It Is A Mystery

I have shared the story of how Joel and I were "prayed together" by my older sister who helped raise me and our family friend Marian who worked at our church.  They came up for parents weekend in the fall of my first year at The Lutheran Bible Institute in Golden Valley, MN and while touring the dorms they met Joel.  They told me a couple of hours later that they had "met the man you are going to marry".  I was 18 and coming out of a relationship that had hurt my heart, and I wanted nothing to do with guys.  But they said, "He wants to be a missionary, just like you and we can just see the two of you in a hut in Africa!"  When they pointed Joel out to me, I was surprised, exclaiming, "He is loud, obnoxious and he wears boots!"  They replied, "We will pray about it."  Three months later we went on our first date and we married 18 months after that.

Joel was introduced to the mission field through his second cousin, Rev. David Simonson who was a missionary in Tanzania with his wife Eunice.  He really wanted to combine a life of adventure with his desire to share the gospel and Africa was at the top of his list. When I was 13 I can remember studying the bulletin board at our church and reading about the missionaries we supported....the Grants, with their five boys, who served in Brazil.  (Many years later God connected us to one of the boys, David, who with his wife Deb became our friends!)  I would think about what it would be like to be missionaries in a foreign country.

So, when Joel and I joined as one, the mission field was a dream we had for our future.  As Joel served in the military eight years, then went to seminary and was ordained, we raised our family.  We still talked of the mission field even as Montana beckoned us and our family grew.  In the eighties we looked into the mission field, but we were told by the powers that be that our multi-racial family would be a hardship at that time on the mission field.  We also did some serious talking about our kids having to go to boarding schools if we were in Africa.  Having attended LBI, we knew some missionary kids quite well, and several had gone through tough times leaving their parents and living in boarding schools.  We did not want that for our kids and did not believe that is what God wanted either.  So we stayed stateside, believing that God had closed the door, but that some day we would head out to do mission work......once our family was grown and gone from the nest.

Then sickness became a way of life for me and that dream faded.  It still had it's hooks into us deeply, and over the years we would periodically revisit the grief we felt for never having fulfilled that dream that we believed was from God.

Today I read on Facebook about Operation Bootstrap Africa ( David and Eunice's ministry) presenting a plaque to be placed at the Maasai school for girls that they founded.  It was being placed in David's memory.  He died at the age of 80, after serving as a missionary with Eunice for over 50 years.  He was and is still so beloved by the Maasai that they honored them with land and their home and his burial place overlook Mt. Kilimanjaro.  Their three sons run a Safari sightseeing business in the area.  Their two girls are stateside and Eunice lives in their home in Africa.

So, was our dream inspired by God?  It would not be the first time we strongly felt God lead us somewhere only to have the door closed later.   Whether we closed the door (with not wanting our kids in boarding schools) or whether God closed the door, it closed.  There is mystery wrapped up in it all.  Our mission field has really been mostly just "preaching to the choir".  Those who already know and believe.  It has taken place on American soil in such places like Montana, Minnesota and Iowa.  Certainly not as adventurous as we imagined!  And yet, I know that Joel has touched the lives of so many as they have let me know over the years.

Back to dreams and desires.  I remember a few years ago I told Joel I thought he should go to Africa to see David, visit his ministry and see the places that have always drawn us.  He told me, "I can't go.  I am afraid if I go.......I won't want to come back."  Yes, the dream runs deep within.  We have done what we could to further missions in Africa from our home in the USA knowing that missionaries need our support.

We believe that God works all things together for good to those who love him.   He has blessed our lives in so many ways over the years.  He has blessed Joel's ministry and the years of serving.  I believe He used Joel and hopefully me, to help others know Christ, and have a close relationship with our Lord.  I expect that one day, when we get to Heaven we will have questions about this unfulfilled dream that has held a piece of our hearts for so many years.   For now it is a mystery and we work hard to put it to rest and live our lives here.......in the good ol' USA..... trusting that God is guiding our journey as He always has.

