Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you on this cold and windy day here in our corner of the world.  We woke to a high of 18 and are heading downhill from there.  The high winds are giving us a "feels like" temp of 2 degrees, blowing around the snow we have on the ground.  Still, tomorrow we rebound up into the thirties so that's not too bad.  Winter has definitely arrived.  

Speaking of arriving, our kids will start showing up on Thursday afternoon.  We will have our Thanksgiving meal on Friday, having ordered it from the local HyVee.  Joel and I just don't have it in us to cook a big meal.  We'll be making pies and cranberry sauce and our usual pumpkin bread is already in the freezer.  It will be good to see everyone again.  We will be missing 3 but our usual gathering group will be at the table.  I hope you all have people you love and care about to share a meal with. 

My retina appointment went okay....Pressure still too low......inflammation coming down.  No vision....After 5 weeks I am ready to be off the eye drops and visits but it is going to be a while.  Thankful that I am only going to the Dr. once a week now.  

Speaking of thankful, God has been sending me messages about "gold" lately.  A close friend, K. said that when she was praying for us she saw very clearly a large gold nugget from God.  She knew she needed to share that with us.  A day later in my Facebook memories up popped a post about how when a vase breaks in Japan it is often put back together with gold.  They do not hide the flaws of the vase but emphasis the fractures with gold as part of its beauty.  Soon after that I was walking around the dining room and saw a piece of paper on a chair.  I picked it up and the title of the article I had written years ago was "Finding GOLD in the dirt".  A friend, ML wrote a post on Facebook that spoke of shimmering gold......When I get so many messages from God I pay attention and today it dawned on me that giving thanks....in the darkness....in the middle of a difficult situation....brings out the gold God has for our lives.  We see things differently when it is through a window of praise and thankfulness.  I am sure God has much more to reveal to us so I am looking forward to what else He is going to share about "gold".  

With my "wonky" vision, I have discovered that the best time of day for me to look outside and enjoy the view is just before the sun goes completely down.  I can take in the trees, snow and sunset without my eyes watering or needing 2 pairs of sunglasses.  It has become a moment of gratitude for me.  I can see the view, and it is such a peaceful view to see!  We all need those moments to pause, take in the view and give thanks. 

So today I am giving thanks once again for doctors, drops, and all the help I have been getting for my eyes.  I am grateful for Joel's endless love and support whether it is getting me to all the appointments, helping me make pumpkin bread, or being my "eyes" when necessary.  Grateful for a warm house on a cold day, for texts, phone calls, and photos that bring the family close.  Grateful for the beautiful view from my living room window, for family coming, for God's continual messages about gold.  Grateful for the abundance of blessings we have...........and so much more.

Enjoy your weekend~

Saturday's Scribbles

 

Good Saturday to you from Iowa where the cold has come to stay.  Thursday it was 70 degrees, but Friday only 27 degrees and today we awoke to a dusting of snow with temps hoping to reach 30.  November is making itself known, yet it is really even a bit chilly for November.   The yard is ready for winter, the Christmas lights are up, and the only thing left out are the two porch chairs where Joel goes to sit for his morning coffee.  I am not sure why there are two chairs because I don't plan to join him in the cold, nor any other neighbor as far as I can tell!

This past Saturday we set our clocks back.  Ugh.  If you are like Joel, he sets the clocks, goes to bed at his "normal" time and wakes up at his "normal" time.  If you are like me, I am horizontal by 7:30 forcing myself to stay up til 9 and waking at 5:30 every morning.  Every. morning.  I think we need to pick one and stick with it.  It messes with too many body clocks.....when we mess with our clocks!

I saw the Retina Dr on Monday and am able to wait until next Monday to go again.  That is progress?!?  Inflammation still going down but pressure is not going up yet.  Hopefully this Monday we will see a change there.  This is definitely a slow process.

Speaking of processes, the Midterm elections were last Tuesday, as if that is news to you!   It is nice to have it over, although it is really not over is it.  We voted early which was nice. We are glad to have all the ads gone from TV, although I wish we could make the medical ads disappear too.  Over and over and over.......enough already!

This week we were discussing grandparents.  Our grandparents.  We realized that we did not know our grandparents well.  My paternal grandparents and maternal grandfather all died before I was born or when I was a toddler.  My maternal grandmother and I spent only a little time together.  One of my favorite memories is going sun fishing with her in a small wooden boat on a small lake in southeastern MN.  I remember she filleted the fish we caught and fried them in butter and flour.  "Tillie" was quite a strong independent woman who ran a cafe/bar/hotel after her husband died and she even fought off a robber who tried to steal her purse when she was in her 80's.  Joel spent little time with his grandparents.  A couple died early and his paternal grandmother spoke only Norwegian.  We have always wished we had more time with our grands.....and we wonder what our great grands will be like. And will they remember us?  Cuz, honestly, we don't remember our great grandparents...never knew them.  We truly are here just for a moment in time.

Before I get too melancholy, we are excited for Thanksgiving.  Our family is coming this year and spending time with family is so important.  Most everyone will arrive Thanksgiving Day and head home Saturday.  We are looking forward to filling the house with laughter, the voices of the grands, and turkey and pie too!

