When The Bowl Is Full

My prayer bowl sits in front of me, as a reminder to pray for others.  Today it could be filled to the top with the needs of my family.  And then there are those friends who carry heavy burdens.  Some seasons are like that.  Packed so full of sickness, disease, death, financial struggles, wayward kids, and more.  Yeah.  And I confess that when my own needs are vying for my attention, there are times I struggle not to feel overwhelmed as I think and pray  about the needs of others.

But, you see, we are not meant to carry the burdens of others.  We are meant to encourage, to stand with, to pray for, but not to carry.  Jesus is meant to carry....... He already carried.   He not only carried He suffered.  He died.  He sacrificed His ALL because of His love for us.  We bring the needs of others before Him,, TRUSTING that He fights for them.  TRUSTING His promises.  TRUSTING His death to have meant something.  Everything.  His death meant everything.

We have a close friend, Dan, that we have known since our seminary days.  When Joel and I both were ill with Lyme Disease he would take the time to call, even with his busy schedule as a senior pastor with a family.  He would ask how we were doing and always listen.  A year ago his wife died from cancer.  We were on our own journey ( it has been a year now) and the phone calls between us were brief and not as often, but we knew that his love and prayers continued as did ours for them.  Since Barb's death, we have continued to hear from Dan as he checks in.  He is a true friend indeed.  How can he shift his own grief to pray for others?  It is who he is, but he also does not try to carry the burdens of others.  He TRUSTS Jesus to do that. 

And so must we.  TRUST our Lord to fight for others as we lift them up in prayer.  TRUST our Lord to walk with others on their own journeys of suffering and need.  TRUST our Lord's promises....Trust that He always hears our prayers, never feels overwhelmed, and keeps us ALL in the shelter of His wings. 

At times our prayer bowls are full.........but we empty them at your feet Jesus knowing they are not ours to carry.  In gratitude we remember and TRUST You, Jesus. 

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our corner of the world where Autumn has been showing off it's beauty!  Love all the colors.......Amazing!

Speaking of beautiful, our oldest son brought to my attention the tree at the end of our cul-de-sac which he noticed when he came to visit.  He swears the tree fully turned color in the short amount of time he mowed and mulched leaves.  I was in the beginning of the chemo crap storm, but was able to step out on the porch and view it myself.  Our favorite tree did not disappoint this year!

If you take a walk right past this tree you will come to the association path and it will take you down to the river and the road we love to walk on.  Or you can curve to the right on your way down and walk through the association on paved paths.  A blessing we enjoy living here.

Speaking of blessings, Joel enjoyed his very brief visit to MN for our granddaughter L's confirmation.  So thankful he could go and leave me in very capable hands.  He had a nice time with the family, all 24 hrs of it!  He was back home by 8:30 Sunday night.  I had already been sleeping for an hour, but woke up to catch up and then head to bed.  

I had a very horizontal week with the usual nasty symptoms keeping me miserable.  I know it lifts about 6 days later and so there is that light you hang on too.  As my friend Linda says, "It is ugly until it isn't".  Hope at the end of the tunnel, right?  

Our middle daughter N. turns 45 today.  Where do the years go?  She has a brother, Mark, and a cousin K. who all turn the same age each year.  Mark and N. are 4 months apart.  I can still see the day we brought her home, gathering with family and neighborhood kids around this precious bundle God had placed in our arms in miraculous ways.  Loving memories......

And leaving you with your own..........Hope you have been able to enjoy yet another week of Fall.  

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our corner of the world where today's temp is going to be 65 !  A warm fall day starting with rain but ending with sunshine. I will be enjoying the weather from my sofa sanctuary due to yesterday's chemo treatment.  So thankful for our big windows, and the fresh air coming in.

It is also the weekend of our granddaughter L.'s confirmation.  Joel and I feel that a time to confirm and confess your faith in Jesus as your Savior is very important......just as important as graduating, but for different reasons.  It breaks my heart that I cannot be there to celebrate.  He was struggling with whether to go or not because I crash, especially the Sunday after chemo and often need his help.  He had just decided not to go when our oldest son, Matt, surprised us with a phone call telling us he was going to come up Saturday afternoon and stay overnight, going home Sunday afternoon so his dad could go and I would not be alone!  What a gift for us!