Faith May Be Spelled R I S K

Yesterday I listened to stories shared by pastors who have been following God's lead......in obedience they have taken risks not knowing what the consequences would be.  One pastor shared that he and his wife were called to a Presbyterian church outside of Denver.  During his time there they started to see miracles happen in their congregation.  They were not praying for miracles, nor sure that they believed healing was still for today, but God came uninvited and began to heal people.  The pastor decided he better learn as much as he could about healing and miracles since they were seeing them manifest in the church. He studied and prayed and decided one Sunday that out of obedience to God he would speak about healing to his congregation and call the sickest person forward for prayer.  The woman came forward and he prayed for her.  She "fell out" in the Spirit and lay on the floor.  When she rose up from the floor, she was not healed.  No healing, but Holy Spirit touched her soul.  This event eventually led to over 2,000 of the 5,000 members of his Presbyterian church leaving.  The experience was too far out of their comfort zone and beliefs and they left because of it.  This pastor obeyed God and the results looked catastrophic, but as time passed, people came to the church, received salvation and became part of the congregation.  The risky move was costly, but God had a plan and the pastor felt he had to obey, no matter the cost.  Healings continue on in their church today.  Sometimes faith is spelled R I S K.

I also listened to a man talk about the results of his own obedience to God.  He and his wife ministered at a church in Aurora Illinois, one of the top ten most violent cities in America.  Gang murders were epidemic.  This pastor worked with the gangs and decided that for every one person murdered, they would go down to that area where it happened to pray and minister to the people until three came to know Christ.  They were letting Satan know that he did not reign over this city.  The police chief actually called the pastor to ask him what they were doing because crime was dropping in the areas where the members of the congregation were praying and speaking to those in the neighborhood.  Were they fearless in their quest?  No.  They were not fearless, but they chose to trust God and be obedient to what they believed God was calling them to do.  The risk they took brought people to Christ.

I cannot help but think of a young girl who at age 6-8 began to pray for God to "let me be a missionary to the babies in Africa".  When she was 13 she talked her dad into taking her to Uganda to spend time ministering there in an orphanage.  Through this deep desire to help the babies in Africa, her parents began a non-profit to work with orphans in Uganda. International Voice of the Orphans was established.  This young girl, now a young woman, moved to Uganda and began working with children with special needs and The Gem Foundation was established.  A home that cares for those with the most difficult medically fragile needs.  Now, just a few years later, Emma  and her now husband Josh are building a the Gem Village where medically trained staff and house parents will care for the least "desirable" little ones in Uganda.  They have stepped out in faith, trusting God and being obedient to His calling on Emma's life.  They have held babies as they took their last breath, they have suffered sickness and hardship themselves, and at this point are in need of prayer for their 9 week old son who is in ICU in a Ugandan hospital.  He is very ill with pneumonia and a bacterial infection and in need of healing.  They have opened their hearts to God's calling that began when Emma was a young child.   Faith is often spelled R I S K.

Not all of us are called to such risks, such boldness, but we are all called to be obedient to God's calling on our lives.  We are called to step out in faith and do what Jesus did.  We are all called to live our lives for Jesus and often that requires us to put aside fear or our own desires, for His.  It requires us to trust Him.   You may not be called to Africa, but you may be called to care for a neighbor, or lead a Bible study, or ask someone to join you on Sunday morning.  It is a matter of listening for the Holy Spirit's prompting and being obedient in faith.  Even if it is spelled R I S K.

What About All Our Stuff?

Why are we so attached to stuff?  Yesterday we went through one of Joel's storage tubs that holds 38 years of ministry memories.  Ugh.  So difficult to let go of things, but so necessary.  Just going through one tub had both Joel and I out of sorts.  There were things in the tub we have not laid eyes on in several years........would probably not miss them if the tub was lost.........but unwrapping each plaque or knick-knack and thumbing through books and notebooks left us out of sorts.  Why are we so attached to stuff?

Some dear friends are in the final stages of stepping into a new season in their lives.  They sold their home, and have now sold nearly all their belongings.  What will go with them is only what fits in the 5th wheel.  I expect that it was not easy to part with some of their possessions, but their desire to travel full time in their 5th wheel outweighs their need to hold on to their stuff.

When we lived in The Philippines, we were unable to take much with us.  We put a lot of things in storage and managed to live 2 years without it quite easily.  In fact, when we came back to the US, and the boxes arrived from storage, it was like Christmas as we opened each box to see what was inside!  For those two years we did not miss what we did not have.

