Update: "Cancer-related Fatigue"

About 10 days ago I started to see an big increase in my energy.  I was washing windows, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning the house, and going places.  Ahhhhh  I thought.  I'm finally back to normal. And then I crashed.  Big.  Say, what??

After a week of struggling again with weakness, major fatigue, shaking and pain, we were in need of some heavy duty talking with Holy Spirit.  Pushing was not helping, speaking against the symptoms brought little relief.  I was beginning to worry that I  was being hounded by past sicknesses.

Holy Spirit set us straight.  He told Joel again that the weakness, fatigue, and shaking were the effects of the radiation.  Still.  Nearly 6 months later?  I wanted confirmation on what God was saying to Joel so I did some google research and was astounded to find some studies by the National Institute of Health, info from MedMD and the cancer sites, and message boards that said the same thing.  The fact is, like so many others, radiation is still limiting my life 6 months after I had my last treatment.

Many people were still feeling what was called, "cancer-related fatigue" for not only months after treatments ended, but years. It is really more like cancer treatment related fatigue.  The more research I did the more it was confirmed, not only was the affects of radiation still causing rib cage and breastbone tenderness and discolored skin, it was causing fatigue.  Major fatigue.  Fatigue "not diminished by rest or sleep".

The more I pushed the weaker I got.  The weaker I got the more my whole body vibrated and shook.  The more I shook the more anxious I got, the more anxious I got the harder I pushed, going in a circle like a dog chasing it's own tail.

This heaviness I feel is a reminder of the years I spent trying to function.  What I need to remember is that I am not that person anymore.  I can still do 3x what I could do then.  I just can't do what I have been doing the past couple of years.  I am walking 1/2 mile instead of 1 1/2.......I'm cooking, I'm going places, etc. BUT I have to rest a lot.  And the fatigue comes and goes on a moment's notice!  I found that information, too, while searching.  It was a relief to read about what I was experiencing and put a name to it.

I have shared the breast cancer journey with you all since the beginning.  I have learned quite a bit about myself along the way.  Joel and I both have as we put the pieces back together after facing a breast cancer diagnosis in the midst of moving to AZ.

Looking back we can see how God was beside us, ahead of us, and behind us every step of the way.  With His deep unfathomable love.........as always.  Every doctor and every nurse were caring and very skilled as I made my way through 3 surgeries and 31 radiation treatments.   So many praying.  And so many words from our Lord whispered in our ears, spoken by His children, and found in His Word.  A journey of trust and obedience even when, no, especially when it was hard to comprehend or understand.  A time to draw nearer to our Papa God.

So, what about our beliefs on healing?  What the Bible says about healing does not change because of my journey.  It does not change when God uses doctors and treatments instead of His healing power.  We have watched and listened to many healed by prayer alone.  We have been healed by Jesus through prayer and watched Jesus heal others as we prayed for them.  No, the truth about healing and our beliefs have not changed.  Jesus died for us.....salvation and healing are both connected to the cross and His sacrifice.  My recent experiences do not change that.  Knowing what is happening right now gives us a stronger sense of what to pray for.  It makes it easier to move away from telling God how BIG my problem is and move into telling my problem how BIG my God is!

So I am resting more and pushing myself less.  I  figure with time to sit, I have more time to read, study, pray and speak His Word,  and balance that out with a good fiction book or two, TV,  porch sitting, and coloring in my coloring book. I discovered I really like it.  Coloring,, that is.  Not resting.

Back to the trust and obedience thing.  Every one of us have our own stories worth sharing.  All our faith stories lead us back to our Lord.  They include words like trust, obedience, love, forgiveness, and so much more.  There are times where we can just "see" God walking with us. These are stories that others need to hear.  Our stories encourage, stretch, comfort, and inspire. And most importantly, they keep us focused on God.  Our Healer, our Provider, our Protector, our Savior.

As this saga continues to ebb and flow, I hope you find encouragement for your own journeys with what life throws your way.  We are stronger than we think and when we are not, God is!  In the midst of it all, God is.

