I Have Been Talking To You All Night

I was determined to hear her speak, the author of two books that we had read.  Judy Franklin is an assistant to pastor Bill Johnson and shares her gifting of visions from Holy Spirit as a speaker and author..  She understands the spirit realm and has written about her own experiences.  It is powerful the way God can use our imagination for His own purposes.

She was so interesting! Part of her lecture was to have us sit back and visualize Jesus in front of us.  Then listen for what he wants to tell you and see what he wants to show you.

As I leaned back and closed my eyes Jesus came right up.  Eyes so vivid and hair a reddish brown, thick and wavy.  He took my hand and I noticed the scar on the top of His.  I leaned down and kissed the scar.  He urged me to walk with Him so I did. We went to a meadow by a creek and he sat down leaning back on His hands with His ankles crossed.  I sat beside Him.  He suddenly scooped His hands up from the grass and lifted them high in the air.  Feathers went up and then fell down all around us.  So many small white feathers!  As I stood up and started gathering the,, He said, "You don't have to collect them, there will always be more."

That was the end of what I saw as the speaker then invited some of us to share what we had seen.  I am not completely sure what the feathers represent but they have come to me often over the past 2 1/2 years.  It started with breast cancer surgery and the verses and feathers showing up in images, etc.  Shelter-of-His-wings feathers, healing feathers.  Then when we went to Bethel Church last fall they showed up before we left after we asked for them as affirmation for our trip.  This time from an owl who was gracing us with his nightly presence.  Now once again I am seeing feathers.  I am praying for clarification and meaning to fully come, but for now I am grateful there will always be more.

At the end of Judy Franklin's teaching, she pointed her finger at me and told me she had been "looking at me and talking to me the whole night".  She went on to speak some amazing words over and about me that touched my heart and has had me pondering their meaning ever since.  I was one of 3 people she spoke to in a room of 75-100 listeners, so I am so grateful to hear from someone who has helped me to understand the things I see and hear. 

There are so many ways that God speaks to us.  Through our devotionals,  the scriptures, worship songs, the words of friends and family, books written by others, prophetic words, and much more.  More, like God using our minds/imagination for His divine purposes. 

Watching A Movie With Jesus

On this Ash Wednesday I have been pondering my cyber friend Bonnie Gray's prompt word for "One Word Lent". On her blog, Faith Barista, she asked us to think about the word "remember" and what it means for us. "What is Jesus whispering to you to remember?"  Jesus has answered this for me in an amazing way and it began with a scripture that God has been bringing to my attention. Yesterday Isaiah 60:1 kept showing up. When something comes to me in threes or more, I pay attention.  A "message in repetition" is one of the ways God speaks to me.

First I heard Pastor Bill Johnson share in a video I watched that this was his favorite verse because it was the very first one that God bathed Him in and empowered Him with. It brought great change and peace into his life many many years ago, and he still goes back to it in all circumstances.  I then saw it in a Passion Translation post on Facebook.  Later it came up in a book I was reading, and then Jeremy Riddle was singing it over and over in a song when I tuned in to watch Sunday night's baptismal service at Bethel Church.  "Arise and shine!"  All this in such a short amount of time!    It was definitely time to meditate on this verse and let God speak to me.

"Arise and shine, for your light has come,  

and the glory of the Lord rises upon you."

Isaiah 60:1

I looked at a couple of commentaries to see what they could add to this verse.  Israel was living in darkness at this time.  Seems Israel had a difficult time remembering all that God had done for them. They turned away from Him and stopped relying on His promises.  They forgot to remember.  When they focused on their problems they had tunnel vision. They needed to remember and praise God for His glory coming upon them.

Connecting this to a "garden" visit I had recently, I could not help but be amazed.  I go into the garden of my heart where I meet with Jesus and He speaks to me.  Often He gives me words of knowledge about my husband Joel or myself through visions/videos that I see.  This time I went into the garden and Jesus took my hand and we went and sat on a small hill.  I asked Him about a time when He told me to leave my shoes outside the garden because I was walking on Holy ground.  He said, "Shhhhhh, watch!" as He pointed ahead.  I turned my head and saw a misty fog about 10 feet in front of me.  After a couple of minutes of looking in the fog, I saw myself as a fearful little girl who had been hurt.  Jesus said, "I was there."  When He said those words, several other unsettling  events began to move across the screen at a fast speed.  Childhood events that were painful once, and then the years I lay on the sofa so ill with Lyme.  From there it went to the uterine cancer surgery I had five years ago and then recently the surgery for breast cancer and the challenge of radiation.  I covered my eyes with my hands and with tears flowing said, "Yes, Jesus, You were there."  You have always been there with me."  Ahead of me was cataract surgery.  He wanted me to remember. Remember that He healed me of Lyme and 27 years of sickness through prayer.  Remember that He healed me of cancer twice.  Remember that He brought beauty for ashes into my life.   Remember that He. is. always. with. me.  That He would be with me for another surgery.  I turned to Jesus in my vision and asked, "And my future?" Before I could finish asking the question He said, "I am already there". He then took my hand and had me walk backwards with Him.  I asked Him if I could turn around and He replied, "I have a surprise for you!"  I asked, "A good surprise?"  And He said, "A delightful surprise!"  That is where it ended.  I am looking forward to that surprise as I remember God's goodness in my life.  As I arise and shine and remember His glory is on me.

Yes, today's prompt resonated with me in a powerful way.  Bonnie asked us readers what Jesus was whispering to us to remember.  Oh, Jesus.  He never fails to respond to us, does He.  And how God connected the remembering to Isaiah 60?  Amazing.  This verse tells us how to respond....Do not fear.....do not be discouraged.  Do not forget.......Arise! Shine!  The promise of His light has come. The promise of His glory upon us is here.  Only God.

On this Ash Wednesday Jesus whispers "remember" to us.......I don't know where His whisper will take you.  For each the remembering will be different except for the One remembering we hold close. What Jesus did for us.  Whether He whispers into our heart, shows us a movie of our past, or speaks to us in the still voice of a child, He does so with a deep sacrificial love.  He died for us to live. Listen, remember, arise!  His glory is upon us!!

The Sling, The Ram's Horn, And The Seventh Day

I have shared before that I often spend time going into the "garden of my heart" as part of my morning devotions.  I sit back, close my eyes, asking Holy Spirit to control my thoughts and also pray for a hedge of protection around this garden of my heart.  In the garden is where I meet with Jesus mostly and sometimes God and Holy.  It is a time that I hear God's voice speaking to me and see images and /or  "videos" of these moments with God.

On September 28th while going into the garden, I came marching into the gate blowing a horn.  I was not sure what kind of horn it was at that time, but I was blowing it and also singing, "Praise Him, praise Him, all ye little children...."

There is a "burden area" in my garden where I leave things that I need not carry around....like that day when I asked Jesus if I needed to leave fear there.  I had been challenged by fear while waiting for the breast tissue pathology report.

When I asked Jesus that question, I saw myself holding what later Joel told me sounded like a sling.  It was carrying a very very heavy rough, but round metal ball.  I twirled it a few times and then tossed it over a cliff into the burden area, but when it hit the ground it split the earth and I heard a voice say, "It is shaking hell".  I then felt and saw it shake hell.

After absorbing this information, I asked Jesus another question and heard one word from Him......"Joshua".  Later I looked up the book of Joshua and in Joshua 6 is the story of the walls of Jericho coming down.  It is a great story of obedience to God.  For six days the Israelites marched around the walls of Jericho with the Ark in front of them blowing the ram's horns.   On the seventh day they were to blow the ram horns and march around the walls with the ark in front and then give a loud shout and the walls would come down and Jericho would be destroyed.  That is exactly what happened.

I related this story to my journey with breast cancer, and waiting for the results of this last pathology report.  I believed that on the seventh day the  walls of cancer would all come down, cancer (Jericho) would be destroyed and I would have another good report.

I thought that the seventh day was Tuesday the 29th so I was all excited and waited all day.  I waited and waited....and no phone call.  I was pretty disappointed and began to doubt.  And then on Wednesday morning, the 30th I talked to the breast center advocate, and afterwards I realized that the seventh day after my surgery  was actually Wednesday.  I felt a sense of peace come over me knowing the doctor would call that day.  And he did call around five that evening with all good news!

Getting back to the sling that shook hell?  I heard later that day a teaching about slaying giants.  I connected that to the sling I was twirling in the garden of my heart and the images and visions God was giving me.  That same Wednesday evening, after the doctor had called, I was asked to give my testimony of my healing journey from breast cancer.  The shared the way God showed up over and over.  I was also asked to come up and pray over a woman in deep need of healing.  I also shared briefly our healing stories from Lyme and other conditions.  How the healing power of Jesus came through prayer and healed us both.  Later that evening I realized that sharing about God's healing power was the sling I tossed over the cliff that actually shook hell.  Hell shakes when we give God glory and adoration!!!

I am humbled and amazed by how God has shown up in my story.  This is not my whole story.  It is only a paragraph.  But what is my whole story is how God shows up in His healing touch, the medical world, the love and prayers of others.  Over and over again He shows up in my life, in your lives.  That is how much He loves us.  And when we share what He has done for us, when we declare it and the promises in His Word, it shakes hell.  So let's keep using our "slings" to slay giants, lets keep blowing those ram horns and shouting praises to our God!

A Carousal Gift

For the last three years I have spent time most mornings enjoying what Bonnie Gray would call  spiritual whitespace moments.  After meditating on scripture, I lean back, close my eyes and visually go into the garden of my heart where I meet with Jesus, and sometimes Holy Spirit comes and Papa God too.  It is here that I spend time alone with God.

 As I close my eyes, I ask Holy Spirit to control my thoughts, pray for the armor of God to protect me, and open my mind and heart to what unfolds, believing it is orchestrated by the Creator.  It is not my imagination, it is Holy Spirit using this time of spiritual imaging to guide, to speak, and to teach me.  I am often surprised by what unfolds, but have learned to trust the process.  Meditation with spiritual imaging is one of the ways God speaks to me. and I consider it a precious gift.

I feel so blessed to be able to connect with God this way, and since the beginning I have written down every encounter, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.  I often look back to re-read what I written to remind me of God's love.