There is not much to write about this week as we wait and watch in a holding pattern with my eye.  But there is a lot to be thankful for.  Conversations with 4 of our kids and family, texts with sibs and friends, prayers that sustain and comfort, our first dusting of snow, energy increasing, homemade chicken soup, pumpkin bread in the oven, doctors who care and know what they are doing, a fireplace on cold evenings, a furnace that runs, heated car seats, french toast on homemade bread with fresh strawberries and old fashioned whipping cream.  Oh yeah.  Grateful for so much in this second week of November.  Enjoy your weekend!

Saturday's Scribbles

It is the first Saturday in November.  My favorite month went by quickly.  The first half filled with all that is Autumn, the second half filled with all that involves a major medical crisis.  Joel continues with his porch sitting moments, but like nature, he is preparing for winter, although it is between doctor appointments and doing most everything domestic once again...taking over where his wife is sidetracked right now.  We are still finding peace and strength in Fall and all it graces us with, like last Thursday's morning visit from a beautiful buck that walked through our backyard.  

Where do I begin with all that has transpired the past 25  days?  At the beginning I expect,  although it has been challenging to revisit what has transpired.  Writing on my laptop is not always easy, opening up the doors to all the trauma that occurred  is never easy.  But seeing God in the midst of it all is very necessary to the healing process.

On Tuesday afternoon, October 11th I had an eye injection.  We were excited because the exam showed that the new medication was working so well and I no longer needed to go every 3 weeks for a shot....but 4 and maybe longer.  BUT I woke up Wednesday morning to very strange vision in my left eye where I had the shot.  I knew it was serious, called the Retina emergency number and an hour later we were on the road to West Des Moines.  By the time we arrived my vision in that eye was completely gone.  Just darkness.  I saw the doctor quickly and soon was at their surgical center having cultures taken and two injections of broad spectrum antibiotics injected in the eye.  They believed and later confirmed it was an aggressive Strep bacteria that had come in through the injection hole.  Rare, but they have dealt with it.  We stayed with our son and daughter in law that night and the next morning I was seen again.  We went home with a number of eye drops I was putting in up to 16x a day,  but I had to go back the next day, Friday the 14th.  Very quickly I was sent back to the Surgical Eye Center.  It was already closed but the doctor called people back in for emergency surgery.  This time I was put out for awhile, and then they pulled out as much infection as they could and injected me again with 2 different broad spectrum antibiotics.  We spent the night again at our son and daughter in law's before seeing the doctor Sat. morning at their (closed) clinic.  I continued all the drops at home and the next week I saw him 3 more times.  Twice here in our clinic and once in their main office in West Des Moines.  My pressure had gone up to 33 but by the time the week ended it was bottoming out at 2-5. Neither number is good.   I have continued to see doctors 3x a week here and in West Des Moines which is a 240 mile round trip.    Things are now improving as far as inflammation reduction and cornea less swollen, less debris.  My vision is still gone and at this point there is only a slim chance some vision will return.  Right now our focus is on making sure the infection is gone and inflammation is going down and pressure up.  The appointment this past Wednesday has given us the most hope as progress is being seen.  The doctor was pretty excited after the ultrasound. Another surgery is in my future to clean up all the inflammatory debris and clean off the cataract implant.   

The doctors have given me good care.  The prayers of friends and family continue to sustain us.  We are "broken hearted" and "crushed in Spirit" over what has happened.  I am still trying to adjust to having vision in one eye.  This eye has dry macular so on a chart I "see" 20/20 but because of the dry things are a bit distorted and dingy and my vision blurs in and out.  My depth perception is way off and I am actually seeing things that are not there due to the retina/brain connection trying to compensate fir what has happened.............entoptic phenomena........and the steroid and antibiotic eye drops have caused nausea and excessive fatigue/weakness.  Now that they have lowered the number of times the drops go in it that is somewhat better~  I've stopped losing weight and am a bit stronger at times.  This journey is very hard for both of us......impossible without God.  

A Bible verse comes to mind for me "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your OWN UNDERSTANDING. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."  We don't begin to understand this journey.  God did NOT orchestrate this in any way shape or form, but He did allow it.  And the healing process has been one big scary challenge.  Seeing at 20/20 and going to a distorted blurry vision has and is a one day at a time journey.  Yet we see God in the midst of it.......the doctors who have seen me on Saturdays , their days off...have reopened a surgical center with everyone showing up to help with the surgery.  Staff and techs bending over backwards to bring us comfort and care.  The prayers of so many friends and family.  A neighbor bringing by a "gift basket" and offering to cook for us.  Our son and daughter in law opening their home and our son there to steady us at both surgeries and several appointments.  Good weather to travel in.  Even when the doctor gave me his personal cell number and told me to call him anytime in the night if anything changed after the first surgery.  Seriously God showed His love and care through so many others.  This is what I am grateful for today.  We don't know what is ahead.....we are tired, and we are certainly living and breathing one day at a time as this long slow healing process continues, but we already can look back and see how God has been in the midst of yet another medical crisis.  

Thank you all for your prayers and support.  We would love to pray for you and your needs too.  So much to be grateful for on this first weekend in November.