".....And He Believed In Jesus Christ"

This has been a tragic week for America.  Two mass killings ending the lives of 18 people. It is a never ending scenario that plays over and over again in our country.  Discouraging, disheartening, and so disturbing.  The last shooting happened when one lone man purchased a weapon created for war, and walked into a grocery store with the intention of taking the lives of complete strangers. 

Soon after the mass shooting in Boulder Colorado, the newscasters honed in on the officer that was shot and killed when he responded to a 9-1-1 call. In the early hours no one had any information about the victims or suspect but they had the name of the officer.  It was not long before someone talked to Officer Eric Talley's father who told them a bit about who his son was.  A second career officer, age 51, with seven children, etc......As I read the NPR article on Facebook about Officer Talley, I saw five words that stood out for me as if they were in bold print.  At the very end of the father's description of his son he said..........."And he believed in Jesus Christ".  

Later I watched a few stories on the TV about Boulder and the officer, but never heard those five words that the father had shared. I saw it in print, but I did not hear it come from the mouth of a newscaster.  These words shifted the atmosphere when released.   Officer Talley believed in Jesus Christ. He believed and he lived out His faith.  I hope his family finds comfort in knowing that Jesus welcomed him home.  I don't know anything about the victims lives, but I cannot help but believe that they were welcomed "home" too.  That is my prayer. 

The hatred, violence, and evil that has a grip on our country must end.  We need to know we are safe when we step into a grocery store, go to church, just walk down the street or answer the door.  Jesus must weep over the state of our nation and the suffering and senseless deaths of His people.  He asks us to reach out with love to others.  It is His command and our hope..........Love one another so another father does not have to speak with sadness about his murdered son..............

But Boulder's massacre is right before us and I cannot help but ponder what Officer Talley's father said about his son..........in doing so I hope for myself, for all of us, that when the day comes that we have breathed our last on earth, someone says,  "And she/he believed in Jesus Christ".  How many people have been welcomed home by Jesus this week?  

Leave Nothing Unsaid

Monday I read a story about a woman who wrote about the death of her father from Covid-19.  He had gone into the hospital for a problem that had come up, as easy fix, especially since her dad was a healthy 76 year old.  Just two days later he was diagnosed with Covid-19.  She believed he would make it through the virus, he was strong and healthy for his age....for any age.  But very quickly he ended up alone in the hospital, dying as the virus destroyed his lungs.  Even though she lived just a few minutes away, her only communication with him was when the nurse laid his phone on the pillow by his ear and she talked to him....even though he could not talk to her.  She talked for hours, and listened to him breathe for hours.  She set up a conference call with her siblings and they all spent hours talking to him about their good memories with the father they loved.  Eventually his breathing labored, but he hung on.   They finally took a break from their phone conference, and soon after he died.  In a hospital, alone while his family grieved their great loss.  Less than 10 people at the funeral as allowed, they buried the father they loved.

THIS is Covid-19 at it's worse and it is happening over and over again every day somewhere in America.  I could not help but shed tears reading her detailed story that began as emails to friends and family and eventually was posted on Facebook.  Tragic, painful, and so real and raw, just as death is.

Yesterday a sweet friend, Linny Saunders from Place Called Simplicity wrote on Facebook about the death of her mom from Covid-19. She was very open about it, and I am sharing only what she shared online.   Her heart is broken, like so many others as they are separated from those they love.  Linny was able to be on Face Time with her mom for two hours, saying everything she wanted to say to her....she left nothing unsaid.  Her mom could not respond, but did make enough sounds twice for Linny to know she was being heard.  From thousands of miles away Linny poured out her heart, telling her mom that she wanted her to stay on earth and come live with them, but if she wanted to go home to Jesus and the loved ones who have gone before her.....that was okay.  There is deep comfort in knowing where her mom is and Who welcomed her home, but the pain and sadness are real and we mourn with her the loss of her mom.

As a pastor, my husband has been by the bedside of many people as they took their last breath.  He has stood vigil with families, prayed with families, grieved with families.  We both stood with others by the bedside of my mom when she took her last breath.  Many of you have stood by the bedsides of those you love as they left this world and God welcomed them home.   With this monster Covid, I am not sure who it is more difficult for right now, the patient or the family.   This dying alone separated by a virus that has no boundaries and no mercy.  The isolation so palpable.   I believe both the victims and families can hold on to the hope that Jesus is with them in the hospital.  They are not alone as they appear.  Sometimes it is the nurses that are physically with them, but we also know that Jesus and His ministering angels are right there in the room.  It may not feel like it is enough for those who grieve, but it is something.  Something and Someone to hold on to as loss overwhelms.

Recently one governor told people to be sure to let your loved ones know how much you care about them....."leaving nothing unsaid."  During this unsettling time, I find that Joel and I discuss dying more.  What we would do if one of us gets Covid, and if God forbid we do and one of us ends up in the hospital, then what decisions will we make.  We hug each other more. We intentionally laugh more together.   We are more grateful for each day together..........even more so than when I battled cancer this past couple of years.  As a pastor and pastor's wife, as a 4 time survivor of cancer, as elderly who have lost loved ones in death, we understand it as much as we can I guess, and are grateful for each day we wake up to.  At least that is our intention.  We are trying to leave nothing unsaid............

And maybe that is one thing we can all do. One thing we can learn from this virus pandemic.   Put aside differences, grudges, fears, and what more?  Just leave nothing unsaid with those you love and care about.  Make things right with God, and then make things right with family and friends.  Because life is unsettling and unpredictable right now.  We hope for the future, we believe there will be a future, but we also live and breathe in the reality that we have just today.  Today we can reach out and leave nothing good unsaid.  It is a good way to live even when there is no destructive virus eating away at our country.  Let us leave nothing unsaid.

Sunday's Coming!

