Making My Pen A Weapon

It is not my intention to dwell on Satan and his followers, but at the same time we need to be prepared for what he sends our way.  Certainly the scriptures don't brush aside his desire to kill steal and destroy us. (John 10:10).  God in all His wisdom has provided us weapons of warfare for the spirit realm such as found in Ephesians chapter six. We can also add to the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, sword of the spirit, shoes of peace, shield of faith and belt of truth those of praise and prayer.  A wonderful book explaining the weapons found in Ephesians is "Dressed To Kill" by Rick Renner.

Yesterday I read an article that opened my eyes to yet another weapon of warfare we can add to our arsenal. That weapon is a pen.  Or in today's world a keyboard!  It never dawned on me that by writing what Holy Spirit leads us to write, we are actually fighting against the enemy's strategy.  Like I mentioned before, his  purpose is to kill, steal, and destroy.  Period and exclamation point.  God's purpose is to bring his children Home.  As writers, our purpose is to let others experience God through our words, between the pages of a book or across the Internet world.  Words as weapons of warfare against the enemy's deceptions..

"Putting pen to paper lights more fires than ashes could ever do."

We already know that God's Word is living and "sharper than any two edged sword".  We know that His scriptures "brings life to those who find them and healing to their whole body".  That God "sent His word and healed others".  Words are powerful.  In any shape or form, to build up or tear down, words hold power.  If we have the gift of writing, whether it be books, blogs, songs, or poetry, when we use that gift for God's glory, that in itself fights against Satan's plans for evil.

Today I am addressing pens as weapons, but I believe any gift we have, when used for God's purpose, is a weapon.  Like to paint?  Enjoy singing?  Love to teach?  Each time we step out in faith to use our gifts, I believe Heaven rejoices and hell trembles!  Not all weapons of warfare put us in a battle stance, but they do bring Heaven to earth and joy to our Lord.  What is your weapon?

"We Have Arrived In Hell"

In the winter of 2015 we took our first trip to Arizona.  A blizzard forecast for the mountains directed us farther south so we drove along the border, came up through Tucson and stopped in Arizona City where we visited friends Lyn and Marie.  When leaving their home away from home we got lost and ended up on a road to nowhere......surrounding us was nothing but desolate land.  Isolated and empty flat desert and more desert.   I remember turning to Joel and saying, "We have arrived in hell."

It is what I imagined hell to be like.  Desolate.  Empty.  Barren.  It came to mind today while thinking about where I had found myself the past three weeks.  All because of one decision.

The decision we had made resulted in me stepping into a deep cavern, a black hole, bottomless and sucking every dream, hope, and promise in to it.  There was good to come from this, but I could not get past what I saw as loss.  I grieved.  My body felt weighed down as a spirit of heaviness enveloped me.   I was two weeks into living in the barren desert of my emotions, when I identified it. Depression.  It stunned me. Everything an effort, tears washing my face, heart hurting.  Silence welcoming while at the same time deafening.  Frozen in place with graceful movements an effort.

I tried to focus on the family coming.  Thanksgiving was a bit of a reprieve, we do love being with our family. I thought I was pulling it off, the "everything is great" act until our oldest asked a question...."Are you happy, Mom?"  I had to think about it.  I paused and took a breath and replied..."Most of the time...." I knew as soon as I said it aloud that it echoed false.  I was not happy. Guilt crept in.

How can I not be happy!?!  I recovered from surgery, radiation is mostly a thing of the past.  My latest mammogram was good......I can see well now with cataract surgeries long behind me.  So much to be thankful for.....and yet.......I. want. more.  I want to see what I have been believing for. What we have been believing for.   I sense it so close, but I do not see it.  I see it not.

How can we not be happy?  Joel has fill-in work.  He is well liked in the pulpit and likes to be there, so there is enough Sunday preaching, he helps others out, it helps us financially.  Still, we. want. more.  This is not what we planned. We planned to be desert birds, or at least snow birds.  More importantly we planned for  a new adventure with God.  And we believed from what we were told and felt, that God had a new purpose awaiting us.  Weary of chair sitting we long for more.  Lately it had not seemed possible.  Not one promise of God is empty of power,  but I had forgotten that.

A perfect storm of circumstances and more had come together, releasing a deep spirit of heaviness over me.  In my mind this one decision was erasing our future dreams and God's promises. I found myself on that desert road to nowhere.  So many tears, so much sadness.  I was surprised by my reactions.   Here's the thing, though. My response opened my eyes....our eyes......because I usually don't experience depression...situational for a day or two, but nothing like the hopelessness that filled me.

I expect some would have said, "Suck it up buttercup" or "think positive".  "If you have Jesus than you can't be depressed."  "Be thankful!"  But Joel said to me, "It is okay, how you feel. Just feel it, walk through it, and it will pass."  Thank you, Joel.  For your prayers, your loving support,  and your wisdom.

Recognizing the heaviness for what it was, I started seeking insights from God ~ everything rang hollow.  But then an online friend, Michelle, who often speaks out prophetically,  posted something on Facebook that had my full attention.  She wrote (in general) that through the struggles, pain, exhaustion, tears, sorrow, etc. God has great plans for you.  Even if nothing makes sense, remember that God has great plans for you!  Simple and straightforward, for me it was profound and as I read it once, then twice ~  a weight began to gently lift off of me. A light began to appear.......so I asked God for more, but silence echoed.   Then a couple of days later while resting, His response washed over me with the words of Dr. Simmons in a Passion Translation prophesy,  and in God's written Word. "Praise Me.  Praise releases breakthrough. Praise.....praise....praise..."  In obedience we began to praise Him.

