Finding Joy

Last Friday as I sat back and closed my eyes, God showed me an old fashioned train.  I was standing on the platform and before me was a train filled with people.  I could clearly see only one person and it was like I knew who she was but didn't know at the same time.  The whole scene was in black and white and shades of grey. I remember moving back on the platform and thinking, "I don't want to be on that train."  As I watched the train, I heard the words, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice"......Then as I looked at the powerful locomotive, a bright beam of light appeared and moved back through each car of the train and the heaviness seemed to lift, people seemed more active, and the one woman I could see clearly gently smiled.  I tucked this away in my heart, waiting for more clarity on it.

This third week of Advent focuses on joy.  On Sunday we were watching livestream Lutheran Church of Hope and during the sermon the pastor put up on the screen Philippians 4:4. There is was again......Philippians 4:4 that tells us to "Rejoice always, and again I will say, rejoice."  We do so because the Lord is at hand as verse 5 tells us. The pastor went on to say that we find joy in God's Presence and in His promises. It certainly felt like God was trying to get my attention.

Some of the Christmas cards I had purchased this year had "Christmas Joy" written on the front of them and I kept thinking, how do I send these out as we grieve all the losses this year with CoVid.  The losses we have had in our family and extended families in the past two weeks with the death of my sister Jo, Gr. Jo/ Gi Gi,  to our kids and grandkids, the death of yet another great grandmother for some of our own grands, and the death in an in-law's family of their sister to CoVid.  So much loss, so much sadness.  Yet God was reminding me to rejoice always.  Not so easy to do.

We are not being asked to deny our circumstances, our sadness, or our fears, but in the midst of them we look to Jesus knowing that "the joy of the Lord is our strength" (Nehemiah 8:10).  We rejoice because in God's presence and His promises we are able to find the joy that eludes us in our circumstances.  Last December I began proton radiation treatments at Mayo Clinic.  We stayed at Hope Lodge during the week along with so many battling cancer.  One thing stood out for me when we were there, the joy still to be found in trying circumstances.  We were blessed by the stay, the people we met, the staff who cared for me.  So blessed.  Joy was present in the fellowship around meals, in the technicians who always were positive, in the Christmas music I listened to during treatments.  Joy was present. And today in the midst of a pandemic, in the midst of death and grief, in the midst of suffering and loss we turn our eyes upon Jesus and have joy in His presence and in His promises.  Joy in the memories we hold dear with those who have died.  Joy in the treasures we hold in our hands that were special.  Joy in knowing where our loved ones are celebrating Christmas this year.  We find joy in the depths of our sorrow because God is with us.  The Babe born in a manger gives us reason to rejoice.

So, knowing that God is with us gives us the courage and hope to grieve with a sense of joy.  Joy is not based on happiness, but on what we know.  And we know He is with us.  We know where our loved ones are.  We know we will see them again.  We know CoVid will end.  We know God has this.   In His presence and in His promises we find joy.  

It Is Coming, Receive It

I had been journaling with God and sat back and closed my eyes to wait for His response.  I immediately saw myself on my knees.  All around me the ground was burned, blackened from fire and there was a layer of ashes everywhere, some still smoldering.  I heard God say, "I want you to visualize the beauty that will come from theses ashes."  I then saw myself lift my arms up into the air and heard the chorus of the song, "Rise Up".  I then saw myself stand up with my arms in the air, giving thanks to God.  

I have been praying Isaiah 61:3 lately, asking God for beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness.  The beauty for ashes has laid on my heart as a reminder that God does just that.  He turns ashes into beauty.  Have you felt the heaviness of our country, our world weighing you down?  In many respects this is a season of mourning, even despair for people, and sometimes ashes.  But God.   God promises to the city of Zion..........and to all of His children...........beauty for ashes.

There are many circumstances in our lives and the lives of those we know and care about that give us the need to hold tight to His promise.  There are situations with people we don't even know that need God placed right in the center, right now.  Is there anything you need God to bring beauty from?  Is there joy needed to replace your mourning?  Do you need a garment of praise covering you to replace the spirit of heaviness?  Yeah..........me too.

God's promises are for today.  Bring it on God!  That beauty for ashes, that joy, that praise that can clothe us.  Bring it on God!  I receive it.  We receive it.   We rise up from the ashes and receive the beauty coming.  It is coming.  Receive it.

Eeyore And Tigger

I was listening to a sermon this morning while I walked inside, and the pastor asked this question...."Do you have an Eeyore or a Tigger anointing?  When this pastor spoke of these "anointings" he had my attention.  It gave me pause as he went on to speak on hope and keeping our focus on believing truths, the truths we find in the Bible.  It makes sense.  We don't ignore the facts of a situation, but we find our hope and faith in God's Word, letting that speak over our circumstances.

Of course we all know a few Eeyores and at times I can catch myself heading down that road.  Woe is me....Woe is the world.......Things are looking pretty dark....... Eeyore has a world view of life.

Tigger is another story.  He bounces around with joy and sees the good in all of life.  He is very aware that bouncing is what Tiggers really do best!  He has a spring in his step and an out of this world view of life.  In my way of thinking, he is not letting the world steal his joy.  Joy that comes from knowing where to keep his heart focused.

I expect most of us fall somewhere in between Eeyore an Tigger as we navigate life unless you are an eternal optimist or pessimist.  We can get caught up in what the world tells us, shows us, gives us.  Granted, we don't want to ignore what is going on in our world or our corner of it, but there is so much more joy available to us when we intentionally "pitch our tent in the land of hope".

This verse found in Acts is one my sister Jo holds close and one that she needs right now as she battles major health issues  While she rests in the care of doctors and they search for answers, she has pitched her tent in the land of hope.  And as God works through the doctors and nurses and hears the many prayers of those who love and care about her, we too, put our tents in the land of hope.  God's promises sustain us!

None of us can get through this life without God's promises, found in His Word.  And our hope that is built on truths, is found in His Word.  Whether we are having health issues, coping with this new "normal", or challenged by finances, we just keep relying on His promises.  Like Tigger, His promises can make us glad from the inside out.....ecstatic.....and filled with hope and joy in spite of our circumstances!