I woke up about three this morning with this thought popping into my head. "It's Good Friday.....but Sunday is coming!" Every time I woke up after that the same thought would present itself.  I think God was trying to get my attention.

 Of course it is not Good Friday yet, but in some ways we have been living in a season of Good Friday now for quite some time.  Darkness, despair, suffering, death....our TV's, newspapers, and phones are filled with it and even though stories of hope are presented to us to try to balance some of the reality brought into our lives through the Covid-19 crisis, it cannot be avoided.  Our world is a mess. It looks bleak when we focus on it all.  But just like when Jesus died on the cross......it was not the end.  Sunday was coming!  And Sunday will be coming again for all of us concerning this pandemic, too.

Yesterday I headed out for the first time in three weeks to get the eye injection required for me to keep the vision in my left eye.  The doctor comes to our city every Monday and Tuesday to take care of patients in north Iowa.  They usually see an average of 80 each day!  My first appointment was set for 2:50 pm, but on Monday they changed it to 12 noon when there would be few patients.  Then I received a call yesterday morning asking me if I could come in at 11 am instead because they had a free slot.  When Joel and I went into the Retina section of the clinic we were the only people their besides the staff.  No one was scheduled for that time before lunch so they wanted us to come in to protect me from possible exposure.  Can you believe it?  How nice of them!  I am sure they did this for others too.  What a blessing!  It was surreal to be in that big clinic and not see anyone but staff in scrubs and masks.  We were in and out of there quickly and home within an hour.  Today it really stood out for me that in a season of Good Friday days was a Sunday is Coming moment!  We saw the sun peaking through the clouds....the SON Himself was made known in the grace and kindness of a staff that was concerned and caring.

We all have our "Sunday is Coming" moments we can think on and share with others.  Moments where we see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Moments when we know deep within this too shall pass and we will see Sunday come!  Moments when the goodness inside of all of us comes forth and shines a beacon in the darkness and uncertainty of our lives.

In the midst of Holy Week, we focus on our Lord Jesus and His journey to the cross.  We remember His death and the tremendous suffering He endured to save us all from death and destruction.  In this dark time, we hold close to us what we already know to be true.....Sunday is coming!!!!  Sunday is coming. 

When we wake each morning we are faced with the new reality that our world is shaken to its very core.   It can feel as dark, hopeless, or endless as Good Friday, but we are all called to stand firm and hold on to the hope that Sunday is coming!  Sunday is coming!

A Story To Be Pondered

Yesterday we had pancakes for supper.  Shrove Tuesday, "Fat Tuesday", the day before Ash Wednesday is a time to "feast" as 40 days of lent means for many a time of sacrifice.  We do not practice that ritual of giving up something for Lent, but we do celebrate Shrove Tuesday with pancakes covered in almond butter, fresh strawberries and blueberries, pure maple syrup and coconut based whipping cream.  Any excuse for pancakes in this house!

Today is Ash Wednesday, a time when many protestant denominations fill the pews of their churches for a service of worship.  Where they receive communion and ashes on their foreheads as a reminder of our mortality.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  Lent is a time to reflect.

I read a story over on Ann Voskamp's Blog about a woman named Ndubaayo, whom she met in Kenya.  This woman had walked 26 miles taking 8 hrs, barefoot across hills so that she could hear the Word of God.  She learned to read in her language and was able to hear and read the book of John at a church so many miles away..  She did this 5 days a week for 2 years.  Take a moment to think about that.

When this Kenyan woman became very ill and eventually bedridden her neighbors wished her to be dead and gone.  But she talked to God about those who said she was ill because she gave so much time to Him, and she asked for His courage.  As she talked to Him, she heard a voice say, "I hear you and I see you, and I know the goodness that your are doing."  And then she heard words she had never known in her life:  "Galations, verse 9".  She had no understanding of what it meant so when the "church mamas, 40 of them, came to see her she shared it with them.  They did not know either since they only had the book of John that had been translated into their language.  Someone there actually had an english Bible and they eventually realized Galations was a book in the Bible.  They went through all the chapters until they came to 6:9.  One woman could read enough English so she translated what it said.  "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow wearly."  It confirmed what God had told her.  She became well and recently Ann Voskamp was able to sit in a church in Kenya and listen to her tell 1,000 people about her story.   Only God.

When I read this story to Joel over lunch I could not stop crying.  It still brings me to tears.  Oh, people, we are so spoiled here in America.  We have so many Bibles within our reach and not one of us has to walk 26 miles barefoot to hear the word of God.  This woman, Ndubaayo was hungry for the Word of God.  She was willing to sacrifice much of her day, her energy, her life to be able to hear it.  She understood the importance of God's Word and His presence.  Ann Voskamp said when she met Ndubaayo her face was radiate with God's love.  Recently the whole Bible became available to Ndubaayo and so many others to read in their own language.  When she first received her own Bible?  She slept with it on her pillow right next to her.

So here it is, Ash Wednesday.  A time when we focus on those days before Good Friday.  A time when we focus on God's love for His people and Jesus sacrifice for us.  A time when many give up something for Lent....whether it is a food you love or a TV show you just can't miss.   Ann Voskamp's story about Ndubaayo, in a small village in Kenya, is there for me, for us to reflect on during this Holy season.  I am undone by it.  Humbled, repentant, and hungry for more time with God. Shaken by this woman's faith and willingness to sacrifice so much to hear and read God's Word.

As I walk up to the front of the church tonight to receive communion and the pastor puts the sign of the cross on my forehead with ashes, I will hear the words, "Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return"  Without Jesus those words would be frightening,wouldn't they, but with Jesus we know that our bodies may be mortal but eternal life awaits us.  God's Word came alive in Jesus.  I don't think I will ever look at Lent quite the same way again as I think about  Ndubaayo's sacrifices for God and His response to her.  Would I be so willing?  Would you?

