Finding Trust In Gratitude

Like many of you, I am keeping a gratitude journal.  I have done so off and on for years, but this time it is different.  This time I am searching for all the small things that can get lost in the big ones.  Thanks to Ann Voskamp I am finding gratitude for my husband's constantly moving feet as he sits in his chair, the cardinal that stops by to say hi in my window view, the clock chimes that bring me a moment of pause every hour, the smell of the coffee that I don't even drink.  I am making the effort to see life through the lenses of thankfulness, as (In)Courage writer Lynne Bassier posted.

Ann Voskamp says in her book, "One Thousand Gifts" that writing down the smallest things she is thankful for has helped her to trust God.  She has always had trust issues with God.  So have I.  I can use the trauma and un-predictability of my early childhood as an excuse, or I can use it as a stepping stone.  I always have liked stepping stones.

This week has blurred the lenses of gratitude a bit and I have had to deliberately "clean" those lenses with Biblical teachings, God's promises, and the prayers of friends who lift me higher with their love and encouragement. (Thank you K's).

Around 5 days ago I started to have a major increase in joint pain that surprised and discouraged me.  As it increased even more in my lower back and bladder area I asked Joel to pray. He laid hands over the area and heat filled his hands, went up his arms and then into his shoulders.  He was wet with sweat!  The pain in that area went away, and interestingly, so did the incontinence I had been experiencing.  TMI?  Well, stay with me.  I was very excited as I believed when those symptoms were gone so was the cause. 

It was three days latter that I ended up in the doctors office with the symptoms of a UTI.

I found myself frustrated and discouraged that once again I needed to take an antibiotic.  I hate taking medications.  I wanted healing to come from Jesus and not from a pill that is making me feel like I am just getting off a merry-go-round and has my urine the color of a rusty old nail.  I quickly resorted to anxiety and self-pity.  I began to question God's guidance.  What had happened when Joel prayed?  Why was that not enough?

And then I reached out for my iPad to watch Barry Bennett say, "Sometimes we do need doctors and medical help and that is okay.  The end result is healing and God uses many different ways to get us there.  He also spoke about the woman with the issue of blood.  That story has come up so often lately, and it really resonates with me.....she had spent all her money trying to get well going from doctor to doctor.  Lyme patients can relate to that! And when Jesus says to her...."Your faith has made you well.  Go in peace.  Your suffering is over."  I am embracing that story and claiming it as my own. 

It was then I decided to pick up my gratitude journal and continue to write out all that I was thankful for.  Like little capsules that help my body kill off infections.....and doctors  who are guided by God in their diagnoses  ~ often unaware that through prayer God has influenced their decisions.  I wrote about the small things too,  as a reminder to trust God's guidance in the middle of yet another setback.  T.r.u.s.t. God in the messes.  Trust the people he puts into your lives to help you on your journey.  Trust the Holy Spirit within to lead the way.

We cannot put God in a box.  With all my heart I believe God wants us well.  We do not have to die from a disease.....we can die from old age!  Our God loves us so much He wants us healed.  All the time.  Do we see that?  No, but I still believe God's will is for all to be healed.  Yet how that happens is not a formula.  We cannot put God in a box, but we can rely on His promises and stand on them.  Through the lenses of thankfulness.

Count The Fish

I have been reading a book by Darlene Deibler Rose entitled "Evidence Not Seen".  She writes about her internment as a prisoner of war when the Japanese invaded New Guinea after bombing Pearl Harbor.  Newly married, and new to the mission field, they were eager to begin the work they felt God had for them.  World War II  brought a swift end to those plans and it also brought with it the death of her husband and four long years of suffering in an internment camp.  I have been humbled by the faith of these missionaries and more, who stood on God's promises in unbelievable tough times. 

I also watched  by video as Rick and Kay Warren spoke about how they are getting through the tough times since the death by suicide of their son Matthew four months ago.  Last Sunday they shard their pain and deep sorrow and what they are doing to walk through this tragedy.  They spoke about God  always loving us.  How God weeps with them, and how it is the enemy that took Matt from them, NOT God.  They are walking in hope, standing on God's promises and His love for them during extremely difficult times.

