"For I have not been given a spirit of fear,
but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7
A not so funny thing happened on the way to a urinary tract infection......minor symptoms popped up....we stood on prayer and hearing God's voice.....a serious infection took hold......then the color of rootbeer and pain sent me to the doctor.....and two courses of antibiotics, D-mannose, essential oils, and two cultures later I ponder how the doctor will deal with the test results that came today.
A not so funny thing happened on the way to a urinary tract infection......a spirit of fear settled in. Fear that took me out of my place of rest and triggered the inner child in me to once again ask, "Who or what can I trust"? When I hear His voice, am I really hearing His voice? And if I cannot trust what I heard at the very beginning of this journey then can I trust anything He has told us? (dramatic sigh)
The fear is not really about a stubborn infection. It is a trust issue. We spend a great deal of time tuning in to hear God's voice. And we both thought we were hearing the voice of God concerning the symptoms I was having. We stood on that firmly, and I ended up quite ill with a "serious infection" as the doctor called it. Okay then. So, what went wrong? How did the enemy's voice or our own get in the way of God's voice and how do we stop it from happening again? And some of you may be asking, "Why do they think they can hear from God at all in these circumstances?....foolish people".
As confusion and fear came to visit, I have had to go back to what I know. Honestly, more than once, sometimes many times a day I have turned to the Lord. We stand on the Word of God, and we believe God's Word heals. God's Word guides, God's Word tells us we can hear His voice, so I grab hold of what I know from the past....what I remember. I build an altar of stones as Joshua did after crossing the Jordan River to help the people remember ALL God had done for them. I build an altar with praise. Sometimes it is a sacrifice of praise because I don't understand, because in the midst of this journey I have been shaken and stirred....but I build an altar of praise for ALL the times we have heard His voice, were obedient and saw victory and healing. I build an altar of praise that silences the inner child that says I cannot trust what I hear or see as being truth. The lie that says, the enemy has more power than Jesus. The lie that says I am still a victim of my circumstances.
No, this season of trembling is not about a urinary tract infection. It is no secret that I hate going to the doctor, that I spent so much time seeing them in the past 30 years I avoid them like the plague. Yep that is true. But this season of trembling and fear is truly about something else. This is deep in the core of me where Holy Spirit is rooting out that which holds me back. God did not cause this infection, but He can use it to draw me closer. I was building a foundation of trust with every whisper from Papa God, and then the enemy came in and said to me through sickness and lies...."Did God really say that? Can you really trust that you hear from Him?' "Who do you think you are?"
My response has to be, "I am a daughter of the King. IT IS WRITTEN, "I will give you back your health and heal your wounds". It is written, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.." Just as Jesus responded to the enemy....it. is. written.....so can we.
I build an altar of praise to our Lord for each time we heard His voice of truth. An altar of praise for the Lyme, CFS, MCS, and thyroid disease that were healed. I build an altar of praise for His faithfulness. His healing. His love. I build an altar of praise out of obedience and because God is so worthy! And oh how the enemy hates praise.
If you have visited my cyber home or if you know me face to face you know I am pretty direct about who I am and what is going on in my life. It opens the door to criticism and judgment at times, but it is how God created me to be. I have a deep faith in my Lord. He has healed me of the fears I lived with for many years surrounding "feeling safe". He is a good God. Now I am in a place where I have to get out of the boat and trust I do hear God's voice. Sometimes we get it wrong. We will. We are human after all and we fight a war with a spiritual realm that does not want us to embrace our freedom in Christ.
I have been hearing over and over from friends, scriptures, in the garden of my heart, from a prayer minister: PERSEVERE. STAND FIRM on God's promises. GOD'S WORD HEALS. REST in the finished work. When I receive something more than once I pay attention. The message is clear and there is no room for fear in this message.
I believe God wants us well and that sickness is NEVER from God. He heals our physical and emotional wounds when we open our heart to Him. I believe we can hear God's voice and we can trust it. And as I step out of the boat in this present situation to be obedient to what I hear now, I am determined to keep my eyes of Jesus with an altar of praise. If I start to sink, He is there. He is always there. He is a good God.