Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from rainy Iowa on this last day of April where winds and the wet stuff continue to stick around most days.  It is better than snow.........and there is that saying, "April showers bring May flowers".  We are still below normal for temperatures, but happily....let me say again....NO snow like north of us and no tornados like south.  So, who can complain?!

As I write this bread is rising in the kitchen.  When I was licensed in day care a gazillion years ago I used to make all our bread for our family of six and what kids were visiting for the day.  There were sisters who spent a great deal of time with us...Rebecca and Natalie.  Their parents worked for the International Institute in the Twin Cities and so there were a few weekends when they came for their usual Friday, but stayed until Sunday night.  Natalie was only a year old and would often call me Mama....I tried to keep her from doing that but she was confused and I expect thought she had 2 momas.  After Joel graduated from the seminary and we moved to Montana we kept in touch until they graduated from H. S.  Those are good memories!

Speaking of memories, to be honest, this has been a rough week for me and I would rather not remember parts of it!  I will say it has had me pondering the aftermath of Breast Cancer and it's treatments.  There were days where walking 35 minutes turned into 5 minutes at a time or not at all because the weakness and nausea spoke too loud.  I have spent most of my life pushing through sickness, and that worked well for me...most moms do that!  Now, at age 74, and with the aftermath of advanced cancer leaving scars inside and outside, fractured and delicate ribs, thin hair, weight gain, lymphedema, and the nasty side effects of the exemestane like bone pain, cognitive issues, fatigue, etc., I am unable to push through as I once did.  I like the idea of moving forward, ya know?  Just keep getting better, stronger, etc.  I watched someone close to me go through radiation and five years on an aromatase inhibitor with little to no side effects.  For me, it has been a different journey which led me to seek out others who struggle.  I don't like to "live there" but I did revisit a long newspaper article about a woman around 20 years younger than myself who wrote about her journey.  "The Secret Suckiness of Life After Breast Cancer" is a brutally honest account of her "new life". She is a journalist who due to the cognitive issues from the aromatase inhibitor, struggles to keep her career.  She has several other side effects of it too like osteoporosis, joint pain, extreme fatigue, etc. I can relate but I would not describe my life as sucky at all,

I think part of the relating is giving myself permission to not push myself daily to be who I used to be in 2013.  That was a great year and I have been wanting that back.  In reality that will not happen unless God blesses me with a miracle.  And that is where my hope lies....and rises...in the hope for God's healing touch.  An "only God" moment.  This is my life after four battles with cancer........some days being physically great, some good, some being bad, and some just being plain ugly.  And many being a mixture of all three!   I had a couple of months of feeling so great and then............It sometimes returns me to the grieving process of what I have lost.  

I have intentionally not spoken about all the symptoms much lately as I am learning not to focus on those but on what good comes to me on a daily basis.  God has been emphasizing to me the power of our words.  I am not writing today for sympathy or to lament but for three other reasons.  1.  It is real, and our stories need to be told so others don't feel alone on their journey.  At least that is helpful for me when I read others stories.  2.  I have been committed to be honest on my blog as Holy Spirit guides me.  I don't always like it, but I do so.  3.  It is healing for me to write about it. It is a way of letting go.  Here is a quote I read yesterday...

"You gotta resurrect the deep pain within you and give it a place to live that's not within your body.  Let it live in art.  Let it live in writing.  Let it live in music.  Let it be devoured by building brighter connections.  Your body is not a coffin for pain to be buried in.  Put it somewhere else."

BUT I will add here.............putting it somewhere else?  Where?  At the feet of Jesus.  He does not want our body to be a coffin for any kind of pain.....HE carried it on the cross for us!  We can put it all at His feet.

So, when I or maybe we are in the grieving process for what we have lost, there is always the opportunity to see what our life has to offer us now.....What we have gained.  It may be you also look in the mirror at a disfigured body or you struggle with taking a drug that chips away at your quality of life but gives you more quantity of life.  It may be you are walking through the end of a marriage, or an empty nest, or your own medical challenges.  It may be that you have a loss of finances, loved ones or so many other things.  Yet God.

