Broken Down By Life And Broken Open By God

For everything there is a season

a time for every activity under heaven...

Ecclesiastes 3

I have been struggling for months to write here on my blog...or to express myself in the written word as I have done for so many years.  I have been going through a dry season where life has broken me down.  So many health issues, so many diagnoses, so many worries, so many changes and challenges. 

I have been dealing with stomach issues since the end of January.  I have gone through several doctors appointments and tests to rule out cancer and seek answers.  All tests came back normal which we are so grateful for, yet the stomach keeps complaining!  A month ago I started a new treatment and it was just too much for my body to handle.  I ended up sitting in my recliner or laying in bed, feeling at times like I was dying.  After 3 weeks, I began to function once again at a very low level, but function I am.  Still, the stomach issues continue.  My Lyme doctor believes that one of the co-infections that came with Lyme has entered into the lymph nodes in my stomach and that along with the Lyme have caused me to be unable to digest normally....and nerve pain is now in my stomach too. I could go on, but you get the idea....Not fun and not going away, for awhile at least.

Broken down by a tiny tick.  Broken down by my fears.  Broken down by shattered dreams and expectations.  Broken down physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I am a person who likes to know what I am dealing with, fix it, and move on.  This is not an easy fix.  There is mystery involved with no rhythm or reason behind the ups and downs of symptoms.  Each day is a surprise and out of my control.  Ahhhh, there is the catch.  Control.... I cannot make it go away. 

God has allowed me to be broken down in order to be broken open.  It is a slow and sometimes painful process.  It is also an opportunity to grow, stretch, and become closer to my Lord Jesus. I am hanging on to His promises and the knowledge that He loves me so much that He would never leave me broken without using it for good and His glory.  He is reshaping me, renewing me, restoring me.  In due time this dry season will produce fruit.