Thursday, December 29, 2016
"Don't Give Up"
A few months ago I bought an African Violet at our grocery store. Our niece Becky had been talking about the violets she had from her Grandma....Joel's mom.....and it took me back to their home in the country and one large window where many, many violets grew in pots. Mom T definitely had a green thumb. Soon after I spotted a few plants while shopping, so I picked up one $3.00 African Violet with the hopes that I would be able to keep this one going. In the past......not so easy.
It was blooming when I brought it home but it was not long after that it stopped. I researched how to water and care for it, and was faithful and patient in my task.............for weeks......and weeks............and weeks. Then right before Christmas I noticed flower buds forming. Soon after it began to bloom and has graced our home with it's lavender flowers. It is beautiful, and especially so as winter surrounds us and covers the ground with that cold white stuff.
Patience. It has been a struggle for me at times to remain patient in many areas of my life, but especially in regards to my body healing. At times I have wavered in standing firm, but I do believe with all my heart that God wants me, wants us well. I don't believe He makes us sick or wants us to stay sick. He died on the cross for sin and sickness as we read in Isaiah 53. Not everyone agrees with what we believe~ so be it~ but we have seen it come to life...healing. In Joel, in me, in others as we prayed and spoke to the sicknesses in Jesus name. It has to do with that same power that raised Christ from the dead living in us.
This past fall when I went through several weeks of heavy sighing and one of the things I struggled with was not giving up hope for this body to walk healthy. The last year beat us up royally in many ways, and hope was being crushed. God spoke to us gently and lovingly, and then came a day I was reminded of the many times God has spoken to me through others with the words, "Don't give up". The first time was through a man who was praying for me at a meeting in MN in June 2013. He said to me, "You have been so faithful and God sees that. Don't give up!" I tucked that away and it was 6 months later in a church in CT. that an evangelist pointed to me in an audience of over 300 and said, "Don't give up. You are faithful. God sees that." Don't give up. I have read those words, and heard them echoed often in the past three plus years.
Well, the past 15 months kinda took the fight out of me. I never expected radiation to take such a toll on my body. The "gift" that keeps on giving. And I did not expect as we prayed and spoke to this particular mountain, for the battle to continue. As I watched Joel continue to walk healthy and compared myself to him, I began to despair. I began to lose hope. Shame wanted in.
Did I say shame? Yeah....shame that I was failing at this whole believe-in-healing thing. Joel has been writing a book on his experience and 45,000 words into it he asked me to share my healing story for his book. I said no. I felt what I had to share would actually take away from what others would believe on healing. I am the one who still struggles with pain and fatigue so I believed I was the one who was a bad example of the message Joel is wanting to share with others~~ God wants you well.
When I saw the violet was going to bloom again, I took hold of that for myself. For weeks that violet looked like it was not going to bloom again. It was not showing any progress. It even looked unhealthy. I talked to that plant, I cared for that little $3.00 plant, and I prayed over it. Now the violet is blooming once again and beautiful to behold. So, I am telling myself again, "don't give up." God wants you well.....where I find myself is not about God. It is not necessarily all about me. It is this broken world and the enemy that uses sickness against us. So, no matter what I see, what I feel, what comes against me, I will continue to trust God for His promise....I will do what I can....care for myself, nurture myself in body, soul, and mind, and give thanks for those things which are healed. The list is long. And I will continue to pray and speak to the mountains that are before me. God wants me well. He wants me to bloom healthy like that violet, giving Him glory in the process. It will begin with a chapter I write in Joel's book.
Anyone else struggling with something you have prayed and believed for? Something God gave you a promise for? Don't give up. Stand firm on His promises. Please God, not man with your words, your thoughts, your actions. Read and soak in His Word. God never goes back on His promises. They will come to pass. Don't give up.