Not everyone is emotionally attached to their stuff, but I expect all of us have a few things we would not want to live without.  Our oldest son is very attached to stuff and has a story to tell with every item he holds.  Our oldest daughter gathers and holds many things dear the same way.  When we started to pare down our 9 tubs of Christmas directions, they were first in line to take things to their own homes.  Our second oldest daughter is quite the opposite.  She really is not attached to things.  People, of course, but not things.  Regardless, some "things" seem to bring forth strong emotions in our lives.

So, what if God asked us to let go of all our stuff to follow him?  The Bible gives us an example of surrendering all to do His will.  The disciples were fishermen and Jesus asked them to drop their nets and follow Him.  A big deal, really, to leave behind their livelihood for something new.  To leave behind all the familiar to follow Jesus in a new adventure.  Sometimes he calls us to do so. Our stuff cannot be more important than Him.  Our comfortable lives cannot get in the way of God's plan for us.  It is not that He does not want us to have an abundant life filled with good things, but it is important that we do not become so attached to our things that we cannot walk forward.

I think about Joel's cousin David Simonson and his wife Eunice.  When David graduated from the seminary they left everything familiar behind to go to Africa as missionaries in Tanzania.  For fifty years they served the Masai tribe.  He was so respected they gave them land to live on and David is now buried there.  Eunice and 4 of her 5 kids still call Africa home.  David's work for God and his desire to bring others to Christ changed that part of the world. 

Not all of us are called to surrender all that is familiar and literally move across the world, but I believe we are all asked to surrender in our own ways, and serve God in the best plan He has for us.  Joel and I have see God at work so often over the years where Joel was called to congregations.  And most recently we have been asked by God to step out of the familiar of our Norwegian Lutheran heritage and denomination and expand our beliefs.  We have been asked by God to redefine ourselves as people who have a Norwegian Lutheran foundation but live with incurable Pentecostal and charismatic  tendencies.  We did not ask for this.  We asked for healing and what we learned about healing led to more of Holy Spirit and more of Holy Spirit changed our lives.  We have had to let go of some of the "stuff" we held close as God opened doors for us to walk a different path.  It has not always been easy but just like our friends, the desire for something more outweighs the need to hang on to our "stuff".

Out of love, God is always reshaping us. Whether we are getting rid of the stuff that fills our storage tubs, shifting our beliefs, or letting go of the stuff of the past, we know God is with us.  And when looking forward we don't miss what we no longer have, especially once we step into something new. 

A Sturdy Backpack

I have been reading Tsh Oxenreider's book, "At Home In The World:  Reflections on Belonging While Wandering the Globe" . I am savoring the words she has "penned" the way you do a good dessert.  One spoonful at a time. 

Tsh, her husband, and three kids sold their home, put their belongings in storage and put on sturdy backpacks, making the world their home for nine months.  It has been delightful to see her perspective on life in Asia, Australia, Europe, and more.  It reminds me of a quote that hangs on our wall............

"Adventure will leave you speechless, 

then turns you into a storyteller."  

. Joel and I love traveling adventures, going to places we have not seen before.  We love telling stories too!  Ha......

Yet....

"Adventure does not always require a sturdy backpack."  

Tsh Oxenreider

Often adventures happen in our own home, community, city.  Sometimes adventures happen as you sit among others in worship.  I remember our adventure at a Lutheran church in CT. as we joined others for a healing conference.  It was there we met face to face our friend Katherine and her family.  A God blessed friendship that continues to this day.    It was also quite an adventure for us to sit under Bethel Church in Redding CA.  We may have been strangers, knowing no one in their congregation of 9,000 members, but it felt like community.  A community of believers seeking all the gifts that God offers!

"We are strangers, but this is community."

Tsh Oxenreider

I believe that God has an abundance of adventures for us to experience, most of which involve a relationship with Him and with others.  Something to do with that "abundant life" He speaks about.  It is true that life throws us difficulties, but even during those times, God offers us more.  He offers to work all things out for good if we love and trust Him. As hard as it can be at times, there is joy to be found in all we experience.   If Helen Keller can speak of life as a daring adventure I expect we all can follow suit.

When we say yes to Him, when we surrender to Him, adventures abound.  Sometimes it requires a  "sturdy backpack" and sometimes the adventure takes place in our own backyard.  Or maybe inside the pages of a book!  Living life to the fullest with our God is a daring adventure whether backpacking across the world, or experiencing life in the place we call home.  Embrace it!

