- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And lean not on your own understanding In all your ways acknowledge Him And He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:4,5
- This photo of Joel and me was taken on Friday September 7th by our friend John after a great 5 hour visit. It is significant to me because the next morning when we went to the mall to walk, I crashed. I hit a wall and old symptoms that had been whispering quietly in my ear for several days knocked me over the head. I tried to keep going, but soon I could not even walk without my body responding in a very negative way.
- I was in a major setback and confused. We were both truly stunned. We both began grieving the loss of what we truly believed was a permanent gain in health. Joel became angry at God which evolved into situational depression. I spent two days weeping. I could not.stop.crying. My feelings alternated between desperation, bewilderment, anger, fear, and deep sadness.
Phone calls to my practitioner and Dr. Lane had us believing that the homeopathic remedy I took was STILL going deeper into my body bringing up old symptoms and memories and it was all taking a huge toll on my physical health. Maybe. What about stress? Maybe. But do we really know why? This body has fought illness for nearly thirty years and is fragile in many ways.
Time and prayer is easing the strong emotions we were feeling, and we are working things through. Joel is laughing more and I am able to move around the house without a kleenix box in my hands. We have talked about how powerful the remedy was and even though it helped me so much it was now hurting me.....we have spoken about how since being sick, stress knocks both of us down more than anything physical.....we have talked about how I push myself too hard, we have also danced around the edges of the quietly whispered idea that God may not restore me the same way he restored Joel. This is where our anger and sadness has come in. The possible losses of specific hopes and dreams.
Certainly we have weathered far more difficult challenges. So, in the scheme of things this is a minor setback, but it has shaken us. I believe it will also strengthen us. We still believe God wants me well. What has changed for me is my belief that I can make it happen now. I am still working on surrendering to HIS plan for me. God is God, and it is not a matter of understanding, but a matter of trusting.
Today I am still in my recliner, but I no longer carry the kleenix box around and I am visualizing a walk to the river in my new hot pink tennies.
You heard me right! I have new HOT PINK TENNIES made for walking! !!!!!!
Aren't they great?!
This too shall pass and I WILL walk again :).....to the river and beyond.