Moments In Time

I realized Sunday morning that there are moments in time where this journey with cancer, kidneys, etc. does not fill my vision, my thoughts, my prayers, my very breath.  There are moments now where I can find joy.  Laughing at The Golden Girls, viewing a sunset, make plans for Thanksgiving, buying Christmas gift cards.  There are moments, and I am so grateful for them.

I especially am enjoying the weekends, when the caller id on the phone does not tell me the cancer center is calling, or the urology department, the eye clinic, the imaging department or others are not wanting to schedule the next thing.  Yeah.  Yesterday I woke after nine hours of sleep.  I have not slept that long for the past month and it felt so good.  All snuggled in under my Woolie.  Nice.

Even though the phone does not ring, the doorbell does.  Saturday UPS delivered an overnight "urgent" letter to me from our insurance company.  They have overturned the denial so I am able to add the daily medication to the injections.  An answer to prayer as we continue in this valley season.  We are going on through to the promised land and we are giving thanks for all moments big and small that sustain us along the way.

Moments in time. Recently our daughter Beth sent us the YouTube link to our granddaughter Abbi's chorale concert.  It was so amazing to click on the link and hear her singing.  A moment in time when we could be a part of her Senior year from afar.

Moments in time:  A phone call from our oldest son laced with words of encouragement, a few chuckles, and a few words of wisdom.  A text from our middle girl asking how I am doing?  The knowledge that our kids are all praying for me, for us.  Believing in the power of prayer, believing in our Lord.  Giving thanks for the moments.

Moments in time: Turning out the light at night and snuggling up against Joel's back.  A wonderful way to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. 

The journey ahead is difficult and long, but God provides moments in time to encourage and strengthen us.  Moments in time to enjoy the small blessings that come our way. 

The Gift of Laughter

Papa with Abbi enjoying a laugh

There is nothing I enjoy more than hearing my husband laugh.........unless it is when we have a good laugh together.  Nehemiah 8:10 is a verse that fits well for Joel.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength".  Along with that is the verse in Proverbs 17....."A joyful heart is good medicine."

Many years ago now, I read a book by Henry Nouwen in which he shared how he was healed from a sickness that had kept him hospitalized.  While laying in bed he watched hours of one of his favorite TV shows, "The Three Stooges".  He was in terrible pain, but he would watch.........and laugh......and eventually the pain subsided, the sickness left, and he was healed.  He believed laughter truly was good medicine for his body and soul.

The Bible tells us to rejoice.  We are created to do so, to enjoy life!  I knew  a woman from one of our congregations who lived with terrible arthritis pain. It would take over an hour for her to just get dressed in the mornings.  But that special lady always had a smile on her face.  You could hear her laughing with joy as she celebrated life, one day and even at times one hour at a time.

There are days and even seasons when Joel and I intentionally turn on a show that will make us laugh.  Netflix has quite a few old shows and Frasier is one that will get us chuckling.  During the long days of winter this year we often tuned in before bed, seeking a good belly laugh.  Another one that does it for us is M.A.S.H.  Laughter is good medicine.

Jan and Renee having a good laugh

If you sit back and imagine your child or grandchild giggling with sheer joy, it can't help but bring a smile to your face, can it?!  I expect God feels the same way when we, His children, giggle and laugh in sheer joy for life.  We were created to rejoice.

Unfortunately we don't often hear much laughter during worship.  Last week though, Joel filled in at two Lutheran churches in far Northest Iowa.  Joel and Lance, the pastor there,  have a friendly rivalry going.  Lance is in the Army with the guard and Joel spent 8 years in the Air Force so they often kid each other about which is better.  When Joel went to services this past Sunday Lance had actually put a picture on the Worship screen of a dirty, old, toothless man in a beat up Fedora and put beneath it the caption,  "Pastor Joel Dahlen"! The people cracked up and so did Joel.  After church one woman said to Joel, "Lance taught us how to laugh in church."  What a great gift to give someone.  The gift of laughter.  Joel loves to have "Holy Hilarity" Sunday every year where people share stories and appropriate jokes to "laugh at the devil".  Several churches participate in this yearly event.  Joel has also been known to skip out of church and even ride his recumbent bike down the aisle.  I am sure God just shakes His head, chuckles, and says, "Yes, that's my boy!"

Our friend, Linda, often puts something funny on Facebook that will make Joel and I both laugh out loud.  She knows how important it is to have joy while walking through this life.

How do you bring joy and laughter into your life?  What makes you smile?  As we open our hearts to all that God has in store for us, including joy, let's remember that laughter is good medicine.  We all can use a little of that!

Saturday's Scribbles

The sun is shining today and the temperatures are, well, they are dang cold!  We are using the fireplace, cranking up the furnace and I'm bundling up in sweats and wool socks.  Hello...........  Tomorrow we are getting snow again.   Six to eight inches are forecast for our area.  Seriously, this is so wrong.  Just where has Spring gone?

I expect we all have at one time or another been looking for Spring to arrive!  Spring filled with flowers and warm temperatures, and Spring filled with a change of circumstances, all of us eager to leave a winter season behind.

Our oldest daughter mentioned to me recently a time when she was in college and could not afford to go on a "Spring break".  A couple of her friends came to stay with us and we decided to have our own Florida experience.  It was winter, but we cranked up the heat, decorated our grandfather clock to look lie a palm tree, added a few "tropical" foods and decorations and put on summer clothes.  We could not change her circumstances, but did the best to create fun and joy right where we were.  Creating spring in the midst of winter.

Guess we need to do the same here in the Midwest.  Keeping our joy on while dealing with yet more snow.  Keeping our joy on while in the midst of unwelcome circumstances.  God is in the midst of our winter seasons.  He brings sunshine to our days and SONshine to our circumstances.....He reminds us that victory is ours.!  We live in hope for better days.  Spring is coming

Opening The Door To 2018

We are beginning the new year with sunshine and a temperature of 20 degrees below zero, wind chill at -41.  A strong start to what we pray and declare will be a year filled to overflowing with the goodness of God.