Adventures

Recently we stopped at our favorite popcorn store on our way home from our oldest and her family's home in Wisconsin.  The store is a combination of great popcorn snacks, and gifts.   We saw a plaque hanging on a wall that drew our attention.

~~Adventure~~

It will leave you speechless

Then turn you into a storyteller."

We love adventure.  Every time we get in the car and head somewhere we have not been before, we get excited.  A new adventure awaits us!  We also love the adventures in faithful living that God brings our way.  Our adventures in life and travel make for some great stories to share.  We saw that when we were with two of our grands (and their parents) this past weekend.  We had stories they had not heard, and their curiosity kept us talking!

I am reading a book titled, "At Home In The World" by Tsh Oxenreider.  It is the story of a family of 5 who sell their home, grab their backpacks and spend 9 months traveling around the world, spending "a rather ordinary 9 months in an extraordinary way".  An adventure to be sure.

We have friends who have spent the past two years preparing for a great adventure of their own.  They sold their home, purged their possessions, and soon will become full time RV'ers.  Their dream is taking off as they retire and refire on the road.  Another way of living in an extraordinary way.

Not everyone is eager for the kind of adventure Tsh Oxendreider and our friends are launching into, but I can guarantee you that there is enough adventure occurring in our own backyards to leave us speechless at times.............and turn us into storytellers.  The ordinary does often involve the extraordinary.  Most adventures are good, some are bad, and there are even a few ugly, but as we tell our stories one thing is consistent.  God.  He is in the midst of it all.  There is not one adventure I would want to step into without Him by my side.  Not one.

A Birthday Party 105 Years In The Making and a Surgery Ahead

This past weekend we went up north into Minnesota to join Joel's family in celebrating his Aunt Harriet's 105th birthday.  She looks amazing, doesn't she!  Her mind is sharp and even from her wheelchair she has quite a social life at the nursing home.  She is blessed to have her three sons visit her daily.

Harriet and Joel

We had plans to stay in a hotel at a town about 50 miles from Joel's home but it is tourist season and hotels were all full, so after a very interesting evening service by a singer/preacher from the Twin Cities ~~ in a church we had never heard of~~ with Pentecostal preaching ~~we quietly left after 3 hours.....and drove to Joel's brother's cabin in the woods on a lake.  Can I just say it took some praying to get me there...........sooooooooo many opportunities for ticks.  It was beautiful although while driving in the dark, on a hilly, bumpy grass path to the cabin with woods heavy around us, I told Joel, "Someone could kill us out here and know one would find us for months!  Too much TV, right?

 dirt road before grass path to cabin

view from deck

The next morning after a short quiet night, we enjoyed the beautiful view and then headed to a church we had heard about which was only 15 minutes away.  After another lively service we headed into town and the birthday bash.  It is always nice to see Joel's family and to be able to go to Harriet's party was fun.  After more miles on the road, we arrived at one of our family's homes, where we enjoyed our grands, good food, and a good visit.  Monday Joel went off to find his favorite bike trail, riding 20 miles in familiar home territory, then visiting his family church and graveyard.  We arrived home last night after a stop in the Twin Cities to see my sister, Gr. Jo to our kids.

We are both a bit tired today, but getting ready for tomorrow, when I go in to the dermatologist for more surgery.  Five weeks ago I had a biopsy on my back which resulted in a surgical excision.  They tested what was removed and could not come to a general consensus of what it was, so sent it to Mayo Clinic in MN.  They diagnosed it as a Melanoma.  It is shallow so at this point I will not need chemo, radiation or node removal.  But I will need a bigger chunk removed and will end up with a six inch scar.  If that takes care of this, it will be worth it.  This is my third diagnosis of some kind of cancer in 7 years and it has more than shaken us up.  Especially me.  I am coming to terms with it, but it does seem unusual that someone who has not seen the sun for 40 plus years ends up with Melanoma.  I was told by my regular doctor it was precancerous, no worry, and no hurry......Then I was told after the biopsy that it was NOT Melanoma.  After the excision I waited 3 weeks to get a diagnosis ~ Melanoma.  Throughout this time God has been speaking to me, and asking me to trust Him.  I have received the verse or forms of the verse in Exodus 14:14  at least 39 times in the past four months.

