As I look out the large picture window in our living room all I see is blowing snow. The winds are strong, the snowflakes are coming down fast and furious, and white dominates the landscape. I am thankful to be inside where I can stay warm and cozy by our fireplace.
Like true Minnesotans (who live in Iowa) we headed to my doctor appointment this morning with the eye specialist. There were a couple places as we traveled where you could not tell where we were....it was definitely a blizzard outside! In fact we had a strong gust of wind come across while the wiper was in the rest mode and Joel went up on a median before bouncing back down a few seconds later because he was in a whiteout and could not see. That got our attention. Seriously not a good time to be out, but we headed across town and arrived 25 minutes later at the eye clinic. We were one of three patients who came in. Usually we wait an hour just to see someone, but even with the storm causing problems, we were home in a little over an hour with a good report.
Now let me back up a bit. I have been challenged at time with keeping the pressure down in my eyes to a level where it will not affect my fragile optic nerve fibers. (that darn Lyme damage ) I also have been struggling with vision problems from the cataracts that have set up residence in both eyes. So, even though I knew I needed to go in for a recheck, I did not want to go. I have been pretty weary of spending so much time in the care of the medical world. Yesterday was my final visit to the surgeon. That felt good, but I just did not want to face the "what ifs", feeling a bit like a wind tossed snowflake going from a place worry or anxiety into then a place of trust and confidence concerning today's appointment. I had been praying, and we had been speaking over my eyes. We knew God wanted them healed, but the enemy was whispering into my ear worst case scenarios.....Yeah.......I was feeling, well, vulnerable.
When we woke up to a blizzard today I told Joel that we should just stay home. Everyone else would. I could just reschedule. He said he would call the clinic and see if they were open and they assured us they were, but we could reschedule in only 3 weeks.....Joel asked me what I wanted to do and I heard God's voice say quietly, "Go". Just one word........"Go". So we went and as the doctor looked into my eyes to test the pressure I recalled what God had sent me this week via Facebook, and I said quietly to God, "These are YOUR eyes." I am your child and these eyes are YOURS. Let me see with Your eyes." I moved from that place of worry and fear to a place of trust, determined to settle in there and stop being blown about by an internal blizzard. My history tells me I can trust God. He has always walked with me. His Word tells me I can trust Him. It would not change now. God never changes.
I was grateful that my eye pressure was the lowest it had been in a very long time. That is good news because we then could go ahead and get tested and set up for cataract surgery. They will call by Friday to give us the dates and times. Of course, I would love to wake up and have those cataracts gone and my vision clear, but as Joel reminded me last night, "God heals through surgery, too. He healed you of cancer, He will heal you of cataracts."
I wanted to put off what I dreaded I would hear today. I was believing the lies of the enemy and looking only at my history ~ ~I did not want to face things. Have you ever been there? Usually for me it is anything medical. Sometimes I put off small things, too, but I have learned over the years that when God is with us, we are better off stepping into that which causes us to tremble. Why? Because we are never alone. God is always by our side. His power resides in us.....so we can be bold as a lion. And even if we feel weak as a lamb, no problem. Then He carries us. This is how much our Papa God loves us.
A few nights ago I had a nightmare and as I lay in bed hoping to drift off to sleep again, I started to worry about my eyes. I kept going over it in my mind until the worry grew in size. Until my problem became bigger than my God. Needless to say, I did not go back to sleep. But first thing in the morning while still in bed I read the Passion Translation's prophetic words on Facebook. It began in God's words..."Come and gaze up My face.gaze into my glory..........I will give you new eyes....MY eyes which will give you true understanding...............I call you into true vision that you might see..............From this day forward I am calling you to put aside your blindness and use my healing eye salve, the revelation of My love. Oh how He loves us!
Then Monday morning I picked up our daily scripture book and the first verse was about "irritants in the eyes that we do not want to take into the new land". That spoke to both Joel and I in more ways than one. Again, another verse later on eyes. God was making sure I knew He was with me. He gave me promises to hold on to...........and yet worry still wanted to sneak in. I sometimes want things to happen in my way and my timing. Sigh.
When we find ourselves in a storm, whether it is a storm from the enemy or of our own making, we need to remember how much our Papa loves us. God is never against us. He is always for us and because we are bathed in the grace provided by His son, we need never fear. Can't walk? He'll carry you. Afraid to take that first step forward? He will take your hand and lead the way. Confused on what direction to go? We will hear a voice behind us telling us whether to go to the right or to the left. We need not put off that which causes us dread because when we take the hand of Jesus, we have the courage to step into what is ahead. And when we step into what God has for us Satan runs the other way defeated. Victory is ours. That is how much He loves us.