Recently in the Garden I was speaking to Jesus about a nightmare that had uncovered a childhood trauma.  This came to me soon after I began reading Bonnie's book, "Finding Spiritual Whitespace.".  I  knew from experience that I could go through the Sozo inner healing techniques of forgiving the person involved and giving the event over to Jesus.  In doing so I could find rest and healing from this memory. At the end of this process I held out my hands for a blessing or gift in response,  and Jesus handed me a miniature carousal.  I pondered what the gift meant, and later I decided it may have been Jesus' way of telling me that I was being set free from the childhood trauma.  In forgiving and releasing, my inner child could find joy and delight in things like riding a carousel!.

Just two nights later my husband Joel and I sat down to watch the movie, "Saving Mr. Banks".  In the movie the author of the Mary Poppins books remembers her difficult childhood as she works with Walt Disney to make Mary Poppins into a movie.  Her childhood holds her captive in many ways and affects her adult life to the point of all fun childlike things being pushed to the side as silly.....She eventually does find joy in the process of making this movie.   What stood out for me was the scene where Walt Disney takes her to Disneyland and has her ride the carousal.

I found myself mesmerized by the merry-go-round and the woman as she enjoyed such a delightful child like adventure.  I could not help but think about what Jesus had handed me just two days earlier while in the garden of my heart.  This was not a co-incidence.  This was a God-incidence.

Can you guess what I have added to my 'bucket list"?  Yes, somewhere in my future I will be climbing up on a horse and riding a carousal as God smiles and says, "Enjoy my child!  I have set you free......enjoy!"

I am linking up with Bonnie today for whitespace Thursdays......

We Are All His Favorites

The word that God put on my heart to focus on this year is Jesus.  Jesus ~ our Savior, Friend, Healer, Provider.  Jesus....name above all names - that Jesus.

I have felt close to Jesus for many years.  He has been by my side through life's ups and downs.  And as regular readers here know, Jesus and I go for walks together in the garden of my heart nearly every day.  Sometimes we sit quietly by a stream or in view of beautiful mountains and meadows, but mostly we walk.  We walk because life is journey and Jesus has much to teach me.  Walking by faith, trusting my Companion,  I treasure these times.  How do I create these garden visits?  I sit back, close my eyes, pray for the blood of Jesus to cover my garden and for Holy Spirit to control my thoughts and the images I see.  I am so blessed during these divine encounters.

Some people think it is just my imagination at work, that I make it all up.  Some may worry about the stability of my mind.  :-)   But in others there is the understanding that Jesus talks to us in a variety of ways~~ in His Word, the words of others, in our hearts, and even in divinely inspired images and visual encounters when we are open to them.  For me, in the garden I experience His presence and am deeply blessed by these personal experiences.

Recently I heard a story about an evangelist who envisioned Heaven.  He found himself in a line at Heaven's gate,  with Jesus standing at the front.  The man watched as a woman walked up to Jesus and Jesus took His nail-scarred hands and cupped her face, saying, "Oh, you are My favorite."  Then the next person in line walked up to Jesus and Jesus put His hands around their face as He said, "You are my favorite."  Then the next person....and the next the same.  Each person was His favorite.  

Joel and I tease each other about this.  One of us will say, "God loves you, but I'm His favorite!(giggle)  It is a reminder that we are powerfully loved by a mighty God of unconditional, unending, love.  We are ALL His favorites.  St. Augustine is known to have said, "God loves each of us as if there is only one of us."   Isn't that wonderful?!

We are deeply loved.  The Bible tells us we are delighted and rejoiced over.  Jesus who saves us.  The only begotten Son given in love for us.  Jesus....the name above all names...Jesus our Savior.  Jesus...the power in His name Jesus. He who loves with a perfect love.  Jesus.  We are all His favorites!

He Calls To The Heart

This week Bonnie over at Faith Barista is asking us to share how God has been touching our hearts during the month of January, doing so through a photo journal.  I have used a mixture of my own photos, and others to share here. 

I begin with this photo of my husband Joel and myself

because God has been speaking to me a great deal 

about Joel going back to work as a pastor,

after having 6 months off

from his retired-and-now-refired  ministry work.

I love having Joel around 24/7

so my heart needed some of God's adjusting on this. 

Thank you Jesus.

  

A phone call and invitation from our grandson so

far away.....reconnecting us with

the son of our son Kevin, who died 9 years ago.

 

The importance of friends who pray, encourage, bless,

and reach out for the same through the cyber world and face-to-face.

They touch my heart as we walk our healing journeys

Thank you Katherine, Kim, Kerin

 

 

 

Family gatherings over the holidays have given us

great memories to hold close. We love our family, warts

and all.  January has God touching my heart to remember

the words above.  Bound by love and God's divine plan.

Let us love one another......

 Always, always, always

 

Holy Spirit Encounters

Come

Holy Spirit

Come

 

 

 

Phone calls of love from

sons and grandsons

 

 

Jesus speaking to me about rivers of living water

 and sending me Ezekiel 47 over and over and over

in scriptures, blogs, devotionals, and internet teachings

about getting deeper into the river of healing,

deeper and deeper

with less of me and more of God

and Joel's dream about us at a waterfall

(before he knew what God was sharing with me).

Only God.

Only God.