The past year has held a few challenges for us, but when Joel and I sat together to recount all our blessings they quickly filled our "cup" to overflowing.  Looking back on winter 2017, we played a lot of Scrabble.  I broke my toe in February which lent itself to more games until I could wear shoes again and get outside.  In March we spent 5 days with three of our treasures while their parents were off in Europe.  I confess that homeschooling required extra activity for my brain!  It was great fun to spend so much quality time with them.  May had us going to Des Moines to celebrate our oldest granddaughter Grace's graduation, and granddaughter Greta's Confirmation.  In June we headed to Wisconsin to celebrate our oldest grandson Evan's HS graduation.  Soon after I had surgery for malignant melanoma on my back.  In late July we decided to mark off the number one thing on our "adventures with God list" and take a trip out to Bethel Church in Redding CA.  We drove our "new-to-us" Enclave so we rode in comfort through Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Nevada, South Dakota, and CA seeing nature at it's best.  We spent 10 days in Redding, attending 40 hours of teaching, preaching, socializing, prophetic and Sozo sessions, going to the Healing Rooms, and more.  Amazing.  October brought yet another health issue with an autoimmune skin disorder, and the end of December I began having eye shots in my left eye for macular degeneration that swiftly caused blood vessel leakage.  Our family gathering right after Christmas brought us such joy! We cherish the moments we are all together.  We ended this year attending a Sunday morning worship service with friends.

Throughout each challenge, each adventure, each encounter with God's Presence, we have seen the goodness of God.  I just can't stop feeling so grateful.  Grateful for His Son, for Salvation, for Healing, for guidance, for adventures, for Bethel, for family, and for friends.

Today we will break bread together with friends. There is something special about sitting down to a meal together, gathered round the table.  We will intentionally talk about the future and share our insights, dreams, plans, and purposes together.  Both our friends and us are seeking new adventures as God walks with us through this season of our lives.  He is always faithful.

Where are you gathering today?  Will you be breaking bread with others?  No matter where we break bread today,  we have ahead of us a new year with new adventures with God.  As we open the door to 2018, we pray for you all an abundance of blessings.  And lots and lots of joy!

Happy New Year!

Just Stay A Little Longer

local park 

It is a beautiful fall day here in our corner of the world.  The trees are showing off their vibrant colors as the sun shines in a clear blue sky.  The winds are bringing a chill, warning us of what is to come.  Snow.  I am already hearing the "B" word.... A Blizzard is a probability north of us in our homeland ~ Minnesota.  We could see 1-2 inches of the white stuff here.

I am not ready for it.  We were gone the month of September so it feels like Autumn was brief this year.............and yet November is almost upon us.  Each of the 4 seasons has something to offer, but I will always ask Autumn to stay a little longer.  We find the furnace days of Winter draining.  But they come and they go......just like the seasons of life.

During our prophetic session at Bethel, one of the ministers made a statement in his prayer that made both Joel and I laugh.  He said, "Lord, when they look in the mirror and see their old bodies, let them say, Thank you Lord for another 30 years ahead!"  We laughed because my forever positive and energetic hubby has said that to me before.  "We've got another 30 years together!".  That would make me "only" closing in on 100 and Joel nearly 102.

Attitude can be everything!  We know one man who speaks of how old he and his wife are on a daily basis.  How the nursing home beckons them, how at their age they should expect to be sick.  "Gotta die of something".  Life can be fragile for sure, but I don't know if I ever will hear my husband talk like that, and I am grateful.  He does not live in denial, but he does attempt to live each day with joy, finding gratitude in the small things.........like the colors of Fall....the ducks flying overhead, the squirrels burying their food for winter.

Autumn beauty

I hope you are able to take a moment to feel the leaves crunch under your feet, see the vibrant colors as Autumn shows off her beauty, smell the crisp air, and listen to the ducks and geese flying through the sky.  Fall is soon leaving, and we will hold only memories as winter settles in.  So for today, I am embracing Autumn and even as snow looms, I plead with her as I would a loved one who comes to visit .....stay....just stay a little longer.

our living room view

neighborhood tree

Saturday's Scribbles: Mixing Things Up

My hubby likes to make daily life an adventure, finding joy in the small things.......even the concoctions he comes up with when making his own meals.  We kind of have a routine here.....we fix what we want for our breakfasts, I plan lunch and suppers.  Sunday nights we are on our own.  For as long as I can remember, what you see in this photo(with a few variations) is Sunday morning breakfast for Joel.  He lays it all out the night before because he is usually preaching and it takes less time......He has oatmeal every Sunday morning.  pretty boring, right?  But you might imagine it is pretty doctored up when you look at all the ingredients in the photo.  He adds cocoa, honey, dried cranberries, cinnamon, sunflower seeds, salt, ground flax seed and half a banana!  Sometimes blueberries and a few other surprises.  Nothing boring here!  Of course a cup of coffee follows.

Joel's breakfast adventure

Joel has always mixed things up, whether it is his order for "2/3 tea and 1/3 Sprite" drink in a restaurant or taking what he can find in the fridge and putting it together to slap on a soft tortilla shell. Our kids used to cringe if they heard dad was fixing supper, and one of their favorite groan and moan stories is about when he had them pick wild asparagus from the ditches of Montana which he used in a hot dish along with whatever else was leftover in the fridge.  It still makes them shudder!

Joel is good at creating his own meals, and creating his own joy in life.  Everything has his own "touch" added to it!  It is one of the things I love about him.  This past winter some of that joy was hard to come by for a variety of reasons.  I was right with him, just feeling pretty beaten up.   A couple of weeks ago we talked about what was at the top of our adventure list with God....kinda like a bucket list, but no one is dying here, so we made it an adventure list!  At the top of our list was a trip to CA to Bethel Church so we could sit under their ministry.  We are in the midst of making plans for that trip right now.  Mixing things up and seeking a new adventure with God.

