Thursday, September 20, 2012

Old Symptoms, New Pink Shoes and Trust

    "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And lean not on your own understanding In all your ways acknowledge Him And He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:4,5 

    This photo of Joel and me was taken on Friday September 7th by our friend John after a great 5 hour visit. It is significant to me because the next morning when we went to the mall to walk, I crashed. I hit a wall and old symptoms that had been whispering quietly in my ear for several days knocked me over the head. I tried to keep going, but soon I could not even walk without my body responding in a very negative way.
    I was in a major setback and confused. We were both truly stunned. We both began grieving the loss of what we truly believed was a permanent gain in health. Joel became angry at God which evolved into situational depression. I spent two days weeping. I could not.stop.crying. My feelings alternated between desperation, bewilderment, anger, fear, and deep sadness.

    Phone calls to my practitioner and Dr. Lane had us believing that the homeopathic remedy I took was STILL going deeper into my body bringing up old symptoms and memories and it was all taking a huge toll on my physical health. Maybe. What about stress? Maybe. But do we really know why?  This body has fought illness for nearly thirty years and is fragile in many ways.

    Time and prayer is easing the strong emotions we were feeling, and we are working things through. Joel is laughing more and I am able to move around the house without a kleenix box in my hands. We have talked about how powerful the remedy was and even though it helped me so much it was now hurting me.....we have spoken about how since being sick, stress knocks both of us down more than anything physical.....we have talked about how I push myself too hard, we have also danced around the edges of the quietly whispered idea that God may not restore me the same way he restored Joel. This is where our anger and sadness has come in. The possible losses of specific hopes and dreams.

    Certainly we have weathered far more difficult challenges. So, in the scheme of things this is a minor setback, but it has shaken us. I believe it will also strengthen us. We still believe God wants me well. What has changed for me is my belief that I can make it happen now. I am still working on surrendering to HIS plan for me. God is God, and it is not a matter of understanding, but a matter of trusting.

Today I am still in my recliner, but I no longer carry the kleenix box around and I am visualizing a walk to the river in my new hot pink tennies.
You heard me right! I have new HOT PINK TENNIES made for walking! !!!!!!
Aren't they great?!
I found these while looking for tennies. Recently while praying it came to me that these pink tennies hold my hope to WALK OUT MY HEALING. I ordered them and they arrived yesterday. I put them on, they fit great (I always have trouble getting tennies to fit and support my weak lower back). I WILL walk again wearing those great hot pink shoes. Every day I am going to put them on and walk a few seconds, minutes, whatever I can manage as a reminder of my future.

This too shall pass and I WILL walk again :) the river and beyond.


Kim said...

Renee, I love the hot pink tennis shoes! Praying for you and Joel. I'm sorry for the set back. :( I hope God blesses you both with His hope and peace through this!


Sharon Evans said...

So sorry for the set back, the photo of you and Joel looks so happy. All I can say is think of the highs and the lows zig zag line - join them up along the bottom and hey presto you get a crown! A crown to be handed to you when you join Jesus! I am praying for you. However, I suspect you are like me, get a bit better and you take a mile and then suffer for it!

Ginny said...

Set backs are always disappointing. I understand your feelings. Keep the Faith, sweet friend. I am sending gentle hugs to you and lots and lots of love. I'm also lifting you up in prayer. You will walk again for sure. Love, Love, Love your pink tennies. How fun!

Shannon said...

I'm glad to have you back in the cyber world!!!!!! Praying hard for God's amazing grace to saturate every piece of your heart and body. He WILL restore the ashes even if it is hard to see it right now....Just think of those bright pink tennies as flowers blooming through the ashes :)

Pamela Root said...

LOVE! So cute. Setbacks are hard, but rest assured that God will restore you at some point. I don't always understand it, but your faith is amazing and you know His timing is so much better than ours :)

Gayle said...

Oh, I will begin praying for you. May the Lord bring healing and comfort surrounding you with His presence.

Elaine said...

I love the pix of you both! And I love, love, love your pink tennies!!!!! I am lifting you up and praying that God will continue to hold and support you. I don't know why this has happened. You are such a strong woman of God and a constant inspiration to me!

Love and Blessings,

Anita Johnson said...

Praying for you from Wisconsin.