Good Saturday morning to you from our corner of Iowa where a quiet steady rain is nourishing the earth, giving the birds a bath, and bringing us to the porch for a little enjoyment. Soon we will go for a walk in the rain, one of my favorite things to do. We have been watching the birds right out our window as the neighbor put up a new feeder and I just need to glance to the left from our sofa to enjoy the birds as they feed. Delightful.
This past week we have walked more outside, making our trek to the river......in doing so we cannot help but think about the remains of two bodies found months apart along the banks of this river right where we walk. We never know where life will take us.......or death at times. This has me scribbling back to this past week's massacres and from my mouth comes the words, "Lord have mercy...........Christ have mercy."
Speaking of words coming from my mouth, I have always tried to be transparent here when it comes to myself.......what I am dealing with, what comes our way....at least within reason with the hope that someone else will be strengthened by my journey. Let me start by saying that all my reports have been good news so far this year. The Mayo radiology oncologist....good news. The oncologist here in town....good news. The dermatologist for melanoma check....good news. The other dermatologist for lichen sclerosis......good news. The last eye appointment.....good news. And this past week the urologist......good news. (For a person who used to hate going to the doctor I sure see my fill of them). Well a couple of things have come up lately that have been giving me a challenge. Anxiety has been high this past year for several reasons, mostly dealing with the old spirit of fear and lack of trust........but the past six weeks I have noticed that I sometimes retrieve the wrong word when speaking. I might want to say something about an x-ray and the word haircut comes up in my mind......yeah.....I know it is the wrong word and stop myself. Also the wrong names of people. It is like the mind is throwing out the wrong word to me or I am losing my train of thought. I have never had issues like this. Joel? on a daily basis as long as I have known him! Me? never. It has given me high anxiety which is turn has made things worse. Of course. I did some research after this went away for a couple of weeks and then came back and I discovered a couple of studies that said the hormone inhibitor I am on, Arimidex, can cause memory issues like this which usually resolves when you go off the drug. It is connected to lack of estrogen for 30-35% of women who take it. This helped Joel with his understanding of what is going on but of course I just want it to go away. It is nothing serious yet and from the message boards I went to on the site, breastcancer.org some had real big issues while on the drug. These seem pretty minor in comparison but I still can use prayers as I stand firm for this drug to NOT be a "weapon formed against me" but a weapon formed against the cancer returning! Since the cancers I had were estrogen fueled, I am to stay on it for five years ~ one down and have four to go so will discuss it with my oncologist in April while still believing it will leave.
As I always do I asked God for a word about this and He was gracious enough to send me some. First a scripture and then a phrase I have said often over the years to others.
The scripture is from 2 Timothy 1:7, "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."
The phrase that came to me is "This too shall pass". Thursday was an especially difficult day and that night my sister Jan sent me a text where she said, "This too shall pass". Friday morning Joel came to give me a big hug and said to me, without knowing about Jan, "This too shall pass".......He told me to go down stairs and read the notecard that our son Matt had given us last April when the pandemic was in full swing....On it Matt had written a scripture for us and the words, "This too shall pass". I had taped it to the cupboard door and read it once in awhile. So there it was.............three times.............a word from God. "This too shall pass". I hope and pray today as I write this that someone else takes comfort in this. I feel like I am to share all this because someone needs to hear it, embrace it, believe it. This too shall pass.
Along with these words above, God gave me a vision while meditating a few days ago. In my mind I was taking off these old sandals that were worn, no soles left, and difficult to walk in. Jesus came up and bent down and when He stood up I had on new shoes woven of gold. I asked Him what these were and He said, "Shoes of Peace". He then took my hand and said, "Now walk with me through life". It was short but powerful. Shoes of Peace..........in today's world we all need them don't we. Shoes of Peace and who is the One who IS Peace? Our Jesus. We can walk through life wearing the old worn shoes of worry and fear, or wearing the Peace that passes all understanding with the God of Peace. Shalom, friends. Shalom.......
Today Joel and I have been cleaning the main level of the house...dusting, vacuuming, dust mopping.. I don't think I am alone in enjoying a clean house! I just love to get things all "spiffy" and am so grateful for the energy to do these things. We also have a roomba we call "Nora" after the maid we had while living in the Philippines. She is working right now upstairs as I type. I find at times I talk to her.....okay maybe I should not be sharing that with the world! She just seems to have her own mind at times like...ummmm Alexa??! Haha
We have now been fully vaccinated two weeks and yesterday we headed out to Target and to HyVee grocery store. I had not been to HyVee in about a year we think. Target 3-4 times in 14 months? We still wear masks but it is nice to know we can go places with a sense of protection from a deadly virus.
Well, my scribbling seems appropriate more than ever today with my brain "toots" ! So with gratitude I give thanks that I can write and share my story, for doctors, pills that work to suppress the estrogen that feeds cancer, for rain, for walking outside and getting fresh air, for texts, words and scriptures given by God through others, Nora the cleaning robot, the neighbor's bird feeders, hugs from my hubby, being able to go to the grocery store again, shoes of peace, and so much more!
Enjoy your weekend!
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