49th Anniversary

Speaking of adventures, if you want to read a good book about living a radical, laid-down life for Jesus, pick up my friend Linny Saunders new book, "The Memorial Box".  In it she shares many big and small adventures with God that will have you smiling and giving thanks for His faithfulness. Their family of 14, with 9 still at home is an adventure enough, but you can add to that their non-profit ministry for the orphans.   I had a hard time putting it down ~ finishing it in 24 hours.  The Saunders know how to mix things up and with their family I would say every day is one big adventure.

A couple of weeks ago Joel and I were driving to another town so he could preach on a Saturday night.  As we went through a small village on the backroads there was a truck in front of us pulling a small open trailer ~ a mini version of a trailer like you would see in a parade.  There were six middle aged people sitting on the trailer, three up top and three below, all staring back at us.  We stopped at a stop sign and one of the guys said something pointing to his neck and moving across it and then pointing at us.  We knew he was talking about Joel's shirt...he was wearing a clerical collar.  I kept wanting to giggle as we continued on, having to follow them at a snail's pace through the town.  They just kept staring the whole time.  I picked up a book and put it in front of my face because I could not stop from laughing. It did not help......when I lowered the book they were still staring at us blankly. What a relief a couple of minutes later when Joel was able to pass them, smiling and waving as we did so.   Then we laughed all the way to the church a good 20 minutes away.  Sometimes God has such a sense of humor ~ our attitude was a bit snarly when we left home, but changed quickly when God mixed things up,  making a regular routine more of an adventure.  Giggle......

How do you mix things up?  I hope you are as blessed as I am to live with someone who can find or create joy in your day to day living.  It is there to be found, and from what I have learned God loves to join in!  He delights in it and in us!  We are already praying for our trip West and asking Papa God to "mix things up" for us!  We'll go along for the ride, seeking joy in the process.

"We Have Arrived In Hell"

In the winter of 2015 we took our first trip to Arizona.  A blizzard forecast for the mountains directed us farther south so we drove along the border, came up through Tucson and stopped in Arizona City where we visited friends Lyn and Marie.  When leaving their home away from home we got lost and ended up on a road to nowhere......surrounding us was nothing but desolate land.  Isolated and empty flat desert and more desert.   I remember turning to Joel and saying, "We have arrived in hell."

It is what I imagined hell to be like.  Desolate.  Empty.  Barren.  It came to mind today while thinking about where I had found myself the past three weeks.  All because of one decision.

The decision we had made resulted in me stepping into a deep cavern, a black hole, bottomless and sucking every dream, hope, and promise in to it.  There was good to come from this, but I could not get past what I saw as loss.  I grieved.  My body felt weighed down as a spirit of heaviness enveloped me.   I was two weeks into living in the barren desert of my emotions, when I identified it. Depression.  It stunned me. Everything an effort, tears washing my face, heart hurting.  Silence welcoming while at the same time deafening.  Frozen in place with graceful movements an effort.

I tried to focus on the family coming.  Thanksgiving was a bit of a reprieve, we do love being with our family. I thought I was pulling it off, the "everything is great" act until our oldest asked a question...."Are you happy, Mom?"  I had to think about it.  I paused and took a breath and replied..."Most of the time...." I knew as soon as I said it aloud that it echoed false.  I was not happy. Guilt crept in.

How can I not be happy!?!  I recovered from surgery, radiation is mostly a thing of the past.  My latest mammogram was good......I can see well now with cataract surgeries long behind me.  So much to be thankful for.....and yet.......I. want. more.  I want to see what I have been believing for. What we have been believing for.   I sense it so close, but I do not see it.  I see it not.

How can we not be happy?  Joel has fill-in work.  He is well liked in the pulpit and likes to be there, so there is enough Sunday preaching, he helps others out, it helps us financially.  Still, we. want. more.  This is not what we planned. We planned to be desert birds, or at least snow birds.  More importantly we planned for  a new adventure with God.  And we believed from what we were told and felt, that God had a new purpose awaiting us.  Weary of chair sitting we long for more.  Lately it had not seemed possible.  Not one promise of God is empty of power,  but I had forgotten that.

A perfect storm of circumstances and more had come together, releasing a deep spirit of heaviness over me.  In my mind this one decision was erasing our future dreams and God's promises. I found myself on that desert road to nowhere.  So many tears, so much sadness.  I was surprised by my reactions.   Here's the thing, though. My response opened my eyes....our eyes......because I usually don't experience depression...situational for a day or two, but nothing like the hopelessness that filled me.

I expect some would have said, "Suck it up buttercup" or "think positive".  "If you have Jesus than you can't be depressed."  "Be thankful!"  But Joel said to me, "It is okay, how you feel. Just feel it, walk through it, and it will pass."  Thank you, Joel.  For your prayers, your loving support,  and your wisdom.

Recognizing the heaviness for what it was, I started seeking insights from God ~ everything rang hollow.  But then an online friend, Michelle, who often speaks out prophetically,  posted something on Facebook that had my full attention.  She wrote (in general) that through the struggles, pain, exhaustion, tears, sorrow, etc. God has great plans for you.  Even if nothing makes sense, remember that God has great plans for you!  Simple and straightforward, for me it was profound and as I read it once, then twice ~  a weight began to gently lift off of me. A light began to appear.......so I asked God for more, but silence echoed.   Then a couple of days later while resting, His response washed over me with the words of Dr. Simmons in a Passion Translation prophesy,  and in God's written Word. "Praise Me.  Praise releases breakthrough. Praise.....praise....praise..."  In obedience we began to praise Him.

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,

 to give them beauty for ashes,

 the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; 

that they might be called tress of righteousness, 

the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified"

Isaiah 61:3

We began to praise God, as Ann Voskamp tells her readers, by giving thanks for every gift in every moment.  It has not been easy for me, I admit, but it is releasing breakthrough.  And that decision?   I laid it at God's feet again and again as needed, and over the course of a few days He closed the door.  We released it to the One we can trust, praised God for His goodness,  and He closed the door.  We both now feel a sense of peace about it and God is replacing the spirit of heaviness with joy as we trust and praise Him.