Yet God.  We can put our pain, however we define it, at HIS FEET.  He already carried it on the cross.  He wants not only to carry it but meet us where we are...hug on us, love us. And in doing so, embrace our lives one sunrise at a time.

I did not expect to take my Saturday Scribbles and turn it into this, but alas Holy Spirit takes over sometimes.  It brings me to the way I like to end my Saturday's Scribbles, with gratitude.

I am grateful today for the rain that has nourished the land.  Grateful for being able to make homemade bread and smell it baking, for being able to walk daily whether it is my usual 35 minutes or not.  Grateful for the stories that others share that give us courage in our own journeys.  Grateful for tiny little pills that pack a powerful punch in keeping me (and others) here.  Grateful for how God shapes my life, grows me, forgives me, and wraps His loving arms around me.  Grateful for each day I open my eyes and say good morning to my Joel.  Grateful for emails, texts, phone calls, friends and family who listen and pray, Grateful that the days of struggle ebb and flow..... Grateful for laughter and joy!  Grateful for all this and so much more..............

Bless you friends!

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you on this windy day in Iowa.  Again.  We have been getting rain yesterday and this morning, and the winds have been high.  There are more storms forecast for later on.  Spring is here,...and we are giving thanks.  I saw that Medicine Lake MT cancelled their church services for tomorrow,...a blizzard warning!  And for parts of North Dakota again too.  SO, rain?  wind?  Sounds fine to me!

Speaking of Medicine Lake, Montana, we lived their for three years from 1980-83 when we had to leave due to an eye condition Joel had.  It was too dry for him.  It was difficult to leave there.  Medicine Lake was a very small town of 400 with a great school, several churches, and a community that gathered for games, at the local cafe, in their congregations, etc.  The school principal was on the church council and when Joel went to the first meeting as the new pastor, the principal, who was the secretary, wrote in his notes, "Let it be noted that the new pastor had on inappropriate footwear,  square-toed boots~!  We had a good laugh over that.  Joel was soon needing new boots so he bought them before the next meeting.  At the next council meeting he took off one new pointed-toe boot, put it on the table and said, "Please note that the pastor now has appropriate footwear!"  Everyone had a good laugh.

Medicine Lake was one of three churches Joel traveled to every Sunday.  We lived in the parsonage across from the Medicine Lake Lutheran church.  I helped Joel out some, but mostly took care of the family and worked part time in daycare and for awhile at the local hardware store.  Money was scarce and bills were high, but people were generous too.  We needed a new bed soon after arriving and had to cash in a savings bond to buy it.  Bethany was very gifted in piano and we needed a piano so purchased one on a payment plan ~ at a lower price because they gave us a pastor discount.  The bed was secondary to that.  Our mattress was on the floor for quite awhile until a friend from church saw that.......let others know and the superintendent of the school bought us the frame for Christmas.  The church gave us a dresser for Christmas that year too.

Joel would substitute teach when needed.  He did not mind teaching science, etc. but the day he taught kindergarten he came home, plopped into a chair and declared.......'That was exhausting! Kindg. teachers are saints! That was his only experience with teaching 5 year olds.  He stuck to older kids!

We met some wonderful people in that little town that so close to Canada and North Dakota!  They were gifted, caring, faithful, and knew how to do community.  Recently as I look back on our life, this place stands out as one of the gifts we had from God.  Montana will always be close to our hearts.

This week has been quiet.  To let you know how quiet it has been, we rearranged the living room yesterday for something to do!  Ha!  There was the usual baking, cooking, cleaning.  No doctors to see for a change.....Joel is out in the shop making our youngest a bookcase.  No biking due to high winds but a few walks outside and at the mall together.  

We started watching a documentary series, "Our National Parks" narrated by former President Obama.  It is amazing to see all the parks around the world.  Netflix carries it.  We would highly recommend it.