Stop Striving

My words to meditate on this year are from Isaiah 46,  "Be still and know".  I shared in an earlier post how God spoke to me about this and the great reminder of God's words that hang above our church pew in the entry way.  "Be still and know".

This past week while we were reading aloud the book "Contact:  The Practical Science of Hearing From God" by Rev. David Stine, pastor of D.C. Metro church, we learned about one of the ways we prepare ourselves for hearing from God ~~by being still before Him.  Pastor Stine went on to say that the Hebrew word for "be still" is raphah,  which means "stop striving".  So Isaiah 46:10 could be translated "Stop striving and know that I am God."  He said it is more a stillness of the soul Isaiah is talking about here, not so much a physical stillness.  When we are still before God, it reminds us that God is God.

Stop striving.  In November we were at a Wednesday night service and I started having heart palpitations. They went on for about an hour, so I made the decision to ask for a word of knowledge from the pastor not telling him what my symptom was.  A lot was going on in my life, so I felt strongly it was related to stress and that God would affirm this through the words spoken over me.  I went up front during prayer time and asked for words of knowledge over symptoms I did not want to share. Within a minute or two the pastor began to tell me he was seeing me sitting on the bank of a river with my feet in the water, all relaxed and enjoying the outdoors.  He then said, "God wants you to stop striving.  He has this covered.  Just relax.  He went on to tell me he felt I had some turmoil going on, some anxiety, and God was saying, "I've got this."

It was just what I was needing to hear.  He and Joel prayed over me and I went home without the palpitations.  They have been 98% gone since, only returning when I am really anxious.

It is not the first time God has spoken these words to me through others or the written word.  Stop striving.  Stop trying to make things happen.  Stop thinking you are not doing enough, or doing it right, or being enough.  Just stop striving and trust God.

Can any of you relate here?   Often we pray and then take over thinking we need to get the answers to our prayers through our own efforts.  Maybe we follow the course of "Do all you can and then let God do the rest."  Yeah.....this striving thing seems to start in school and stays with us throughout our lives.  It is good to have goals, to be successful, to do our best, but if it develops into perfectionism or a performance based life, we are in trouble.  We begin to believe that we are in charge and yet we are never doing enough......  Just some food for thought here.

So, here I am meditating on the words, "Be still and know"  "Stop striving, and know".  And when I need to I'm going into the garden of my heart and sitting by the pond Jesus led me to there, or I'm going back to the visual Pastor Jeff saw of me sitting by the river, with my feet in the water, my body and soul all relaxed, knowing God has this.  He has this moment, this hour, this day. He has me.  He has you.  So, stop striving and know that He is God.

Finding Our Quiet Place

I am linking up today with Bonnie Gray and her OneWordCoffeeWednesday.  Bonnie wrote a great book called "Finding Spiritual Whitespace" that has changed the lives of many.  I was able to be one of the first 100 to read it and present it on my blog.  It is a wonderful read and great fun to be part of her team.

Today Bonnie asked us to look at a verse and write about one word that stood out for us in it.

"Come away with me by yourselves, to a quiet place and rest awhile."

Mark 6:31

Actually, two words stood out for me today in this verse...."quiet place".  Four months ago an earthquake hit our world when I was diagnosed with breast cancer after a routine mammogram showed a very small tumor.  Our house was on the market and we were planning to move to Arizona at the time.  We immediately took the house off the market and began to prepare for what was ahead.  Many doctor visits, surgery, recovery, six weeks of radiation, and another month of recovery followed.  It has not been easy, and the journey is not over yet.  Decisions need to be made regarding medications, etc.  I have often found myself in need of a quiet place.

Today two of the pastors from the church we have been attending came by for a visit to see how I was doing.  Their church, Praise Community, has been a quiet place for me during this journey, and God provided us with this "quiet place" of His presence before I knew I would need it.

Last July, my cowboy preacher husband finished up his Interim at a lovely church around 40 minutes from home, and we celebrated his 35 years of ministry.  We were looking for a church to attend until we moved and we're looking for one that would be more Spirit powered, more prophetic and charismatic, and practiced healing prayers.   Our stove repairman told us about Praise when he was making a house call, and we visited that Sunday.  We were there a few minutes when I knew this was a good place.  I remember saying to Joel after that first worship, "Why did God answer our prayers with this church now when we are moving?"  Two weeks later I was diagnosed and the move was out of the picture.  God provided this "quiet place" knowing we would not be moving and would need support for what was ahead.  Nothing surprises our loving God.  