Today I read Monday's post at Ann Voskamp's Blog, A Holy Experience.  Another powerful writing on how we manage the pain, the struggles, the unwanted circumstances that we face in a broken world.  She shared the story of when Jesus told Peter and the others to go out in their boat again and throw their net down on the right side this time.  How their net was FULL but did not break when they obeyed Him and they came back with 153 fish. 

They counted the fish.  They counted the BLESSINGS that God had given them.  Just Like Ann invites all of us to do on a daily basis by keeping a list of the small, seemingly unimportant and the big things we can be grateful for.  How "counting the fish" keeps our focus on God and reminds us that we can trust Him every single day no matter what we face. 

In more ways than I realize , I expect these encounters today are speaking to me deep in my soul. God is gently reminding me to count the fish.  It seems too simple to be affective.  Just write down throughout the day all you observe and see them for what they are~ gifts from a loving God.  The Bible tells us over and over to praise Him.  Give thanks.  Keep your eyes upon Jesus.  Trust and obey.  

Count the fish.

It is all about perspective, and we have so much to be grateful for.  So. very. much.  And God in His infinite wisdom knows that as we praise and give thanks we are doubly blessed.  I am going to make a sign to frame and hang on our wall as a daily reminder from our loving G.od.

Count the fish.

Passing The Test

"Come to me all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens

And I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.

  Let me teach you for I am gentle and humble of heart, 

and I will give you rest for your soul.  

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

Last fall God blessed me with 26+ (I quit counting after 26) encounters with the above verses in Matthew 11 in only a few weeks.  God was making more than a small effort to get His message across to me!   I believe He was preparing me, teaching me, and providing the answers I needed for peace in my circumstances just like any loving Father would do.  With patience He gently reminded me over and over again that the only place to rest was with Him.  Trust Me....Trust Me....He was whispering.

Needless to say, after last fall's encounters with Matthew 11:28-30, I felt the words I was to meditate on this year were "rest" and " trust".  They really are connected for me.  I truly need to trust God in order to rest in Him.  His plan, His love, His healing, His wisdom.  Rest in Him.  I even changed the title of my blog in my quest for entering into rest with our Lord Jesus. 

Now if I could just make the leap into His lap and stop struggling.......

This past Sunday morning Joel Osteen spoke on "entering His rest".  Especially at times when our circumstances have us feeling overwhelmed or we are challenged by storms that come our way.

A storm comes up.........financial, emotional, physical, spiritual.  Money is scarce, anxiety wants to take up residence, the doctor gives us a bad report, or we find ourselves wondering where God is in our mess.  A storm.

God wants us to trust Him in ALL circumstances.  He wants us to climb up on His lap and rest while we let him calm the storm, or calm us while we (God and us) go through the storm. 

I flunked the test.  You see, Joel Osteen said yesterday, "When you are at rest, you are passing the test."  I flunked the test.    :)    When I "rest", when I stop striving to get well, I truly feel anxious, because I believe deep down in the six year old part of me that when you stop fighting, when you are still and stop resisting, bad things happen to you.  I also am one who prays, but then I take the reins back from God's more than capable hands!  Thus:  I. Struggle. with. resting.

When I was battling Lyme Disease I would pray and pray about it, and then I did research and more research,  followed a strict diet, took a ton of supplements, herbs, and antibiotics, and followed a rigid sleep and rest schedule.  I felt I just had to do everything exactly right in order to get the 2 + 2 = 4 result I was looking for.   It is not that those things did not help, they did......but I did not trust the doctors or God to get me the results I desired.  As you probably know the healing that came my way in the past year was the result of prayer.  Only prayer.  Interesting.

Now, with the setbacks I have had this year I am still striving to get the results I desire WHEN I desire them. I end up taking my eyes off of Jesus and unto Dr. Google or my own efforts.  Striving.

That brings me back to the resting.  God has shown me the same verses in Jeremiah a few times concerning my healing.  "I will give you back your health and heal your wounds says the Lord."

I know I will be healed.  He has promised to give me back my health.  He has promised to heal my soul wounds.  But when?  I resist it being at His timing.  It is hard for me to trust sitting on His lap.  It is hard to rest in His arms and trust Him with it all. 

Just being honest here.

