Monday, June 26, 2017

So, Now What?

When you tell someone you have had surgery for a Melanoma, you get a couple of different reactions.  If they know of people who had surgery and no further is not such a big deal.  If they know of someone who had it move into organs and they died from it.....they respond quite differently.   I have known both.

I am working on recovering, surprised at how much the surgery took out of me.  I am only starting to think about what this all means, knowing I will need to go in every three months to be checked.  Those appointments added to the radiology oncologist and regular doctor visits along with the eye specialist give me pause.  So has the fact that in the past 21 months I have had 5 surgeries, 30 days of radiation, and 1 broken toe to walk through and recover from.

Crap.  Yes, crap.  So, now what?  This is not how I was seeing my future.  Fear or sadness can sneak up on you, ya know? With effort I am keeping my eyes on Jesus and remembering His promises.  I intentionally look back on the many times He has walked with us and the 69 years I have opened my eyes each morning with the privilege to proclaim...."This IS the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Yeah....the realizing that every day is a gift to treasure cannot be just a cliche. Lord, give me more of Jesus.

I find myself doing that more often, realizing and believing that every day is a gift.  Treasuring a laugh with our girls, phone calls with our sons, watching grands receive their high school diplomas. Recently I enjoyed a game of Scrabble with a young grand who has amazing skills and we celebrated with Joel's 105 year old Aunt Harriet.  And the freedom to worship with the songs that make my heart sing blesses me greatly. Treasures to hold close.

Today I saw a friend post something about her son who died several years ago in an accident. So tragic.  Our own son died over 12 years ago ~ he would have been 38 this month.  It had me remembering too many friends dying before their time.  If only we truly took to heart how precious life is...the good, bad, and even at times the ugly.

I am going to "sing a familiar song" here and express my beliefs while walking this journey.  God did not do this to me.  God does not want us sick.  He wants us well, that is why His son died, for our salvation ~ wholeness, Sozo ~ saving us from sin and sickness.  Will he use this for His glory?  I asked Him to, so I sure hope so!  In fact, I think He already has started.....when one of those involved in the surgery kept asking me questions about God and our "strong faith".  Lord, lets give them Jesus.....

We headed to church yesterday, worshiping outside under a wool blanket that did little to keep me warm in these "fall" temperatures.   It did tire me out, and as soon as we came home I slept for an hour.  So why go?  Because Jesus is what it is all about.  What life is about, what death is about, and what our future is about.  Jesus.   He is more than our Savior.  He is the answer for the question, "So, now what?"  Give me Jesus.

Emotional plea....."give me Jesus"

He fights for us, did you know?  He loves us, do you feel it?  He died for us, have you received it? No matter what lies ahead in my life or yours, Jesus is with us~~ In a doctor's office, by the side of a son's grave, while recovering from surgery, or worshiping under a wool blanket on a cold Sunday morning.  Jesus.  Give me Jesus.


NanaNor's said...

Renee, LOVE that song! I had one of they songs floating through my mind last night as I drifted to sleep. I can only imagine the different reactions you got while sharing your surgery. Will be praying for a clear report and that you won't have to go through radiation.
Love and prayers.

Renee said...

Thanks for coming by and thank you for your prayers...they mean so much! Music will float through my head, too. It is a good thing!