I'm going to close this quiet scribbles............hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me about Montana.  Hope and pray you are all doing well and enjoying this weekend and your own memories....

Today I am grateful for rain to nourish the soil, winds that clean up the air, looking back on Medicine Lake memories, walking outside and getting fresh air, a quiet week, a new look at world parks,  a new living room arrangement, music on Alexa, phone calls and texts from our kids, family, friends.  Grateful for all this and so much more! 

Enjoy your weekend~

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you on this Easter weekend....We are at the end of Holy Week, and "Sunday is a coming"!  Even the birds and animals are ready for Easter.........for new beginnings.......for Spring to burst forth.  The whole earth is worshiping!

Looking back on this week, it has been a busy one.  Last Saturday night we participated livestream in a 2 hour worship and praise service at Lutheran Church of Hope that "rocked these oldsters world" in a good way.  It was amazing and we felt taken right back to Bethel Church and the time we spent there in Redding CA in 2017.  It brought me to tears (actually, that is not so hard to do), this special time of worship and praise.  So grateful for it.  Sunday was Palm Sunday and the pastor gave a sermon on Peter's betrayal while walking around carrying a live chicken.  Yes, you heard right, a live chicken.  I don't know how she kept that chicken calm for three church services but she did.  

Tuesday afternoon and evening we waited for the storms that were coming.  A tornado formed SW of Mason City quite  a few miles away...but we watched it come across the area....by the time it arrived we were in the basement and then when our phone alerts kept going off again and again and again and the forecasters kept showing us tornado warnings and funnel sightings and rotations over head we went into our basement bathroom where it is the "safest" place to be.  It lasted so long.......took hours for this whole storm system to get here and move through.  There was then a second round but we were by then sleeping in the basement family room.  At 1 am Joel checked things out and said the storms passed and we could go to our "high tower" where the bedrooms are and go to sleep.  Found out the next day that the second round of storms we slept through in the basement brought a tornado into Mason City and did extensive damage in the one SE part of the city and then went through an association just east of us.  Extensive damage with house and or roof damage and many large trees pulled out by the roots.  More than one falling on houses.  Yeah....and we slept through that one after hours of watching and waiting and worrying with the first storm!  Our phones did not go off for the second round that held the tornado!  Gives you pause......

Thursday we watched church live stream over lunch time and then headed to our local church for a 6:30 service that was very powerful.  Yesterday we watched Lutheran Church of Hope again livestream over lunch.  It was so moving and sobering.  Last night we headed back to our local church for worship. Tomorrow our youngest daughter Sarah and her son Jonas are coming for church and dinner.  

Holy week has always been an important time for our family.  When Joel was working at a church there were up to six services for him to officiate over and preach at.  When he had three churches in three towns back in Montana Holy Week kept him running at full speed.  When I was growing up our home town closed down on Good Friday from 12-3 so people could go to church.  Church was from 12-3 and our large congregation would be  packed with families listening to the sermons surrounding the seven last words of Jesus.  Good Friday is still important in Lutheran and other mainline churches.  I always say there is no Resurrection Sunday without Good Friday.

So, this Easter weekend I am grateful for Good Friday and what Jesus sacrificed for us, for the Father's great love for His children.  Grateful for our area being spared during the tornado Tuesday, for living with an old meteorologist who still knows a bit about weather.  Grateful for being able to gather for worship in person again this year, for family, friends, community.  Grateful for phone calls, texts, and CodeRed phone alerts!  Grateful for "Sunday's a Comin' "  And so much more.........

Enjoy your weekend!

Saturday's Scribbles

 

Good Saturday to you from our corner of Iowa where once again this week we had snow.  Three times.  The good news is that it does not stick around. Today it will be 50 and tomorrow 60.  So ready for that! 