Because, here is where the truth lies about my present journey......When I enter into His rest, I am passing the test. 

I have learned from Ann Voskamp that one way to learn to trust is by taking in all those small and large things in life.  Write them down and meditate on all God blesses us with on a daily basis.   "Eucharisto comes before the miracle." (Ann)  Grace.....gratitude......trust.

So each day I am making the effort to find those things I am grateful for.  In the midst of feeling just plain awful I am holding on to those many things that come my way by the grace of God.

Laughing with Joel
Crying with Joel over the death of our sweet dog Levi last Friday
A cardinal stopping by and gracing my view
A heavy rain that reminds me of our years in The Philippines
Being able to sit on a stool and make pancakes
Eat pancakes with fresh strawberries and coconut whipped cream
Sitting in what was once my mom's recliner and remembering her
A text from a daughter with pictures to share
Entering Papa God's rest and sitting on His lap...even for a moment
Passing the test....one day at a time. 

The Seat of Faith

"What if NOT fearing was the giant secret 
of really living?"

Ann Voskamp

If you visit my cyber home often, you know that fear has been a major player in areas of my life regarding safety.  It has not stopped me from living, but I believe it has affected my relationship with God.  To quote Ann Voskamp again, " God and I have trust issues."

For a long time I did not recognize this as being true for myself. My faith is strong......and yet interwoven with fear and distrust.  Since beginning my journey to wholeness, God has opened my eyes to this "issue". It isn't pretty.

Fear is one of the major weapons of warfare the enemy uses against us.  It opens the door to so many distractions and takes our eyes off of the King of kings.  Recently I listened to a woman speak and during her teaching she mentioned she felt that we pray from three different "seats".  A seat of faith, a seat of fear, or a seat of selfish ambition.  As I pondered this, I became very aware of Holy Spirit whispering with love~  "A seat of fear."   Yes, I often pray from a seat of fear..........For example, "Please take care of my children" (because I fear they will be harmed.....) comes from a place of fear.  This takes my eyes off of Jesus our provider, our healer, our protector and gives the enemy an open door.  It is like partnering with the enemy..... I know when aware of the choices. I desire to partner with Jesus and NOT with the Satan.  We all do!

Does God hear our prayers no matter what drives them?  Of course!  But I believe we empower the Holy Spirit within, and keep the enemy away when we make the choice to pray from the seat of faith......partnering with Jesus in prayer.  One way we keep ourselves on the seat of faith is through gratitude and thanksgiving. 

Today as I join others over at A Holy Experience I am so grateful to be able to partner with Jesus in prayer.  So grateful that when fear knocks we can send Jesus to answer the door.  I am so grateful that God promises to always be with us.   Grateful for those who teach, those who pray, and those who provide.  So grateful for the seat of faith that sustains us.

A Conscious Effort

Finding myself immobilized by fear through most of this past week, yesterday I made the conscious effort to begin the process of fully living again.  God brought Ann Voskamp to mind, and I reached for my newly purchased devotional book and began to read. 

The diagnosis declared over me~ the glaucoma being so severe~ shocked me to my core.  For many reasons, it shook the foundation of new beliefs we had been building the past year, and brought it down like a wall of dominoes.  One belief after another after another.......down...down...down.  Using my old companion Fear as a weapon, Satan whispered, "Well, if that did not heal then maybe this is not gone either.....maybe everything you have been standing on is sinking sand.  Maybe it is all a lie.  Maybe you should accept that you are not worthy......"

Over the years he has spoken self-condemnation to me for so long that I began to do his work for him....beating myself up for not doing things right.....for not being enough.  Satan is cunning.  It began again with the doctor's words, fear, and my tears. 

In her devotional Ann mentions our need to pray, receive, and praise.  Making Thanksgiving a lifestyle.  A lifestyle.  I began to rebuild my foundation with a sacrifice of thanksgiving.  If I could give thanks for seeing the sun today maybe I would not fear so much the darkness that could come in my tomorrows.  If I could give thanks for all I do have maybe I would not grieve what I can't seem to grasp.  The sacrifice of thanksgiving.......giving thanks in the hard times too.  Giving thanks not just because of what God has done for me but because God is God.

