Tuesday, March 13, 2012

God Speaks Healing

"By His stripes we are healed."
Isaiah 43:5
The past  few weeks I have been at a loss with how to write what I have been feeling lately~ the turmoil I have experienced in my spiritual life. The conflict within between rejoicing and lamenting.....it is very personal, and I wanted to make sure what I wrote came across well.

If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know how important my faith is. Joel has been an ordained pastor for the past 32 years and has been preaching and teaching much longer than that. He grew up liviing 1/4 mile from their country church and there never was a time that God was not active in their lives. My faith in God came at around age 11, and since then I have always relied on Him. We met at Bible college, and the faith we share is the foundation of our whole lives. After nearly 44 years of marriage, we are one, Joel and I. As Joel often says, our strong marriage is made up of three ropes braided together. Joel, me, and God.

SO, when Joel received a word from God on healing seven weeks ago, we rejoiced together. Joel actually woke up at around 4am and felt God speak in his heart..telling him he was healed. He also confirmed that healing to Joel in another way that supports his journey now. We are thrilled!!

Are his symptoms all gone??? Is Joel 100% well??? NO to both questions. But here is what we do know. Some of the healing that took place that night was IMMEDIATE. Like microwave healing. He could immediately double the amount of time he would walk without experiencing post exercise malaise. No crashing at all. He could immediately ride his bike 3 miles without post exercise malaise or other symptoms getting worse. His balance issues are GONE. Most of his pain has gone away immediately. GONE. His need for sleeping during the day has dropped in half. His memory issues are way down.


He has tested a few other things to see if they are gone and has discovered they are not. He still has a ways to go! He still is having die off symptoms when it is Bart reproduction time. "Their last stand" he calls it. He still needs to sleep once during the day, and he still can overdo and crash for a day. Gluten still causes symptoms and more fatigue. There are still a few of what my friend Linny calls "crock-pot healings" that need to take place before he will be back to his old self........He still continues to take his herbs and supplements and follow the doctor's treatment plan because we know the Lyme and CFS are continuing to heal. He is focusing on treating the rest of his symptoms while rejoicing in what is gone. GONE!

Things are so good right now that he is going back to work part time! He has been offered an Interim position with a newly formed parish where 4 churches are joining together to eventually share 2 full time pastors. Joel will be one of 3 part time pastors helping organize and set up and serve these congregations until they are ready to call full time pastors. Exciting. Challenging.
When I keep my eyes on Joel and what we have seen God do for him in the past 7 weeks I rejoice and cannot help but do a happy dance. I smile every time I gaze upon him. When I look in the mirror at myself and see someone who is still sick and spending most of her time in her recliner....I experience turmoil.
When Joel was awakened at 4 am in the morning, it was the same day as my mammogram that started me on the path to another breast biopsy and the need to rule out cancer. I think because Joel and I are so "one" in all areas of our lives, I expected I was healed too and my actions resulted with me going into a relapse for a few weeks. It was so discouraging when my reality was different than my sweet Joel's. I realize now that my journey to healing is going to be different than Joel's.   I am not "seeing signs" of healing as fast as I would like, but I am not Joel. Neither am I God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 4: 5,6

We did not share with our family the whole story of Joel's healing until a couple of weeks ago. We expected cautious excitement and some skepticism...and loving concern for us that we may be disappointed. Pretty much just what happened too! There was and is joy and a cautious observing to see if this is real. If it will last. And a couple of family members asked..."What about Renee"? 

Someone said to me, "But what if......Joel crashes again....what if it is only your imagination....not God?" My response was, then we will look foolish. And that is okay to look foolish in our belief that God told Joel he was healed/ is healing. That is A-OK. Still, we are NOT thinking that way. We are just plain rejoicing in what has happened and what is ahead. We believe God healed Joel...He spoke to Joel's heart and he blessed him with a special gift to affirm that healing.  Isn't that amazing?!  
So the turmoil comes in the "what about me" questions that want to come in and steal my joy for Joel. I just am not going to let that happen...I am working hard on not relying on my feelings or thoughts but on what I KNOW.  And I know that God has a plan for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil. 
To give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
I have noticed that I am very careful now about my words. What I speak over myself or others. What I read and what I take in. Some in depth Bible and book study on what has occurred has us going in new directions with our faith and beliefs on healing, health, and the power of our words. Through this time of learning, I have had some inner healing take place and am giving thanks to God for that!  And God blessed me with a special gift too just because He is such a loving God!
Don't we have an amazing Lord?  He loves us so much and wants us whole and healthy.  He desires us to know that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is inside of each of us!  I love that!  He healed my husband of a devastating disease.  His body just needs to finish up with what his spirit already knows. He is healed! 
It gives us all hope, doesn't it!


Annesphamily said...

Renee, this is beautifully written. God is very good. He is such a safe haven in our lives and yet sometime things happen and we like to blame Him!
Please come visit me, I am trying to rally the troops to make a quilt for a dying little girl. I hope you can come over and read the post. Prayer is always welcome. The power of it is such a force. Hard to explain and I guess that is why we are who we are and Christ is who He is!
Love and Blessings to both you and Joel. May God's goodness shine on you both! Hugs Anne

Elaine said...

Sending you lots of love and prayers. My heart hurts for you and rejoices with you.

God Bless and Keep you always and HE will as He has promised!!!! His love will see you through this.

Love and prayers to you both,

Kim said...

Renee, I'm so happy to hear that Joel is being healed. I've been praying for both of you, and I know how hard it also must be to want that for yourself as well. As someone who's experienced my own turmoil, I'm sorry for the sad emotions you're feeling. I know that the waiting is always the hardest part. I do believe that God is doing something amazing in your lives. Maybe I'm off base, but I think every healing we witness is a chance for us to see what God's capable of doing in our lives too as a way to renew our hope. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed "God, if you can heal this person then I know you can heal me!" Don't stop believing that He wants to heal you. I believe He's with you as we speak and holding you in His hand waiting to give you the same word. I can't wait to read about that day on your blog too and celebrate!

Sunshine and Sand Dollars said...


I am so happy for you and for Joel - that Joel is on the road to recovery!

Praying for your health to be fully restored!

In God's time.

God bless you!

Gayle said...

It is a journey of faith isn't it? I so enjoyed your openness and "visiting with you" over this issue. Please keep me updated dear blogging friend.

Renee said...

Hi Anne
Thank you for leaving a comment..goodf to hear form you. Prayed for the little girl..sad to hear. God bless you Anne

Renee said...

Hi elaine...thanks friend for your prayers and encouragement. Yes God will see me through...all of us. He is a loving God!

Renee said...

Hi Kim
Thank you for your prayers and encourgement. Appreciate it so very much. Yes, healing is coming! I believe God wants us well..

Renee said...

Hello Sunshine and Sand Dollars
Thank you so very much for your encouragement. It is exciting that he has gone in leaps and bounds since God spoke to His heart. Thank you Jesus!

Renee said...

Hi Gayle....thank you. Being honest is where I come from...sometimes too honest I expect! Glad you appreciate it...it is a journey isn't it.