 

The importance of rest

Rest in Me

"In quietness and trust will be your strength"

 

 

Look for Jesus in people you meet

 

 

 

This is a great comfort to me

God sees me....

I am visible to Him

With a Father's love

He sees me.

 

 

Keep walking out your healing

literally

spiritually

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meeting Jesus In The Garden

I am linking up with Ann Voskamp over at A Holy Experience.  Stop over and be blessed.

I have not spoken much lately about the garden of my heart or my journeys there because they are so personal, but I have continued to meet Jesus in this special place to be in His presence.  He speaks to me there and sometimes we are joined by Papa God and Holy Spirit.

 I am a visual learner,  so letting Holy Spirit use my imagination to meet with Jesus is a great blessing for me.  After three years of this quiet time practice, I have learned to trust what Jesus tells me as we walk through the garden of my heart. He has gently shown me areas of my life that need His healing touch.  Thank you Jesus.

When I first began dealing with the childhood sexual abuse that surfaced from its inner depths three years ago,  I would see a huge rock formation blocking the path I was trying to walk on.  Now, that rock is small, tucked away to the side of the path, and does not interfere with my journey.  Healing has come and what once blocked me from moving forward is now mostly put to rest.  Thank you Jesus.

I used to see a huge mountain with the words FEAR written on it.  Several weeks ago when I went with Jesus to that mountain it was now only half a mountain without a peak , and the word TRUST was where the word fear used to be.  Jesus told me that it was time to build up more trust in Him.  Fear no longer was dominant in my life.  As I would build up my trust in Jesus the mountain would grow bigger and stronger....like me... and the fear would continue to grow smaller taking up less and less space.  When I asked Jesus how to build this trust he showed me a visual of myself walking across a swinging bridge blindfolded.  He was behind me guiding the way with His words and His Word...and as I got closer to the other side he was ahead of me encouraging me on.  Building trust.

Another area of my garden once resembled a thick jungle with vines overhead blocking out the sunlight.  When I asked Jesus at that time what the thick heavy vines were He told me they were the lies from Satan that I was believing.  Remember, the enemy is the father of lies. (John 8:42-44)  He then showed me the roots of these vines that went over to the mountain of fear, feeding it!  Now, three years later, there are only few vines left overhead, and the sun comes through bringing warmth and healing to the area...and as I said before, the mountain of fear is now a mountain of trust. Thank you Jesus.

There is also a place right inside the gate of my garden where I go down stone slab steps to a burden area.  I can see the cross of Jesus there and big boulders all around.  For a very long time now I have taken my burdens there.  They are sometimes carried in backpacks, or sometimes I carry them in my hands.  They may be worries, anger, sickness, fears, or even people and often they are represented by objects that are unusual, like today ~ combat boots .  Seriously.  I came in wearing them and when I sat down on the steps I was asking myself why.  I thought maybe I was preparing for a battle, but when I saw myself removing the boots and leaving them there, I gave Jesus a questioning look.  I asked Him if I was to stop fighting for wholeness and just rest in Him and He said to me, "Stop resisting."  I knew immediately He was talking about a church position my husband Joel had just agreed to.  I was struggling with it because of personal reasons.  Then Jesus said, "For I know the plans I have for you....plans for good and not evil....."  We climbed the steps back into the garden and I went into the meadow by a stream where I now saw myself dancing barefoot....laughing and joyful.  Not at all like I was feeling.  I then heard this verse ~"The joy of the Lord is your strength."

There are other places in my Garden where I meet with Papa God, Jesus, and/or Holy Spirit.  Mostly Jesus meets me there and it is a time to listen  and observe although often it is a place that I also pepper Him with questions. He is patient with me always.  I am so grateful that I can visualize these times together in the garden, and for the guidance and healing that comes from them.

Counting precious gifts from a loving Savior.

Jesus wants to have a close relationship with us.  Going into the garden of my heart, visualizing these special times with Him has given me a special way to connect and grow closer to my Savior.  I have not arrived, but I am on my way.  Each of us has a special way of having a relationship with Jesus.  He meets us where we are at and He calls to us lovingly, urging us to come closer.  Trust Him. 


My word for 2014








Counting the gifts..........
~gardening with Jesus
~combat boots
~barefoot dancing
~burdens to release
~smaller rocks
~treasures to carry
~His plans

Warrior Woman

This morning Joel and I spent time praying and meditating on a certain health issue I am dealing with on my healing journey. As I quieted my mind and entered into the garden of my heart I immediately saw myself in full armor wielding a sword.  This was a new vision for me and took me back somewhat.

I asked Jesus what this meant.  He replied, "Spiritual warfare. You are in a war. Guard your heart!"

I asked him how to do this, and He said, " With my Word."

Yes, I thought......Speak it, and use the Word of God as a weapon.

Joel finished meditating and as we talked he said he felt Holy Spirit tell him I was dealing (once again) with fear.  I needed to focus on God's Word.   I told him about my picture vision and he smiled and said, " I can see you in armor."  I asked him if it was gladiator style and he said, yes.  I told him that is was what I was seeing too!  It made us laugh.

Xena Warrior Princess morphs into Granny Warrior on a mission!  God's mission for my life.  We all have one.  A purpose, a plan, a mission from God, and He quips us for the journey.

