Friday, May 10, 2013

Flashlight Faith

This year has been filled with a few extra medical challenges.  Just a few weeks ago I was told the glaucoma has destroyed 90% of the nerve fibers in my eyes.  I am using beta blocker drops to keep the pressure down, and have been researching what foods and supplements may help.  I am doing what I can to save my eyesight.

Three months of infections....UTI and BV~relentless bacteria that antibiotics have worked to eliminate, have reared their ugly heads again or still.  Really?  Come on!

Something is out of is high......bacteria is thriving .......more antibiotics.  Double strength...double dose ...double trouble for a sensitive body system.

In two weeks I will have a physical, just to make sure nothing else is hiding behind the scenes. There is caution with good reason.  Then I go back to the eye doctor to see if the pressure has dropped.  For a person who does not like to take medication nor visit with her doctors, I am having to do both while at the same time praying, praying, praying.

I am so weary...but I am not alone.

A couple of days ago Joel and I went for a walk to the river.  I try to do this daily.  But this time, Holy Spirit spoke to Joel about 10 at night.  Where we live there are no street lights. The path and road to the river is mostly dark.  I am not fond of being outside at night.  A safety issue.  But when we hear something we obey, so off we went flashlight in hand on a moonless night.   I could not see far, but was alert to sounds.  I began to feel anxious, but Joel kept telling me to keep my eyes on the beam from the flashlight.  As I did so, I could relax and enjoy the fresh smells, night sounds, and companionship with the preacher walking beside me.

I am weary, but Jesus is leading the way.

On the way home Jesus reminded me,  "In the darkness, do not be afraid.  I am with you. I am the light that will guide you through." Yes, He is our light and our salvation, of whom shall we be afraid? (Isaiah 26:1)  The flashlight helped guide our steps a few at a time.  Yes, Lord.......  "Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". (Psalm 119:105)

I am weary but there is rest for my soul.

Today has been a tough day.  Family issues, communication issues with the eye doctor on the drop dosage, some reactions to the antibiotics and I am ready to retreat to old behaviors letting fear and frustration take hold. I want to eat, weep, watch TV.  I feel like I am under spiritual attack and am tired of it all. 

Instead of letting fear reign, I am speaking to it.  Fear, I see you and I refuse to partner with you.  I send you back and I release peace and God's Word into my circumstances!  I am turning to Matthew 11:28-30 which God gave to me so many many times last fall.  That quiet place of rest, of trusting.

"Come to me all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens
And I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.
  Let me teach you for I am gentle and humble of heart, 
and I will give you rest for your soul.  
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Are you weary of circumstances that do not change?  Prayers that do not seem to be answered.  Are you weary of stumbling in the dark?  God's promises will sustain you as you walk through your own valleys of darkness.  We are never alone.  His Word is our guide along our journey, and on that journey we are able to move forward as He tells us,  walking as children of the Light.


At Home on the Rock... said...

What a great encouragement this post is, Renee -- I so needed to hear this today. I do get weary of circumstances that do not change and prayers that do not seem to be answered.

Sorry you are facing so many challenges. I will keep you in prayer. (((hugs))) to you my friend.

PS --- I love the background photo and colours in this blog -- absolutely gorgeous!!

NanaNor's said...

Dear Renee, greetings in the name of The Lord! My heart goes out to you and I'm so thankful that we have Jezus whom we can cling to. I'll be lifting you before our healing Abba. Hugs, Noreen

Renee said...

Hi Linda
Good to hear from you! Glad the post was helpful....thank you for your prayers....

Renee said...

Hi Noreen
Good to hear from you......thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement.

Kim said...

Renee, I read this post yesterday evening on my way home from work. It really stuck out to me the part where you said, "When we hear something we obey." So much in that one sentence. I know the best times of my life have been those times I obey, even the smallest or weirdest request by the Holy Spirit, but I think I've also retreated back to old habits (how interesting mine is also watching TV and blocking out the fear!) and that is why God is speaking to me about confidence in Him this year. I read a great quote in Joyce Meyer's "The Confident Woman" last week: "When Satan tries to give you fear, give it back to him. You wouldn't drink poison if someone offered it to you, would you? Then stop taking fear and start choosing courage." Loved that! So true! Praying for you daily and grateful for your friendship! :)

Renee said...

Hi Kim
I like what you shared from Joyce wouldn't drink! Hugs and prayers, friend!

Gayle said...

Oh, I hate this illness that you have struggled with. You sound in a good place though, a place of resting in the Lord. Get some yogurt down you and perhaps Keifer to get some good bacteria in your gut, that will help. May the Lord bless you!