because He has a greater plan for your future and is leading you into something even better."

Sometimes what God asks of us looks risky and impractical.  Often impossible!  He calls us to places that do not present us with a house of our dreams and /or a big church to serve.  Sometimes He beckons us into a land where there are giants.  Maybe is it a land flowing with milk and honey, but giants show up and distract us from seeing God's plan. Can this really be what you have planned Lord?  It is darn scary here!

Pastor Tom spoke of the story of the spies coming back from the land God promised and how all but two felt it was a good land, BUT there were giants there.  Too scary.  Too risky.  They did not want to go, even though God had told them this was their land.  Only Joshua and Caleb came back and said, yes, giants are there.....BUT it is a good place! And.  God.  Promised.  Let's go!  It was a matter of trust.

Several years ago one family member moved from a place where they had good jobs, a nice home, a great church and so many great friends.  The first year or so was really tough......challenges came up in the new business, and friends were hard to come by.  Could this be God's plan?  His best for His children?  Speed ahead to today and it is a completely different story.  Flourishing.  That is what comes to mind as I think about this family.  Flourishing in all areas of their lives.  

I'm thinking we can all relate in some way to these stories.  The risks we may be called to take come in all shapes and sizes.  Could be a move to a new land.....could be trusting and seeing beyond what something appears to be.  A risk could be as small as saying hi to a stranger at church, or as big as a change in career or location.  That ol' enemy is going to do all he can to keep you from God's plan for your lives so when God speaks and shakes up our world, remember the story of Joshua and Caleb.....and be bold.  Take a step forward. Every risk requires trusting God and His plan.  Even in the lands of giants.

Bunka Boats, Bailing Cans, and Prayer

While living in The Philippines in 1974-76, we went on a tour of Corregidor Island in Manila Bay, part of Luzon Island where Joel was stationed at Clark Air Base.  The island is famous for when America fought with Japan, and for being a fortified place of defense protecting the entrance of Manila Bay and the city of Manila.  Our tour included seeing the old mile long barracks, American and Japanese artillery guns, tunnels, and more.

Joel standing on the American artillery gun

Waiting to get on our small bunka boats with outriggers

Going across the ocean

In order to get to the island we had to take bunka boats across the ocean bay.  This was not my idea of fun, but Joel and I found ourselves seated in a boat with a small lawn mower size motor with a young boy no older than 16 in charge.  Several other boats were filled two by two with American military, then we set out across the water.  I was wearing a life jacket "just in case".  We laugh about it now because it was a child's life jacket and barely would have held up this girl!  Still it gave me some sense of security. The trip over was uneventful, but our trip home held a bit more excitement for us.

About half way back, our tiny little motor stopped working.  The young Filipino boy could not speak English, but we knew he was frantically trying to start the motor as we watched the other boats get farther and farther away.  In between trying to fix the motor, he was bailing water out of the boat.  It seems it had a major leak!  Joel kept reassuring me we were fine, but when the boy handed us both our own empty cans and motioned for us to start bailing, we decided it was time to pray.

I'm looking back here for help.......

(Remember there were no cell phones at this time.)

The whole time we prayed we scooped out small cans of water.  After about 10 minutes of bailing and praying out loud while waves rocked the boat, we noticed another bunka boat coming back for us!!  It seemed like it took forever to arrive, but in another 10 minutes or so, we were tied by a rope to the boat of God's "angel without wings" and we were able to get across the bay, while continuing to scoop water out of the bottom of the boat and thanking God for hearing our prayers.

Over the years I have thought about that day and applied it to our lives many times over.  We did what we could in a bad situation and prayed for God's intervention at the same time.  We were limited in what we could do, but God was not.  He never is.  So it stands today.  We do what we can, pray for God's help and rest in the knowledge that we may be limited in what we can do, but God is not!!!!  We trust Him to be with us, rescue us, restore us.

We will never forget that day.  It was scary at the time, but also a great adventure with God!  It built our trust in our God, while at the same time helped us realize we are strong and courageous because of who lives in us and is always with us.  Even in bunka boats on the sea!