Going through this valley of darkness opened my eyes to some vulnerable thinking, some "lies" I was believing.  It also opened my eyes to trusting not only God, but the gift of discernment He has blessed me with.  This experience has helped me to recognize once again that even in the desert when it feels like we have arrived in Hell, we are never alone.  Oh, friends, I hope this resonates for some of you as you read my words.  We are never alone.  We can give praise for that, can't we.  We can give praise for so many things.  Wearing a garment of praise is so much better than carrying around a spirit of heaviness.

Permission Granted

Permission granted to celebrate Christmas early this year. I just read a post from InCourage on this and I'm thinking it is a good idea.....Joel has our lights up already.  It is better to put up house lights when it is 60 degrees than when it is 35!  We are holding off on turning them on, but it just seems like Christmas needs to come early....a little music....some lights......a longer focus on Baby Jesus.....a little extra joy!

With those thoughts in mind, I am thinking I am going to step out of the box and celebrate Christmas before the Harvest fades.  Oh, we do love Thanksgiving~ it is a beautiful time to quiet our minds and bow our heads as we give thanks for all God has given us.  It reminds us that every good and perfect gift is from above.  It is an opportunity to hug on family and friends, fellowship at a table laden with bounty, and lift our voices in gratefulness.  Our family will gather this Thanksgiving here for fellowship, food, and football.   We look forward to it.

But mingled in this year for me will be a little "Joy To The World", a tree waiting to be decorated, and Christmas lights making the neighborhood bright on dark nights.  I'm okay with that this year.  Being one of those....who are Christmas Crazy.  It is not that I like shopping....I really don't.  It is not that I lose sight of the reason for the season......I never do.  It is because this year, after a long and challenging season of disease, treatments, surgeries, faded dreams, angry people with deadly consequences, and a very long and disheartening election process we just feel the need to seek out the joy.  We are intentionally seeking laughter and joy in a funny TV show, in each other, in funny Facebook postings, in the antics of a cat, in glowing candles, in helping feed the hungry, in opening our hearts to an early and longer Christmas celebration.

Yep.  I have given myself permission to celebrate Christmas early.....and in the background I am hearing Pentatonix ............join me in singing.....no pressure......but you have permission to celebrate Christmas early if you are so inclined.

And Then God.......Only God!

On the side of our house stands a dying tree.  When we first moved here this crab apple tree would be full of pink blooms each Spring.  It was so pretty.  And then sometime over the years as Joel and I took up residence in our chairs fighting Lyme trying to find some sense of normalcy in each day, the tree became sick and old.  It bloomed less and less and last year took a "last stand" as we spoke to the tree and prayed over it.  (It is living after all, and we do have dominion over nature.) Well, our praying did not change the outcome.  It is barely standing and will need to come down this Spring.

It grieves us.  As I stood and stared at the beached wood, sparse branches with no sign of green or pink anywhere, I felt sadness well up inside.  And gratitude.  So much gratitude.  Gratitude that we are not like this dying tree.  When I saw the Lyme specialist in 2007 she told me my body was functioning at around 20%.  I was slowly dying.  When Joel was diagnosed he was functioning at 45% and had to go on disability for 3 years.  He managed 15 hours a week of work at a church where people treated him with such grace.  Bless you St. Peter's Lutheran.  Bless you.

During that season of our lives, Joel slept 9 hours a night and napped 4 hours a day to function.  I spent a great deal of my days laying on the sofa or in bed.  Our sweet dog Levi was our only company most of the time.  Just fixing meals was an effort.  It. was. scary.

And then..........thanks to our friend Katherine's suggestion and a teaching by Andrew Wommack, our world changed overnight.  Joel was miraculously healed and I began the process of healing.  I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I was.  I am healed and have been set free, and I expect all symptoms to leave as God promises in His Word.

 Unlike our apple tree, life returned to us and we were able to flourish.  We never want to forget the precious restored gift of life that we were given.  We have plans to wear out, not rust out, serving God as He guides us, sharing who He is!

Our poor apple tree has succumbed to age and disease, but I will remember its beauty in Springtime, the way God created it.  And I will remember that we once looked like this dying tree, and then God............only God.

Holy Hilarity Sunday

My husband likes to celebrate the Sunday after Easter with humor....a time to laugh at the devil.  It is called "Holy Hilarity Sunday" and when my cowboy preacher heard about it, he incorporated it into his sermon for the Sunday after Easter.  It is a service of jokes, a time to laugh with joy, celebrating Jesus victory over Satan.  Joel loves a good, clean joke.  He loves laughing at the devil.  He loves Easter. So Holy Hilarity Sunday is a good fit for him.  It is all done very appropriately and is combined with hymns and scriptures. His sermon is focused on our victory over Satan, and how we can laugh at the devil (not taunt him), We still need to be aware that he goes about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour, but our God is bigger!

A couple of years ago, our oldest daughter and family gave Joel a T-shirt with these words on it.  "The Sermonater"  Of course it is taken from "The Terminator".  Joel wore it today, telling everyone that as the sermonater he is able to fight the devil and his lies with God's Word.. We all are.  Yes, the devil has no power over us when Jesus lives in us.

So have a Holy Hilarity Sunday everyone!  Laugh at the devil, rejoice over the victory we have because of Resurrection Sunday, and be filled with joy.  Victory is ours!

The Joy Journal

While we were packing up some books and finding a new home for a few this summer, I lost track of my Joy Journal.  I searched the bookcases, closets, packed tubs, and then went through things room by room. No bright red Joy Journal to be found!

I really needed this journal.  Somewhere along this long journey I started losing my joy and I know that I know that I know......one great way to find it again is to write down what I am grateful for.  It became a practice for me after reading Ann Voscamp's book, "One Thousand Gifts".