"The Lord will fight for you, just stay calm."

or

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still".

Exodus 14:14

This morning when I was meditating I saw "little Renee" skipping and climbing over slate rocks and and hilly ground.  She beckoned me to follow.  Then she took Jesus' hand and they walked together with me holding her other hand.  Jesus patted little Renee's head,  looked at me and said, "I was with her".  Then while walking,  He put little Renee on His shoulder and took my hand, saying, "I am will you now, too."

When I look back at how Papa God has cared for me my whole life, I really owe Him my trust.  Tomorrow we pray they find nothing else on my skin, that the surgery goes well, and we give thanks to God for His faithfulness. Will you join us in praying?  And we give thanks for the 105 years Harriet has had on earth and the many people she has blessed throughout her life.  It all is an adventure in faithful living.

Adventures in Africa or Suburbia

My friend, Linny, has used YWAM's (Youth With A Mission) books about missionaries for many years, reading them to all their children.  Recently she talked about one book on her blog, A Place Called Simplicity and YWAM heard about it.  They offered her readers a special price on a set of 5 books, with 10% of the profit going to Linny and Dwight's ministry, International Voice of the Orphan.    There are some great stories about missionaries!

Today I listened to a man share his story on the Hillsong channel.  He and his wife had been missionaries in Saudi Arabia, starting many underground churches during the time that they lived with their family there. They were from India, but felt God call them to start underground churches in a Muslim country.

Years passed, their churches multiplied, and then the government found out what they were doing, and told them they would have to leave the country. The man and his wife sent their kids back to India right away, and they stayed behind to pack up.  Unfortunately, the man was arrested and taken to prison just 10 days before he was scheduled to leave.  He was in solitary isolation for 1 month, interrogated for hours at a time nearly daily, and spent 6 more months in prison before they released him.  He has no regrets because he did what he felt called to do.

It took me back to our days at The Lutheran Bible Institute.  Many of our teachers were once missionaries and one in particular had suffered greatly in a Japanese POW camp.  His fingers were all broken and not re-set so they now bent at angles....he had his finger nails removed too.  As a Christian he suffered greatly for his faith.  He was a faithful man of God who empowered all the students who sat in his classes.

I remembered Gracia and Martin Burnham, who were missionaries in The Philippines.  They were captured by terrorists and held captive for a year.  They survived many difficulties, but her husband died and she was shot when the Filipino military found the terrorists and assaulted the camp.  Gracia and her family loved living in the P.I. and felt called by God to do so.  Their son is in mission work, flying the same kind of plane his dad did.  Jim and Elisabeth Elliot went to South America in the late 50's where Jim and others were massacred by some of the tribe they had hoped to reach.  Later Elisabeth went back with her family to work with the very people who killed Jim.  There son has worked among them also.

Of course, Linny's daughter Emma and SIL are missionaries in Uganda where they take care of orphans with many special needs.  They are in the process of buying land to expand The Gem Foundation.

Joel's cousin, David Simonson, is buried on the land the Masai gave the family.  David and his wife Eunice spent over 50 years bringing Christ to the Masai tribe.  They started the first girls schools also. His wife and I believe 4 of their 5 kids still live and work in Tanzania.  Jim Klobuchar wrote a great book about their story, entitled The Cross And The Acacia Tree.  I am always so blessed by these stories. What courage to follow their calling.   Ordinary people who have changed the world by being obedient in God's plan for their lives.

There are times like today that I still "wish" we had gone into the mission field, but we believe it was not God's will.  God has a plan for every single one of us, and that plan is to help change the world.  It may not be across the seas.....it may not be as a pastor or a missionary.  It may be as a business man, musician or homemaker.  It may be you are the one in the kitchen serving others at the church....or in a shelter.  Whatever the plan, it is for His purpose.  What is required of us is obedience to that plan, that leading, that purpose.  We are all destined to fulfill His calling on our lives.  Whether on African soil, in the jungles of the Philippines, or in your own backyard in suburbia.  We need only lift our hearts and voices and say..........."Yes, Lord."  The adventures will follow!

The "Why" Questions

Joel and I were talking about our journey over the past 58 months and reflecting on our experiences. \ It has been nearly 5 years since Holy Spirit shook up our world, since our veer we took to the right with Joel's overnight miracle. A veer is a change in course or direction and we definitely have experienced that.  Joel told me that while in this season of revelation he has asked God, "Why did this come to us so late in life?"  Yes, why now Lord?