Holding On To The Promises In Loss

Tuesday long time friends shared that their oldest grandchild was killed in a moped accident.  She was only 28, enjoying life, exploring the world.  And her life abruptly ended.  The pain the family is going through is beyond description.

We expect death to come in our lives.  Our parents, grandparents, even ourselves as we age.  But we do not expect to bury children ~ours or others.  And grandchildren are off limits.  But living in a broken world means the rules we live by can be broken.  The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

I remember when our son Kevin died.  He would have been 37 next week.  It was a difficult time for us and for his siblings. It is hard to describe what you feel at the time, and it is not even manageable without God to lean on.  We take comfort in knowing our loved ones are in heaven, but it does not stop us from feeling loss.

As a pastor, Joel has stood by the gravesides of so many who were bearing great loss. Horrific circumstances from murder, accidents, still births, disease, fire, and of course, old age.  It is never easy for those who gather, but especially when a child is involved.  He/we have stood at the graveside of too many children.

Some people believe that it is God's plan for loved ones to die, that He allows or causes accidents, disease, destruction.  It was "their time" to die.  Some people take comfort in believing that their suffering is ordained by God to give him glory.  I often question if you believe God puts sickness on you for his glory......why do you go to doctors to get well?  If you visit here often enough, you know that we are not in agreement with those beliefs.  None of us would want our children to be in tragic circumstances. Why would God?  Our Father in heaven delights in us and wants to bless His children.  He is our loving Papa God.  In response to the devil's desire to kill, steal, and destroy, Jesus came to give us life and to give it to us more abundantly!

In death and loss we hold on to God's Word and promises.  We will see loved ones again and we hold that promise close. And in the midst of it we have hope for that day while living life as a precious gift day by day here.  

Bless them in their loss, Lord.  Bless all who grieve.

A Fork In The Road?

The birthing process is made up of stirrings, contractions, discomfort, pain and effort.  And at the end of the process emerges the gift of a life, created by God with the help of mom and dad, of course.  A beautiful gift that has made the waiting and the journey worthwhile.

We go through a similar process when God works in and through His people, pruning us, stretching our beliefs and renewing our spirit. This birthing, this being reborn, and renewed in Christ to be more like His image, is a process that we take part in.  We open and surrender ourselves to Holy Spirit, so that we can be all He has created us to be.  Our unique selves, made for His purpose.

Joel and I have been in transformation the past 4 years, but especially the last 7 months. Our journey began with Joel's overnight microwave healing and continued on with my own healing journey.  We developed a deep passion for healing through prayer and could not learn enough about it. In the past 7 months the journey has involved healing through surgeries and radiation, and more recovery time than I want to admit.  But this is not the whole story.  This season has also been about way more than healing, it has been about having a closer relationship with Papa God and about being open to His continued purpose for our lives. It has been and still is about removing God from a place of our own understanding and saying with our whole being............We want more of you God........at. any. cost.

I recently saw a picture in my mind of a road and ahead were two forks.  I identified one fork as our Lutheran heritage, where we have been rooted our whole lives.  The other fork in the road was all that we have learned beyond our Lutheran beliefs, a place of more of Holy Spirit manifestations, more of the prophetic and a different understanding of healing.

As I looked at this picture it became a person with arms raised to God in praise. The fork in the road was really not a place of decision....do we go to the left or to the right......it was a blending of who we were and who we are now and finding peace with how both are molding and shaping us into who God desires.  In this process involving effort, discomfort and even pain, our focus needs to remain on God.....who in His infinite wisdom is creating something new~ someone new.

I don't think this process is unique or a one time event, but is an ongoing part of everyone's lives. We are transformed and renewed by a loving God who does not want to leave us where we are, but encourages us to grow and be shaped into the image of Christ for His purpose as long as we take breath into our bodies.  This birthing process is not always easy or comfortable, but it is an adventure we don't want to miss out on, that's for sure.  So we continue to ask with expectation and even some anxiety for something more...........at. any. cost.