Gifts That Keep On Giving

There are times I find myself saying, "Chemo is the gift that keeps on giving."  I haven't meant this in a positive way, of course.  The after affects of chemo, some visible and some not visible, are a reminder of what it does to the body while killing cancer cells. There is a list of symptoms that whisper, talk, and sometimes yell at me.   Yeah, chemo is the gift that keeps on giving.

Radiation is also a gift that keeps on giving, but in less obvious ways.  It is there in print, in black and white, the side effects of it. Yesterday I had a conversation with my radiology oncologist, Dr. S.  He is the nicest man, filled with wisdom and compassion.  His words confirmed my thinking on the gripping/grabbing pains I periodically get in the radiated area.  Radiation is also a gift that keeps on giving.

So how can these two treatments be  described as gifts?  Joel said to me recently that he thought I was doing amazingly well considering that the treatments for this cancer were to cut and remove, use poison, and burn it away.  That is the way we fight cancer right now.  I believe in the future these treatments will be replaced with more powerful and less harmful ways to kill cancer, but these are the "gifts" we have right now.  This is how we fight for a cure, to live our best life.

BUT we cannot forget the One who fights for us.  When I had radiation treatments I would ask Jesus to not only be in the room, which He promised me He would be, but that He would also be in the beam...the proton beam that penetrated my body.  Now, I am in the process of "adjusting" to a tiny little pill that carries a powerful punch.  A hormone inhibitor that is causing me increased pain and at this moment major stomach issues.  I have started thanking God for this pill....a gift that will in the oncologist's words "be most affective in keeping the cancer from returning."  I have not only started thanking Him for this pill but asking Him to work through the pill while at the same time praying for healing.  The healing of a miracle that comes from only Jesus.

I am not one who has found the medical world very comforting.  I would avoid doctors and medications to the point of being unhealthy.  In this journey, especially the past few months, I have learned to appreciate the medical world and even the drugs and treatments used to help me.  They are gifts from God, but we cannot forget that the ultimate gift for our salvation and healing is Jesus.  Jehovah Rafa....the God who heals.   Let us worship Him!  Our Way Maker, Miracle Worker!

And isn't Jesus the gift who keeps on giving?!  He has given us the gift of eternal life but He loves us so much that that is not the only gift He offers.  He offers His love....deep and wide......endless.....He offers us forgiveness......He offers us healing of body, soul, and spirit.  He is the ultimate and most important gift that just keeps on giving!

So, while I use what is available in the world to bring healing and fight the enemy, I keep my eyes on Jesus, who is bigger than any of my ~~ any of our problems.  Never forget.........."The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be calm."  Rest in the truth of it.

"We Have The Beam!"

I was laying on the narrow hard metal table in a large radiation room.  I was half listening to contemporary Christian music while deep breathing to relax.  It is always an adjustment to get strapped into the facial mask that keeps my chin out of "the line of fire" and my head immobile. Suddenly, through the loud speaker I heard, "We have the beam!"  I felt myself jump and had to laugh........

There are 4 treatment rooms that wait their turn for the radiation beam to do what it has to do to travel the length of a football field to get to your room.  To come into my body.  The treatment itself lasts only 5 minutes in each of two positions for me, but the daily xrays, positioning, and waiting for my turn  can take up to 45 minutes.  Usually someone lets you know....."you are third in line.....second in line....next......and then "You have the beam!" 

"You have the beam!"  I could not help but think about Jesus as our Beam!  He is our light!  He comes into our lives and changes everything.  He lives in us!  When we receive Christ, we have THE BEAM!  And there is no better beam that Jesus, The Light of the World.

As I lay on the table one day and thought about this idea, I decided to ask Jesus to be present IN the radiation beam.  To take His beam and inhabit the radiation beam with healing power.  HIS healing power. To guide the beam so my organs would be protected and any unwelcome cells would be destroyed.  He works through doctors, and He can work through a proton radiation beam.  It is comforting to know that.

Speaking of comfort, we are staying at Hope Lodge run by the American Cancer Society and on New Year's Eve someone brought their therapy dog to visit.  It was so nice to have an animal to pet and enjoy.  This morning yet another therapy dog, this one a large poodle came to the waiting area at the clinic.  He works through animals, too, doesn't it.

We have definitely seen Him working through people ~doctors, techs, nurses, volunteers and more.  We have dealt with so many kind and compassionate people at Mayo no matter where we go.  I heard they are required to take a monthly class to stay updated on how to deal with patients who come from around the world.  They also provide classes 4 days a week for patients on nutrition, meditation, relaxation, coping with cancer and life after cancer.  It is all good and I see God at work.  It is God at work to walk into the Jacobson Building desk area and have the woman behind the desk say, "Hi Renee, I'll check you in!"  They see so many people and they make an effort to know their first names.  It is God at work to tell the doctor when I had an eye migraine due to the bright bright lights for the radiation treatment and have him pick up the phone immediately and talk to the staff who were waiting with sunglasses that fit over the mask when I arrived for the next treatment. These treatments start at 5:30 am and go on until 11pm at night!  Two shifts of staff continually working with patients in need of healing.   It is God at work when you walk in the treatment room and have a staff person ask me how our family gathering when last weekend.....So personable and caring.  I think it is part of their resume....."MUST be kind, compassionate, caring, and take interest in each patient.  God at work.  HIS beam spreading His love and healing power in the medical world. 

So, 8 treatments down and 17 to go.  We are grateful for the proton beam and especially for His beam that brings healing power into our lives and into our bodies.  We are blessed to be able to say, "We have the beam!"

Spiritual Blinders

Have you ever seen a horse with blinders on?  They are worn so that they are not frightened by what is beside or behind them.  The blinders keep the horse moving forward without incident and with the right perspective.  No panicky horses.  Lately I feel like I need those blinders .....just need to keep my eyes focused on moving forward.  Just stay focused on Jesus.......just keep walking forward one step at a time.....no worry.....no panic setting in.