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,

 to give them beauty for ashes,

 the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; 

that they might be called tress of righteousness, 

the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified"

Isaiah 61:3

We began to praise God, as Ann Voskamp tells her readers, by giving thanks for every gift in every moment.  It has not been easy for me, I admit, but it is releasing breakthrough.  And that decision?   I laid it at God's feet again and again as needed, and over the course of a few days He closed the door.  We released it to the One we can trust, praised God for His goodness,  and He closed the door.  We both now feel a sense of peace about it and God is replacing the spirit of heaviness with joy as we trust and praise Him.

Going through this valley of darkness opened my eyes to some vulnerable thinking, some "lies" I was believing.  It also opened my eyes to trusting not only God, but the gift of discernment He has blessed me with.  This experience has helped me to recognize once again that even in the desert when it feels like we have arrived in Hell, we are never alone.  Oh, friends, I hope this resonates for some of you as you read my words.  We are never alone.  We can give praise for that, can't we.  We can give praise for so many things.  Wearing a garment of praise is so much better than carrying around a spirit of heaviness.

Saturday's Scribbles: Supernatural Courage

I have been spending more than a little time on the sofa this week and thanks to Kindle and a gift card I was able to read a book written by Kris and Jason Vallotton titled, "Outrageous Courage:  What God Can Do With Raw Obedience and Radical Faith".  It is a book of stories told by Tracy Evans and written by Kris and Jason, about her adventures with God as a missionary.  Kris has known Tracy for 30 years and knows she is genuine in her walk of faith.  She continues this day to work in Africa, helping the orphans.

Her courage blows my mind.  I think of Kris Vallotton as being radical in his walk with Jesus, but he talked in the book's foreword about how much Tracy scares him.  Why?  He says he "fears God in Tracy, because her life is a continual offering to God, without fear of death."  With Tracy's history and personality, she might have a hard time fitting in full time in what we would call a  "normal" setting, but she fits in perfectly serving the people who live in a garbage dump in the Philippines or driving truck across dangerous territory in Africa to pick up milk for starving orphans.  She is more comfortable talking about Jesus to the homeless under a bridge than to those who fill the pews on Sunday mornings.  What a lioness she is for God!

As I pondered this woman's life, I felt myself longing to live a life of courage for God.........after spending so many years on my sofa staring out our living room window at the same (beautiful) view, when I rose from a bed of disease Joel and I began to plan for a new purpose in our lives.  We have had prophetic words spoken over us that seem to agree with our dreams, but what we sense is there waiting, we have not yet seen.

Don't misunderstand.....we have no plans to work in a garbage dump in the Philippines.  We lived there two years in the 70's and we have seen the poverty and watched people literally eat our garbage. We have compassion for the people in 3rd world countries, but we do not have the stamina to sustain a lifestyle like Tracy's.  We have had a missionary's heart, but felt no call there.

As I read the book I was starting to put my focus on Tracy Evan, "Amazon warrior", when God intervened and showed me that not all courage comes from moving to a 3rd world country as a missionary.  He reminded me that courage shows itself in those who quietly stand firm in their faith while struggling with disease, death, or disaster.  I have a dear friend who lives out supernatural courage as she struggles to live a life limited by severe symptoms that baffle doctors while they try to label what is going on in her body.  And yet her faith is strong, her hope continues, and she faces each day knowing "this is the day that the Lord has made".  We talked yesterday and I came away from that phone conversation humbled by her courage.

When I was going through radiation there was a woman who came in after me.  She would arrive early, and often visited with Joel while I was laying on that steel table praying while the machine delivered its radiation.  She had been diagnosed with the "worst kind of breast cancer", had been through chemo, and was now in radiation.  She rested in bed when she needed to, and she worked when she could.  She participated in life.  She did not hide her bald head, nor did she shy away from her journey.  She faced it head on, giving thanks for each day.  She displayed such courage.

We have friends who are raising their grandchildren, we also have friends who are raising a house full of their kids while in their late 50's.  It takes courage.  I also takes courage to go to work every day when your job does not fulfill you....it takes courage to be kind and forgiving when our flesh tells us to strike back.  There are so many ways to identify courage, as many as there are people I expect.

In the natural world, Joel continues to work as a fill in pastor or Interim.  It is good work and blesses those he serves while blessing us in return.  Selfishly, or maybe not, we want something new.  An adventure that takes our breath away and can be accomplished only by God.  So while Joel continues to work here and we write as instructed by Holy Spirit, we also sense that there is more.  People like Tracy stir us up.  We may shake our heads in amazement, confusion, or even fear while reading about her life or the life of others like her, but we cannot help but wonder what adventures would await us if we would step out in faith and surrender to God's big plans for our lives.  Stepping out into this kind of supernatural courage is available for all of us, whether we live in a small city in Iowa or on a garbage dump in The Philippines.

It is something to ponder.......the supernatural courage and obedience found in the life of Tracy Evans. It is also something to ponder.......the supernatural courage found in a friend who greets each day with uncertainty but faith for healing, the many women in the midst of breast cancer treatments, those who work at a job they don't love.  It takes courage to stand firm in our faith and trust God for those promises we find in His Word.  Courage does not mean you are not afraid, it means you don't let fear stop you.  Certainly Tracy Evans has faced fear, but has not let it stop her from being obedient to God.  Certainly my dear friend has faced fear, but has not let it stop her from praying for healing nor standing firm in her faith as she battles a broken body.  This supernatural courage?  It resides inside each one of us!  We are empowered by the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead.  Yeah, that power.  That power and trust = courage.  Supernatural courage.  Something to ponder...............