Adrift

I could see myself drifting in a vast sea.  It was dark, but not without moonlight reflecting off the water.  I was not in a raging storm, but I found it necessary to hang on to the sides of the small boat I laid in.  A place where I felt sheltered and safe in a topsy turvy world. It was silent except for the sounds of the wind and waves.  So so silent.

I knew in that moment that I was not alone, that God was with me, but He seemed so far away.  So quiet.  Just out of my grasp.  There are times I want to ask God if He is there even though I know He is.  I cry out for a tangible touch of His Love.   Knowing and feeling His Presence are different from each other and I long to feel His Presence like a warm caress.

Remember when the disciples were at sea and a storm came up?  Jesus slept right through it as they all worried about perishing in the water.  Jesus rebuked the storm and scolded the disciples.  Oh you of little faith. Is it about faith, or the lack there of that I see myself on a solo journey at sea? 

A season of on our knees humbleness.  It was spoken over us.  Nearly two years ago.  A season of boat rocking.  How do we feel safe in a boat tossed around by the sea?  We dig deep into what we know, not what we feel. God is with us.  God. is. with. us.  In the "what if's" that assail us and the "even if's" that come calling.  God is with us. 

I read a story today in a recent Guideposts magazine where a man ended up stuck on a mountain during a snow storm.  He had struggled with his faith at times, yet realized prayer was His only option as the storm raged and he sat inside his small tent sheltered in pine trees.  So he prayed specific requests throughout the night.  And the next day those prayers were answered one by one.  As he found his way back down the mountain he could not help but see the beauty in the highest peak as it reflected sunlight and reached for the sky.  Steady.  Firm.  He felt like it was God saying, "I AM HERE".  And He was.

And He is.  Even if............I AM HERE.   What if..............I AM HERE.  During the journey I AM HERE.  On our knees........I AM HERE.  Feeling adrift in the wave tossed boat at sea............I AM HERE.  In the victory.............I AM HERE.  We are never alone.  "I AM HERE."