It has been just over a year since this journey began.  It is easy for me to slip back to those early months and the turbulence involved in every test, every report, and what seemed like all bad news.  It shook our world and it can still bring about a physical response if I go back and think about all of it.  Like Lot's wife in the Bible, I want to look back over my shoulder, but I know that it will not be helpful.  I won't turn into a pillar of salt, but the distractions and emotions wrapped up in the past year can keep me frozen in place.  Especially since this November is filled with appointments and tests.  Chemo will be done after this Friday, and  I move on to the next phase......radiation.  Before that happens there are tests, a port removal, a visit to the urologist and dermatologist, and.......yeah......"Distractions!" Give me those blinders!  I need a new perspective.

So a horse with blinders, we know it is for its own good.  The blinders keep the horse steady, focused, and calm as it does the job set before him. Makes sense.

Makes sense for us too.  There are times in all our lives when we need to intentionally focus, stay steady and calm and just "do the job" set before us.  Keeping our eyes upon Jesus and His plan gives us the best perspective, and is a good way to accomplish all those things.  Of course blinders are not literally what we need, but knowing God is guiding us through life keeps us calm and less distracted by the world around us.  There are benefits to having spiritual blinders!

"Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light unto my path."

Ps. 119:105  NLT

The Heavens Weep

I woke up today thinking about the mass shooting at a Wal-mart in El Paso TX yesterday where families were school shopping.  Another domestic terrorist went into a busy area filled with innocent men, women, and children, and began taking their lives with a powerful weapon.  The reason is still being investigated, but it is being called a hate crime.  Soon after waking, I read online that yet another mass shooting occurred in Dayton Ohio overnight.  And last Sunday it was a festival in Gilroy CA.  And before that?  And that?  According to what I read, there have been 22 mass shootings in 2019 so far.  It is overwhelming.

I am so weary of reading about the mass shootings. I am so weary of hearing the arguments, political or personal that do nothing to solve the problem we have in our country with violence and hate.  When God''s creations, His own children, are murdered in the name of hate, racism, anger, and more, the Heavens weep.  Jesus was clear on how we are to treat others.  His message has not changed since it was written in the most important book ever.  The Bible tells us clearly to love one another, forgive one another, care for one another.  Jesus told us the most important commandment of all was to LOVE one another.  And it begins at home.  It begins in our hearts.  It begins with what comes out of our mouth.  There is serious power in our words.

Our family is multi-racial.  We were blessed to adopt children who brought with them a variety of backgrounds.  Chinese, Filipino, Hispanic, African American, Northern Cheyenne.  Our grandchildren are a beautiful blend of these ethnicities along with Korean, Norwegian, Danish, French, Irish, English, and more.  We are so proud of our "rainbow family" as Joel's Aunt Ruth used to call us.  And members of our family have been told "go back to where you came from" in one way or another, have been called derogatory names, been bullied, and mistreated by children and adults alike.  It saddens me greatly.  And the power of those words spoken hurts our family.  And it should hurt you, too.  And the violence and death of so many in our country?  It hurts you too.  What is said and done to others affects us all.

It sickens me when I read and listen to Christians speak hate, prejudice, and bias over others who do not look like them, live like them, believe like them, agree with them.  I don't see that there is just one answer to America's problems with violence and hate.  I certainly don't hold the answers, but I do believe that if each of us not only believe in Jesus but follow Him and truly become more "Christ-like" as the Bible says,  we will be led to live out God's commandment to love one another.

We are called the greatest country in the world for many reasons, one of which is our diversity.  I don't want "the greatest country in the world" to become the worst place to live due to the violence and hate that is spewed out over the country, the cities, our communities, us.  On days like this I turn to Jesus, and I can only ask for mercy on our country, on the loved ones of those who died.  On all of us. 

Today let's bend our knees in prayer.  God be with us all.

Christmas 1968

As I was listening to Christmas music today, I remembered our first Christmas together as a married couple.  It was 1968, Joel was a lowly airman in the Air Force, stationed at Rantoul Illinois for 9 months of tech training to work on air testing in airplanes.  We lived in a small Airstream trailer that was not wide enough for me to lay across......and I am under 5' 3" tall.  The bathroom was small enough that we could sit on the stool and wash our hands in the sink at the same time!

It was our first Christmas away from our families, we were living on $200 a month, and had little to spend on gifts.  But we bought each other 1 gift.....I bought Joel a pair of western boots and he bought me a bathrobe.  Joel has worn boots for as long as I can remember.  I love wearing robes, and still do enjoy having a robe to change into in the evenings.  We had a tiny tree with presents from my family under the tree, adding to our own gifts for each other. I had made cookies like we did at home........ending up with so many different kinds, we actually took most of them out to the barracks to share with other airmen who could not go home.  I don't recall, but I am thinking we had the traditional turkey dinner.

We were lonely for family, but we were so thankful to be together to celebrate.  We attended a local Lutheran church not far from our trailer house for Christmas Eve services.  I don't recall if we phoned home.  We could not afford a phone so if we did it would have been a collect call!

We have spent many Christmases far from our extended families and eventually as our kids grew into adults we have spent them far from our own family.  But we have always had each other.  For 50 years now we have never missed a Christmas together.  So grateful.  Our holidays have been celebrated in Illinois, New Mexico, Utah, Minnesota, Montana, Iowa, and The Philippine Islands

This year we will spend a quiet Christmas together, and our focus will be the same...........the waiting and anticipation with four weeks of Advent, leading up to the worship on Christmas Eve, and the focus on Jesus our Savior.

As we prepare to enter the Advent season, this year I am especially grateful for the love that sustains us as husband and wife.  The years behind, the present season, and the years to come.  I am thankful for the Presence of our Savior in the midst of our celebration.  We no longer live in a small Airstream, poor as "church mice" and newly separated from our families.  We have fifty years behind us, a foundation of faith and family to sustain us.  We are blessed.