Thank you Lord for drops to help lower the pressure in my eyes.
Thank you Lord for a caring doctor.
Thank you Lord for all the prayers..........prayers that out number the fears.
Thank you Lord for a book by the farmer's wife that brings me back to Jesus.
Thank you God for being God.
Thank you for your promises that are all yes and amen because of Jesus.



Linking up to Ann today. 

Can I Do Any Less?

Last night several deer came through the yard, and among them was a three-legged doe that we recognized from last Fall.  She was missing part of one leg when we first noticed her, and while healing from what looked like a gunshot wound, she found a place to rest in our neighbor's yard.  One morning we woke up and she was gone.  I did not think she would make it, but here she was, six months later,  resurrected, living free, and managing just fine!

Often I can feel like a three-legged deer.  I limp around still struggling with limitations, tossed around by life and my body, and sometimes for a moment, an hour, a day........... I just want to lay down, curl up, and give up.  I am not proud of it, but feelings come and it takes effort to "stand firm" in the knowledge of God. 

I have pondered Ann's words today over at A Holy Experience~ the practice of resurrection.  Just how do we practice the hope that comes from a life limited, a life changed, or a life ended, for eternal life.  A new beginning.  And how do we make that a daily practice?  What enters our lives each day that speaks and sings of resurrection?

Opening my eyes to a new sunrise was a resurrection practice today.  I had watched a news report with Diane Sawyer where one of the teachers in the CT school shootings said she did not think she or her students would see another day so she told them she loved them very much wanting that to be the last thing these little ones would hear.....She said she now takes pictures of the sunrise just like she did that morning before school.....and cherishes each one.  A resurrection practice.  Can I do any less?

I had devotions with my husband of nearly 45 years today.  He often prays for me, but today i had the privilege of laying  hands on him for healing from the fatigue and flu like symptoms he is experiencing, speaking to his body and praying for him to walk in health just as God commands us to do.  A resurrection practice.  Can I do any less?

I texted with my grandson today, who is recovering from having his tonsils and adenoids removed. I was able to distract him some from the pain and frustration of not being able to talk and let him know how much we love him and that it will get better.  Reminding him that God is healing him and he will soon be back to normal.  A resurrection practice.  Can I do anything less?

Today I put before God my discouragement, laying down my three-legged feelings that are just that....feelings.  I cast my worries on Jesus one. more. time.  and picked up the Word and spoke it over my body, my mind, my heart.  I remembered all that Jesus died for and I gave Him praise for loving me, for loving all of us.....  Praise.  A resurrection practice.  Can I do any less?

A practice of resurrection.  New life or life renewed by each sunrise, by each act of love, by each moment of remembering who we are and whose we are.  A practice of knowing and seeing every day the results of Jesus raising from the dead. A practice of resurrection.  Can I do anything less?

   

It Is Not Always Easy

Reading Ann Voskamp's posts on their family mission trip to Haiti has touched me deeply.  Seeing the photos of Haiti and those that live there brought me back immediately to the two years we lived in The Philippines.  We were in the Air Force, but resided most of our tour off the base where we lived up close and personal with third world poverty.  Watching young children dig through our garbage and chew on pork chop bones is etched in my mind like a sharp knife. Seeing the garbage collectors build a small fire on top of the garbage in the truck, dig around in the heaping pile of rich American waste, and then cook over an open fire that which we discarded cannot be forgotten.  Everywhere we looked we were confronted with how truly rich we were and how truly needy so much of the world was and is to this day.  There are so many of God's children in need of having their bodies and souls fed.

Last night during our home Bible study on James, twenty of us discussed the commands given in God's Word to feed the poor and take care of orphans and widows.  It is easier to see the poverty in places like Haiti and The Philippines, and lend a helping hand.   If we cannot take mission trips ourselves, we are able to reach out to others with donations to places like Lutheran World Relief or International Voice of the Orphan and know that those offerings will reach their destination.

What about here in our own backyards?  Unless you live in a big city, you, like me, are most likely unaware of all the hidden poor that live around us. If we are aware, we don't have to look at in on a daily basis. And yet God tells us to feed the poor and take care of orphans and widows. Do we?  Do we feed the bodies and the souls of God's needy children?  We need only stop for the one......doing what we can....doing what God asks, whether that be in Haiti or our own backyard.

