Tuesday, May 27, 2014

But You Would Have None Of It

I wear two silver bracelets on my arm, purchased from Ann Voskamp's son Caleb.  It is his way of helping raise money for the country of Haiti.  Engraved on one is the name above all names ~ JESUS.  On the other bracelet is part of a verse God soaked me in last year. A verse that I hold close to my heart.  "In quietness and trust is your strength".

I have been reading Faith Barista's blog for a couple of years now, so I am excited to be on her launch team.  A part of that is to read her new book, "Finding Spiritual Whitespace", for release the first week of June.  As I read the introduction, my desire to journey into Bonnie Gray's book, "Finding Spiritual Whitespace" was reaffirmed by God when she shared the verse found Isaiah 30:15.

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says:
In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it."
Isaiah 30:15

There it was......the rest, the quietness, the trust.  God has been speaking to me for over two years about this and I have been learning to settle in, trust and rest in my Papa's arms.  When I read this verse in Bonnie's intro, the last seven words jumped out at me.  But you would have none of it. 

Oh my goodness, at first I did not want to rest, as I shared recently, HERE.  I desired healing with everything within me, but I found myself wanting to do it my way,  striving instead of trusting.  I would ask over and over, "what do you want me to do, Holy Spirit."  Sometimes I would get answers that required action, but these actions needed to come from a place of trust and belief, not fear.  Often I would hear, "just trust me".  A renewing of the mind was required.

Until a year ago I was not at peace in the quietness mentioned in this verse.  Silence made me uncomfortable and restless.  Like Bonnie, I was much more at ease in the doing instead of  the being  ~~paddling upstream with a determination to avoid pain from the past and in the present that often resulted in exhaustion, instead of just resting and letting the current take me downstream.  Moving through the past in order to walk freely into the future. 

I am able to look back on the last 18 months now and see how much things have changed for me.  Using the inner healing ministry techniques from a ministry called "Sozo" has helped me to remember, process, and let go of several childhood traumas.  Asking Holy Spirit to cleanse me from what has held me captive is setting me free.  Truly.   Healing has come both emotionally and physically.  My relationships with Papa, Jesus, and Holy Spirit have deepened into a love that is hard to describe.  I have not arrived yet, but the journey continues to be a series of adventures I am grateful to experience with Jesus by my side.

I am so thankful that God did not leave me where I was, but continued to provide and still does provide opportunities for me to embrace wholeness in Him, while helping others along the way.  I am so grateful that I can read the end of that verse now and not see myself any longer in the "but you would have none of it."  Oh, don't get me wrong, stuff still comes to the surface and at times I want to paddle upstream away from it, but I find it much easier to take a deep breath out of obedience and plunge in and let the current take me.  Often "the only way out is through" as Joyce Meyer likes to say. 

I plan to share more as I walk into Faith Barista's story shared in her book,  and discover more of my own journey in the process.  I hope you do too.

No comments: