Joel and I started playing Scrabble this winter to pass the time away as we shelter inside, and it gives our brains a work out too. We were pretty much going back and forth on who would win until....... until the time came where I lost 5 games in a row. It was then I noticed I was not having a great attitude. My, "I'm happy for you Joel, great game!" was a bit forced. After game five I was expecting to lose every time I sat before the board. I would not stop playing cuz I'm stubborn, but I was moping and began to speak negatively. It is not easy to write this......reality bites
I won a game and then lost another. Last night as I lay in bed after having a pity party for one.....I realized that the game of scrabble was revealing something raw about how I was seeing my life. How I was seeing myself. It was not pretty. I had just spoken in a community group about how we speak life or death with our words, Two choices there as stated in Proverbs 18:21....
Life or Death.
So what am I speaking? Part of what I had been saying aloud is that I was not smart enough for this game. Joel is smarter....thus wins more......and it morphed into what really was getting to me deep deep inside. This past year of health challenges has me believing Joel is healthier....cuz I don't have what it takes to see my full healing. I have been dealing with some major symptoms and felt I was losing the battle. IF I believe in full healing for everyone, where was mine? God wants us well, so I must be blocking the way. Again, not easy to confess.
Through playing Scrabble I became aware of how I am speaking over myself and thinking about myself. God has been using a board game to show me what is going on at a deeper level. Something He wants to unearth and bring out into the light for His healing touch. He is so loving isn't He! He never leaves us where we are. Leave it to God to give me a Scrabble education!