In The Storm

A few days ago, before the diagnosis, I asked God "Where are you?"  I was struggling with yet one more test, one more "rule out or rule in", one more biopsy.  As I shared before, I immediately saw a lighthouse on a cliff with a beam of light radiating out from the shore.  I was in the stormy sea being tossed about, looking at the Lighthouse.  Jesus then said, "Keep your eyes on Me."

It was a simple but yet powerful message.  He did not cause this storm, but He sees it.  He wants me to seek and see Him until the storm ends.  And it will end.  I shared this visual encounter with our oldest and she sent me a beautiful picture that encompasses what I saw.

We all go through storms in life.  Some more difficult than others, but never do we go through them alone.  Jesus is our rock.  He is steady, loving, powerful, and faithful to His kids.  He is our Light in a dark world.

Today I heard a story of healing from a young woman at Bethel school.  She was struggling on whether she believed in healing or not because of her mom's physical condition.  God spoke to her and said, "I have not called you to always understand Me, I have called you to trust Me."  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.....  (Proverbs 3)  We can trust Him in the storms that come our way, and keeping our eyes upon Jesus makes that possible.  He is our Light!

She Said Don't Worry.

Matt, Bethany, Mark, Naomi

I can still see her sweet face as she sat with me on the sofa in our living room.  Our oldest girl was around five years old and we had just come home from Sunday School.  We attended an Interdenominational church with other military families on Clark Air Base in The Philippines.

Bethany turned to me and said, "Mommy, you don't have to worry about where I will go when I die."  I asked her why and she told me, "I asked Jesus into my heart today."  So simple, yet so powerful.

Sometimes we want to make the Gospel story so complex.  We add religious rituals, rules, and definitions to what it means to be a Christian and John 3:16 becomes complicated.   "For God so loved the world He gave His only Son....."   That is how much He loves us.

"Jesus loves me this I know......for the Bible tells me so."  Again, so simple, yet so powerful.  A few weeks ago a young woman was praying for me and said, "Oh I feel the love of God on you so strongly....."  She went on to share something personal from God that addressed where my heart was that morning.  Today Joel was sitting quietly with his eyes closed and God said to Him, "I want Renee to know how much I love her."  I hold those moments close.  He really does want us to know.  He really does want us to accept and be His children.

Sometimes we need to go back to the child that resides in us, remembering how much Jesus loves us.  How much He wants to be our Lord and Savior.  We need to step out in faith and receive Him, and let Him into our hearts to reign just like our Bethany did when she was a young child.

I Have Been Talking To You All Night

I was determined to hear her speak, the author of two books that we had read.  Judy Franklin is an assistant to pastor Bill Johnson and shares her gifting of visions from Holy Spirit as a speaker and author..  She understands the spirit realm and has written about her own experiences.  It is powerful the way God can use our imagination for His own purposes.

She was so interesting! Part of her lecture was to have us sit back and visualize Jesus in front of us.  Then listen for what he wants to tell you and see what he wants to show you.

As I leaned back and closed my eyes Jesus came right up.  Eyes so vivid and hair a reddish brown, thick and wavy.  He took my hand and I noticed the scar on the top of His.  I leaned down and kissed the scar.  He urged me to walk with Him so I did. We went to a meadow by a creek and he sat down leaning back on His hands with His ankles crossed.  I sat beside Him.  He suddenly scooped His hands up from the grass and lifted them high in the air.  Feathers went up and then fell down all around us.  So many small white feathers!  As I stood up and started gathering the,, He said, "You don't have to collect them, there will always be more."

That was the end of what I saw as the speaker then invited some of us to share what we had seen.  I am not completely sure what the feathers represent but they have come to me often over the past 2 1/2 years.  It started with breast cancer surgery and the verses and feathers showing up in images, etc.  Shelter-of-His-wings feathers, healing feathers.  Then when we went to Bethel Church last fall they showed up before we left after we asked for them as affirmation for our trip.  This time from an owl who was gracing us with his nightly presence.  Now once again I am seeing feathers.  I am praying for clarification and meaning to fully come, but for now I am grateful there will always be more.

At the end of Judy Franklin's teaching, she pointed her finger at me and told me she had been "looking at me and talking to me the whole night".  She went on to speak some amazing words over and about me that touched my heart and has had me pondering their meaning ever since.  I was one of 3 people she spoke to in a room of 75-100 listeners, so I am so grateful to hear from someone who has helped me to understand the things I see and hear. 

There are so many ways that God speaks to us.  Through our devotionals,  the scriptures, worship songs, the words of friends and family, books written by others, prophetic words, and much more.  More, like God using our minds/imagination for His divine purposes. 

You Are Welcome Here

Yesterday a very delicate butterfly landed in my hand.  I was able to gently caress it, observing and enjoying it's beauty.  It felt like a precious gift from God to hold close for a moment of time.

Of course we don't have any butterflies around this time of year.  In fact even though it is April we are now in another "storm watch" with more snow heading our way.  The "butterfly" that I held in my hand is an analogy for our oldest grandson.  He came from college to have Easter dinner with us.  We had four hours one on one with him.  A precious gift.  A brief moment in time together, stored now in our memories.

Our oldest daughter Sarah went to church with us and had dinner with us before heading south to pick up her son.  Of course we enjoyed having her here too, but this "precious gift" is how I feel whenever we spend time with a grandchild.  We do not have the privilege to live around any of our grands, so our visits with most of them are limited to one holiday a year, a visit to their homes, and maybe an event that gathers family to celebrate, like a wedding.  One on one time is rare and spending a few hours with Evan yesterday was much appreciated.  Great fun.

God made us for relationships.  He created us for loving relationships with others and with Him.  He desires for us to welcome Him into our hearts and into our homes, enjoying the gift of His presence.  As we gather together, He gathers with us.  Not only in times of joy, but as we seek him during the difficult seasons and in the mundane.  We hold these moments like a delicate butterfly.  Precious.