Speaking of gifts, as I sit or lay on my sofa I can see a ceramic plaque that says, "You Got This" from our oldest daughter.  I see a beautiful card with heart felt encouragement from our middle daughter, an angel from our son Matt, wife Michele, and kids, and a prayer bowl from my sister Janelle. I give thanks for the phone that brings in calls from our son Matt....to check in with us.   I have a stack of cards to reread and a jar full of encouraging notes and Bible verses our youngest daughter Sarah made for me last Thanksgiving when I started this long hard journey.  She had everyone who was here write them for me.   All visual reminders of God's love notes sent by those I love and care about.  It makes me smile...........\

Speaking of smiling, yesterday I had a roommate for chemo.  A very small room with a cotton cloth screen between chemo patients.  They were full and my scheduled appointment did not happen until just two days before hand.  My roomie liked to watch old westerns.  It reminded me of my sister Jan who also likes old western movies.  A discussion with my siblings brought up the fact that most do enjoy old westerns.......especially Bonanza was a favorite!  All of us are over 60.....probably has something to do with it?  Or maybe the simpler life when the violence shown on TV was kid's play compared to today!

I am reading a David Rosenfelt mystery again.  I took a break for awhile as they sound the same after awhile.  I really need to expand my reading choices, but right now between chemo and steroid brains this is the best I can do.  Speaking of steroids, when I am put on them, I have several side effects including weight gain to the tune of gaining 4 lbs in just 24 hours.  Six pounds in 2 days.  I quit getting on the scale until this leaves my body.  It is fascinating to me....I lost 7 lbs the first 10 days of chemo last time and gained it back the final week........and then more.  Now, in my way of thinking a person should get rewarded for this journey, like weight loss if needed.  Don't you think?

The political drama is over the top and even though I hate to watch it or let it pull me in on any level, I am drawn to it in a strange way.  Drama.  The what can happen next?  Boundaries and limitations? Necessary.

The Hallmark Mystery Channel has gone to Christmas Movies ALREADY!  What is up with that?  Do that have a pact with businesses to get people to buy more stuff or are they just wanting to spread some joy early on....like before Halloween!  We don't decorate for Halloween but do have pumpkins for Fall!

Hope you all have a good weekend filled with all good blessings!

My Papa God Is Bigger

"Faith does not deny a problem's existence, 

it denies the problem a place of influence."

Bill Johnson

Problems can appear so BIG.  They can be so BIG!  And so often I find myself telling God and anyone who will listen just how big my problem is.......when I need to remember and declare to my problem and to myself and others just how BIG my GOD is!  He is definitely bigger than any problem.

Recently  I heard Pastor Bill Johnson from Redding CA talk a bout a friend of his who was going through a terrible situation.  One day he placed two chairs facing each other and he invited the devil to sit in one chair and he sat in the other.  He then, said to the devil..."You are going to sit here and listen to me praise God. You are going to hear how faithful, good, and kind my God is!"  This man made the decision to focus on God and His goodness in the midst of, and despite his circumstances.

I would imagine the devil hates to hear us praising God.  Yes, I am sure of it.  I would expect God loves to hear our praises to Him.  It says in scripture that He inhabits our praises!  And I know that when we give thanks and praise, focusing on God and not our, at times, enormous circumstances, we find a sense of peace in the midst of it all. Praise is an offering for what we know to be true according to God's Word, even in the midst of hardship and loss.  It builds our faith.  As Bill Johnson said, faith does not deny our problem but it denies it a place of influence.


I am good at visualizing.  God has given me a gift of "seeing" in the spirit realm.  Sometimes that gift turns against me when I visualize worst-case scenarios.  And let me tell you, I am good at that IF I listen to the lies of the enemy.  I decided to do what Bill Johnson's friend does and put two chairs together.  I put my "circumstances" on the chair and I speak to it of God's goodness, faithfulness, healing power.  Funny thing about that........when you speak to your circumstances, or the enemy, you are also speaking to yourself.  You shift your focus and it shifts your perception. 

I have one family member who finds bedtime challenging at times because worry likes to visit.  This person has learned to pray the Lord's Prayer over and over and recently added singing "This Little Light of Mine" until sleep comes.  What a wonderful example of shifting the focus to WHO is this person's LIGHT....making God bigger than the problem!

It is not always easy, but it is possible.  Whether we put two chairs together and speak to the circumstance, whether we poke the devil in the eye with our praise, whether we sing a sweet yet powerful song over our worry, the result is the same.  God becomes bigger, things shift,  and peace flows. 

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to  you from our corner of Iowa where we woke up to our first frost of the season.  We do not have snow, like Minnesota, South Dakota, and other states.  We do have the cold with wind chills but are avoiding the white stuff which is fine by us!  I am now enjoying my "Woolie", my wool comforter which keeps me nice and cozy throughout the cold seasons.  Like I have said many times, wool has some healing properties.  Joel has some arthritis in his hands/fingers and wears wool gloves which helps!  Love the wool!

Speaking of loving something..........did any of you see the video a mom took of her three year old son on his way to school.  When he was 2 she taught him an affirmation she hoped would stick in his mind.  It did.  On his first day of school he started to repeat the affirmation on his own.....

I am smart!

I am blessed!

I can do anything!

He is adorable and has a message for all of us!  I found myself adjusting the affirmation to...I am strong.  I am blessed!  And with God I can do anything!