Speaker and teacher Graham Cooke has stated that why questions are never answered here on earth, that why questions are asked from a victim stance.   He considers them invalid.  They make us invalids.......and often victims of our circumstances.  Something to think about.  Joel has often said to me that we have no answers for the "whys", so maybe we we would be better off asking God, "What does this mean? What do we do now?"

Looking back we know we began this journey with Holy Spirit 44 years ago when we went with persistent friends to their church in Duluth Minnesota.  We would go to Sunday morning services at our Lutheran church and with friends Sunday night to their Assembly of God congregation, The Tabernacle.  I really enjoyed going there and felt right at home, while Joel found it a bit uncomfortable......not knowing what to expect. Joel told me recently that we kept going because I wanted to.  I did not know that, but I knew I had been searching for a deeper relationship with God.

At the Tabernacle I recall their vast auditorium with wooden seats and a full orchestra for worship.  It was amazing to sing along with the piano and orchestra.  I also hold close two special God experiences while we were there.  One was an encounter with Jesus or an angel.  I cannot tell you who, but I can tell you it happened.  As I went up front to kneel at the altar in prayer, I had my hands folded and eyes closed.  I felt someone cover my hands with their warm ones, then my hands were taken apart and lifted up in the air.  I remember smiling and opening my eyes to see who was cradling my hands, and was completely surprised to find I was all alone at the altar. There was no one in the natural world holding my hands, "only" that special Someone in the spirit world.  

At that time in my life I was struggling with some childhood issues.  I was experiencing anxiety when Joel left home for work, whether day or night.  I struggled with fear and a deep sadness that a therapist was able to pinpoint as a grieving over my father's death.  I was 7 when he died, and my sister and mom were so worried about how distraught I was that we pretended my dad was away on a trip.  We pretended he would be home soon.....that pretending kept me in a place of grief that was showing up in my daily life when my hubby left for his own "trip" to work each day.  Once we were able to connect the grief in my 20's with my loss at age 7, the doors to that healing opened.  God knew I was in need of His touch on my life and it came literally at the altar one Sunday night.   I was hungry for something more during that season of growth in 1972 and God provided that.

Going to The Tabernacle also opened a door that took me 40 years to walk through.  As I have said before, this church is where I first heard the gift of speaking in tongues.  Several women went into a prayer room and I went along with them.  I sat on a chair and watched them all get down on their knees and pray....first quietly in English and then in their prayer languages.  While sitting there listening, I felt such a deep sense of peace come over me ~ which I know now was the presence of God.  Leaving the church that night, I began a quest for myself and spent a few weeks trying to receive this gift before coming to the conclusion that it must not be for me.  I was unable to seek more understanding with our friends, because Joel was assigned to Clark Air Base, so we left Duluth and headed across the ocean to The Philippines.

While living in The Philippines I also became involved with an Interdenominational prayer group of women who's husbands were in the military.  We prayed, sang, and while there I experienced my first healing.  I had been dealing with boils and had a large one under my arm.  The first time they lanced the boil and stuffed it with gauze Joel could hear me yell from down the hall.  I had to go back and have it drained again and repacked and two women prayed for me before I left the group. While the Dr. worked I never felt a thing.  The nurse who was holding my arm tightly over my head kept asking me if I could feel what they were doing......they had expected some reactions to the intense pain that comes with such a procedure.  I said no.  They were confused, but I told them..."I was prayed for and God took away the pain".  He certainly did!

Even with two of my friends in the Philippines having the gift of tongues, and even with the women's group I was part of sharing Holy Spirit, and even with my healing experience,  I did not walk through the door into my own encounters with Holy Spirit for so many years.  How grateful I am for His patience!

It was 40 years later that I did receive the gift of a prayer language.  It was 40 years later that I encountered Holy Spirit.  I find irony in the 40 year marker........seems like that is an important number in Bible history.

It was while looking back at all this that Joel and I pondered if God was patient and persistent with us, or if it was His timing.  Maybe a little of both.  When the "why" questions rise to the surface we try to leave them at the feet of Jesus, so we are doing that in regards to our own long journey through the wilderness.  We are receiving all that God has for us now in our adventures with Papa, Jesus and Holy. Grateful, so grateful for where He has led us the last 44 years and where He is leading us now.

