Purging Brings Freedom!

What are all our closets and cupboards filled to overflowing with?  How many fancy bowls, Tupperware containers, old bedding, or blue T-shirts do we need?  Why do we hang on to things?  Sentimental value?  A rainy day?  Just in case.......or security?

We've been sorting and purging here. Well, mostly I am sorting and purging, since Joel finds this process a bit challenging. He's working on it!  It is amazing what you can let go of when you know you are moving 2,000 miles away into a house with no basement.  We don't have a house yet, but homes in that part of the country do not have basements.  Storage is limited.

Abraham and Sarah packed up when they were around our age, heading out into the desert at God's direction.  Sound familiar?  The old...the desert...the "go" from God.  I wonder if they spent time sorting and purging before strapping on their sandals and heading out.  Did they struggle with the process?

I went through the linen closet yesterday.  Why was I hanging on to old sun-faded green drapes?  Those flannel top sheets for a twin bed?  We haven't had a twin bed for at least 15 years.  And then there are the threadbare towels that we might be able to use for rags.  Except we already have two big tins full of more rags than we will ever need!  So, I took a deep breath, put on some praise music, and went to work.  Before long I had a big pile for the goodwill, a very small pile for the linen closet and extra space on the shelves to put everything in order. 

I have already tackled my closet and Joel is working on his.  I've gone through the large cupboards in the dining room, sorting, purging, and boxing as I go along.  I like this sorting and purging business.  It feels good to get rid of stuff that has just been taking up valuable space.  It is somehow freeing.

Speaking of freeing, I have shared here before that Joel and I use the Sozo Ministry techniques to help bring about inner healing.  It is a Christian, Holy Spirit guided ministry that quickly releases issues for people. When I began having flashbacks of repressed childhood memories, God guided me to this ministry, and I experienced the release of past abuse and trauma so quickly I was all in.  There is no way I want to hang on to soul wounds that take up space and keep me from living a great life, so this week when an "issue" rose to the surface I scheduled a Sozo session with my favorite cowboy preacher. 

Sozo is not much different than the sorting and purging I have been doing here in our closets and cupboards.  God wants us to live a whole and healthy life and often "stuff" from our past get in the way.  Not only in our relationships with others, but also our relationship with God. When we are able to sort through and purge those experiences in life that cause us to walk with an emotional limp, it is soooo freeing.  God is a good God and He wants good for us.  Sorting and purging is part of that goodness because through the process freedom comes.

"It is for freedom that Christ set us free,

so stand firm then,

and never again be burdened

by a yoke of slavery or bondage."

Galatians 5:1 

I'm linking up today with Bonnie over at Faith Barista.  

The One Who Hears

 On mostly a daily basis I spend time in visualization and prayer with Jesus, visiting in my mind what I call the garden of my heart. A few days ago while in the garden I did what I call "self-sozoing" to help me through an old issue that resurfaced concerning not feeling heard.  Sozo Ministry is where intercessors and Holy Spirit guide you to release hurts, trauma, or lies from the enemy so that inner healing occurs.  It is hard to accurately describe, but I know it has helped me immensely in the past year on my healing journey, and I recommend it for everyone.  Joel was trained to be an intercessor in 2012 and we have also studied the training series together. 

I have learned to use it for small things, too, because it is so freeing.  Who wants to carry around all that stuff?  During the process you usually release something to Jesus for Him to take to the foot of the cross; it may be anger, unforgiveness, a memory, or a lie you are believing.  In return He may give you love, truths, courage, etc. or an actual gift that symbolizing something. 

This particular day in the garden, I visually held out my hands and Jesus gave me a box which held a microphone.  As I looked at it I was a bit confused on how to turn it on,  until I realized that Jesus was telling me He is the power source I need for my voice!  I then recalled that it was fourteen months ago a Sozo prayer intercessor, who had been helping me through a childhood issue, shared that Jesus wanted me to know I have a voice .  A voice empowered by Jesus and a voice He listened to!  I was told to never forget.  It had a strong impact on me and blessed me with inner strength. 