Last Saturday I was not in a good place, which was evident in my blogging.  I was thinking about closing down my blog or at least scrapping it and starting something new.  I thought that people must get tired of hearing what I have to say, it gets old.  Of course a few caring friends were kind enough to leave me some encouraging comments.  It was not my intention, but it was nice to hear in my current state of mind at the time.

The radiation treatments that were to take 15 minutes were taking 30-60 minutes with extra x-rays, doctor checks, shifting, re-arranging, etc.  I was weary of being in an awkward position for extended periods of time, causing pain and stiffness.  One area of my breast started to hurt quite a bit Friday night.  Ugh.  Come on.....3 days in and skin issues already?  Friday was also my appointment with the eye specialist. I did not score so well on a visual field test.  When the doctor came in the room I said, I don't want any bad news today Dr. I.  It has been a tough couple of months and I am weary.  Come to find out, the visual field test had showed a change last June, but for now it was stable and so were my eyes. Thank you Jesus.

So, what I am getting at is that I was losing my joy fast, and I needed to take quick action to change the situation.  Besides, praying, praising, and distracting myself, I needed to focus on my many blessings.

I gave up the hunt for my old Joy Journal, and today we went out and found a new one.  This was no easy feat either as we ended up going to three stores before coming home with something.  After the radiation treatment, which was only 20 minutes today (yay).........I came home to a card and cute little stuffed "thing" from my sister-in=law that made me smile and tear up.  I do that a lot lately, laughing and crying in the moment.

So, when I settled. in to my new recliner, I began to write down what I was grateful for.  ASAP.  There.  That feels better already, cuz I've got a lot to be thankful for.   Starting with how God wove His love and protection into this whole journey.  Grateful for my amazing husband.  Grateful for an encouraging phone call today from my sister Kay who took this same journey last year, with even the same doctors.  Grateful for the card that came today and other days.  Grateful for still being able to walk outside in November and having energy to walk....and oh yeah, being able to play with the neighbor's cute little dog.  The dog's name is B.D. because she has bat ears.  Bat Dog.  B.D.  She makes us laugh and helps fill our "miss having a dog" feelings.

It is a good thing, this "counting it all joy".  It lifts the spirits, brightens the day, and keeps my focus where it needs to be.  On Jesus.  Counting it all joy.

Joy, Joy, Joy!

We light the third candle of the Advent wreath this week, the candle of Joy.  Reflecting on joy has had me thinking about the song the kids used to sing in church.

 

"I've got the joy, joy, joy joy

Down in my heart.....

Where?  Down in the my heart?

Down in my heart........

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart

Down in my heart to stay!"

It goes on to say, "I've got the love of Jesus...love of Jesus...down in my heart.  A few other verses round out the song.  Joy and Jesus seem to go together!

We have needed that reminder!  This past week we have been fighting a virus that crossed the "no weapon formed against us will prosper" barriers into our home and into our bodies.  ugh.  The battle continues, but we are winning! This past week we have also been grieving the 10th anniversary of our son Kevin's death.  We have been dealing with very foggy, damp, weather.  The sun has been absent and the air a bit polluted even in our small city.  It is so dark all day long that our outside lights stay on. We have never seen it like this here before.  We were unable to say yes to an invitation to go see three of our grandchildren in their Christmas program this past weekend.  It saddened us.  The house is so quiet since our family gathered for Thanksgiving this year.  Too quiet.  An accumulation of minor difficulties dampened our spirits.

Needless to say we have been digging deep to find our joy!  Happiness may have left the building, but joy is always available.  Circumstances may be challenging, but we still can make a choice in how we respond.

And most days we choose joy.  The joy of the Lord.  "The joy of the Lord is our strength".  The Christmas tree has brightened the dark days.  Pictures texted to us of the treasures all ready for their program brought smiles. Christmas and praise music have lifted our hearts.  We rejoice that our son is with God's son.  Our devotionals have urged us to focus on the One.  And that is where we find joy.  To summarize Ann Voskamp's devotional on the third week of Advent......Joy comes with Jesus and Jesus is always with us, so therefore, joy is always at our disposal.  Yes.  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you that even when, no, especially when circumstances come against us , a storm rages, or a battle wages, in the stillness we can open our hearts and rejoice because of the baby born in a manger.  We rejoice in, not for, but in all circumstances.  He is always with us.  Always here.  Jesus!  "We've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in our hearts to stay!"

Hold Your Peace

"The Lord will fight for you,

and you shall hold your peace

and remain at rest."

Exodus 14:14

(AMP)

Across the world in the country of Uganda a baby died last night.  A precious child of God who had so much of life before him.  Born broken into a broken world he was.  But not left behind, he was ushered into the home of a young missionary as one of her "gems" in The Gem Foundation that cares for children with special needs.  Those in their care are loved on 24/7.  They are given the best care by nurses and nannies day and night, and they know the Father's love through the serving hands and hearts of others.  With loving on others often comes pain and sorrow.  It is often the way of this broken world we live in.  And sorrow has come with the loss of this precious child. 

Sweet Emma is fulfilling her calling as a missionary, having been called by God at age 8 or younger....  Determined, she would pray every night, "Please God, let me be the one who gets to help the orphans in Uganda."  This did not come from mom and dad, she drew them in with her passion and has been taking mission trips there to, as she calls it, "my Uganda" since she was 13.  Now at age 21 she lives in the red dirt of Africa and is experiencing firsthand the joys and sorrows of her calling.  God has orchestrated His plan for The Gem Foundation, the home Emma and her staff maintain for the "undesirable" to be loved and cared for.  The enemy comes to kill steal, and destroy, but God  is in the midst of them and the work He has ordained is coming to pass.

Prayers were lifted and knees bent to ask God to restore Arthur's health. And Arthur died.  I will not share my thoughts nor the thoughts of others here on God's will for healing.  There are unanswered questions, but today is a time to lift up Emma and her staff, and grieve with hope.  The hope of knowing Arthur is with Jesus.  The vision God provided for me in the wee hours of the night as I prayed  was of a radiant toddler, holding on to the hand of Jesus while laughing.  I expect this is how we all will feel when we enter Heaven.  Welcomed by Jesus, we will be radiant, joyful, and at rest in His Presence.

