The Tsunami That Is 2020

This past week, sleep has avoided me in the early hours of morning......I could write a sermon or essay, maybe even a book on the emotions, thoughts and personal opinions I have concerning what is going on in our country right now, let alone those of others out there everywhere.   I would also add the whole of 2020 has been quite a tsunami.  Not exactly how we pictured it, nor you, I expect.  But here we are in the midst of it all, trying to make sense of our world.

Instead of only listening to the voices of others and ourselves, maybe we also need to still ourselves to hear the voice of God when our hearts are breaking.  Oh, I know He can and does speak through other people, but at this point in my life, where I find myself right now, I am weary of the voices, so I turn to His Word. I ask questions.  I pray for protection for our family, and I listen for God to whisper as He does into my heart.   Yes, I listen to a few voices.  Only a few.....our sons and daughters, they have my ear. And maybe a family member or two.....and a couple of good friends we consider family.  "Framily", as my oldest would say. But God is often waiting for my ear............

It was on a December morning while we were praying that I began to see and feel something that was hard to identify. A deep heaviness came over me, weighing me down and I saw in my mind something hard to understand.  It was like everything around us, in our country, was falling in on itself.  Like walls of mud and water swirling and meeting and crashing together causing destruction.   I began to hear the word, "implode"....over and over again.  I told Joel what was happening and then I shared what I was feeling and seeing.  "Something bad is going to happen.   To our country, our government, our nation.  Whatever it is is imploding on us and causing great stress.....grief.......destruction...."  The feelings ebbed and flowed, then eventually went away  and to tell you the truth, with my mind focused on radiation I forgot about what I had experienced.  And then Covid-19 invaded our country and people were dying terrible deaths.  Two months into that it hit me.....oh, maybe this is what I was seeing and feeling......and then the death of George Floyd was played over and over again on our TV screens and our country erupted with anger, fear, and protests.  Some individual people and some instigator groups  took advantage and are causing great destruction, in our country.  And here we are..........imploding.

I don't doubt for a moment that God spoke to me in December about what is occurring now in 2020, I have learned to trust His voice, but six months ago I didn't have a clue why I had that encounter with God.  The framily couple we shared this with had good insights into what they believed the why was......and now with what has happened the last 11 days, I am beginning to understand the why even better. 

I have personally connected that encounter in December to what God also brought to mind today.  This occurred in  2017 when we went to Bethel Church in Redding CA.  We spent 10 days there and 40 hours at the church going to services, prophetic sessions, Bible Study, Healing rooms, etc. to take in all we could.  One night at a church service a young woman, named Olivia, sat next to me.  As we worshiped, she asked me if it would be okay to share what God had been saying to her for me.  I was certainly open to that and she went on to say, "God sees you as a prayer warrior who has the authority to pray over your family and see breakthrough.  You have the power to break things off in the spirit realm that the eyes cannot see."  I tried to take that to heart, but as years past and cancer came calling again, even though I always prayed for our family, I forgot those Words from God.  Words that He knew I would need to remember for our family in 2020.

Most of our family over a decade ago

This is our family, a picture taken many years ago when we all gathered as one group, but still after our son Kevin died, another left the family,  It is a difficult task to get a family photo anymore, so this is one of my favorite pictures.  In our family we have many ethnicities.......A blend of African American, Puerto Rican Black, Filipino, Korean, Native American, Chinese, Hispanic, and Caucasian that includes Norwegian, Danish, French Irish, European Jew, German, and more.  We have a factory supervisor, a teacher, a farmer, a church confirmation coordinator, piano teacher, business owner, MBA, police officer, CNA,  construction worker.  We have both Republicans and Democrats in our family and God is very important in our lives.  Our grands are now growing up with 5 graduated from High School, 4 in college, all 11 teenagers except 2.  As time continues to go by, as we age and as distance keeps us apart, we know our "job" is to keep loving and praying  for our family.  Oh how we love our family.

And we love our nation.  Our country is a mess, it is imploding on itself in many directions.  It should have us all down on both our knees praying to God and listening for His response.  He is not surprised by what is going on in government, in communities, in hospitals, in the streets of our country.  For reasons of His own He warned me (among many many others) that something was coming.  When I am afraid for our family for different reasons, when I weep over our nation for different reasons, I must remember to not only respectfully share my voice, but pray and pray some more, and listen to His voice.  When I get up at night I pray, when pain wakens me, I pray, when morning comes I pray, when fear and worry wants to rise within, I pray, when I get angry and want to point the finger, I pray.  When it feels like life as we have known it has imploded, I grab the hand of Jesus and hold on.   And I pray remembering and believing what I was told during worship in 2017 by a young woman who could have been my granddaughter.  As I have said many times before, we keep pitching our tent in the land of hope.  (Acts 2:26 in The Message), and I believe you are there too.  In the land of Hope.

Leave Nothing Unsaid

Monday I read a story about a woman who wrote about the death of her father from Covid-19.  He had gone into the hospital for a problem that had come up, as easy fix, especially since her dad was a healthy 76 year old.  Just two days later he was diagnosed with Covid-19.  She believed he would make it through the virus, he was strong and healthy for his age....for any age.  But very quickly he ended up alone in the hospital, dying as the virus destroyed his lungs.  Even though she lived just a few minutes away, her only communication with him was when the nurse laid his phone on the pillow by his ear and she talked to him....even though he could not talk to her.  She talked for hours, and listened to him breathe for hours.  She set up a conference call with her siblings and they all spent hours talking to him about their good memories with the father they loved.  Eventually his breathing labored, but he hung on.   They finally took a break from their phone conference, and soon after he died.  In a hospital, alone while his family grieved their great loss.  Less than 10 people at the funeral as allowed, they buried the father they loved.

THIS is Covid-19 at it's worse and it is happening over and over again every day somewhere in America.  I could not help but shed tears reading her detailed story that began as emails to friends and family and eventually was posted on Facebook.  Tragic, painful, and so real and raw, just as death is.

Yesterday a sweet friend, Linny Saunders from Place Called Simplicity wrote on Facebook about the death of her mom from Covid-19. She was very open about it, and I am sharing only what she shared online.   Her heart is broken, like so many others as they are separated from those they love.  Linny was able to be on Face Time with her mom for two hours, saying everything she wanted to say to her....she left nothing unsaid.  Her mom could not respond, but did make enough sounds twice for Linny to know she was being heard.  From thousands of miles away Linny poured out her heart, telling her mom that she wanted her to stay on earth and come live with them, but if she wanted to go home to Jesus and the loved ones who have gone before her.....that was okay.  There is deep comfort in knowing where her mom is and Who welcomed her home, but the pain and sadness are real and we mourn with her the loss of her mom.

As a pastor, my husband has been by the bedside of many people as they took their last breath.  He has stood vigil with families, prayed with families, grieved with families.  We both stood with others by the bedside of my mom when she took her last breath.  Many of you have stood by the bedsides of those you love as they left this world and God welcomed them home.   With this monster Covid, I am not sure who it is more difficult for right now, the patient or the family.   This dying alone separated by a virus that has no boundaries and no mercy.  The isolation so palpable.   I believe both the victims and families can hold on to the hope that Jesus is with them in the hospital.  They are not alone as they appear.  Sometimes it is the nurses that are physically with them, but we also know that Jesus and His ministering angels are right there in the room.  It may not feel like it is enough for those who grieve, but it is something.  Something and Someone to hold on to as loss overwhelms.

Recently one governor told people to be sure to let your loved ones know how much you care about them....."leaving nothing unsaid."  During this unsettling time, I find that Joel and I discuss dying more.  What we would do if one of us gets Covid, and if God forbid we do and one of us ends up in the hospital, then what decisions will we make.  We hug each other more. We intentionally laugh more together.   We are more grateful for each day together..........even more so than when I battled cancer this past couple of years.  As a pastor and pastor's wife, as a 4 time survivor of cancer, as elderly who have lost loved ones in death, we understand it as much as we can I guess, and are grateful for each day we wake up to.  At least that is our intention.  We are trying to leave nothing unsaid............

And maybe that is one thing we can all do. One thing we can learn from this virus pandemic.   Put aside differences, grudges, fears, and what more?  Just leave nothing unsaid with those you love and care about.  Make things right with God, and then make things right with family and friends.  Because life is unsettling and unpredictable right now.  We hope for the future, we believe there will be a future, but we also live and breathe in the reality that we have just today.  Today we can reach out and leave nothing good unsaid.  It is a good way to live even when there is no destructive virus eating away at our country.  Let us leave nothing unsaid.

Celebrations, Prayers, and Surgery

This past Thursday we drove 6 hours to our oldest daughter and family's home in WI to celebrate our granddaughter Abbi's HS graduation.  It was wonderful to be with family again, hugging, laughing, and just soaking in the love and joy.  Unfortunately Joel got sick and and fought a cold and cough much of the time. First time he has been this sick in years.  Still, it was a good good time.

Evan and Abbi

Brotherly love.......

We were re-acquainted with our grand dog, Koda too, who at one year old is weighing in at 120lbs and stands over 6 ft tall on back legs.  He is a gentle giant with quite a personality.   A Newfoundland/Poodle mix.

Tomorrow we take another step forward on this cancer journey as I head to the hospital in the early morning hours for a bi-lateral mastectomy.  The day has come, and we are moving forward on a wing and a prayer, trusting God in the process.  We can use your prayers for the nuclear dye to light up the lymph nodes ( since I have had this once before it lowers success rate somewhat), for lymph nodes to be clear and for surgery to go well!  And for the sore throat I have to completely be gone!   I will spend one night in the hospital and be home Wed afternoon.  We face this with determination and apprehension, working to remain calm and trusting our God who fights for me.  Thanks for adding your prayers!

Cultivating Peace In Our Place

I was reading Sunday's column written by my favorite columnist, Sharon Randall as she talked about moving.  She had just moved from their 100 year old home withe long, steep staircases to a one level 20 miles away.  She said her knees were complaining from doing all the steps and she knew it was time to let go of a home that was filled with memories, and move to a place with a view of the mountains and all new memories waiting to be made.

We have moved 23 times in 50 years, with the longest we have ever lived being right here in our present home.  We purchased it 15 years ago this July and renovated it for a few months before moving in to it October 9th of 2004.  Before that we lived in apartments, a studio, a small airstream trailer, and a few houses, several of which were parsonages.  I can go back and place myself in each one, looking around the rooms in my mind.  Each place bringing up memories, both good and bad.

I have been reading a book by Christie Purifoy called "Placemakers" where she talks of each home becoming a place of comfort, beauty and peace when we are intentional about cultivating just that.  She believes God invites us to be placemakers in our homes, our communities, our environment.  A few years ago Christie and her family moved to a big, red brick home that was built in the late 1800's.  They have been restoring this old Pennsylvania piece of history while making it a place of comfort, beauty, and peace both inside and outside.  She sees it almost as an obligation, certainly a spiritual practice to take the houses we live in and make them a place we like to come home to.

With all the places we have lived I have noticed that when we move in, we can almost feel the peace or lack there of that permeates the walls, the furnishings, the home itself. Maybe at times we brought the peace or lack of it with us, other times it welcomed us in.  One of our children lives on a farm that has been in her husband's family for generations.  The first time I visited their place I was drawn to the front porch.  When we go there, one of my favorite things is to get up before everyone else and head to the porch to view a sunrise, or take in the smells of the surrounding cultivated earth.  I also get a deep sense of peace that I suspect comes from those who lived there and farmed the land long before this generation.  I cannot quite explain what I feel there, but I am always drawn back to it.  It settles my soul for reasons that remain a mystery.

Sharon Randall said that moving is not for sissies and she is probably right.  It is costly in more ways than one.  Starting over is never easy and embracing change can be challenging.  We have moved so often, and each house had its own personality.  Each house gave off its own vibes so to speak.  We know we will move again, our present house being too big with too many stairs.  I have not always liked living here with the radon and so many years of sickness being part of our memories.  Yet we love the area we live in, but .............some day we will need to let go, embrace change, and make memories in a new place. When the time comes to leave our home with it's own front porch, I only hope that we are able to find a place where we are drawn to a front porch that gives us inspiration and welcomes us to cultivate peace, comfort, and beauty as a placemaker.

Birthday Blessings

It is our oldest daughter's birthday today.  She turned 49 although that seems impossible.  How can that be?  As our first born she was a "guinea pig" of sorts as we learned how to parent.  I think she has forgiven us the mistakes we made as we learned and grew with her.  I was 21 when she was born, Joel 23.  We were married in June of 1968 and I was wearing maternity clothes when we celebrated our first anniversary.  I did not need them, but I was so excited to be pregnant I couldn't wait to put them on.  She arrived 3 1/2 weeks after her due date.  At 8 1/2 lbs she had the most beautiful skin, and was healthy as could be.  We lived in a 2 room apt. in Albuquerque N.M. with too many roaches and too little space.  Joel was getting training in the Air Force at the time.  We really had no clue what we were doing.  There was a woman who mentored me as she had given birth to her 7th child when I gave birth to our first. She was a big help!

We have watched Beth grow and develop, using her musical gifts, graduating from H.S. and college, earning her own masters in Old Testament theology,.  More importantly she married a solid Christian man and raised her own kids to adulthood, We have been amazed and so very thankful.   So very thankful for the precious gift we were given so many years ago, for the woman she has become.  In spite of us and because of us.

Today we say Happy Birthday to our oldest!  Happy Birthday Beth!  May this year be overflowing in abundance and joy~love and blessings!  And just when did you get to be 49?!?!

Saturday's Scribbles

Good Saturday morning to you from cold and snowy Iowa.  Our temperatures are consistently below average and I'm thinking it is going to be a loooooong winter in our corner of the world.  So grateful for our warm house, gas fireplace, and wool comforter at night.

It has been a busy week with an eye shot on Tuesday, an appointment with the urologist on Thursday, and a pre-op physical Friday morning. I went right from the physical to the cancer center where I had  lab work, an appointment with the oncologist, and two more injections. The doctor noticed more positive changes in the breast!  The treatments are working.  I will enjoy having the weekend off before surgery prep on Tuesday and surgery on Wed. to remove 3 large stone in my rt kidney.  That will require an overnight stay as they go in through my back, placing a tube in my kidney.  Then the doctor goes in through the tube to take out the stones.  Prayers appreciated.

We have been enjoying some Christmas music and a few Christmas TV shows.  It always takes me back to some of our best memories of Christmases in the past.  With the weather, decorations, cards arriving in the mail, and the music and TV shows, "It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas........."

The first year we moved to west central Minnesota, my extended family came for Christmas.  We moved in November 1989.  It was cold and snowy, but everyone came north to join us for the holiday, and everyone stayed at our house.  Yep.  Around 30 people crowded into our home with their suitcases, presents, and bodies.  Most of the kids were younger so that helped.  The basement had just been finished so we had spent 6 weeks with church volunteers building, sheet rocking, carpeting, and painting rooms before they came.  The heat vents had not been installed correctly so even tho we had the heat blaring, it was dang cold in the basement.  My brother told me there was a wind chill in the family room where they guys all watched football, and many people slept.  Yikes!

That was the same year that Joel's parents came for Christmas Day dinner and we served them pumpkin pie before they headed home.  Later, when the rest of us had pie we were stunned to realize that we had forgotten to put the sugar in the pie!  Joel's folks never said a word, just quietly ate their pie and left for home!  I would have loved to have been in on their conversation as they headed back to their place.  We have laughed over that sugarless pie story for years!

We had moved hours away from our previous call, to "the middle of nowhere" as one family member expressed so eloquently.  It was not an easy drive to get to our very small town.  But that year everyone packed up and made the trip.  It is a Christmas we have never forgotten 30 people crowded into a house with 6 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and made it all work!  Oh, and someone had strep throat so many of us ended up sick in bed with it ourselves!  It still makes me smile when I think about that Holiday gathering.

I am sure all of you have Christmas stories to share that make you smile or laugh out loud!  Stories about family, fellowship, and maybe even a few sugarless pies!  Memories held dear.  And, hopefully, many more to come!

Christmas 1968

As I was listening to Christmas music today, I remembered our first Christmas together as a married couple.  It was 1968, Joel was a lowly airman in the Air Force, stationed at Rantoul Illinois for 9 months of tech training to work on air testing in airplanes.  We lived in a small Airstream trailer that was not wide enough for me to lay across......and I am under 5' 3" tall.  The bathroom was small enough that we could sit on the stool and wash our hands in the sink at the same time!

It was our first Christmas away from our families, we were living on $200 a month, and had little to spend on gifts.  But we bought each other 1 gift.....I bought Joel a pair of western boots and he bought me a bathrobe.  Joel has worn boots for as long as I can remember.  I love wearing robes, and still do enjoy having a robe to change into in the evenings.  We had a tiny tree with presents from my family under the tree, adding to our own gifts for each other. I had made cookies like we did at home........ending up with so many different kinds, we actually took most of them out to the barracks to share with other airmen who could not go home.  I don't recall, but I am thinking we had the traditional turkey dinner.

We were lonely for family, but we were so thankful to be together to celebrate.  We attended a local Lutheran church not far from our trailer house for Christmas Eve services.  I don't recall if we phoned home.  We could not afford a phone so if we did it would have been a collect call!

We have spent many Christmases far from our extended families and eventually as our kids grew into adults we have spent them far from our own family.  But we have always had each other.  For 50 years now we have never missed a Christmas together.  So grateful.  Our holidays have been celebrated in Illinois, New Mexico, Utah, Minnesota, Montana, Iowa, and The Philippine Islands

This year we will spend a quiet Christmas together, and our focus will be the same...........the waiting and anticipation with four weeks of Advent, leading up to the worship on Christmas Eve, and the focus on Jesus our Savior.

As we prepare to enter the Advent season, this year I am especially grateful for the love that sustains us as husband and wife.  The years behind, the present season, and the years to come.  I am thankful for the Presence of our Savior in the midst of our celebration.  We no longer live in a small Airstream, poor as "church mice" and newly separated from our families.  We have fifty years behind us, a foundation of faith and family to sustain us.  We are blessed.

She Said Don't Worry.

Matt, Bethany, Mark, Naomi

I can still see her sweet face as she sat with me on the sofa in our living room.  Our oldest girl was around five years old and we had just come home from Sunday School.  We attended an Interdenominational church with other military families on Clark Air Base in The Philippines.

Bethany turned to me and said, "Mommy, you don't have to worry about where I will go when I die."  I asked her why and she told me, "I asked Jesus into my heart today."  So simple, yet so powerful.

Sometimes we want to make the Gospel story so complex.  We add religious rituals, rules, and definitions to what it means to be a Christian and John 3:16 becomes complicated.   "For God so loved the world He gave His only Son....."   That is how much He loves us.

"Jesus loves me this I know......for the Bible tells me so."  Again, so simple, yet so powerful.  A few weeks ago a young woman was praying for me and said, "Oh I feel the love of God on you so strongly....."  She went on to share something personal from God that addressed where my heart was that morning.  Today Joel was sitting quietly with his eyes closed and God said to Him, "I want Renee to know how much I love her."  I hold those moments close.  He really does want us to know.  He really does want us to accept and be His children.

Sometimes we need to go back to the child that resides in us, remembering how much Jesus loves us.  How much He wants to be our Lord and Savior.  We need to step out in faith and receive Him, and let Him into our hearts to reign just like our Bethany did when she was a young child.

Saturday's Scribbles: Missing Minnesota

Good Saturday morning to you from our corner of Iowa where we woke up to 34 degrees.  Joel had tucked away our flowers in pots just in case frost came to call.  It did come calling, on the rooftops but not the ground.  It is almost time to take out my "Woolie" ~ that wool comforter is all I need to keep me warm on cold nights.  Too much for Joel, but a warm cocoon for me!  

We celebrate quite a few birthdays and two anniversaries in the fall.  Our oldest was married in Duluth at the church of her husband's parents.  It was a beautiful, warm fall day and a wonderful celebration.  Duluth was our home from 1972-74 while Joel forecast weather for Air Force pilots.  Lake Superior holds it's own beauty....so vast......with rocky shores and strong waves and chilly winds.  And 23 years after we left that place Bethany and Kevin said their vows in Duluth.  They never knew each other as kids, but God brought them together as adults. They both love the area and visit when they can.  Our oldest son and his wife were married in the fall, too.  On a beautiful fall day in a stunning chapel on the college campus in southern Mn. where they met.  Another relationship orchestrated by God.  In fact four of our children were married in Minnesota..........two raise their families there.  Just like our Lutheran heritage, our Minnesota roots run deep.

Today I am missing Minnesota.........our home state.  Joel was born and raised in the same place, Fergus Falls.  We will be buried there in the cemetery right next to his country church.  I was born in Washington, lived too many places, but spent the longest amount of time in Austin MN, graduating from there.  When you are military, you have a home state and it has stayed that way for us while in ministry, too.  We have lived in northern Iowa for 22 years now, but Minnesota is where we are from.  When we were in CA we would tell people we lived in Iowa but people would almost always mix it up with Idaho!  It was like Iowa did not exist.  I started telling people we were from Minnesota, but lived in Iowa now and that seemed to resonate in their brains.  Crazy.  

"I'm From Minnesota"

Yes, in the Midwest we call casseroles "hot dishes".  We call soda "Pop".  We don't turn our furnaces on until the end of October no matter how cold it gets.  Winter lasts longer and is colder than cold.  And our Minnesota accent hangs around even after years away.  Or so I am told.  When we were in the military, we often would be asked if we were from Canada ~ I way we said certain words. I guess... And of course Fall displays Minnesota's best in nature.  Although having 10,000 lakes makes summer good, too.  This song pretty much says it all!  Joel and I laugh every time we listen to it!

Yeah, today I am missing my family, missing Minnesota and all it has to offer.  It is not perfect, but it certainly holds a place in my heart and more memories than I can count.  

The Nomadic Gene

My sister Jan and her hubby Lanny are in the midst of moving to  a new townhouse, so purging and sorting and storing are the current vocabulary words coming out of her mouth.  I have to confess, I get a bit envious.  Oh, I understand that moving is hard work, but it seems to stir up the nomadic gene that runs through my blood.  New places, new adventures.  My sister is only moving across town, but it is still exciting  

We moved a lot when we were kids.  Jan moved more than me because our dad died when I was just six and she was seventeen.  She went to 14 schools, which is unacceptable in anyone's life.  We were not "military brats" either.  Just kids with a dad who could not settle in one place for long.  A traveling salesman who mostly traveled, coming home periodically to say hi or pack us "up for another move. At age three, when I would say, "Let's go home", I meant the car.  We must have spent a lot of time in there.  I do not recommend this way of living for anyone, but it is part of my story.  Our story.  It is what it is.

One of our son-in-laws once asked our daughter........"Why is it when your parents hear some place new they say, "I wonder what it would be like to live there?"  Instead of VISIT there."  I think 8 years of military life and nearly 40 in the ministry set us up for a nomad life of sorts.  Our kids did not go to 14 schools, but too many schools I am sure.  They have a world view which is great, but they also have no "hometown" to return to when they visit the folks.

We have lived in this house now 14 years.  I have not lived anywhere that long in my lifetime.  In fact I had never lived anywhere longer than 7 1/2 years until we moved here.  It is a bit strange and I often have to balance the nomadic wandering gene with the idea of staying in one place.  I know I love traveling across the country in a car.  I guess that makes sense sconsidering our past.  

When I talk about my home as a child, I think mostly about where i spent the longest amount of time ~ 7 1/2 years in one town.  Still, it is not a place I go back to.  Our kids have pretty much settled in to their communities now, and their children will know the familiarity and security found in being raised in one place.  There is something to be said for that.  They find other ways to see the world!  

Do you have a place you go back to?  Have you spent your life in one community?  Are you like Dorothy who says...."There is no place like home....."   For our full time RVer friends, they are seeing the country while taking their home with them.  That seems ideal in some ways doesn't it.  Having your traveling and your home too.....kinda like having your cake and eating it too!  For me, home is where Joel is. Period.  I would love to be by our kids who are spread out east, west, north, and south from our location.  It does not seem meant to be.  I ponder what it will be like for them with their own kids.  So many grands will soon be embarking into the world and making their own way.  I wonder if any of them will have a nomadic gene or will they nest in their own communities.  Who can say?!

I no longer call the car "home" and I am very grateful for the community we live in.  But I am always ready for the next adventure!   Today I will suppress that nomadic gene, and I will be excited for my sister and listen to her "moving" vocabulary with a smile on my face.  In the midst of your purging, sorting, and packing Jan, enjoy the move......even if it is just across town this time.  

Our Resident Wrens

We have Wrens who are residents of our backyard and the two houses we have up in the trees.  They first created a nest in the house located at the end of our deck, then when those baby birds "flew the nest" they moved over to the other birdhouse and built a new nest.  It has been fun to watch them on their journey.  We love listening to their songs too......they seem to be a happy couple!

We have laughed often as they chase away anyone and anything that gets near.  We once saw a squirrel running up and down and all around our big locust tree and then realized the wren couple were chasing him and he was trying to escape their wrath.  The same thing happened with a crow that came to visit with the hope of snatching an egg or two.  It was driven off by the parents as they fought to protect their offspring from a bird that was 20 times the size of themselves.  They are amazing little birds.

I could not help but think about our family that came for our 50th celebration.  We enjoyed having them here for 3 nights and 4 days....longer than most visits.   It was hard to have them go.  They are definitely grown and "left the nest" with our youngest being 32 years of age.  They have their own busy lives and we are always thankful when we get to spend time with them.  Our oldest son has said to me often, "You raised us to be independent, capable, people, going out into the world to make our own way............and now we have all done that.  And there is sadness for you in that too, because none of us live nearby. "  So true.  So very true.

Like those wrens that visit us every year, we, too, did what we could to protect our children.  We raised them in a  Christian home, fed them well, loved them deeply.  We made plenty of mistakes, but our children have turned out well in spite of and because of us.  They each walk their own journey.  We are very proud of our children and their families.  They are good people, and do life well.  Of course they have their ups and downs, their challenges and hardships, but they know to rely on God.  Their faith sees them through. 

And now they are seeing their own children grow up and leave the nest.  Watching them find their way, and stepping back to let them "fly away" into their own future.  Not an easy thing to do, but necessary.

And here we are, finding ourselves in the autumn season of our lives.  So grateful to be here to celebrate each new day, but pondering our future and God's plan for us.  Our grands are growing up, our children are well settled with some coming close to 50.  My goodness, when did that happen"!   How often our prayers are about them, for their protection, their success, their health.  With gratefulness of course.

I wish our Wren families well as they nest, raise and teach their little ones to leave the nest.  I wish our children well as they nest, raise and teach their own children to be adults who one day leave the nest.  It is an amazing journey filled with mostly joy and always God's presence.  Be proud of them.  We are. 

A Father Heart

Matt, Joel and Mark

Today is Father's Day and there is not one of us breathing air that does not have a father in their lives, present or past.  Many are fortunate enough to have a father that brings a smile to their face and warm memories to their heart.  Included in that list would be my favorite columnist, Sharon Randall.  Today she wrote about "the fathers I have loved."  which certainly got me thinking about the fathers I have loved too.

On Friday Joel and I were discussing this day.  Joel's dad died when he was 16 and my father when I was 6.  For Joel, he has many memories to rely on that define who his father was.  For me, I think about when Joel and I married and his mom told me that his dad had always desired for Joel to be a pastor.  He prayed about it and even kept him from doing more of the farm work, in the hope he would see his prayers answered.  Joel's mom requested that I not tell Joel this until he made his own decision.  I kept that promise and even though I never met his dad, I loved him for his father heart.

My memories of my dad come from other people, as my own are tucked away in my subconscious somewhere.  According to my sisters, my dad was a fun, loving man who doted on his "girls".   We know he had "gypsy blood" and was always on the move.  My sister Jan went to 14 schools.  I had moved 9 times and lived in 5 states by the time I was 7.  My memories of those years are definitely foggy, but when I was 11 I had the privilege of having my brother-in-law Dick "father" me.  He was a steady man who cared deeply about his family and blessed me with a father's love once again.

There are many in our world who do not have good memories when they think about their dads, but hopefully that changes when they think about other men in their lives who have nurtured them.   We also look up to our heavenly Father who loves us beyond our comprehension.  His Perfect Love is waiting for us all.

My hubby, struggles with Father's Day.  He has a deep love for his children and is so grateful for the fine adults they have become.......but........  Even so, he sees his flaws as a parent and wishes he could have a few do-overs.  Don't we all.   Having a father and being a father is never perfect for sure.

Yet, this day, we honor fathers.  I am so proud of Joel and his father heart.  I am so proud of our sons Matt and Mark and the fathers they are.  We feel so thankful for our two son-in-laws and the fine men and fathers they are.  Parenthood is not for the faint of heart, but it does come from the heart.  It is a gift, fatherhood.  Treasure it, embrace, it, and keep opening your hearts to it, and always remembering to look up and give thanks to Papa God who fathers us all.

A Porch To Be Swept

I was reading my favorite columnist, Sharon Randall, yesterday as she talked about their upcoming move to California from Vegas.  Retirement and the grandchildren were calling them back "home" to CA.  In her column spoke about the rituals she performed to get comfortable in new place of residence, whether an apartment, a trailer, or a house.  It got me thinking about all our moves and what each place meant to us.

We have moved 20 times, with 14 of those being major moves to new towns, several states, and one third world country.  We have lived in tiny apartments in both a basement and upstairs of a house, we have lived in an air stream trailer,  duplexes, parsonages, and houses rented and owned.  Packing up and changing locations has been a major part of our marriage.

I think moving can be fun and exciting, but it is also stressful. Starting over can be challenging.  When we were first married we had a built in community in the Air Force and then after seminary in the ministry.  People waiting to welcome us, people who were on the same journey as us, or those awaiting the arrival of a new pastor and family to love on.  For 35 years in ministry, God led us and the people welcomed us.

Unpacking was always an adventure. Finding the right rooms for the family, the right place for things we held dear.  One of the first things I always did was to put up the wall hangings.  You would think they would go up last, but, for me, I took comfort in knowing that those pictures and paintings, many with an emotional attachment, had their rightful place on the walls.  They helped make each house a home.

Our friends who are now full time RV'ers have a house on wheels.  Their location will change periodically except for winters in Tucson.  What they treasure is compact now, with what fits in their movable space.  Their RV has become their home.  The familiar within will be a comfort I expect, as each adventure takes them somewhere new.

Sharon Randall wrote that one of the ways she feels "at home" in a new place is to go out and "sweep the porch", something she and her family in North Carolina have done for generations.  It brought up to me the importance of a porch for us.  Decks are more popular than ever, but I have noticed that many houses also have porches.  When we added a porch to the front of our house 10 years ago, it not only changed the look of our home, but it changed us inside.  We love "porch time".  In the sun or rain we are protected from the weather and yet able to get outdoors.  I am not sure I would want to live without a porch again.  It soothes my soul.

Life often redefines where we call home.  In Randall's column she stated that a home is a place where you offer hospitality.  Where you put your feet on the couch and your coffee on the table, turning your TV up too loud.  It is a place of peace where you welcome family and friends.  I can only nod in agreement with her wise words.  And hopefully it is a place for your hopes and dreams, your memories, and even a porch to be swept.

Our Place Of Safety

It is National Police Week and with our son having served his city as a police officer for 20 years, we are proud to support the police and what they do for our cities, counties, and states.  So often the news only brings up the "bad" cops for us to view and some people tend to think they are all bad.  So not true.  Food for thought:  There are bad cops, bad teachers, bad pastors, bad factory workers, etc.  A percentage of "bad" can be found in every part of society.

We have been blessed to have had only good experiences with the police in our lives.  When Joel's life was threatened by a mentally disturbed church member, we were grateful when 5 squad cars showed up at our house and escorted us safely out of town.  We had plain clothed police officers sitting in our pews for a while as the threat was ongoing.  Spending over 6 years with an unpredictable, threatening parish member living blocks away from us in our town, we felt safer knowing the police were doing what they could to keep Joel and the family safe.

Over the years, more than once we ended up calling the police because of violent acts that we were observing. Being a pastor and family came with some unusual situations.  A few years ago a suspect the police were chasing ended up hiding in the attic of our garage.  Our dog Levi alerted me to something not being right......eventually I saw the man through a window and called the police.   While in Montana Joel officiated at funerals for 3 murder victims, when three California felons came through while trying to escape to Canada.  I have often said I should write a book about our experiences, but I would probably have to go into the witness protection program.  (wink).  Our experiences with the police have  been positive and we are grateful for them.

Safety is important to all of us I expect.  For me, as a child I did not feel always safe, and rightfully so.  But it carried over into adulthood and made my life stressful.  Even with all the healing that has taken place and the knowledge of God's deep abiding love for His kids, more often than I want to admit, I still have to remind myself that I am safe.  We are safe.  The world, the media, TV shows and movies all scream at us that we are not safe.  So, as Susie Davis, author of "Unafraid:  Trusting God In An Unsafe World", asks...."How do we live unafraid?"

Whether we are observing the chaos of the world, facing a medical crisis, or struggling with worry about our family or friends,  we have a choice.  Susie Davis says, "We can be aware of the terrible without forgetting the beautiful. We can look up with joy and realize the remarkable truth:  Jesus wants to take our fear and give us, in its place true peace."  And I would add His love.  "Perfect love casts out fear."

When Joel's life was threatened and the circumstances continued for years, we did what we could to keep the family safe, and we stepped out in faith trusting God's Word.  We remembered over and over that He was with us, and He was our shelter, our place of safety.

The other day I was meditating and I kept seeing the head of a cat.  I tried to remove the image and focus on Jesus, but Jesus interrupted my efforts with the word FEAR.  I immediately remembered hearing myself say....."I love cats but they carry tick Bartonella, a disease I suffered with for years.  Then I thought about what fears I had voiced regarding ticks.....and fears about health issues....and......and...... Jesus then took me to a mountain labeled FEAR and I saw myself putting bricks on it, building it up.  Jesus would take one off, I would put one back on.  Eventually I heard Him say with power, "FEAR NOT".  When he said those words the mountain immediately exploded.  It sounded and looked so real to me I physically jumped.  I heard Jesus say again....'Fear Not!"  Holy Spirit then moved on me making His presence known.

It was a wonderful reminder of Jesus being with us day in and day out.  A reminder of His promises, of His love.  One of my favorite verses is found in Psalm 4.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,

 for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe."

Psalm 4:8

We are blessed to have our military and our police who work hard in difficult circumstances to keep us protected and safe.  We are all blessed beyond measure to have our Lord by our side.  He has told us to "fear not" over 365 times in scripture.  He is with us in life and in death.  God is always our shelter, our place of safety.  So grateful.

Steeples In The Sky

Joel's country church where he was baptized, confirmed, ordained

As seen from the farm he grew up on

When we travel the back roads to Joel's family farm his brother owns, we are able to see his country church long before we approach the road it is on.  The steeple raises high in the sky, proclaiming God's glory, declaring...."Here we are.....come and worship!"

It always makes us smile as we first lay eyes on Joel's home church, Aastad Lutheran.  His brother and their family still go there, living on the original family farm just a quarter mile away.  There are 17 Dahlens buried in the graveyard next to the church, with more to come including us.  Generations of believers.  So grateful.

Many congregations today worship in a warehouse or place of business.  There is no altar, no cross and no stained glass windows.  Often, no windows at all!  Pastors, ordained or not, dress in ripped jeans, untucked shirts and tennies or shoes worn without socks.  No clerical collars, suits, pastoral robes in sight. Quite a bit has changed over the 60 years I have been going to churches to worship!

As they age, cathedrals and vertical steeples are slowly being replaced across the land.  I realize it is not the building that makes up a congregation, but I will always have a love for the church we chanted about as kids............"This is the church.......this is the steeple.....open up the doors and see all the people." 

Joel has served many a country church, often 2-3 churches under his leadership at one time.  We have fond memories of good times in those churches in Montana, Minnesota, and Iowa.  I remember the sometimes aging beauty of the buildings with their "fingers" pointing to God!

Sadly many of the country churches cannot fill their pews any longer for any number of reasons.  But their unique beauty and tall steeples will always point our eyes skyward to Heaven.  They will always make me smile and give thanks for the faithful..........and for God's faithfulness to His people.

Tell Them God Is With Me

I have been going back over old posts I have written here in the past 6 years as I put together what I think would be worthwhile to be in book form.  Recently I re-read an article I wrote in 2013 about our grandson Grant.

Grant ended up taking an ambulance ride to ER after breaking the large bones in his forearm while at a wrestling meet.  He landed with his full weight on his arm, snapping both the large bones.  I cannot imagine the pain he felt or the fear he experienced when his arm hung over in a "U" shape.  At age 11 it must have been pretty traumatic.

While in the ambulance he told his dad to call us so we would know about his injury.  He wanted his dad to tell us "God is with me".  God is with me.  He was worried, even thinking he might die at one point, but he knew God was with him.  He was in an ambulance in terrible pain but he wanted us to know God was with him.  As you can imagine, we were pretty proud of him.  We also could not help but ponder what lessons Grant was teaching us and everyone around him.

God's timing is always perfect and re-reading this story felt like a warm blanket of God's love.  My medical journey continues with eye issues that I can only put into God's hands.  We are still waiting for the monthly injections to work.  I am still limiting my "sunlight" because the retina reacts so strongly bringing with it a light show.  Truthfully it has at times brought me to my knees.  I am an avid reader and writer and my vision is kinda important.  I expect we all feel the same way.  And the Vitamin D toxicity?  I'm slowly improving.

Our brother-in-law Lanny is going through chemo for lung cancer.  It has been more than a little challenging.  In just a few weeks he will begin radiation.  Tough season.  Our dear friend L. is just beginning a familiar journey of surgery, chemo, and radiation.  Another long time friend, B. has been given a terminal diagnosis.  There are more....too many more.  We pray and we remember, God walks with them all.

"The Lord your God goes before you and will be with you; 

He will never leave you nor forsake you,  

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 31:8

The words our grandson, now 17, shared that day will always hold true.  No matter what we are going through, good bad, or ugly, GOD is with us.  We are never alone.  Absolutely never alone.  He  rides with us in an ambulance, stands by the surgery table, cries with us when we are experiencing deep sorrow, celebrates with us when we are filled with joy.

God is with us.

You Are Welcome Here

Yesterday a very delicate butterfly landed in my hand.  I was able to gently caress it, observing and enjoying it's beauty.  It felt like a precious gift from God to hold close for a moment of time.

Of course we don't have any butterflies around this time of year.  In fact even though it is April we are now in another "storm watch" with more snow heading our way.  The "butterfly" that I held in my hand is an analogy for our oldest grandson.  He came from college to have Easter dinner with us.  We had four hours one on one with him.  A precious gift.  A brief moment in time together, stored now in our memories.

Our oldest daughter Sarah went to church with us and had dinner with us before heading south to pick up her son.  Of course we enjoyed having her here too, but this "precious gift" is how I feel whenever we spend time with a grandchild.  We do not have the privilege to live around any of our grands, so our visits with most of them are limited to one holiday a year, a visit to their homes, and maybe an event that gathers family to celebrate, like a wedding.  One on one time is rare and spending a few hours with Evan yesterday was much appreciated.  Great fun.

God made us for relationships.  He created us for loving relationships with others and with Him.  He desires for us to welcome Him into our hearts and into our homes, enjoying the gift of His presence.  As we gather together, He gathers with us.  Not only in times of joy, but as we seek him during the difficult seasons and in the mundane.  We hold these moments like a delicate butterfly.  Precious.

We were so excited to have our grandson come.  We fed him his favorite food, made up an "Easter bag" for him to take back to the dorm, and took pictures to honor the event.  A celebration!  We can certainly do no less for our Savior who created us, created family.  We invite Jesus in.  The One who suffered and died, who rose from the dead.  He brought us to His banqueting table......"His banner over us is love".  Let us bring Him to our banqueting table.....let our banner over Him be love.  Come Lord Jesus, come.  You are welcome here.

Saturday Surprises!

Saturday was filled with surprises!  We woke up to 17 and 1/2 inches of snow!  Come back Spring!!!
The second big surprise was a birthday party my sweet hubby had secretly planned for me.  The weather kept a few from coming but Saturday was a great day filled with laughter, stories, and family.  All my sisters were able to come and BIL Dan was here too.

Joel had hoped to keep it all a secret but he was so disappointed with the weather that I knew something was wrong.  So with a shaky voice and tears he told me he had planned a surprise party but the weather was not cooperating,  Can I just say how much I love this man?

Kay, Jo, Renee, Janelle, Jan

It has been forever since my sisters were all here together.  As I have shared some before, I have a unique family.  I have my two older sisters who both helped raise me in our home and later in their homes.  My dad died when I was nearly 7 and mom was battling alcoholism during my childhood.  I was parented by my oldest sister Jo and her husband Dick for 8 years in her home, and before that my next older sister Jan took care of me at times.  My sister Jo took me in and her 4 kids (very close to my age) became my siblings)  Not everyone understands it, and they don't need to.  It worked well for me.  My sister Jan has been a bright shining star in my life.  She has a loving and kind spirit and as Joel says, "See's the sunshine in every day".    Kay and Janelle have been an important part of my life, and our two brothers too.  I have been blessed.

But not more blessed than when God placed Joel into my life.  I am so grateful for the man he is.  Faithful to God and to me, caring, joyful, loving, solid.  He was so determined that this party be about "me" and bring joy into my life, celebrating 70 years on earth.  My journey to 70 has had several challenges, like most of us, and he wanted this to be a party I would remember.  I was completly clueless with all the planning he did.  No idea that he invited people, organized and ordered food and a cake, no idea until Saturday morning when the storm brought his confession.  It was so nice of Jan, Jo, and Janelle to come down Friday night so they could arrive before the weather.  Saturday was a great day of fun and laughter and reminiscing.  I was stunned that my sister Jan would fly here from Arizona just for the celebration.  Bless her heart.....and her hubby Lanny who in the midst of chemo reactions insisted she come.  Sunday everyone headed home early afternoon.  Jan flew back to Arizona and Lanny today,

      

Renee, Jan, and Kay

Life is filled with the unexpected ~ the good, the bad, and the ugly.  This "unexpected" was a fun Saturday with some of the people we love and care about.  It also was a day for me to give thanks for the wonderful man God brought into my life.  Thank you Joel for working so hard to make my birthday special.  

Unity In Diversity

It is Martin Luther King Jr. Day here in our country.  A time to remember him and his legacy.  A time to stand firm in fighting prejudice and hate against any race and gender.  A time to remember we are one in our Lord. There is unity in diversity.  We are a diverse people, not one better than another, but all equal.  All equal.

Joel's Auntie Ruth used to call us her "rainbow family".  She met all but one of our kids when we took what the family calls "The Trip" across the west to Seattle Washington and back.  In 1987 we took 6 kids, our miniature German Schnauzer, a pop up tent and a tent camper and headed west in our big station wagon.  We were gone a month exploring the new and revisiting the old, seeing friends and family along the way.   Sometimes our family drew the attention of others.  I recall one day when we were going along the interstate and a car passed us.....then slowed down so they could pass us again as they studied all of us intently.  The kids felt we should make a sign that said, "YES, we are ALL one family!"  Red and yellow, black, and white.......

Our children have been on the receiving end of prejudice statements and actions at times throughout their lives. We as a family have had our share and tried not to respond negatively to people who in their ignorance or hatred would say hurtful things.  One time in a restaurant we came in as a family and another family soon got up and left making it clear they were not going to eat a meal with the "likes of us."  I am happy to report that that was a rare experience, but it still happens to others today.  I have never understood how anyone, especially a  Christian can be okay with treating others badly.  All they have to do is open their Bible and read it.

We feel so blessed to have the family we do.  Our grandchildren are a blend of Filipino, Chinese, Spanish American, Puerto Rican Black, African American, White, Northern Cheyenne,  Mexican, and Korean,  There is Irish, Norwegian, Danish, English, German, French, Jewish, Iberian, and probably a few unknown ancestries mixed in.  A melting pot.  Unity in diversity.

There is more alike about us than there are differences.  And that expands out into our community, our cities, our countries, our world.  There is more alike about us than there are differences about us.  Unity in our diversity, whether it be in race, religion or the politics.

Unity in our diversity.  It is what makes us strong as a country.  It is what makes us who we are as a nation.  Unity in our diversity comes from extending grace and the love of God to each other.   In race.  In religion.  In politics.   I am so grateful for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and all he did for our nation.  Let us never forget.......

Twins In Their Soul

Brothers and Sisters

I was watching Steve Hartman on CBS news last night when Joel and I both were overcome with laughter and tears.  Two 4 year old girls were absolutely more than best friends.....they consider themselves twins.  One girl is African American and the other is Caucasian.  They love to dress alike and are "closer than sisters".  Their moms are delighted with this connection.  Recently they were at a birthday party and one boy told them they couldn't be twins because they don't have the same color skin.  One of the girls started to cry, but then she replied, "We are twins!  We are twins because we have the same soul."  How sweet!  How profound.

This story took me back to when we had 4 kids and the two oldest were in school.  We went to some school event as a family and later one of the kids told our oldest daughter that our two middle kids could not be her sister and brother because they did not have the same color skin.  I don't even recall what our oldest said in reply, but I do remember she defended our family and tried to explain adoption.

Just this week one man was fired from his radio announcing job and a woman resigned from her teaching position in town an hour from here because of the comments they made towards a couple Hispanic young men playing basketball on the opposing team.  Among other statements on the air, they made the comment that "Just like our President said, they need to go back where they came from." I'm thinking there are times the Native Americans must think that about all the rest of us.  Hmm

One of the young Hispanic men at the game was interviewed a couple of days later, and when he was asked what he felt about what was said, he replied (in perfect English by the way) that he was surprised by what the announcer and teacher said, but was forgiving the two involved for their hurtful comments.  Profound.

Our country has so much to learn, and we can learn a great deal of it from the young.  Whether a teenager with forgiveness in his heart, or four year old girls who are twins because they have the same soul.  Yeah.  I'm thinking we could all use a bit more forgiveness, acceptance, and love for one another.