Praise is an active, friendly, church with great worship and powerful teachings, so you would not describe it as a quiet place.  The quiet place is what happens in my soul when we are there.  I am centered, God's presence is palpable, and the worship and praise keep my mind right where it needs to be...on Jesus.  The worship, prayers for healing, words of knowledge, teachings on Jesus, and friendly atmosphere all create a quiet place deep in my soul. 

A quiet place.  "Be still and know".  We all need that whether we are dealing with an earthquake or not.  It comes in many ways, places, and surroundings, and for me one of those places during this journey has been at church while worshiping our Lord.

No matter where we find our quiet place, God will be there and circumstances do not need to take us away from what we know to be true.   Keeping our selves centered on Jesus is what gives us peace, creating our quiet place. That quiet place where we can "be still and know."

The Midnight Blue Water

About a week ago, I went into the Garden of my Heart, the "secret place" where I meet with God. The garden has welcomed me for over three years now, even though lately I have neglected this time alone with the Trinity.  This day God led me somewhere new, but let me back up a bit...........

I have been pondering the word God wants me to focus on in 2016 for a few weeks now.  For a while I thought it was "peace"......I sure could use some of that.  Then I wondered if it was promises....I have not quite come to terms with His promise of being my shield ~ just where was that shield when I was so burned? (sigh)   Joel and I both have been wondering about our "purpose" now so maybe that was the word.  I just could not settle on one.

I was so busy looking for it behind every bush so to speak, that I nearly missed His word....or words for me.  In His Infinite wisdom He actually began to speak to me a few months ago when I saw on Facebook a wood plaque from a company called smallwoods.net or com.  One of those, anyway.  The plaque spoke to me so strongly I went right to the site online and ordered it.  On sale of course.  It did not arrive for several weeks, so I wondered if I had been ripped off by purchasing something from a place I have never heard of.  Eventually it did arrive, and when we opened it I felt like I was welcoming home a living, breathing, piece of art.  It hangs above our church pew in the entry way of our home.

From then on I seemed to receive this Bible verse on almost a daily basis.  And yet it was not until I thought about what our granddaughter Abbi told me over Christmas~~ that she really liked the wood plaque above the church pew~~ that I began to think God was highlighting this verse because it was His answer to my question, "What word do you want me to focus on for this year?"  The word was actually a verse!

"Be still and know.............that I am God" is what is giving me a foundation to stand on right now as I find my way back to health and wholeness.  Be still and know......Which takes me back to my garden. I went in feeling exhausted....with the virus from hades challenging me in so many ways....and God led me over to a quiet still pond...almost a deep midnight blue in color.....no ripples except right in the middle where one drop of water seemed to fall slowly into the pond.  I sat along the side with my legs up and one arm crossed over my knees, using my other hand to gently move the dark pure liquid.  I heard, "Be still".  My thought was, "this is my quiet place.....a place to be still with God and lean into Him."

So, the word/words I will focus on this year are from Psalm 46:10:

"Be still and know that I am God"  

Each word has meaning and I am excited to learn what God reveals to me on this journey.  For now I am holding tight to the verse as my body continues to restore and repair and rebuild. Today as we asked Holy what I should do, how we should pray for healing to come, Joel heard, "Just rest in Me".   Yeah, that is a hard one for me.  Just rest.......be still......let go......let God.  But when I start to feel frustrated, unsteady, or in need of yet another nap, I look over at the wood plaque above our church pew and remember that His Word is LIVING and brings healing to the whole body.  The Bible tells us in the Psalms that He sent His Word and healed them from all their destruction.

Need healing?  Need quiet time with God?  Do you have your own quiet place to sit and listen to His Word, letting it breathe life into your spirit, soul, and body?  He is waiting to share His love with each of us...........be still...........and know.