This past Thursday we headed to our local TJ Maxx to do a little shopping.  We had gift cards from ourselves to use up.  How does that work?  Well, we needed to buy two gift cards for family members last Christmas and we did......and then I forgot to mark down that we did.....so later on we bought two more.  Ended up with two extra gift cards to TJ Maxx so so had gift cards to us and from us!  Okay then.....We picked up a new salt and pepper set...clear glass and just what I had been looking for.  We took them home and washed them up.  Then the next day I decided to fill them.  We mix 3 kinds of salt together.  Mortons, Himalayan Pink Sea Salt, and another white super fine sea salt.  I filled the shakers and mixed it all up and it looked so pretty.  I tried to get both shakers even...yeah I have a thing about that.  And while that part of my brain was admiring my "work" the other part of my brain picked up the slack and said.......Hmmm, so, where is the pepper going?!?!?  I had filled both shakers with salt!  I could blame this on my age.......but I am going with the fact that I am on an antibiotic that gives me brain fog.....As Joel likes to say,"Don't worry about it, you're on drugs!"  Needless to say, I emptied one of the shakers and filled it with pepper.  

Sadly that is about as exciting as my life has been lately......Routine is making me yawn, and yet I am grateful to have it.  We did give extra thanks this week for the successful knee replacement surgery for one of our loved ones.  She is doing well and with determination will recover quickly.  A trip to the urologist has me on antibiotics for the "quarterly" UTI that visits.  Walking every day 35-40 minutes, spending an hour using the lymphedema pump, getting devotions in, talking on the phone, and getting meals for the two of us (including homemade bread) is what makes the hours pass.  again, "yawn".

Joel is off riding on this beautiful day.  He has been "getting things done" around the house and in the shop or outside.  Heavy duty Spring cleaning and all that.... Isn't that what much of life is?  "Getting things done".  

Part of that daily routine for me is doing "Wordle" and "Quordle" online.  And then there is the NYT game "Spelling Bee" and "Sudoku".  I am a bit addicted to Wordle and Quordle, I must confess.  And then (again) there is the old people thing we do.............(no offense to anyone) and that is watching Wheel of Fortune while eating supper.  Oh, boy........talk about routine............and another "yawn" is needed here.  We have learned just how much our life has order and routine.  When we eat, when we sleep, when we wash clothes, when we shop, when we walk or ride...............  Yep.  We are just very structured.  When did that happen?  Or maybe the question is, "When did we notice it?"

I am taking a class by one of my favorite authors, Ana Werner.  It is called "The Seer Mentorship". She is solid in her teachings and in how she does life as someone who God speaks to with visions/pictures.  God speaks to us in many ways, through "gut feelings", through scriptures, devotionals, in our hearts, in our minds.........and through our eyes.  He wants an intimate relationship with us and waits for us to step into it in ways we are comfortable.  Joel and I are both watching the teachings which are 2x a week.  We both like learning and God is teaching us more about Him through this class. Don't you love how God meets us where we are?

Tonight we will be "attending" a worship and praise  1 and 1/2 hr service at Lutheran Church of Hope via livestream.  We are wishing we could be there but it is two hours away.  We are grateful for being able to bring it right into our living room. "Oh worship the King!"

Today I am grateful for the order Joel and I have in our lives, for how compatible we are in this area.  Grateful for routine, for phone calls and texts.  Grateful for the loved one's surgery going so well, for the birthday of one of our grands and my sister Janelle.  I am grateful for being able to laugh at the times my brain is "tooting", grateful for Ana Werner, for Spring cleaning, livestream worship, for gifting ourselves with gift cards, for new pretty salt AND pepper shakers, for a new Kindle mystery to read, for laughter, tears, fresh air, good healthy food and so much more........

Enjoy your weekend!

Saturday's Scribbles

 

Hey, good Saturday to you from our same ol' corner of the world where Spring has sprung...at least that is my story and I am sticking to it!  Yes, we had a bit of snow this week a couple of times, waking up to snow this morning, but the temps are rising and this last ditch effort from winter doesn't get to stick around.  We are waving good-bye to Winter and embracing Spring with the hope it always brings.  A new season is rising!