We were so excited to have our grandson come.  We fed him his favorite food, made up an "Easter bag" for him to take back to the dorm, and took pictures to honor the event.  A celebration!  We can certainly do no less for our Savior who created us, created family.  We invite Jesus in.  The One who suffered and died, who rose from the dead.  He brought us to His banqueting table......"His banner over us is love".  Let us bring Him to our banqueting table.....let our banner over Him be love.  Come Lord Jesus, come.  You are welcome here.

He Is Risen!

Yesterday was Good Friday.  A day set aside to remember the suffering and death of Jesus.  A time when Christians gather together for quiet reflection.  Jesus died for you, for me. We worshiped with friends last night, as we gathered to step into the experience that encompasses the grief and suffering that took place at Golgotha.  Remembering that by His stripes were were saved and healed.

Recently I was watching a morning TV show and it was mentioned that Good Friday is the most important day of the Christian faith.  Whoa......for me that made little sense.  For me Easter is the most important day for Christians.  Three words says it all.  He.  Is.  Risen.  He is risen!

Tomorrow Christians gather across the globe to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Lent began on Valentine's Day and Easter is on April Fool's Day.  I like the idea that when Jesus died Satan thought he had defeated the Son of God.........but Jesus rose again!  Surprise!  It was like an "April Fool's" on Satan!  Jesus had the last word, the victory is His!  And ours.

We have loved ones who are walking through their own Valley of the shadow......Words of death have been spoken.  Another is struggling with the side effects of chemo as it kills cancer cells while causing havoc in the body.   I, myself, am awaiting healing, being challenged by a serious eye problem that is not yet responding to medication.  A sweet friend struggles with fatigue and heart palpitations that are relentless.  I am sure you could think of others, or add your own name to those who are walking through the Valley of the Shadow.  The opportune word here is that we walk thrugh it.  We also know that some day Golgotha will come to each of us, but it is not the end.

Jesus rose again, and because He rose again we, too, have victory! We, too, will walk through the valley into eternal life with our King Jesus!  HE.  IS.  RISEN!!  Tomorrow as we celebrate the Resurrection let us remember Victory is ours!  He is risen!

Love Brings Us Full Circle

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and Joel and I have celebrated this holiday together for 52 years.  Mostly we just exchange cards, giving thanks for each other, and marveling at how time flies.  It is also Ash Wednesday and in our world this is a solomn season, the beginning of Lent.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  For over 35 years Joel uttered those words as he made the sign of a cross on foreheads.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

So this Ash Wednesday we will express joy in our love while remembering with quiet reflection our Savior's suffering and death, and our own mortality.  It seems appropriate, really, this combination of joy and sadness.  You can find both in what Jesus did for us all.  Sadness in the crucifixion, and joy in His resurrection and our salvation.

Spending the last 3 days on the losing side of a battle with a virus I choose not to label,  has had me bonding with our sofa.  This means Ash Wednesday will probably be spent at home.  One of the perks of being married to a pastor is we can have communion anytime we want to, and we do.  In the days I was the girl in the bubble, Joel would have a service with me at home...ashes to ashes on my forehead, communion celebrated.  In remembrance.  It holds special meaning for me.  It is part of our culture. 

In the midst of all this, the Olympics are on TV and we have been enjoying the events. I loved seeing Chloe Kim win her gold and observing the excitement her family felt.  Moving to the US in the 80's and sacrificing so much for their daughter so she could seek out her passion!  A Father's love for his child.  A Father's love for His children nailed Jesus to a tree.   Which brings us back to Lent, Ash Wednesday, and Valentine's Day.  Full circle. 

We Ain't Looking So Clean!

A couple of weeks ago Joel washed the outside windows while I helped tackle the inside.  When we were finished they looked pretty good.........or so we thought.  The next day when we looked closely I said to Joel....... "Honey, the windows?  They "ain't" looking so clean!"  What is up with that??

So today, we started over with the windows.  Again.  On December 4th.  Are we bundled up as we venture outside to soap and rinse and dry?  Nope.  It was 64 degrees by 11 am today.  Seriously.  In northern Iowa.  Huh.  We have been given another chance to make the windows sparkling clean.  This time we took vinegar and mixed in another ingredient, a little Seventh Generation dish detergent and it broke up the dirt and grime.  Rinsing the glass with vinegar water and wiping with a soft cloth had us smiling.  With a little extra work and the right ingredients, the windows are clean!

As I was washing the windows I actually started to see a connection here and started to sing  "What can wash away our sins.....nothing but the blood of Jesus."   It seems that we often try to eliminate our sins with self control, determination, and prayer.  Not a bad combination, but without that extra ingredient ~ Jesus~ to cut through the dirt and grime in our lives, we ain't looking so clean.  Jesus suffered and died for us.  For our sins.  For sickness and disease (Is. 54).  He alone can wash away our sins....make us clean.  Nothing but the blood of Jesus!

So we cleaned up the windows today in shirt sleeves, and we are all ready for the cold and snow that is arriving tonight.  Winter is on it's way.  Think I will bundle up under my wool comforter and listen to a little music.  Maybe the song I was humming today!  Nothing but the blood.  Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

                                                                        Song by Matt Redman 

Distractions = Opportunities

The other morning I heard Joel chuckling out in the kitchen, so I joined him and asked what he was laughing about.  It seems that three crows and three squirrels were doing some kind of "king of the hill" dance in the yard across the street while trying to keep their eyes on one of many corn cobs our neighbor throws out in his yard year round.  He has attracted plenty of deer, squirrels, crows, and raccoons with his easy access feast. 

As we both watched the antics going on, one squirrel held back and opted out of the fight ensuing before him.  In a quick move, he grabbed the nearest corn cob and took off across the street while the others continued their bickering!  Smart squirrel.  Distraction = Opportunity.