Our discussion last night turned to whether we are to feed the poor with the Gospel first or with food for their bellies.  The concensus was that we need to do both.  We talked about seeing the children in Africa who know Jesus, and yet are still praying for their next meal.  The smiles on their faces that lit up their eyes could not be denied.  They know of the love of God and are happy even when their bellies are hungry.  It is something to ponder.

I was blessed to see Ann's posts on Haiti.  It took me back to The Philippines and was an important  reminder to my heart. When we are aware of what poverty looks like and when we read God's commands, we cannot look away.  People need God's love, and that love comes through us. It is not always easy.  But it is necessary.  And it is not only a command, it is a privilege.  Today as I link up with Ann over at A Holy Experience I am so grateful for Ann opening my eyes once again.  For reminding me of the need to help others and look beyond myself.  I am grateful for a full fridge and the money to keep it that way. I am grateful to have God's love within and experience it without.  I am grateful for the privilege to stop for the one. 


 

They Do Life So Well

We just spent a few days visiting our oldest daughter and her family at their home in WI.  This was a really big deal for me since I have never been able to go there due to health issues. Joel has visited a few times, but this was my first.  We saw the grandkids perform in a school musical, helped celebrate our oldest daughter's birthday, and went to church services Sunday morning.

It was wonderful for me to walk around their home and take in the joy of not only being there but seeing our daughter's artistic abilities displayed throughout.   I would have loved to sit in on her Old Testament teaching with her Bible Babes, and it would have been awesome to observe her teaching piano to one of her students.  We just could not do it all.  I did enjoy a glimpse into their daily life in their home, community, school, and church.  Seeing everyone and getting to know their gentle horse-size dog was great fun.  It makes such a difference to actually be there........in their home......where they live life so fully. 

I think when your children grow up you still tend to see them as, well, your children.  As parents we try our best to instill in them morals, faith, forgiveness, and a love for fellow man.  On the other hand, as parents we know we have made plenty of mistakes and pray they will do better than we did, and forgive us in the process.  When we observe them in their own homes and communities, we are impressed with who they are.  We are proud, and so so impressed.  They do life so well.  As oldsters we have much we can learn from these adult children of ours.  Our in-loves included! 

So we are home recovering, feeling like it is awfully quiet in this house that holds only two people and one elderly dog.  We are both happy and sad this day.  Happy to have gone, happy to be home.  Sad to be home, and sad to live so far from those we love.  It is a mixed bag of blessings.  Much of life is isn't it.  Where to we turn to hold tightly to the joy?  We turn to gratitude giving thanks to God  for it all!

As I link up with Ann over at A Holy Experience I am so grateful this day for:

adult children and in-loves who impress
gentle horse-size dogs
forgivenss
laughter
warm feelings of pride, love and joy for grandchildren
watching "The Bible" with family
an empty nest
an old faithful dog that graces our home
the love for each other that unites and sustains us
memories


 

The Waiting Dance

I am not one to look for the devil around every corner, but neither do I deny his existence.  Jesus tells us in John 10:10~

"The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, 

I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly."    

Ann Voskamp, who wrote One Thousand Gifts, challenges her readers to find the joy, the grace, and the gifts in the mundane and every day moments of life.  I have pondered this week if the enemy, the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy doesn't often use the mundane to do his dirty work.  In this verse Jesus warns us of what Satan is up to, telling us that what ever comes into our lives that steals, kills or destroys us, is from the enemy. It is certainly not from our Lord.  He is our Savior who has come to give us life and give it to us in abundance.  Good news!  So, I try not to give the devil too much attention, but look to the second part of this verse that reminds us of where we need to keep our eyes ~on Jesus!!

We also need to remember that we have the power within to send Satan packing.  Both Smith Wigglesworth and Martin Luther share similar stories where Satan literally shows up in the middle of the night......When then each saw him they  are both to have said, "Oh, it only you Satan" , and gone back to sleep.  He has no power, unless we give it to him.  I cannot say I would have responded like either one of them, but I do attempt to tell him to take a hike when I sense him in our lives.