So while reflecting on Faith Barista's prompt for this week ~ "finding your voice'~ I knew that once again I would have to look back in order to walk forward.   In the beginning I did not believe I had a voice that held attention.....not in the womb nor the years to follow. My voice was silenced at age six, during and after I was sexually abused.  When I reached out to tell someone, my words were met with anger and what I perceived as disbelief.   The lie that my voice held no power took root, and over the years that lie became a stronghold in my life.  I expect we all have "lies" that turn into strongholds when left to fester.  There is good news, though!  God wants to rid us of those things that hold us captive to the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. 

Just like a river needs a source, a place where it begins, so does change and growth.  Creating my first blog on my journey with Lyme Disease was the source for me.  It was where I began to find my voice.  But God did not leave me there, since His plan is far greater than I could ever ask or think, as scripture says.  Later I started this blog and made a commitment to be open and honest here, writing with transparency, as God guided.   It has not always been easy, but doing so has helped my heart to heal, is reaching others, and glorifies God.  And the Lyme blog?  It is a place I no longer need to visit after being healed by Jesus from the disease nearly two years ago. 

When I began writing, something deep inside began to shift as God shaped and molded me to use my written words to bring Him glory. Healing took place, healing is still taking place, as I develop day by day into the me God created.  Faith Barista wrote that God says there is a need for the real you.  There is so much truth in that statement.  We each were created unique and special and God wants us to step out boldly.  Finding our voice gives life to being who He created us to be.  No one else can tell our story.  Remember the microphone Jesus handed me in the garden?  We each have one....a voice with Jesus as the power source.  The One who always hears the voice of His child. 

It Came At Dusk

Last Friday we went for a walk in our local park after a quick trip to the post office.  It was dusk and the park was empty except for one runner and a few cars that use its winding roads as a shortcut.  The paths had been plowed and I eagerly took off with Joel down the closest one, so excited to be outside again breathing fresh air and giving my hot pink tennies a workout.

And then it happened. Fear set in and I did not feel safe.  Joel was there, it was around 5pm and still somewhat light out, and we were in the middle of our small city where people walk all the time.  But somewhere deep inside of me post traumatic stress began to rise up.

It actually stopped me in my tracks.  I blurted out to Joel , "I don't feel safe" and asked him to pray.  We  prayed together and kept going, but the uneasy feeling did not leave.  We talked, Joel made me laugh, and we shivered in the cold during our arm-in-arm walk.  I did not let it stop me and I won't, but sadly the feelings continued and my desire was to just get back to the car. 

Something is trying to surface again .  I have come to learn that when these kinds of feelings began to make themselves known, something is trying to surface. That night before I fell asleep I pondered where this was coming from, knowing God would reveal to me the origin.

Two familiar memories came back to the surface.  I was age 11 again and walking home close to midnight from a nearby friend's house.  I knew the house would be empty and oh how I hated going into a dark empty house,  so I always waited until the last minute to go home.  Two men came by in a car just as I came to an intersection and asked me if I wanted a ride home.  I knew enough to stay far from the car, and as I looked up saw a corner house with its lights on. I quickly lied to them and pointed to that house and told them it was my home.  They glanced over and then took off deciding the risks for them being caught were too great.  I ran the rest of the way home. 

Another more traumatic event came to mind.  Again I was around 11 and my friend and I were walking to my home late at night, which was an apartment in a house close to downtown.  All of a sudden a car load of teenage boys jumped out of their vehicle and started chasing us.  We ran quickly to my house and got inside, locking the porch door.  The inside door needed a key and my mom carried that, so the door could never be locked unless she was home.  The boys pounded on the doors and windows, showing us knives they were holding and yelling to be let in. Shaking, I went out on the porch and asked them what they wanted.......and they asked if we were alone.  No doubt they had seen the lights come on after we went inside.  Even though my dad had died several years before, I lied and told them "No, my dad is inside but he is sleeping.  You better leave or he will be mad."  They managed a few more yells, threats and pounding before they lost interest and took off. 
There was no phone, so we waited awhile to make sure they were gone before running over to the cafe behind the house to call my friend's mom to come get us.  She took us back to their place for the night. 