There is great loss being felt today for this child who touched the hearts of so many in his  Gem home and around the world.  Lord have mercy.  Hold up your children as they hold on to Your peace knowing that for Arthur, suffering has been replaced by joy.  Emma, the staff, Linny and Dwight and the family grieve in hope.  We all grieve with hope and hold on to peace.  God is with us.  He will fight for us.  Remain at rest and hold your peace, friends.  Hold your peace.

Please pray for Emma, the staff and the other children at The Gem Foundation home in Kampala Uganda.  Please pray for the family of Emma and the directors of  International Voice of the Orphan, Linny and Dwight Saunders and their treasures. 

Dakota Plains, Sunflowers, and People

South Dakota Sunflower Field

South Dakota has its own beauty to share with those who cross over its borders.  In the western part of the state you find ranches, the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, the Black Hills, and more.  In the areas we drove through along the eastern border and into the north,  the wheat fields shimmer in relentless wind and the sunflowers lift their heads in praise to the God who created sunshine.  My cowboy preacher kept saying, "I love watching the wheat fields wave in the wind".  You can almost visualize the native American tribes that called the Dakotas home long ago, riding across the land. 

I am not sure of all the reasons, but I enjoy this area of the country very much.  Maybe it is because as a child I lived in more than one part of the state, maybe it is because my dear sister has called South Dakota home for so many years.  Maybe it is because Joel blends in with his western wear, or because it reminds me of Montana, which we both still miss at times.  The correct answer in this multiple choice question I present  is probably ~~  "all of the above". 

 We have lived in big cities like Albuquerque NM, St Paul MN, and Salt Lake City Utah. We have lived in towns that were so small you would miss them if you blinked.  We have lived in a third world country where our "American " prosperity was evident with each child who dug through our garbage for scraps.     There is beauty to be found in them all.  If not in the town than in the area or the people who grace your presence. 

I feel sorry for those who have no understanding of the life that vibrates outside a big city.  Those who believe that by living in a densely populated area you are somehow better, smarter, or more cultured than those who choose to walk the red dirt of Uganda, the paved street of a small town, or the ranch land out West.  There is so much beauty to behold in all God's creation. 

But I digress...........

Renee and Jan

Sisters being Sisters

Today, as I gaze out my window at the view in my small Iowa backyard, I am missing the plains of another place.  I am missing those who line the end of their bed with cowboy boots and fill your plate with Akaushi steak and corn.  I am missing sisters talking for hours, dancing through the kitchen, holding hands as they visit or pray for each other.   I am missing the deep connection of family, and the love and laughter that fills the air with palpable joy.   And I am so thankful I am able to venture out of my corner of the world, my home, and see all that God has created.  There is so much beauty to behold!

Prayed, Stayed, and Celebrating!

 

Joel and Renee

June 30th 1968

I was standing on the second floor of my college commons building with my older sister Jo and her friend Marion.  They had just informed me that they found the guy I was "going to marry".  He wanted to be a missionary, too, and they could just see us in Africa together.  At that moment Joel walked in the door below and one of them pointed him out, saying "There he is!"  When I saw Joel I said, "You have got to be kidding!  He is loud, obnoxious, and he wears boots!"  They both replied with smiles, "We will pray about it."  Just 18 months later we were married!  We were prayed together, and today, on our anniversary 46 years later,  we continue to give thanks for those prayers.  Those who are prayed together stay together :). 

There is power in prayer.  I read these words written by our friend Linny's husband DW yesterday on Facebook ~ "Prayer works.  What I mean by that is when you pray, prayer goes to work."  Prayer went to work so many years ago and Joel and I were united in marriage as part of God's plan.  What an adventure it has been!



Looking back on our life we can see how God has continually walked with us through 26 moves in 6 states and The Philippine Islands.  We raised seven children and one foster daughter for four years.  Joel spent 8 years in the Air Force and we just celebrated his 34th ordination anniversary.  My cowboy preacher! We have welcomed in-loves and grandchildren, and grieved the death of one son and the self-destruction and alienation of another.   We battled sickness for over half our married lives until healed two and a half years ago from Lyme Disease.  We have experienced many exciting adventures and a few we would rather forget about.  We have lived ~~ In faith.  In joy.  In hope.  In love.  We are so blessed.  Happy Anniversary Joel!

Leaving Normal For Amazing!

This past week Maya Angelou died at age 86.  She will be missed greatly for the many gifts she shared with the world, even as her legacy continues.  One of her quotes I heard this week has given me pause.

"If you are always trying to be normal,
you will never know how amazing you really are"

It was only a couple of weeks ago that I was lamenting to my cowboy preacher about not being "normal",  or feeling normal.  Okay, maybe I was having a bit of a pity party over it.  I will spare you all the birth to age 66 details, but suffice to say, the path I was taken down as a kid and the path Joel and I have traveled as adults has not been close to "normal".  Or at least the world's idea of it. This day I pondered the direction God has been taking us the past two years.  This new journey with supernatural healing and encounters with Holy Spirit. The one that has us just a little to the right of crazy!

Don't misunderstand me, at this time in our lives we are delighted to have our faith stretched and shaped by new experiences and a deeper relationship with Papa God.  But there are moments I desire to just fit in.  Moments I long to be among others with skin on who "get" where we find ourselves.  Others who think that just a little to the right of crazy is "normal".  Less lonely?  Ready for that.  We would never sit down and refuse to go where God is calling us, but in our mainstream denomination we no longer blend in.  We are not just Lutherans.  We are Lutherans with an add on.  We speak in tongues, believe God wants you well and that sickness was covered by Jesus' death on the cross.  (Please note that I am fully aware that most mainstream churches don't embrace these ideas or gifts either.)

So far, the only place where I have felt normal in the sense of blending in was at St Paul's (Lutheran) Westport in Westport CT.  A long, long drive to church from northern Iowa!   I don't think a move East is in our future, so maybe what I need to be do is let go of the need to be normal....which comes with the need for approval.  Both are destructive.