About a week ago Joel and I started praying about our future.  We see Joel's Interim position coming to an end as soon as May, and this past year has taken us down a new path.  As I wrote before, our focus has changed since Joel's overnight healing.  So, we have been asking God to show us HIS plan for "retirement" ~~what we are both loosely calling it.  We really desire to keep serving Him, wearing out and not rusting out.  We have been using words like yes Lord, surrender, more Lord, and thy will in our prayers.  It goes along with a quote I heard recently:

" If you want to know God's will, say I WILL!" 

We have discussed many options and opportunities and one out-of-the-blue surprise.  Of course, nothing surprises God!  We have spent quiet time meditating on what God's purpose is for us now, knowing that God's plan is always best.  We truly want to be obedient to him in this season of our life too~ our autumn years.

Looking back on the week and the challenging situations that we have encountered, we are assured that we are on the right track.  How?  Satan is not happy!   He keeps throwing things our way to distract us, to take our eyes off of Jesus. A disturbing conversation with a loved one............a phone call that unleashes old fears...........an infection that challenges a healing body.......... an encounter that triggers the residue of PTS within me~ all distractions from our focus.  Remember, he is the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but also remember that Jesus has come to give us abundant life!  We are making the effort to pay Satan no mind as we exercise our eyes of faith. I love the old hymn....

"Keep your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of this world will grow strangely dim

In the light of His beauty and grace"

With eyes of faith and determination we are keeping our focus on Father God and prayerfully awaiting His direction. We are giving thanks for the mundane, and the small moments of grace that Ann Voskamp writes about in One Thousand Gifts, and we are praising God for the big moments too, because His grace is woven through them all.  We are practicing the waiting dance with gratitude as we listen and anticipate His guidance and direction, expecting His plan  to unfold in His perfect timing.

Today I am grateful for old hymns with powerful words
I am grateful for the privilege of work
I am grateful for new adventures and old familiar places
I am ao grateful for God's promises, all 6000 plus

Looking back on the week in pictures~
Pictures of our granddaughter in her pretty dress at the daddy-daughter dance
Pictures of grandchildren decorating cookies on a no school blizzard day
Pictures of a winter day filled with snow and birds nestling close for warmth
Pictures of our dog Levi awake and alert again



 

To Everything There Is A Season

My husband, as a pastor, has helped people grieving the loss of their loved ones for over 35 years. He has stood by the bedside of many as they took their last breath and has officiated at over 265 funerals during his ministry.  As his wife, I have been privileged to be a support to him.  We know that death is a part of living.......we will all come to that day when we leave our earthly bodies and join the Lord and those we love in Heaven.  Knowing that we will see those we love again somehow eases the pain just a bit when someone we love dies. We grieve with hope during these seasons of mourning.

My husband has also been privileged to baptise close to 200 babies during this time and present them to our Lord. There is a sense of hope with each new life beginning as the parents present their child to God.  Years of love and growing far beyond our vision.  A season of joy.

Saturday...........

Our friends welcomed their first grandson into the world.  He was born weighing only 4lbs 9oz.,  having arrived a month early.  This little guy is completely healthy and  has melted the hearts of his grandparents and loved ones. A new life beginning. A season of joy.

Sunday.............

The end of December we went to a family gathering at my brother and his fiance Jeannie's home where we met Jeannie's parents.  We spent a few hours with them, enjoying their company.  We spoke of seeing them again at Todd and Jeannie's wedding next summer~ they were so excited............and then Sunday the unexpected happened.  Jeannie's mom died suddenly from a heart attack.  The vibrant life of a woman well-loved ended.  So shocking.  So heartwrenching.  So sad for those who call her mom, grandma, sister, friend.  A season of mourning.

 Birth brings us into the world and death removes us from the world.  It is what takes place between those two major events that tells the world who we are.  Our birth and our death are the bookends of what we call our life journey.  There are no guarantees that we will live a long life, because living in a fallen world makes life unpredictable, fragile, and precious. Yes, every moment is precious.