Speaking of I can do anything, this journey with chemo is so unpredictable.  I like to say every day is different and sometimes every hour.  Like Tuesday I had trouble getting downstairs without feeling like I would pass out.  I rested awhile and by 11 am felt good enough to make a small batch of cookies!  I walked twice around the driveway that evening and crashed after.......unpredictable. Thursday I went to physical therapy, three stores for cards, and the library!  No problems.....and that was fun.

I was supposed to have chemo yesterday but it has been postponed for a week.  Last Monday I called the clinic and left a message for my doctor that I was having neuropathy in my feet and some in my fingers.  The doctor was gone once again and the nurse called me and said another doctor on call said I needed to see a palliative care team for pain control.  I was NOT looking for meds, I was looking to ask the doctor about this side effect as I know it can be permanent.  I was going to be contacted by the team....but nothing.....Finally on Wednesday I called again and said I wanted to talk to the doctor after finding out I was not even scheduled to see him before chemo on Friday.  At Joel's persistence I also called Mayo and left a message with my oncologist there.  The Doctor from our center here called me and decided to postpone chemo a week........and shortly after that the Mayo doctor called me....less than 2 hours after my call to him.  2 hours.  Not 2 days.  He felt waiting was okay but did not think my symptoms were telling him the neuropathy would be permanent so go ahead with the chemo .....only 2 treatments left.  So for now I am in limbo waiting for symptoms to go down and for next week.  I expect this is quite common but it was not part of the plan and I struggle with not pushing through it.  We have been praying about it of course, and twice in one day from different sources I heard words I had not heard before............WHEN YOU ARE GOING THROUGH HELL, JUST KEEP GOING!  Yep.  Just keep going!

Speaking of keep going........Yesterday we headed to the local grocery store to pick up some pumpkins for our deck and front porch.  After paying $5 for each one, no matter the size, I decided we would seek out a pumpkin patch next year!  There is just something about pumpkins that speak of fall and warm my heart!  Halloween is my least favorite day, but Thanksgiving is definitely a plus!  The colors, the smells, the food, the gatherings, the gratitude expressed.  It is the only holiday where our family celebrates on the actual day, and the only holiday where Joel does not have services on the day, so of course it is my favorite! 

Speaking of favorite.........last night we watched the first episode of the original Magnum P.I. series on Amazon Prime!  That show was a favorite in our house in the 80's.  It is amazing that I remember so much of that first episode!  Our minds really store a lot of information.......a reminder to fill it with GOOD things!

I have been reading again this week, picking up a Rita Mae Brown mystery at the library.  What are you reading? 

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday to you from our corner of Iowa where the word of the week has been RAIN!  Rain, rain, and more rain.  Dark and dreary days mostly with water water everywhere.  I'm guessing we have had 4-5 inches.  We could use a little sunshine!  It has been nice to turn on the gas fireplace!

Speaking of sunshine, we were hoping for sunshine today as Joel headed off to his "national holiday" of Rendezvous Days about 45 minutes from here.  He has gone nearly every year, life and weather cooperating!  The weather has not cooperated this year.  He called me a couple of hours in and said there was water everywhere.  Sloshing was the way he described walking through all the tents, food places, etc.  Sounds like he will top off his breakfast flatbread with lunch before heading home early.  So disappointing.

Today is our granddaughter Abbi's birthday.  Next week our son-in-law Greg will add a year.  Our oldest son Matt and his wife Michele celebrated their wedding anniversary this week, too.  We have a lot of family birthdays and anniversaries in the fall.  I enjoy fall so much, but sure miss being with our family for special occasions.  For any occasion.  If you live close to your kids?  Treasure it.

There has been so much political drama on TV this week.  It is like a soap opera where each day brings more craziness than the last.  Years and years ago I used to watch those daily soaps......I quit and I am glad I did!   Too much drama.....just like now.  No matter which side of the aisle you are on, or whether you walk down the middle, it is all a mess.  There are times I am not only shocked or disgusted, but also embarrassed by it all.

This week I made it to physical therapy twice as planned.  The scar tissue is breaking up and my muscles are stretching more and more.  That is good news.  I have had more energy, but what we have noticed is that I can feel fine and then instantly not be fine and in need of laying down ASAP.  It just leaves or changes so quickly.  I wish the pain would go away as quickly!  Six more days til we head back to the cancer center for another infusion.  Oh, joy.

Speaking of joy, I have been working on that intentional gratitude again.  I am thankful for texting!  Such a fast way to be in touch.  I am so grateful for kids who walk in faith.  Grateful for feeling stronger, being able to taste some foods again, and knowing there is an end to the chemo.  Grateful for a warm house, a gas fireplace, the TV to distract, online ordering,and grilled pork chops and baked squash made by my hubby.  Delish!  What's on your list?