It brings me to a dream I had last night.  I do not have the best of dreams, and this one can be added to that category.  Someone had come to the door wanting Joel to hire him to do some work.  Joel said no, so he came back carrying a big shotgun and again insisted he be hired for the job.  With him were several of who he introduced as his people who barged their way into the house, all of them walking around.  The kids were getting into things so I was trying to watch them.  Before long I realized that the adults were pocketing some of our things....like house keys and money.  I was trying to keep my eyes on all of them and quickly realized we needed help.  While distracted by the large man and his shotgun, and the wild kids, the others had taken the opportunity to steal from us.  I picked the phone up and called 911.  I woke up pondering what it meant.

You know, the devil is in the distraction business.  He loves to get our focus off of Papa God and onto whatever he sends our way.  Maybe it is sickness, a financial worry, pride, or loneliness.  A distraction from the promises of God, His purpose, His guidance.  And that distraction gives the devil an opportunity to sow seeds of fear, worry, or maybe a lie about your current situation. 

The mission of the devil is to kill, steal, and destroy and he will uses anything in his means to do so.  Turn on the news and fear rises.......Scroll through Facebook and division is the name of the game whether in politics or religion.  Divide and conquer...divide and destroy more like it.  I read recently that with all the technology and all the ways to get connected in our world today, with how "busy" everyone is?   The number of people who feel isolated and lonely has only gone up. 

Isaiah 26:3 says,

 "I will be in perfect peace

 when my mind is focused on You Jesus, 

because I trust in you." 

(my paraphrase).

There it is, the key to all distractions in life........the key to staying in peace.  Trusting in our King Jesus. Following His commands to love, really love one another.  Following His Word that holds truth.   Seeking a close intimate relationship with our Papa.  Keeping our eyes off the distractions and unto the One who is Peace.  

It is He alone who provides.  He alone who heals.  He alone who strengthens.  He alone is our Peace.  He alone brings unity.  He alone.  Only God.  Only God.  

Luther's Journey Of Faith, Courage, and Obedience

This coming Sunday our small micropolitan city will hold a joint service at the college.  It is the 500th anniversary of the Reformation and the 4 ELCA churches will worship as one.  Joel was in Gutenburg, Germany during the 450th year......and here it is, 50 years later and we are celebrating Martin Luther and the Reformation.

We watched the movie "Luther" this week from the comforts of our living room.  It is part of Joel's preparation for his sermon next Sunday.  Not for the joint service here in town, but for the smallest of congregations he fills in at an hour away.  A country church that worships 15-20 people on a good Sunday morning.  They are unable to sustain a pastor, but wanting to keep the doors of their church open for worship.  They are an active group, willing to sacrifice and serve to keep going for as long as they can.  I expect Martin Luther would smile at their determination.

What Luther did was courageous, bold, crazy, and out of obedience to God.  He did what he felt God was calling him to do, but it was costly, messy, and at times scary.  He studied the scriptures in depth and from his studies came a rebelling of what had become at that time a corrupt Catholic church.  He sought the Lord in his studies and found grace.  Grace for the people. That grace led him into the Reformation and Protestantism was born.

Joel's and my histories run deep in the Lutheran church.  His great grandparents gave the land and helped build a church in NW Minnesota.....my great grandparents gave the land and helped build a church in SE Minnesota.  Joel's parents were active in their country church, located just a quarter mile from the family farm.  My parents story is much different, but as a young child I was periodically taken to church by one sister, and eventually raised in the church by my oldest sister and family.  Joel and I met at The Lutheran Bible Institute in Mpls. MN.  Our children were raised in the Lutheran Church where dad preached.  Definitely a foundation rooted in Jesus and the Lutheran Church.

Our journey has taken us many places and we have sat in the pews and chairs of a variety of denominational and non-denominational churches.  While in Albuquerque NM (Air Force) we used to attend a Sat night Catholic Mass with a guitar playing priest.....it was the 60's!  In Duluth two years later we would attend and Joel even preached at a Lutheran church Sunday mornings.  Sunday evenings we would head with friends downtown to The Tabernacle ~ a large Assembly type church.  It is where I first heard the gift of praying in tongues.  In the Philippines from 1974-76 we attended an interdenominational church on Clark Air Base, took part in a Baptist Serviceman's club off base, and I was part of a wonderful interdenominational group of women who gathered weekly in private homes.  The first time I was prayed for and received physical healing was with those woman. 

Once Joel went to seminary our places of worship were confined to only the Lutheran Church where Joel served.  For  32 years we graced their pews, walking with the ELCA through many changes.  Now, with Joel retired but still filling in, we still often sit in Lutheran houses of worship, but we also go to other non-denominational churches that embrace more of the prophetic, charismatic, and healing.

We never expected to be on such a journey, but like Martin Luther, and all of the "ordinary" people, we are trying to walk in obedience to God.  Forever grateful to our great grandparents for their sustaining faith and obedience to God, forever grateful for hear the Word as children and receiving Jesus into our lives, forever grateful for our children knowing and serving God, and forever grateful for God beckoning us to more.  We celebrate this weekend the foundation of the Protestantism and especially the Lutheran church through Martin Luther and the large roll it has played in our faith and the faith of so many others.

Broken and Beautiful

I have been reading Katie Davis Majors book, "Daring To Hope:  Finding God's Goodness in the Broken and the Beautiful".  Katie is well known for her first book "Kisses For Katie" and for her non-profit in Uganda ~ Amazina Ministries~ that cares for the vulnerable in that country.  And she happens to be a mom to 14 before she turned the age of thirty.  Thirteen girls adopted in the first 10 years she lived in Uganda, and one son born to her and her husband. 