That sword I was carrying....that sword I AM carrying......It is the sword of the spirit.  The Word of God that " is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edge sword..."  (Hebrews 4:12a).

It is important to wear the full armor of God, because the enemy does prowl around like a lion seeking whom he can devour.  He steals, kills, and destroys.  It is a war.  At times we are asked to let The Lord fight for us, and at other times we pick up the sword and fight, but we always wear the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, and the shoes of peace.  We carry the shield of faith, wear the helmet of salvation, and protect ourselves with the sword of the spirit!  (Ephesians 6).

I am still smiling over the Xena warrior attire, but I am not forgetting God's command to fight spiritual warfare with the Word.  That is one sword I plan to carry with me wherever I go.

Meeting Jesus In The Garden

"For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten son,

that whosoever believes in Him

will not perish,but have everlasting life."

John 3:16

I love to go into the garden of my heart during my devotional time.  I describe these morning visits as a time when the Holy Spirit using my imagination to speak to me.  I lean back, close my eyes and ask for a hedge of protection around me as I listen to the Holy Spirit speak.

In the garden of my heart there is one thing I can always depend on.  Jesus will meet me there.  There has not been one time in two years that He has been absent.  Most of the time as I "enter the gate" He is waiting for me.  There are times He takes off and beckons me to follow...there are times we link arms or hold hands as we walk together in the grass, on a path, or while hiking up a mountain. When I am sad or fearful, I can lay with my head in His lap as He comforts me, sometimes we just rest together.  He "speaks" to me with words or pictures, and sometimes with silence.  He is always with me.

"And surely I am with you always, 
even to the very end of the age."

Matthew 28:20b

About nine months ago when I entered the garden I noticed a big pile of boulders of all sizes to my right.  Behind them there was a cross.  I could only see the base of the cross, but I knew instinctively that this was the cross of Jesus and that here was where I was to lay my burdens.  So, now whenever I enter the garden, I walk over to that area and ask myself or Jesus what I need to lay down.  I have laid down quite a few backpacks full of "stuff".  If Jesus died for all that stuff why would I want to carry it around?  To carry it around would be denying His suffering for my sins and for the sicknesses that come from the enemy.

We are in the beginning of Lent, and when Bonnie from Faith Barista Jam gave us the word prompt,  "Jesus", I could not help but think about my garden visits with Him.  I could not help but think about what Jesus did for us on the cross.  And dying for us would be more than enough wouldn't it?  But..........Jesus also left us the Comforter, and told us that when we invite Him into our hearts He comes!  He dwells in us with His unconditional love.  It is His nature to love and He can be no other way.  This is our Jesus!  Our Savior, our Healer, our Friend, our Defender, our constant companion, our Everything!   Jesus.

Jesus............Jesus............Jesus

There is something about that name

Master..........Savior...........Jesus......

Like sunshine after the rain

Jesus...........Jesus..........Jesus

Let the Heavens and earth proclaim

Kings and their kingdoms will all pass away

But there's something about that name.

I am linking up with Charlotte over at Spiritual Sundays and with Bonnie over at
Faith Barista . 

Conversations In The Garden: Trust and Rest

I have not shared much lately about my conversations with Jesus.  These morning meditations take me to a garden (of my heart) where I believe that the Holy Spirit uses my imagination to speak with me.  I lean back, close my eyes and ask the HS to put a hedge of protection around this time so I only hear the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and nothing else enters the Garden.  I also ask the HS to control my thoughts and open my heart to what God is telling me.   I want to emphasize that I believe it is the Holy Spirit that uses my imagination and my gift to visualize, to speak to me.  I am often surprised by what Jesus tells me or shows me during this quiet time.   These are special times when we have a good talk. It is one of the ways Jesus calls me to be his beloved.

Recently when I entered into the Garden, Jesus took my hand and we went for a walk.  We were soon at the shore standing in water up to our ankles with the ocean beyond.  I looked down, disappointed to see the water lapping over my bare feet, because not too long ago I had drawn a line in the sand in this same place, determined to trust God on my quest to walk in healing from sickness and PTS.  Part of trusting for me, is believing what I am not yet fully seeing.   Having my feet in water made me realize I was struggling with this once again.

All of a sudden Jesus was out on the water beckoning me to come, just like with Peter.  He reached out his hand to me and I had to make the conscious decision to walk towards him and grab his hand.  As I began moving forward I started to look down to see where I was going.  He said, "Do not look down..........do not look back........just keep your eyes focused on Me.  I took a few steps and looked down again because as I walked the water disappeared and the sand came up to meet my feet.  He said a second time, "Do not look down and do not look back.......just look at me."  It then came to me that He was asking me to trust Him.  If I could trust Him enough to walk forward on this journey, each step would become that firm foundation I needed to strengthen me and release the fear, allowing me to rest in Him.

Trust Me.  You are my beloved.

Trust Me.

Yesterday in the Jesus Calling devotional I read these words...."Come to Me and relax in my Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust."  The scripture to go with this message was found in Matthew 11:28-30.  These verses are never far away from me.  They follow me or I follow them.  Either way God continues to teach me as I meditate on His words for me this year........TRUST and REST.