My mom, Ann and me in early 90's

Speaking of a new season rising, welcome to April!  And soon the end of Lent...and the beginning of Holy Week and then Easter!  April also brings with it birthdays of two grandchildren, and two grandmothers who will be celebrating from Heaven once again.  My mother was born on April 2nd, 1910.  That would be 112 years ago today.  She died at age 92.  One of my favorite things to do with her as an adult was dance.  She would come spend a week or two with us every year as we moved around the country.  We would put on some country music and do the two step around our kitchen/dining areas.  She was the smoothest dancer...one of those who's upper body was still while from the waist down she kept a perfect dance step.  And like me, she loved to dance.  A few months ago I felt her presence here at home and I actually said out loud..."Mom, let's dance!"  I put on some music and "we" danced around the dining room.  Silly?  Maybe.  Was she really there?  Probably not.  But my heart was warmed by another dance with my mom.  Imagination can be a beautiful thing,

Speaking of imagination, this past week we watched the movie, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" with Judy Dench and Maggie Smith among others.  We have seen it before, but felt like revisiting it.  It is quite enjoyable as it tackles retirement and aging with humor and honesty.  There are not that many movies we like to watch, although the movie Coda and also The Adam Project are on our list.  A long time ago I went to school and became an interpreter for the deaf......working in the school system.  Our two oldest went to a school in St. Paul MN where deaf students were mainstreamed into the classes so sign language was part of their "vocabulary" for those years. So, the movie CODA holds interest for us for more than one reason.

As I write this Joel is busy mopping/steaming the wood floors in the house.  It has been awhile and our house is in need of deep cleaning.  I thought about all that has gone on this week, actually, the past two plus years,  and it came to mind that as people we need "deep cleaning" periodically too.  Looking deep inside and observing where we are at.  This morning as I was using the lymphedema pump I listened to a couple of podcasts by Brene' Brown regarding grief and also the pandemic (in 2020).  She talked about how important it is to validate our feelings.  I realized that there were times I was saying exactly what she said not to say during the pandemic....Things like, "Well, we have it really good.  No need to be stressed by this.  We have enough food, a nice home, don't have to work, etc."  Recognizing and giving thanks for all we have is a good thing, but dismissing our own deep emotions over what was going on is not healthy. Covid was not the "norm" and adjusting to the changes was at times difficult for all of us. 

This took me back to The Philippines.  When we lived off base, it was such a different world than we had ever experienced.  The bugs and snakes alone were bad enough but often our safety from people was an issue.  As Americans we hired 24/7 guards to protect us, had bars on our windows and thick heavy doors with locks that went into the cement floors.  Flood lights were on every corner of our house and there was a cement wall surrounding our house with heavy iron gates to lock at night. This was the "norm".   It was more than a little stressful and sadly one of our neighbors could not handle it all.  She ended up going back the the USA and leaving her hubby behind.  It was just too much for her. Most of us were able to cope and adjust to living in a third world............but our prayer life expanded greatly while living there.

Getting back to the movie we watched this week......."The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel", took place in India, so it transported us back to the Philippines with it's busy crowded streets, poverty, and culture.  I confess that I love the linen, gauzy type of loose clothing that fits their climate in India.  Anyway, after more than 4 decades since we left the islands, those two years still have a powerful impact on our lives.

We went for a short drive last night out into the country.  We saw several deer at dusk, and enjoyed a bit of a sunset.  We miss the country and it is nice that in five minutes we can be there....with the fields, farms, animals, an groves of trees to enjoy. 

So speaking of enjoy..........I am grateful this week for sunsets, temperatures to melt the snow, clean floors, lymphedema pumps, podcasts and YouTube videos at my fingertips, phone calls from family and friends, fun movies and memories of the P.I., memories of my mom, walking 35 min. daily, prayers and the promises of God, and so much more.

Enjoy your weekend!