Last Friday I needed to go back to my regular doctor for a recheck for a UTI and another infection. One was gone but the UTI was not, and there was still blood in the urine along with the bacteria. I had not been able to finish the last antibiotic because my body reacted to the medication. It caused weak arms and legs and at times a racing heart. I have been trying a new more powerful med that is considered the best treatment.
Unfortunately, the doctor I had for 18 years is on medical leave and the woman I saw spoke words over me that sent shock waves through my system. She said, if this blood does not go away you will need to see a urologist to rule out bladder cancer. Really? You are telling me this today when I just told you I am fighting breast cancer?
I fell apart. When I got out to the car I sobbed, fear gripped my soul, and I saw myself dying. I spoke words aloud of fear, death and resignation. Words questioning God's love for me. Yeah, it was not my best moment. I let the spirit of fear take over me. And the hardest part was that I forgot how difficult this is for Joel, too. My plunge into despair and worst case scenarios sucked him into the abyss right along with me. I know I am in a vulnerable place, but so is my rock, my encourager, my cowboy preacher, my everything. It took all we had to keep any sense of balance as we worked through this.
At 3 the next morning Joel woke with a great deal of pain in his RIGHT arm. He did not tell me but as the pain was there it also went numb. I heard him at 5am when he went back to the recliner to sleep. I prayed over him but it did not change. At 7am I gave him a Bayer to chew just in case. Then we discussed whether he should go to ER. We have been under a great deal of stress but it sounded like nerve pain? I decided to pray again and spoke to the pain, the root cause, the numbness. I spoke to any spirit that could be causing havoc within his body. The pain went down and the numbness went away completely. The pain soon left and then he noticed a small lump on his arm. Was this the cause of the pain? He remembered hurting his arm 2 days ago, but it shows up in the middle of the night 48 hours later? We did not know what to do for sure, but with no other symptoms of heart we were comfortable staying home. He did promise me if it returned at all, he would go get it checked out.
After 4 days on the antibiotic, Cipro, I am having terrible pain. Bone, joint, nerve, and tendons. I finally did some research and discovered this medication can cause tendon ruptures and permanent damage to nerve endings....seriously? I already deal with some neuropathy and so I have stopped taking this med too. Why don't the doctors check these things out? I know people who can take this med, but evidently I am not one. Now I will need to start over with finding an antibiotic i can take. We are feeling pretty darn beat up. I should be focusing on the cancer surgery ahead, not all this other crap.
So where is all this coming from? Not. God. The enemy is working overtime in our lives. LOTS of stress.....loss.......grief.......fear......confusion.......weariness. Emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual pain have distracted us from what we know. So hard to keep the focus on what we know at times.
Several months ago I was walking with Joel along the river, speaking to God about what was going on in our lives. I looked up and suddenly saw a battle going on before me. Good verses evil. The heavely realm fighting Satan's army. It literally stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away. Joel asked me what was wrong and I told him what I had just seen in front of me. He said, "I had a dream with a battle being waged....the same thing you saw, I saw in a dream just last night!"
Monday we went to see the movie, War Room. It was about the power of prayer, and it was so good. It had an impact on us as we struggle with what we know to be true and where we can turn in the midst of all this stuff being thrown at us. Joel and I discussed it at length, and I have spent time trying to decide where to set up our own prayer room. We finally came up with the best location, and I have started writing out needs for ourselves and others and spending time in our War Room. Prayer is warfare. Healing is warfare. And we are in a war, folks. A war against the enemy. That is why God tells us in Ephesians 6 to put on the full armor of God. Satan and his crew are our enemies. God shows us where to find what we need to fight them. His Word, prayer, prayer warriors, knowing who we are and Whose we are, and keeping our eyes of Jesus are weapons we need in our arsenal.
God is using the thoughts and prayers of others to help sustain us too. Last Friday my sister Janelle called and let me express all my feelings, sharing logic and love back. Saturday a dear friend from high school called and did the same. I got a card from my sister Jan in the mail that touched my heart and today friends sent me a card about the power of prayer that has me crying every time I read it. God's love taps are part of the battle plan.
I truly recommend you see this movie. Maybe you will want to create your own war room. Maybe you already have!