Monday, April 22, 2013

A Conscious Effort

Finding myself immobilized by fear through most of this past week, yesterday I made the conscious effort to begin the process of fully living again.  God brought Ann Voskamp to mind, and I reached for my newly purchased devotional book and began to read. 

The diagnosis declared over me~ the glaucoma being so severe~ shocked me to my core.  For many reasons, it shook the foundation of new beliefs we had been building the past year, and brought it down like a wall of dominoes.  One belief after another after another.......down...down...down.  Using my old companion Fear as a weapon, Satan whispered, "Well, if that did not heal then maybe this is not gone either.....maybe everything you have been standing on is sinking sand.  Maybe it is all a lie.  Maybe you should accept that you are not worthy......"

Over the years he has spoken self-condemnation to me for so long that I began to do his work for him....beating myself up for not doing things right.....for not being enough.  Satan is cunning.  It began again with the doctor's words, fear, and my tears. 

In her devotional Ann mentions our need to pray, receive, and praise.  Making Thanksgiving a lifestyle.  A lifestyle.  I began to rebuild my foundation with a sacrifice of thanksgiving.  If I could give thanks for seeing the sun today maybe I would not fear so much the darkness that could come in my tomorrows.  If I could give thanks for all I do have maybe I would not grieve what I can't seem to grasp.  The sacrifice of thanks in the hard times too.  Giving thanks not just because of what God has done for me but because God is God.

Thank you Lord for drops to help lower the pressure in my eyes.
Thank you Lord for a caring doctor.
Thank you Lord for all the prayers..........prayers that out number the fears.
Thank you Lord for a book by the farmer's wife that brings me back to Jesus.
Thank you God for being God.
Thank you for your promises that are all yes and amen because of Jesus.

Linking up to Ann today. 


Patricia stotler said...

I also deal with fear as I get older....the what if's. I have to remind myself to stay in the present, some things may never happen and even if they do right now is not the time to deal with what has even happened yet.

Sharon said...

Oh Renee, I understand. The enemy wields fear in my life as a mighty weapon. And I am often struck to my knees with it. Especially with that insidious lie, "Maybe it's all a lie."

However, God is BIGGER, BETTER, and far more present in difficult circumstances than that old devil. Praying for you as you (and I) hold on to the Solid ROCK!


Renee said...

Thanks for your comment Patrica........ It is not so easy to get older, is it....

Renee said...

Hi Sharon
Thank you so much for your encouraging words and understanding too. Yes, God IS bigger!!!!! Your solid rock comment resonated since it is the 4th time in 2 days I have been shown God is our Rock!