Then Jesus said,
'Come unto me all of you who are weary
and carrying heavy burdens,

and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you.

Let me teach you
because I am humble and gentle at heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.'" (NLT)

"My yoke is easy
and my burden is light.'" ( NIV)

Matthew 11:28-30

Conversatons In The Garden: Yoking Up Burdens

"Then Jesus said, 'Come unto me all of you who are weary
and carrying heavy burdens,

and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you. 

Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.'" (NLT)

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light." ( NIV)

Matthew 11:28-30

About two weeks before I started hearing the verses above over and over,  which now number 13 by the way, I started hearing from God about burdens while in the "garden".  For over a year now I have entered into the garden of my heart nearly every morning, where I visualize spending time with Jesus and my Heavenly Father.  During this particular visit, I noticed to the right of the garden gate a pile of rocks of different sizes. Behind the rocks I could see only the base of a cross, but I knew that this was where I was to lay down my burdens.  At the foot of the cross.  (Eventually this became part of my daily routine, to go into the garden, cast all my cares in this area and move forward to wait for Jesus.)

Immediately I noticed or rather felt a heaviness weighing me down.  I was carrying a backpack and as Jesus stood before me He said, "You cannot walk carrying that.  It is holding you back."  I took action to remove the backpack and it was so heavy it hit the ground with a thump.  I asked Jesus, "What is in that backpack....It is so heavy...?"  He did not really reply, but as I looked down at it I could "see" fears, unforgiveness, worries, traumatic memories, etc. spilling out of the top. 

The burdens

I

think

I

need

to

carry

 

The

burdens

I

choose

to

carry

 

Jesus then took my hand and we began walking.  We came to a big mountain.  It was not the large boulder representing the abuse like before.  No, this was a mountain.  On the mountain I could make out the words  F E A R.  I sat down at the base and studied it.  I knew I needed to find a way over the top.  Each attempt to climb it ended with me on the ground.  I would go up the face of the mountain a short way and then fall back down.  Climb again and fall back down! 

That is where I left the garden that day....with me sitting at the base with my knees bent, contemplating how to get past this mountain, realizing that the foundation of all my present struggles came from fear.

 

 Another day after the bombardment of Matt. 11:28- 30 began, I went back into the garden and ended up back at the mountain, so I asked Jesus how I could conquer the fear?  Immediately I saw boards with words written on them that were being placed on it.  The face of the mountain now appeared to be magnetic, and the boards could be placed on the front of it.  One said, PRAYER, another, PRAISE, and yet another PROMISES OF GOD which I knew I were to be spoken aloud.  Speaking God's Word has great power and never returns void.  Then I noticed that these boards could be the steps I needed to climb the mountain and I saw myself climbing the mountain.  When I would put my foot on one of the boards, the mountain would shrink a little......then the next step up and it shrank a little more.  Here was the key to conquering my fears and laying down my burdens.  Prayer-Praise-Promises of God-Speaking His Word.   Taking my focus off my problems and putting it on God!

 

I know I still have much to learn on this journey with "My yoke is easy, My burden is light", so daily I have settled in with a listening ear, alert mind, my Bible, and my pen.  When God sends you a message so strong that you are even HEARING the verse on a TV commercial while switching channels, I KNOW it is important.  S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y. 

 

God gave me these verses too, while meditating and asking for a word of knowledge.  I think He is telling me to pay attention, girl.  In obedience, I did and I am.

 

"My child, pay attention to what I say

Listen carefully to my words

Don't lose sight of them

Let them penetrate deeply into your heart

For they bring life to those who find them

And healing to their whole body."

Proverbs 4:20-23

 

Conversations In The Garden: Heavy Loads

"Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,

and I will give you rest." 

Matthew 11:28 

When God gives a verse to me two to three times from different sources, I know that I need to pay attention. Last Sunday I read this verse in my Daily Light scriptures book, and also from two different bloggers. Even though I had no clue why this particular verse had come to light, God had my attention.   A short while later I logged on to Saddleback Church's site to watch their Sunday service live. As I looked at the screen I saw a statement about being weary in large print, Of course I had to click on those words and see what Rick Warren would have to say....He spoke about Matt. 11:28!  Warren talked about how our hurts and disappointments become a heavy burden to carry around.  He encouraged people to bring their hurts to Jesus and leave them with Him, so we can become all God has created us to be.

I took all this information into the Garden of my heart spending quiet time in meditation.  I spoke to Jesus about the hurts I was carrying around.  Hurts from others and some just perceived by me.  I immediately saw a pile of big rocks and as I questioned in my mind what they were, Jesus asked me, "Do you want to keep carrying around this heavy load"?  I knew I did not, so I spent time praying over releasing the hurts stored in my heavy "backpack" one more time.

Yesterday this verse popped up once again so I decided to look up as many translations as possible to gather more insight into God's persistent message.  I went to the online site Bible Gateway where you can look up many different translations quickly.  The Amplified Bible version spoke to me. 

"Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened
and I will cause you to rest.  (I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls."

Matthew 11:28

Carrying heavy burdens and weary from the endless task of doing so on your own?  I tend to think I need to do things on my own.  Independently, pushing forward on my own time schedule.  Does that sound familiar?