"If you are always trying to be normal,
 you will never know how amazing you are!"

Maya

I am amazing......in God's eyes.  And if in God's eyes then I better embrace it!  I am amazing.  YOU are amazing!  We can shake off the need to be normal...the need for any one's approval but God's.   I am still holding on for friends who echo our journey and I believe God will provide them, but normal is just a setting on my dishwasher.  I'm ready to leave it there, embrace our just a little to the right of  crazy 100%, and move into amazing!

Yesterday I was upstairs getting ready to change when my hubby came up barefoot, wearing shorts, a red windbreaker and his cowboy hat.  Yes, he looked a bit silly.  He invited me to go outside with him and slosh through the rainwater running fast and deep down the side curb of our street.  I declined, but he coaxed me out into the rain, and we walked up and down the street as the water washed over our feet and the thunder rumbled overhead.  Once I quite worrying about what the neighbors would think and let myself remember how much I loved this as a child, I had a delightful time playing in the rainwater!  

"If you are always trying to be normal

you will never know how amazing you really are"!

Maya Angelou

 I am giving thanks today for the supernatural, for not being normal, and for being amazing in God's eyes.  I am counting it all joy as I link up with Ann over at A Holy Experience.

All God's Promises

On Monday I woke up thinking about the year 2007.  It was a difficult season and I really did not want to look back and remember, but I have found myself doing quite a bit of that lately.  Joel and I seldom talk about that time in our lives.  We have been through really tough circumstances in our years together .....a threat on Joel's life that continued on for over six years......a son who died at age 25, and more years lost to sickness than I care to count.  The year 2007 could also be defined as tough~ and here it was, resurfacing and gaining momentum, as memory after memory surfaced.

Joel had taken a new position as Senior Pastor at a church located in a small town 50 miles east of where we lived .  Accepting the call was Spirit led so therefore, easy, but finding a house to live in was not.  Six months later Joel was still commuting and was gone 12 hours days.  We were desperate to find a place and bought a house too quickly, putting thousands of dollars into renovating it so it was "safe" for me.  I was very ill, home bound and reacted to nearly everything.  We eventually moved in mid April 2007,  but a hidden chemical spill in the basement and our error in the finish we used on the floors kept me confined to a 9 by 10 bedroom with a heavy foil barrier on the floor to protect me.  During the day I would lay in bed or sit in the van at the church while Joel worked.  At night we were confined to the small space that held a bed, night stands, radio and TV.  It. was. horrible.  After a long month we moved back with just a small trailer full of belonging to our former home with where the sale had fallen through.  Three months later we brought all our things back and put them in the garage where they had to "outgas" the chemical smells from the other house for several months.  We eventually put the "unsafe" house on the market and Joel commuted, one hour each way, sometimes sleeping at the church, for three years.

 In May of 2007 I was finally correctly diagnosed with Lyme Disease after 23 years of  illness.  In June 2007 we were in a bad car accident with both of us taking our first ambulance ride together.  In August Joel had emergency eye surgery. After 15 months of double mortgages, we sold the home I couldn't live in at a major financial loss. Lyme treatment was expensive and commuting was costly and lonely.  We were so weary, but God sustained us with His love and promises.

"I will heal the brokenhearted

and bind up their wounds, says the Lord."

Psalm 147:3

God was amazing in how He helped us through that difficult season.  Without God in the picture the memories are painful, but then we are never without God are we?!  This day I was able to look back and give thanks for all the wonderful ways God moved in our lives that year. 

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. 

Plans for good and not for evil,

to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

~The people at the new church were unbelievably generous and kind.  They helped get our house ready before we moved and were supportive even while unhappy when we had to leave.  One couple wanted to pay for my first doctor visit, which cost a few thousand!    Several people gave Joel fuel gift cards for Christmas.  It filled up the tank when gas was at premium prices.  Another man helped us move some of our things back to our former home.  People were constantly praying for us.  The associate pastor helped a great deal.  We are forever grateful to them all.

~Remember what I said about our other home having sold, but then the buyer backed out?  THAT was ordained by God.  We had somewhere to live and it was wonderful to have a whole house to live in again where I was "safe".  We have live here ever since.

"All things work together for good

for those who love the Lord."
Roman 8:28

~Remember the car accident?  We were both okay!  We were a bit beat up and Joel had minor neck issues for a few months, but nothing serious for either of us.  This was not the driver's first accident with his company truck and besides all medical costs, they wanted to pay us a settlement even though we were not planning on any action against them.  That money was such a blessing and also helped to put much needed siding on the house.  Only God. 

~Getting a diagnosis of Lyme Disease meant many challenges ahead, but it would also keep me in the land of the living.  And we were blessed with an amazing Dr. who kept us in prayer during our five years of treatments.   We both ended up needing them!

"I will give you back your health

 and heal your wounds says the Lord."

Jeremiah 30:17

~Joel having to commute to his Senior Pastor position at the church was unfair to all involved...us and the congregation.  Then in 2009 Joel was also diagnosed with Lyme and ended up on disability for 2.5 years, having to resign from his position.  It is not how we wanted things to resolve, but once again God was in the details. The enemy tried to leave us brokenhearted, but God had other plans.

"This is my command ~ be strong and courageous/ 

Be not be afraid or discouraged. 

For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

This morning when I talked to God about these memories coming up, I realized it was seven years ago this May that we moved back to our home.  I was so thankful for how it all worked out.  God had a message for me just a few minutes later when I found  myself humming a song I have been singing a lot lately........."The best is yet to come....the best is yet to come.....All of God's promises are yes and amen....the best is yet to come!" 

We all have stories to tell of God being in the details.  Stories of God rescuing us from the schemes of the devil.  Times when we stood on the promises of God.  Looking back and remembering, we are able to see how God weaves His blessings into the fabric of our lives, relying on all His promises!  We are loved by an amazing God!

I am linking up with Bonnie over at Faith Barista  for Whitespace Thursday.