I have been reading Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts and linking up with her on Mondays HERE. I am truly learning to appreciate those special and ordinary moments that make life a blessing as I keep my journal close by to write my list of gifts in.  Today, as I think about these two bookends of life beginning and life ending I want to share with you what I am grateful for.  I am so grateful for the first breath our friend's grandson too as he entered the world.  The  promises that come with the birth of a new baby.  The pictures shared across the miles in just a click,  so we could share in the joy.   As I remember the time we visited with Jeannie's parents, I remember the twinkle in her mother's eye as she teased me in the kitchen.  I am also grateful for the time Joel and I spent with them privately.  I am grateful I was able to see the deep love Jeannie and her mom have for each other.  There easy mother-daughter connection.  

Lord, help me remember to cherish the moments we have........see the beauty in the ordinary...and breathe in the essence of those that surround us with their love.  To everything there is a season.

I Have Been Asking

I have been asking God for a sign....in the garden of my heart, during devotions, at the kitchen sink, in the quiet right before sleep comes.  But before I spoke the question with my lips or consciously in my mind I was already forming the words deep in my soul.......give me a sign, Jesus.  When you are healing me, let me s e e it.  A visible sign to take in with my eyes.  Let me s.e.e. something more healed.  One little thing visible to the naked eye.  Then it will be easier to shed the unbelief that creeps quietly into my heart and hides there.  You did it before, just do it again!  Please?

Pleading is not pretty nor productive, but I confess to it. 

And in God's true nature, He responded with His Word before I even knew I had been asking.  It was not what I wanted to hear, but it is what God wants to tell me, to teach me.  You see, it is a matter of trust.  There is that word again...........t.r.u.s.t.

Hebrews 11:1 has come to me several times in the past few days  True to my nature, it took God hitting me over the head with it to realize it was the answer to my question for a "sign".....and true to His nature it was given to me with love and patience.

"Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

This beautiful image below is one  I posted here recently and is now a daily reminder for me, as I trust the Lord and HIS ways.... 

As I link up with A Holy Experience I am so grateful today for God sending me with what I need, not what I want.

A Seemingly Insignificant Ritual

This past week God has brought Ann Voskamp and her book, One Thousand Gifts to me at least three times.  When this happens I pay attention, because I know The Holy Spirit is trying to tell me something important.  So I went over to the bookcase and took out Ann's book, opening its pages for the second time.

You see, I had tried to read it a couple months ago and found the first pages so painful that I tucked it up on my shelf for another time. In fact, because I try to always write with transparency, I will tell you that I thought about giving the book to someone else and not reading it at all.  Too many years of illness and suffering kept me from wanting to read about her sadness too, and I did not feel I had the strength at that time to walk through the sadness to get to the joy!

God had other plans for me though, and as I heard a friend mention One Thousand Gifts, as I read about it on the blog (In)Courage, and as a Facebook friend shared her own journey with Ann's book, I knew it was meant to be.  God had something to teach me through this book.  It was confirmed when my dear husband of 44 years told me he felt I had been living lately with a spirit of discontentment.  Ahhhh....there is was. 

Yes, there it was.......the need to go back and find that peace, that feeling of contentment in each day, through each day no matter what it brought or did not bring.  In the past I had kept a gratitude journal, but what Ann does is more than that.  It is deeper....... living.......breathing....

I understood this when Saturday night came and I was in the kitchen making coconut whipping cream.  This is usually my husband Joel's job while I make our Saturday pancakes and we listen to Garrison Keillor on the radio. Listening to the radio and making pancakes has been a part of our life for probably 30 years now, the coconut whipping cream only joined the Saturday night ritual this past year but was quickly welcomed.  Joel makes the cream, we add maple syrup and vanilla and taste test it to see if it is just right.  We then each take a beater and lick off the excess cream.......such a small seemingly insignificant ritual, but meaningful in so many ways. 

This past Saturday Joel was not home, so I made the cream and I felt almost off balance that he was not there to share in this weekly dance.  I quickly bowed my head and gave thanks.  For a husband who has been there for so many years to share with me our rituals, our traditions, our adventures, our struggles, our faith. A loving husband who has been there to share in a small ritual of licking a beater coated in whipping cream.  Yes, I am blessed.

I am linking up with Ann over at her blog, A Holy Experience.  I look forward to all the wonderful ways God will open my eyes on being grateful and content on this journey called life.  Thank you Ann for changing the world with your pen.