The news yesterday brought disbelief, grief, anger, and fear. Another mass murder of innocents, this time in a place of worship. Yet again we mourn senseless killings. Is there any understanding to be found for such evil? Oh, Lord, have mercy.
Yesterday's tragedy also brought to mind our own experience with a church member back in the 80's when we were living in Zimmerman MN and Joel where he was solo pastor of a congregation of 800. Back then he hugged those who wanted to be hugged as he greeted people after the services and one 70 yr old man took offense that Joel and his wife hugged, jumping to the conclusion that Joel was having an affair with his wife. He stewed over this for a couple of weeks, and then decided he would kill Joel. Yes, that was his mentally unstable conclusion. He began to blame Joel for everything wrong in his life and made it his goal to "kill the pastor".
One evening we received a phone call at 10:30 pm from the police, telling us they were on their way to our home....that this man had just shot up his brother in law's house and was "going to go kill the pastor". The police were in another town so they would arrive as soon as they could.
We made the decision to wake our kids and put all five in our bedroom on the floor. Joel also made a decision to defend the family, and loaded his 22 rifle and went to the living room to watch for anyone coming. We lived by the church on an acreage so we could see any cars coming.
The police arrived in force. they came in our home with guns drawn, and escorted us to our car. One officer took Beth around the house to collect clothes for the kids before we left. The kids were told to lay flat in the car and as we drove out we noticed 5 police cars lined up across the street waiting for the man to arrive. Three of the cars escorted us down to the twin cities, 45 minutes away where we stayed overnight with family.
This was the beginning of 6 years of living on alert, with threats on Joel's life, phone calls even from his jail cell, and seeing him out on the road watching our home. We had plain clothed police officers sitting in our congregation at times, We knew no one could really do anything, besides a restraining order that was issued, until he did hurt one of us. We prayed about staying and Joel believed he was to stay. He talked about me taking the kids and living somewhere else, but that was not an option in my mind and heart. I was going to college nights and quit, and we never left our kids alone at night for the first year. We also never let them walk alone to the church without watching them from the window. We had the schools aware of this man and officials knew he was to not come near them. We stayed and Joel and I served, but this traumatic event and the following years had a profound effect on all our lives.
And unlike in the Baptist church in Texas, no one was shot....no one was killed. Lord, have mercy.
I can't imagine what the people there are going through. No matter how "common" these attacks are becoming, they can never be accepted as normal for our country. Never. And each event, big or small brings with it deep loss, fear, and grief. Life changes in a moment. The longer we live the more "life changing moments" surface in our world. Traumatic or otherwise, something shifts and we see through a different lens.
Maybe that is why God asks us to see through HIS eyes. Maybe that is why He tells us to keep our eyes on Jesus.
When I think about what we went through as a family so many years ago, I can see how God walked with us. He did not cause the trauma or "allow it" (free will) but God is with us through every valley. I pray that those who grieve this terrible tragedy in a Baptist church in small town America can find solace in the very God they were worshiping Sunday morning. Lord have mercy.
Let us all turn to Papa God in prayer. Lord, have mercy.
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