Good Saturday to you on this chilly last weekend of April. After two warm days we are back to temps in the 50's. Joel has been busy outside giving a lot of time and effort to our yard. He ordered a de-thatcher/scariater and has been working up the yard front and back. It's hard work, but should nourish and improve our yard. I was able to do a little porch sitting this week which was nice. Joel takes his morning coffee on the porch and watches the rabbits, birds and squirrels. We have one pesky woodpecker that keeps thinking our cement siding is wood and pecks and pecks before giving up awhile.
Speaking of giving up...........I have been close this week once or twice. Let me explain. First of all, when I started this blog I told myself I would be writing with honesty about my life...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Years later, with this latest health journey I have recently felt a vast number of emotions over the referred pain that continues to ebb and flow with great intensity. I have always prided myself in handling pain, ( pride cometh before the fall?) never using pain meds or even OTC pain relief except after surgery.. And then this eye invasion of strep happened and I felt literally desperate for relief. Just one month on gabepentin took down the level of pain greatly. Then, a couple days after surgery the pain came back. Expected after cutting out the middle of your eye, right? We have been telling ourselves for two weeks that it will get better..........the eye swelling is MUCH better so the pain will be too. It went down to around 50 % of what it was and then it started creeping back up. Yesterday it was a 9 of 10 at times. Ibuprofen takes the edge off a bit. I don't like writing about it anymore.....I just want it gone and I find myself asking a lot of why questions of God. And as those of us who tend to want answers to the why questions know, you just don't get many answers to the whys with God. Recently a friend gave me a new devotional book by Lysa TerKeurst which talked about just this.......and I will quote what stood out for me:
"Sometimes God has to lean in closely to our hearts and gently whisper...you don't have to have all the answers, you just need to trust."
That does not mean I need to bear the burden of the "why" pain without help, but it does mean I need to trust that God is in the midst of this journey that has perplexed, confused, exhausted, and saddened both Joel and myself. We just need to trust His plan. And know.... This too shall pass...........
God is sooooo good to send help....like in the form of our neighbor who is a retired ophthalmologist and came by to ask Joel to cut a couple of boards for him. He asked how I was doing and when I explained the pain...he said, "Oh that is referred pain." It sometimes takes awhile for that to subside. Pain meds may help." Just that little conversation with our neighbor was affirming. And definitely from God. Yesterday I received a card in the mail at just the right time when the pain had me sad......a card of encouragement and words of praise sent with love from someone who calls me "Mama Dahlen" (which I love). Again...........just what I needed. THIS is our GOD! Whether a phone call, a new devotional, a goodnight text from my sister, someone asking me how I am doing......and on and on. Yes, God continually sends encouragement our way.
When I was having surgery the anesthesiologist came in while the IV nurse was trying to get a vein to cooperate. He said to her, "Just use her right hand, there is a big one there." I told him we could not use my right hand or arm because I have lymphedema....I even had a warning bracelet the nurse had clipped on. He said to me, we won't do blood pressure in that arm, but an IV will work there. THREE times I said, NO. I had been warned from the beginning by my MAYO lymphedema physical therapist that even a little cut or burn on that arm or hand was risky for infection and even sepsis. The nurse ignored his command and found a small vein in my left hand fairly quickly. When he turned his back I mouthed "{Thank you" to her. When he left the room she said, "I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself. It is your body and you know what it needs." SHE was a gift from God. It made Joel and I a little stressed that he would be in charge of my sedation BUT she said, He is good with that. And others are in the room too......." I just love how God takes care of the details. BTW the rest of my journey with surgery at St. Mary's was really positive. And the anesthesiologist was good....maybe a little cocky....and just not very knowledgeable about lymphedema!
Joel and I enjoyed a couple of shows this past week that added much needed laughter to our days. We watched the movie, "Ticket to Paradise" with George Clooney and Julia Roberts. And we watched the Carol Burnett special celebrating her 90th birthday, The latter had me looking for old episodes of her long running show so we could keep the laughs going. Of course, Tim Conway was so darn funny in that show. He cracked everyone up!
I have been listening to books on audio.com, a gift from our oldest and her family and went from Prince Harry's book, "Spare" which had a combo of good, bad, and ugly in it, and now Michelle Obama's book, "Beloved". I enjoy learning about people and their lives and both have not disappointed. I also hooked up to my library on Hoopla. I tried the app Libby but it would not take my card....but Hoopla did and I am listening to one of my favorite cozy mystery authors right now. It is a great tool for saving my eye for other things! Who knew?!
Time to end this week's scribbles with so much to be grateful for. Shows that make us laugh, audio books to distract while I heal, phone calls from our oldest son, texts from our kids and family, the prayers of many. Grateful for the neighbor's knowledge on referred pain. Grateful for a beautiful card that carried hope and love. Grateful for audio books, funny TV, and Alexa podcasts. Grateful for warmer weather at times, eye improvement, the way God is in the details of our lives. Grateful for all this and so much more........
Enjoy your weekend!
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