Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Conversations In The Garden: The Boulder

I love going into the Garden of my heart with Jesus.  It is there that I pray for the Holy Spirit to control my thoughts and let me hear only the voices of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as they guide and direct me.  In this special place I see trees, lilac bushes, a garden bench, a vineyard and more, and in the near distance a cliff and path up a mountain side.  There have been smells that sometimes fill my nose, and I can hear birds and the wind blowing in the trees.  I never know what will come when I visualize, but I do know that God speaks to me in there. 

As most of you know who visit here, I recently spoke out about the childhood sexual abuse I experienced.  It had been hidden even from my conscious self for nearly 58 years before it came to the surface.  God had been gently guiding me to write about it for several weeks and I found myself putting off finishing the article due to the emotions that came with it,  and I had not decided when or if to post it. Telling family members had been difficult and expanding that listening audience seemed even more challenging.

One morning when I went into the garden to visit with Jesus, I found myself walking up a steep path with Him.  We were climbing together when suddenly I saw a huge boulder blocking the path.  There was no way around it, over it, or under it.  I immediately knew what it was.  it was the abuse~ blocking my way to healing.  I wanted to just sit down at the foot of the boulder, but I knew that the only way out of what I was experiencing was to go through it and the only way through it was to speak out about it, taking away some of the hold it had on the deep inner places inside of me.

I knew Jesus was telling me it was time. And I also knew I was not alone on this journey.  He was with me, as always.  I made the decision, set the date, and felt sure of God's leading. I finished the article and posted it.

Recently when I went back into the garden Jesus and I were climbing the same path.  As we came to the boulder blocking the way I noticed there was a huge crack in it from top to bottom.  It was not big enough for me to get through yet, so I asked Jesus what more I needed to do to remove this boulder from my path to healing.  He said, "Accept the memories and release them......forgive."  As I prayed for strength to forgive the person who had caused me so much pain, the crack in the boulder expanded even further.  Still there, but slowly being split apart, eventually to crumble!  I know it is just a matter of time.

It is of great comfort to know we are not alone as we walk through this life.  We all have big boulders that block our paths at times.  Jesus not only keeps a firm grip on us during these times, but He guides us through them, one step at a time.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding. 
In all your ways acknowledge Him
 and He will make your paths straight.
Indeed, do not rely on your own wisdom
Trust the Lord and stay away from evil
Then you will have healing for your body
and strength for your bones."
Proverbs 3: 5=8


NanaNor's said...

Dear Renee, What an incredibly powerful post-I so appreciate it. You see, like you, I was changed by a friend of the family and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized it wasn't my fault as my mom used to tell me. I love the visual illustration of the boulder and your walks with Jesus. Oh my, what joy to spend such intimate time with Him.
Hugs today.

Renee said...

Hi Noreen.....Thank you for your encouragement and thank you for sharing with me how a friend of the family changed your life too. Bless you.