His Wings, His Shelter

NOTE:  Pretty honest post here friends.  My goal as I heal in many ways and areas of my life is to openly share with you readers.  It may help someone else on their own journey.

 "He will cover you with his feathers. 

He will shelter you with his wings.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

Psalm 91:4

Since the call back for a biopsy and before the diagnosis, I have received verses about resting in the shelter of God's wings.....It began when I went into the garden of my heart where I go to visualize meeting with Jesus.  I sit back, close my eyes, pray protection over this anointed time, and ask Holy Spirit to control my thoughts.  One day as I meditating in the "garden" I decided I really needed to Sozo (an inner healing ministry) all the terrible things that have been spoken over my breasts over the years.  It sounds strange, but it really is not.  You see, I have never felt comfortable with them to be perfectly honest.  Nearly 40 years of doctors speaking negatively about them, 3 biopsies, endless mammograms, etc., and that all created fear.  I also went through intense sexual haraassment with a classmate while in Junior High and it affected me deeply.    I felt it was time to let go of all that and be at ease with how God had created me.  So, I visualized giving Jesus all that stuff that was said and done, I forgave those involved and myself for believing any lies.  It was a big bundle of stuff and when I handed it all to Jesus He acted like it was really heavy to hold all the weight of it....and then He smiled and chuckled.  Nothing is too big for Jesus.  I then visualized Jesus giving me a gift back (again, part of Sozo) and He handed me a feather.  My thought was, of course, a feather is light.  I am not carrying those burdens any longer, but then I heard the words   "Feather from God".

I immediately Googled it and up came an article about Bill Johnson, pastor at Bethel (who actually started Sozo miniistries) and in the article it talked about the "healing feathers of God".  I thought,
Yes, this is a healing feather."  The verse that was used came from Malachi 4:2.  The last part speaks of healing.  "with healing in His wings".  Yes!  This was a healing feather from God.  It truly gave me hope that I was cancer free.  I was not, but I still stand on His promise of finding healing in His wings.  Then we read Psalm 91 one morning and there it was again....the shelter of His wings.

Soon after the diagnosis I shared it on Facebook and a friend sent me a picture of a beautiful mama bird protecting her babies.  The same one I have here.  I printed it off along with portions of the verses and have it up in my bedroom and kitchen as a reminder of Who holds me close.  When I get something in threes I pay attention.  God was letting me know I could find peace, healing, and shelter under His wings.  It is a place of rest, isn't it.

So a couple of days ago I asked for a feather to appear.....I saw in my head the image of a white feather but would take any feather to confirm all God has been sharing with me.  While out walking I would look at times on the ground or even in the house, but no feather.  And then yesterday I went on Facebook and what popped up first was a picture of a white feather on a black background!  It was for a blog post of an online prophetic friend.  She was speaking about angels coming unaware into our lives and felt led by God to use this particular picture she found of the white feather.  Only God.  When I shared with her about what this meant to me, she wrote back how God had told her to use this feather, even though she was looking for something more angelic.  She said, "God really loves you!"  Yes he does.  He loves ALL of us.

It has not stopped.....the references to wings.....to shelter, to healing.  God loves us so much and wants us to know we are never alone.  We are never without protection.  I love that scriptures say HIS PROMISES are our protection and armor.  And we find those promises in His Word.  What has He promised you?  Stand on it.  Remind Him of it.  Remind yourself. Grab hold of the truth we find in His Word.  The truth found in Psalm 91:4.  And stay in the shelter of His wings.

Oh, The Places We'll Go!

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. 

Plans for good and not for evil. 

To give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11"

God often speaks to me through repetition.  When I get the same verses or "theme" over and over in a short period of time, I pay attention.  Like in the fall of 2012 when I heard Matthew 11:28-30 an estimated 26 times in 5 weeks. That was over the top!

"Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. 

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I believe Jesus was waiting for me to fully understand, so He kept repeating and repeating the come-rest-in-me thing...until I did.  It still is not an easy concept for me, but I understand the rest idea much better than before.  It is a matter of trust.