Today I went back into the garden to ask Jesus about this verse that keeps coming back to get my attention.  It had been a tough week for me and I was tired physically and emotionally.....in the garden Jesus led me over to the pile of rocks but this time I noticed a cross in the ground behind the pile.  A cross....HIS cross.  I realized Jesus already suffered for my hurts...for all our hurts.  When I looked down at the rocks,  I noticed the rock that represented the sexual abuse was in the pile. Yes, Jesus died on the cross for that time in my life too.  Thank you Lord.  Thank you, thank you.  

It amazes me how heavy negative memories and emotions can become. Time to let them go.  One at a time...over time....at this time.  We are promised rest and relief for my soul. That's a pretty good promise!!!

Jesus wants us to release the burdens we carry.  He already paid the price.  For our sins, our diseases, our pain, our hurts.  He loves us that much.  There is no need for us to carry around the heavy loads that make us weary.  Take them to the cross and let Jesus refresh your soul.

Conversations In The Garden: Overcoming

Spending time with Jesus in the garden of my heart continues to be very healing, and writing about these adventures is an important part of my journey.  Once again this week my time with Jesus turned to the childhood abuse.  Evidently, there was more I needed to hear.

Jesus and I walked up the path until we came to the large boulder.  The boulder still had the crack from top to bottom with a stream running through it that continued down the hillside to the garden meadow below.  I noticed that the stream was wider now. There were flowers growing on either side and around the boulder, making it look like a different place than before.  This time there was a way around the big rock, and I actually walked to the back of it where I was able to easily climb up on top.  From there I had a beautiful view and spent some time looking around.  In some strange way I felt comfortable there, and then Jesus asked me an important question.  " Are you going to stay up there?" 
 

I looked around and thought about this new indentity. I had not only survived years of Lyme Disease, CFS, and MCS, but I had survived cancer.  Now I was a survivor of sexual abuse. I was good at surviving, but was being a survivor enough?

I looked at Jesus and replied "no" to his question.  I did not want to stay there.  I took His hand and jumped down, ready to move forward.  For so many years I only saw myself as a person with a dibilitating illness, and it was a heavy burden that I carried around.  I did not want to think of myself anymore as a survivor, but as an overcomer.  With God's help that is what I would be.

Sometimes we get comfortable where we are at because we have been there so long, and change is hard.  At least the place we find ourselves is familiar, and fear can hold us captive to what we know.  But God loves us too much to leave us in the midst of our circumstances.  He wants us to continue to grow to be more Christ-like,, and that often means embracing change.  It most definitely means trusting God as we take a step of faith into the unknown.  It is not always easy, as the only way out is through, but we are never alone.  Never.

Conversations In The Garden: Living Water

"Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare,

'Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.'"

John 7:38 (NIV)

As many of you know, I enjoy going into the garden of my heart to have conversations with Jesus. I find a quiet place, pray for the Holy Spirit to calm my mind, control my thoughts and let me hear only the voice of our Lord.  I have been delightfully amazed with what I learn during these times I visualize visiting with Jesus.

About a week ago I shared how I had gone into the garden and when Jesus and I went walking on a path up the mountainside, there was a huge boulder on the path that made it impossible to go around, over, or under! I knew immediately that it was the childhood abuse I was dealing with. After speaking out on this difficult truth here, and sharing my story with family and loved ones, the boulder had a split from top to bottom the next time I went into the garden!  I still could not get through it, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

This week when I was back on the path with Jesus we came upon the boulder. I peered into the large crack and saw a stream on the other side. As I watched, it came trickling down the path,then through the crack making its way down the mountain. My first thought was "living water". Living water was making its way through the boulder.....through the abuse. Jesus was healing me with a stream of living water!

Without thinking I still asked  Jesus what else I needed to do so I could get past the boulder.  Did I need more memories to surface?  Did I need to continue homeopathy?  More counseling?  He took my hand and began to lead me over to a path that had been hidden by the trees.  As we climbed up this path I glanced over to my left and saw the boulder below me.  My thought was,  "It does not seem so big from here." I then realized that Jesus,  JESUS was leading me past the boulder--the abuse.  Jesus was holding my hand and every time we prayed for the healing of memories, He was healing me with living water, cleansing me and moving me forward past the big boulder blocking my way.

When I wrote about the abuse for the first time I shared that people may have wondered where God was when I was being hurt.  I shared that I believed "He was right there holding my hand".   I am so grateful He reminded me that He STILL is!

No matter what life brings our way, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves facing today, we are never alone.  God is always with us, He keeps a firm grip on us and He desires to heal us with His living water!

Conversations In The Garden: The Boulder

I love going into the Garden of my heart with Jesus.  It is there that I pray for the Holy Spirit to control my thoughts and let me hear only the voices of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as they guide and direct me.  In this special place I see trees, lilac bushes, a garden bench, a vineyard and more, and in the near distance a cliff and path up a mountain side.  There have been smells that sometimes fill my nose, and I can hear birds and the wind blowing in the trees.  I never know what will come when I visualize, but I do know that God speaks to me in there. 

