A re-check with the surgeon yesterday held good news and yet another surprise.......Incisions looked great, but according to the surgeon there was a "bit of fluid" built up in the breast where they removed the tumor and surrounding area. The doctor ended up taking out nearly 90 cc's of fluid!
After lunch we headed to the medical oncologist for my first appointment. After a lengthy conversation and exam (#5) we discussed the plan. I knew there was a hormone suppressing drug she would want me to take, but she also wants me on a drug to stop bone loss, which is a side effect of the hormone suppressing drug. And of course the list of side effects is endless. She is not so sure I can tolerate the suppressing meds either. Ugh.
I don't do well with surprises of this sort. I like everything in order and to at least have the illusion that I am in control. Right? But the fluid build up did make sense because I was aching 3 weeks after the surgery and not right after. There was a pulling I was feeling when I did the exercises too. At least now I knew why. Fluid building up. And the meds. ? It is no surprise that there are side effects, there always are to any chemical we put in our body. Some worse than others. We will just need to make some prayerful decisions regarding it all in the next two months.
Here is what I know for sure. God is never surprised by what comes up in our lives, and we can always lean into Him and know that He has our backs. I confess I have been having anxiety lately concerning what lies behind and what lies ahead. This is not helpful for every reason I can think of, and especially when my body needs so much energy to heal, but God keeps showing up with His love, offering peace of mind. Before I was even out of bed Thursday morning God was sending me messages that all would be well. And when a dear friend sent me a song to listen to by Johnny Miller I was in tears. Happy tears. I wear a bracelet on my wrist every day that is part of a verse found in Isaiah 30. "In quietness and trust is your strength". One of the lines of this song was the verse in Isaiah 30:15. "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Only God. Holy also told us in the morning to trust Him for the outcome. We don't need to worry, God has it covered. T. r. u. s. t.
I have choices concerning the cancer treatment and I have choices concerning how I choose to deal with breast cancer and every other challenge that comes my way. And I keep going back to reminding myself that I am one of the "lucky" ones in the eyes of the medical world.
The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but Jesus tells us HE has come to give us life and give it to us more abundantly. In every surprise that tries to shake our faith, in every difficult experience or circumstance, we need to remember that God is on our side. He offers abundant life with Him. Always.
I choose life. Even when anxiety comes calling and my body shakes with the shock of yet another procedure....even when cancer tries to take up residence and treatments seem almost as bad as the cancer itself. Even when we are unpacking instead of moving....through it all I choose to believe Jesus wants me/us to have abundant life. Always.