Getting back to not feeling safe in the park 53 years later?  Isn't it amazing what our body holds on to!  I think the reason these memories are now affecting me so strongly is because some earlier memories of abuse have been dealt with and released with Sozo and prayer and now others are surfacing for healing. Almost like the body wants to rid itself of all the negative feelings stored in it.  Over at Bonnie Gray's Blog, Faith Barista, she is sharing her own journey through PTSD that began suddenly this past summer.  She is on her own healing journey and what she writes as a woman of deep faith is absolutely amazing.  I am so thankful that God guided me to her cyber home. 

Writing also helps me heal.  It gives me a voice.  Even though I write here with transparency, I do not find it easy to write about this.  I struggle with being "disloyal" to my family, or appearing weak and unable to cope with life.  None are true. These are lies I have believed, just like the ones that say I am unsafe walking with my husband in a city park on a cold winter's late afternoon. 

Every one of us journeys through life with a few backpacks full of "stuff" and I am in the process of emptying out those backpacks so I can have a life of freedom the way God intended. I have chosen to do that in some degree here on my blog in the hope that others will benefit too.  Galatians 5:1 says,

"It is for freedom that Christ set us free. 

Therefore, do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." 

Which brings me right back to Matthew 11:28-30~

"Come all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you. 

Let me teach you for I am humble and gentle of heart. 

My yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

 
Which in turn brings me right back to my words for this year.........Trust and Rest.  Don't you just love how God brings it all together for us?!

In Quietness And Trust

"In quietness and trust shall be your strength"

Isaiah 30:15

On Tuesday Joel and I drove through a nasty snow storm up to the Twin Cities in MN. to go to Sozo Ministry sessions for inner healing.  Joel did this as part of his training for Sozo Ministries which deals with inner healing and deliverance,  and I went because we believed this type of Holy Spirit/Jesus guided counseling would be very helpful for me in releasing any childhood trauma.  The people who meet with you meditate ahead of time on your names.  Both of us experienced a deep peace and confirmation when they shared with us (separately) what the Holy Spirit revealed to them to tell us.  They knew nothing about us, but GOD DID, and His words came across clearly. 

One of the three women who were with me shared a  verse and some words that came to her as she was meditating......."In quietness and trust shall be your strength"  which God has given to me one morning just a few days ago while I was meditating and visiting the garden with visualization.  Then she said, The Father says, "Come and rest.  Let me hold you, do not fear."

Well, needless to say, with having received Matt 11:28-30 twenty-three times this fall, I knew the "come and rest" was a confirmation that Sozo ministry was for me!  It was very helpful and a bit tiring since my session lasted 3 1/2 hours!  Joel had a good nap while he waited.

I am sharing some of my experience because I believe there are others who can find help, release, joy, healing, freedom, and a deeper relationship with our Father/God through this type of ministry.  It was so amazing, and the physical energy that came for me afterwards has  delighted us.  Healing took place and for that we are doing a happy dance :).

As we were leaving the session one of the women who helped moderate my session asked me to sit on the hard chair against the wall, so she could pray for me.  She had heard from the HS that I had been in an accident (which I had many years ago and then just a couple years ago).  She said she wanted to pray for my legs to be the same length.  Joel stood by her and watched as she prayed.  I felt my leg move from the hip and upper thigh area and Joel saw my right leg lengthen until it was even with my left.  She then said to me, "Jesus is the only chiropractor I need now."   Pretty cool!

God desires to make us whole.  Being whole, means we are healthy not only physically but emotionally and mentally too.  Every part of us is touched in some way when Jesus heals.  I certainly did find a new sense of quietness and trust on Tuesday and am so grateful my friend encouraged me to go.  In quietness and trust (in God) will be my strength.