As most of you know who visit here, I recently spoke out about the childhood sexual abuse I experienced.  It had been hidden even from my conscious self for nearly 58 years before it came to the surface.  God had been gently guiding me to write about it for several weeks and I found myself putting off finishing the article due to the emotions that came with it,  and I had not decided when or if to post it. Telling family members had been difficult and expanding that listening audience seemed even more challenging.

One morning when I went into the garden to visit with Jesus, I found myself walking up a steep path with Him.  We were climbing together when suddenly I saw a huge boulder blocking the path.  There was no way around it, over it, or under it.  I immediately knew what it was.  it was the abuse~ blocking my way to healing.  I wanted to just sit down at the foot of the boulder, but I knew that the only way out of what I was experiencing was to go through it and the only way through it was to speak out about it, taking away some of the hold it had on the deep inner places inside of me.

I knew Jesus was telling me it was time. And I also knew I was not alone on this journey.  He was with me, as always.  I made the decision, set the date, and felt sure of God's leading. I finished the article and posted it.

Recently when I went back into the garden Jesus and I were climbing the same path.  As we came to the boulder blocking the way I noticed there was a huge crack in it from top to bottom.  It was not big enough for me to get through yet, so I asked Jesus what more I needed to do to remove this boulder from my path to healing.  He said, "Accept the memories and release them......forgive."  As I prayed for strength to forgive the person who had caused me so much pain, the crack in the boulder expanded even further.  Still there, but slowly being split apart, eventually to crumble!  I know it is just a matter of time.

It is of great comfort to know we are not alone as we walk through this life.  We all have big boulders that block our paths at times.  Jesus not only keeps a firm grip on us during these times, but He guides us through them, one step at a time.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding. 

In all your ways acknowledge Him

 and He will make your paths straight.

Indeed, do not rely on your own wisdom

Trust the Lord and stay away from evil

Then you will have healing for your body

and strength for your bones."

~~~~~~

Proverbs 3: 5=8

Conversations In The Garden: Forgiveness

About two years ago, during my quiet time with the Lord, I started visualizing going into a garden to meet with Jesus.   At first it was a garden of healing, and eventually I realized I was going into the garden of my heart.  These conversations really help guide me on my daily walk.  As you know, I have been sharing some of those conversations here. 

Recently, after asking the Holy Spirit to calm my mind and block out all voices except those of God, I "went into" the garden of my heart and spoke to God about the subject of forgiveness.  Immediately I saw two chalkboards.  On one board was a list of people, but before I could even read the names Jesus had erased them all!  How quickly He forgives our sins!  On the other chalkboard were names that I recognized......people I felt had hurt me and who I needed to forgive.  As I erased each name I prayed for strength to forgive and also repented for any part I had played in the situation.  There were two names that were listed at the end...one I will share about next week, and the other was myself.  I prayed over the last name and then moved on to myself.  As I tried to erase my name it kept coming back.  I would erase it and it would pop back up on the chalkboard!  It did not take me long to recognize a truth I have known about the person I see in the mirror ~ I have a hard time forgiving myself.  I am sure you all can relate, and yet God tells us to love ourselves as we love others.  Part of love is forgiveness. 

The conversation on forgiveness really resonated with me.  I know how important it is to let go of past hurts, even though it often takes great effort to do so.  Yesterday this particular conversation came back to me when I was visiting my dear friend, Linny's, blog, A Place Called Simplicity.  I have the privilege of leading Linny's prayer group, The Knee Team, and have come to cherish her friendship. Linny has written a post sharing photos of some of her children with their grandfather.  Not so out of the ordinary unless you know Linny's story which you can find on her blog.  She had a pretty tough childhood and yet, she has forgiven her father and those who brought her harm.  In obedience to God she has forgiven and forged ahead to maintain some kind of relationship with the man who made her childhood more than a little challenging.  In obedience, in forgiveness, in love she has reached out. It would be difficult to do the same, but in fact, I am in the process of forgiving someone who also made my childhood and my adult life challenging at times.  More than she will ever know, Linny has blessed my life as a mentor and a friend during this time. 

The Bible speaks clearly on forgiveness in ways that can seem a bit harsh.  Jesus says,

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will  forgive you.

But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6: 14,15

NLT

Sometimes forgiveness seems unfair or impossible, but we are not left on our own in this task.  The Holy Spirit helps us to forgive.  The same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives within us and that power gives us the strength to do all things, including letting go of hurts and anger. 

This has come to mind for me during the past week as the stories behind the Aurora, CO shootings come to light.  I pondered how those who lost loved ones will put their lives back together.  I pondered how they will make sense of such madness.  How will they forgive and move forward?  I believe only with God's help will they put their lives in order.  He waits for us to ask.  There are other verses in the book of Matthew that give us guidance. 

Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. 

Keep on seeking and you will find. 

Keep on knocking and the door will be opened for you.

Matthew 7:7

As I shared in the beginning of this post, forgiveness is not only for others, but for ourselves. In more ways than one.  Whether it is against ourselves or others, holding unforgiveness in our hearts is harmful in so many ways. God loves us so much that He has given us a strong command with consequences if we do not follow through.  Forgive and be forgiven.  Forgive and be free of hurts. Forgive and have peace. Forgive and be free.  Free in Christ.  I think it is time to go back to that chalkboard and get out the eraser!!



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