Recently I have been getting the a "theme" again from different sources,  so I once again started giving God my full attention.  Last night I listened to Kris Vallotton from Bethel Church in CA. He made several statements that connected to what I had been reading in Rick Warren's email devotionals, Derek Prince's book, "God's Word Heals", and Andrew Wommack's latest series, "Don't Limit God", plus more.  Time to pay attention, Renee!!!  Kris was speaking about destiny, and the vision you have for your life --The vision God has!  I have been reflecting on his words and those of others that God has been using to speak to us. 

 "The greatest failure in life is to succeed without God. 

You climb to the top of the mountain and then realize you have climbed the wrong mountain!"

"God has given us a vision--
we just need to get to a place where we know

we cannot do it without Him. 

 (That is when He can use us the most!) 

"When you don't have a vision, you end up with the enemy's vision"

I am not so sure we always like the way God works here.  IF we feel we are not capable of doing what He has called us to do, then that is when we know we are on the right path?  Yikes!  Food for thought.  When I speak to God and step out in faith, surrendering my will to His, I can get butterflies in my stomach. When I say, I surrender God to all that you have for my life...wherever, whatever, whenever, I admit it causes me some anxiety and I want to take the words back.   At least for a moment.

In the fall of 2013 the story of Elijah and the ravens kept coming up as we prepared for our journey to the East coast to attend a healing conference and take our first vacation in decades.  A big step for me with many unknowns.  A matter of trust.

The Elijah story in 1 Kings 17 is back once again.  Today alone, two different devotionals spoke about Elijah and the ravens.  God told Elijah where to go and let him know He would provide for Him...and He did....food, shelter, and healing power.   God is speaking again and we are waiting with expectation.....and okay, maybe a little apprehension.

Letting go of the reins, or being asked to do something out of my comfort zone or understanding is both exciting and scary, but I truly don't want to live any other way.  I don't want to miss anything God has ahead for me. 

Remember the Dr. Seuss book, "Oh the Places You'll Go" ?  That is what God wants to say to you...to me.  "If you will just step out in faith, trusting Me...if you will follow me.....surrender to Me.....OH THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

Why is that so hard?  Why does it give me butterflies?  Am I......are we afraid of what we will have to give up?  Are we afraid we will fail?  As Andrew Wommack says, "Don't limit God!  If you fail at something, just fail forward.  God has so much more planned for your life than you can even imagine."    When we put God in a box.....we end up being the only one in the box!  We cannot box God....but we can limit what He desires to do in our lives. 

Relying on past experience, I believe this  "theme" is going to continue for a while...This, "don't limit God--impossible without God--surrender in obedience to God's vision" will continue as He opens our hearts to His plan and as it is birthed in and through us.  We are excited.  We are scared.  We are ready for something more.  Another adventure with God!  Oh the places we'll go!

What Next?

Yesterday I wrote a post about intercessory prayer and I am not liking some of the words that graced my post.  I rewrote it and rewrote it but I could not get it to a place where I was satisfied.  I was challenged to fully express what was swirling around in my mind and heart.  I have noticed that this struggle comes mostly when I am making myself vulnerable to my readers or when I am sharing something that could bring criticism or rejection.  The need for approval is what I felt and what came through for me in some of what I wrote.  Do I please man or God?  Only God.  Only God.

Sometimes God asks us to do things that make us look foolish in the eyes of the world or even those close.  God really desires that we seek only Him, being obedient to what He asks, where He leads, what we need to embrace or release.  Like drinking from a spring on Amish land in the middle of Indiana......or Holy Spirit hugs that bring laughter.......or sharing the deepest parts of me as I walk with Jesus.  Only God.

You know, I am closing in on 67 in a few months and still have so much to learn and experience.  Since my body reversed its course to an early death, I now look forward to many more adventures with God.  Even when I will need to step out of my comfort zone to embrace them.   Those adventures include the call to be all He has called me to be as He beckons me into a deeper relationship with Him.

We are all one of a kind.  Unique, special, created for His purpose.  No one is like you or me.  One of a kind.  God created us to be free to be who we are and Whose we are, pleasing only Him.  Whether that be just a little to the right of crazy ( I still love that definition of our lives) or not.  Sure, I want to be accepted and embraced for who I am, but more importantly I continue to be open and looking for that "something more " with my Savior that has me asking,  "What next?"   Only God!  Only God!