The words, "Broken and Beautiful" brought up visions of some of the people we saw while traveling.  While on our long trip to California and back, we saw some of the broken in the homeless that were on the road or in the cities.  Often it appeared that mental illness played a part of their journey, if not drug addiction or worse.  It was heartbreaking and to be truthful sometimes uncomfortable to be in their presence.

Two people stand out to me.......one man I expect was in his early 30's and traveling with a dog and a cat.  His clothes were absolutely filthy and torn, and he sat outside of a convenience store/gas station in Park City Utah sharing food and water with his four legged companions.   Park City is a very wealthy area of Utah, so the contrast was vivid.  The second was a woman who was standing over some kind of vent on a street in Redding.  We drove right past her, trying not to notice that she was urinating through her clothes, into the vent in broad daylight.  It was very disturbing.

Broken people.  So many broken people.  My thoughts went to our need to see others through God's eyes, and I cannot help but come up short in my reactions concerning these two.  Certainly our cities, our churches, our neighborhoods are filled with those who are broken.  We all are imperfect in some way, but I have not been able to forget the two whom I mentioned above. God's children, too.

Broken and beautiful.  I believe this is how God seems them.  How He sees us all.  And would He react the same way as His people do?  Maybe with repulsion, indifference, scorn, or disgust?  Would he yell, "Get a job" or look down or away from them?  And how would He expect us to respond?

Katie Davis Majors tells the story of a man who was an alcoholic and dug through garbage for his food, was abusive and mean spirited to others.  One day he fell into a fire while in a drunken stupor.  He was taken to the doctor but they did not have the time or resources to help him so they wanted to amputate his leg if no one could care for him.  Katie was called and ended up adding him to her already full days and nights ~ a drunk in need of having his dressings changed on a daily basis.  She slowly nursed him back to health, quietly witnessing to him about Jesus.  Eventually he stayed in the guest cottage on her property and without access to alcohol, he stopped drinking.  He began listening to what Katie was saying and not only did his leg heal but so did his soul.  He gave his heart to Jesus and eventually was able to get a job and his own apartment while helping  out Katie and her family with chores when he could.  He was so grateful.

Katie saw beyond the broken, smelly, mean spirited man and gave him the care and love that her Jesus would.  She saw that he was both broken and beautiful.  I have had to ask myself, "Could I do the same?"  It might sound more glamorous to be saving the leg of a man in Africa vs helping out someone in our own city with the same circumstances.........but what Jesus asks in Uganda is exactly what He asks of us where we live.......to see others through His eyes and treat them with love.

Hard questions.   Harder answers.  We know it is easy to love the lovable, but Jesus asks more of us.  To love the unlovable.  To be open to loving others He brings into our lives.....whether strangers or members of our family.  That love He requires is given in many different ways.  Certainly not all of us called to nurse a man back to health, but no one can deny that Jesus calls us to see the broken as beautiful.  The Gospels resonate with His thoughts and commands on love.

We are invited, as Katie says, to bring Jesus into the midst of our own messes and brokenness, too......and see ourselves and others as He does.....both broken and beautiful.  Are we up to the challenge?  Certainly not without Jesus.  But then, we are not without Jesus, are we?!

So, Now What?

When you tell someone you have had surgery for a Melanoma, you get a couple of different reactions.  If they know of people who had surgery and no further trouble....it is not such a big deal.  If they know of someone who had it move into organs and they died from it.....they respond quite differently.   I have known both.

I am working on recovering, surprised at how much the surgery took out of me.  I am only starting to think about what this all means, knowing I will need to go in every three months to be checked.  Those appointments added to the radiology oncologist and regular doctor visits along with the eye specialist give me pause.  So has the fact that in the past 21 months I have had 5 surgeries, 30 days of radiation, and 1 broken toe to walk through and recover from.

Crap.  Yes, crap.  So, now what?  This is not how I was seeing my future.  Fear or sadness can sneak up on you, ya know? With effort I am keeping my eyes on Jesus and remembering His promises.  I intentionally look back on the many times He has walked with us and the 69 years I have opened my eyes each morning with the privilege to proclaim...."This IS the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Yeah....the realizing that every day is a gift to treasure cannot be just a cliche. Lord, give me more of Jesus.

I find myself doing that more often, realizing and believing that every day is a gift.  Treasuring a laugh with our girls, phone calls with our sons, watching grands receive their high school diplomas. Recently I enjoyed a game of Scrabble with a young grand who has amazing skills and we celebrated with Joel's 105 year old Aunt Harriet.  And the freedom to worship with the songs that make my heart sing blesses me greatly. Treasures to hold close.

Today I saw a friend post something about her son who died several years ago in an accident. So tragic.  Our own son died over 12 years ago ~ he would have been 38 this month.  It had me remembering too many friends dying before their time.  If only we truly took to heart how precious life is...the good, bad, and even at times the ugly.

I am going to "sing a familiar song" here and express my beliefs while walking this journey.  God did not do this to me.  God does not want us sick.  He wants us well, that is why His son died, for our salvation ~ wholeness, Sozo ~ saving us from sin and sickness.  Will he use this for His glory?  I asked Him to, so I sure hope so!  In fact, I think He already has started.....when one of those involved in the surgery kept asking me questions about God and our "strong faith".  Lord, lets give them Jesus.....

We headed to church yesterday, worshiping outside under a wool blanket that did little to keep me warm in these "fall" temperatures.   It did tire me out, and as soon as we came home I slept for an hour.  So why go?  Because Jesus is what it is all about.  What life is about, what death is about, and what our future is about.  Jesus.   He is more than our Savior.  He is the answer for the question, "So, now what?"  Give me Jesus.

Emotional plea....."give me Jesus"

He fights for us, did you know?  He loves us, do you feel it?  He died for us, have you received it? No matter what lies ahead in my life or yours, Jesus is with us~~ In a doctor's office, by the side of a son's grave, while recovering from surgery, or worshiping under a wool blanket on a cold Sunday morning.  Jesus.  Give me Jesus.